Need to hear that I am doing the right thing

[nate1000]

My wife's single sister, who spent the past 15 months in Mosul, is stateside again in TX. She sent us a couple of texts Sun. AM- conversational in nature.

I had the phone near me and was reading the paper when the following text pops up out of nowhere, apparently meant for one of her friends- not us:

"Did you tell your family when you got married?"

So, I called her immediately and she realized she sent the text to the wrong person. Yep, she got married and is worried about telling her family. I told her that that is not a conversation that she should have over the phone and since they are planning to come home in March for a visit, that she sit on it until then.

Problem here is that if my wife gets wind of the fact that I knew about it and didn't tell her, she could feel a little hurt by that.

My feeling is that this is someone's wedding and it is absolutely not my place to be breaking their news to anyone, especially given the circumstances. However, I can't shake the feeling that this is a lose-lose situation.

[KingGeno]

Trap. It was a mistake, you should wipe your hands of it. Sometimes things are better off left untold, and it isn't your duty to report to your wife that she got married. The lady will tell her family when the time is right. Make sure that you tell the sister that she should forget that you ever found out.

[drjoek]

Isn't the fact she got married a positive thing? Letting the info slip to your spouse shouldn't do harm. Let her tell everyone else.

[brettmojo]

Deny deny deny.

[OGC]

yeah, it seems like a no win situation for you.

From your post I assume that you don't like the idea of not talking to your wife about it. I know I would have a problem with that too, but then I can't see my wife being bothered by her sister getting married in secret. I don't know how your wife would react.

I think the best you can do for yourself is call the sister and tell her that you will not mention it to anyone and that she shouldn't mention to anyone that you knew.

Pretend you erased the text when it came and know nothing about it.

[nate1000]

Make sure that you tell the sister that she should forget that you ever found out.

I can tell her all I want- sooner or later it is going to surface. I am thinking now that I need to have her tell my wife.

[Dude!]

call the sister and tell her
that you will be telling your wife
if she doesn't
that you have to
as you can't let anything come between you and your wife
like this secret

don't ask the sister if it is ok
just tell her you are going to do it today
if she doesnt and then do it

[nate1000]

call the sister and tell her
that you will be telling your wife
if she doesn't
that you have to
as you can't let anything come between you and your wife
like this secret

don't ask the sister if it is ok
just tell her you are going to do it today
if she doesnt and then do it

I'm leaning this way. A little gentler though. More like: you fucked up - now you gotta eat it, but you can't just lay this on my lap and walk away.

[hydee]

My wife's single sister, who spent the past 15 months in Mosul, is stateside again in TX. She sent us a couple of texts Sun. AM- conversational in nature.

I had the phone near me and was reading the paper when the following text pops up out of nowhere, apparently meant for one of her friends- not us:

"Did you tell your family when you got married?"

So, I called her immediately and she realized she sent the text to the wrong person. Yep, she got married and is worried about telling her family. I told her that that is not a conversation that she should have over the phone and since they are planning to come home in March for a visit, that she sit on it until then.

Problem here is that if my wife gets wind of the fact that I knew about it and didn't tell her, she could feel a little hurt by that.

My feeling is that this is someone's wedding and it is absolutely not my place to be breaking their news to anyone, especially given the circumstances. However, I can't shake the feeling that this is a lose-lose situation.


This should be a no brainer. Keeping secrets in a marriage is a bad idea. If you know it's going to cause your wife pain in the future it is your job to tell her now and stop that from happening.

Using the cop out of "it's not my place" is just letting yourself off the hook in your mind. Tell your wife the truth, if she is an adult she should be able to take the news ok.

I have seen a lot of marriages that have failed due to lack of trust don't let that happen to you.

[foodcourtdruide]

Your main loyalty is to your wife. I'd tell her ASAP. If she knows that you kept the secret from her you will lose some trust.

