Favorite ESD story

[IamFogHat]

This will probably turn into a thread of people remembering better and better stories, but to start I'm gonna go with him tasting his dad's jiz. The man is a treasure trove of insane stories but that one brought me to the fucking floor. What about you guys? What's your favorite Dave yarn?

[hammersavage]

The time he tricked Casey into marrying him and getting her pregnant. I'll never figure out how he did it.

[Drunky McBetidont]

throwing himself down the stairs because he killed his brothers fish was a good one.

[IamFogHat]

The time he tricked Casey into marrying him and getting her pregnant. I'll never figure out how he did it.

:lol:

[TjM]

There's so many

Running away at a confused young 23

Diner jacking

Fight club

And those are just the stories lets not forget his well thought out debates

Mayo is not a condiment

A sandwich is a sandwich only if it has sliced wonder bread

His childlike view of religion


And his drinking exploits demand their own channel on SiriusXM

[underdog]

He told my wife a story about Opie being an octopus.

[TjM]

The time he tricked Casey into marrying him and getting her pregnant. I'll never figure out how he did it.

Smartest thing he ever did. Now she's trapped

[Chob]

I haven't been listening too long, but I have to go with him putting the pre cum in the drink of the guy that bullied him.

[MacVittie]

jacking at national landmarks.

[SP1!]

Fav is when he got suspended, some of the best shows in a long time without the road block there, do the skits, be the clown but any of his stories are just made up horse shit or blacked out drunken memories.

[Drunky McBetidont]

the story beanie told about dressing him up as a little girl and calling him ruby was good, but that is a story about esd, not an esd story, right?

[foodcourtdruide]

When the guy took his coke on the train and started drinking it in front of him, then offerred him some.

[Jeffdc5]

The time west side broke up with him and he got depressed missed half the free fm show to go out drinking with Mr Anthony and Melinda and was calling the waitress a cunt and offending black folks

[MachoNacho]

I gotta agree. At first I thought his stories were real, but I seriously doubt they are. I don't know how they could be. It's all ginger schtick.

[underdog]

Fav is when he got suspended, some of the best shows in a long time without the road block there, do the skits, be the clown but any of his stories are just made up horse shit or blacked out drunken memories.

I used to think you were someone's board character, but no one could create a board character this bad.

[A.J.]

His Tim Robbins story.

[Devo37]

how about banging the 3 foot tall blow-up doll that started to slowly deflate as he banged it in the ass.

[disneyspy]

I used to think you were someone's board character, but no one could create a board character this bad.

just because you live in reality,dont make him out to be the bad guy

[foodcourtdruide]

I gotta agree. At first I thought his stories were real, but I seriously doubt they are. I don't know how they could be. It's all ginger schtick.

On the story I referenced above.. I used to take the same train to work when I lived in Astoria and I actually knew the guy he was talking about by the way he described him. I've seen him bother other passengers before.

[Caseyelan]

Fav is when he got suspended, some of the best shows in a long time without the road block there, do the skits, be the clown but any of his stories are just made up horse shit or blacked out drunken memories.

They aren't.

[SP1!]

I used to think you were someone's board character, but no one could create a board character this bad.
And I used to think dave was a guy who was good with bits, now hes the show roadblock, fuck pepper is better on air than dave, hes turned more away from the show than he has drawn in.

His rehearsed bits are ok, him on air is death to the