[Friday]

call the sister and tell her
that you will be telling your wife
if she doesn't
that you have to
as you can't let anything come between you and your wife
like this secret

don't ask the sister if it is ok
just tell her you are going to do it today
if she doesnt and then do it

i agree with Bro!... i mean Dude!

do tell her sister that you realized that you cannot keep this from your wife so either she tells her in confidence or you will.

It isn't fair for her to ask you to keep a secret from your lady and, even if it IS a piece of happy news, there will be some resentment if your wife ever learns that you knew the information and didn't tell her.

together, you will be able to keep the secret and enjoy that you were the first to know.
good luck!

[nate1000]

They are planning to do a wedding up here in 2010, but wanted to wed so they could stay together if they get re-depolyed. I am going to have her tell my wife and then the couple can decide if they want to come out to the rest of the family. I don't have any problem with keeping their secret from the rest of the family, but I can't have it sitting like a ticking bomb in the middle of my marriage.

[hydee]

They are planning to do a wedding up here in 2010, but wanted to wed so they could stay together if they get re-depolyed. I am going to have her tell my wife and then the couple can decide if they want to come out to the rest of the family. I don't have any problem with keeping their secret from the rest of the family, but I can't have it sitting like a ticking bomb in the middle of my marriage.


Why can't you just be straight with your wife. Why all the "have the sister tell her stuff". When you called regarding the text message you involved yourself in this, so just sit your wife down and talk to her.

The longer this goes on, the worse you are going to look to your wife. It makes no sense to me why you have this sense of loyalty to her sister, but you don't care how you will look to your wife.

[topless_mike]

a simple note to your wife

"call your sister"

that works.

[nate1000]

Why can't you just be straight with your wife. Why all the "have the sister tell her stuff". When you called regarding the text message you involved yourself in this, so just sit your wife down and talk to her.

The longer this goes on, the worse you are going to look to your wife. It makes no sense to me why you have this sense of loyalty to her sister, but you don't care how you will look to your wife.

I think she should have the opportunity to tell her family herself. This is a marriage we are talking about, not a speeding ticket.

[west milly Tom]

Definitely tell your wife, secrets come between people in relationships. If her sister gets pissed, too bad for her. Its her secret not yours.

[skyscraper]

Time to blackmail your sister-in-law.

[DOHO@HOME]

Looks like someone is in line for hand jobs and maybe once in awhile blow job.:clap::wub:

[TripleSkeet]

Im a big fan of minding your own business. Let her tell her family. Just dont ever tell your wife you knew about it, and make sure her sister knows not to mention it to anyone either.

If your wife finds out and gets mad just tell her "I found out by accident and it wasnt by business to tell anyone."

Why is this such a big deal anyway? Its not like your protecting the fact she has a heroin habit or anything harmfull.

[nate1000]

Looks like someone is in line for hand jobs and maybe once in awhile blow job.:clap::wub:

meh.
I married the right sister.

[hydee]

I think she should have the opportunity to tell her family herself. This is a marriage we are talking about, not a speeding ticket.

Need to hear that I am doing the right thing.

You are not doing the right thing. Many people here have said you should tell your wife. If you don't your being a bit of a shit. Personally I think you are getting off on having this info before anyone else did and you don't care if you are doing the right thing or not.

[nate1000]

Need to hear that I am doing the right thing.

You are not doing the right thing. Many people here have said you should tell your wife. If you don't your being a bit of a shit. Personally I think you are getting off on having this info before anyone else did and you don't care if you are doing the right thing or not.

OK

Thanks for the advice.

[drjoek]

Need to hear that I am doing the right thing.

You are not doing the right thing. Many people here have said you should tell your wife. If you don't your being a bit of a shit. Personally I think you are getting off on having this info before anyone else did and you don't care if you are doing the right thing or not.



Kinda harsh assesment of the situation imo.

[west milly Tom]

Hydee strikes again!

[hydee]

Kinda harsh assessment of the situation imo.

It is pointless to constantly beat around the bush and be nice with people. Life is too short to dick around with situations that can be cleared up with honesty and common sense.

If this happened to me I would not need to put a post on the ronfez.net to figure out what to do. I would tell my husband because that is what a spouse does. He said at the beginning that if his wife found out she might be hurt. Why push the point and keep secrets when you assume the outcome will be negative to someone you love and care about.

He is going to put the whole thing on the sister anyway he has made his decision. after all it's a wedding and not a speeding ticket.

[EliSnow]

Need to hear that I am doing the right thing.

You are not doing the right thing. Many people here have said you should tell your wife. If you don't your being a bit of a shit. Personally I think you are getting off on having this info before anyone else did and you don't care if you are doing the right thing or not.

Was being a dick the right thing?

[IMSlacker]

If you find yourself really drunk at a party, and someone offers you a Fresca. Just say "no, thank you".

[RhinoinMN]

Hydee strikes again!

She's got moxie!

[nate1000]

It is pointless to constantly beat around the bush and be nice with people. Life is too short to dick around with situations that can be cleared up with honesty and common sense.

If this happened to me I would not need to put a post on the ronfez.net to figure out what to do. I would tell my husband because that is what a spouse does. He said at the beginning that if his wife found out she might be hurt. Why push the point and keep secrets when you assume the outcome will be negative to someone you love and care about.

He is going to put the whole thing on the sister anyway he has made his decision. after all it's a wedding and not a speeding ticket.

You know, I was willing to let your initial bitchy statement go with just a simple (sarcastic) thank you, but now you are just being a fucking cunt. Go fuck yourself and stick your advice up your ass.

Have a nice day!:bye:

[weekapaugjz]

Nate1000 strikes again!

[EliSnow]

It is pointless to constantly beat around the bush and be nice with people. Life is too short to dick around with situations that can be cleared up with honesty and common sense.

I don't think it would have taken any more time to state the point nicely. And honesty and common sense doesn't mean that you need to berate someone.

[RhinoinMN]

Nate1000 strikes again!

He's got moxie!

[Dude!]

You know, I was willing to let your initial text go with just a simple (sarcastic) your joking, but now you are just being a fucking cunt. Go fuck yourself and stick your marriage up your ass.

Have a nice day!:bye:

that's what you should have said to the sister!

[ecobag2]

Hey man...

You're doing the right thing.

[spoon]

Isn't the fact she got married a positive thing?

Since when!?

[nate1000]

Update:
Done. Called the sister. Had her tell my wife. Some tears ensued, then they got past it. They are looking forward to planning a proper ceremony in 2010.

All wrapped up in time for the 7:00 start to the ass whuppin the Sabes put on the Leafs last night. Jason Blake my ass. Luke Schenn who?

[drjoek]

Good News !!
Glad it worked out

[TripleSkeet]

It is pointless to constantly beat around the bush and be nice with people. Life is too short to dick around with situations that can be cleared up with honesty and common sense.

If this happened to me I would not need to put a post on the ronfez.net to figure out what to do. I would tell my husband because that is what a spouse does. He said at the beginning that if his wife found out she might be hurt. Why push the point and keep secrets when you assume the outcome will be negative to someone you love and care about.

He is going to put the whole thing on the sister anyway he has made his decision. after all it's a wedding and not a speeding ticket.

There is no rule that you have to tell your spouse everything when it has nothing to do with you or them. Thats a bullshit excuse coming from what sounds like a nosey wife.

My friend was cheating on his wife with a girl I knew. I knew it, some of my friends knew it. Then one day somehow his wife finds out. It gets back to my wife and she asks if I knew. I said I knew he was cheating but I didnt know his wife found out. She asks why I didnt tell her and I summed it up in one quick sentence: "Because it was none of your business."

[bigredd]

In the immortal words of Chet. "You're stewed, buttwad". Your ol lady will find out and she will be highly Pissed.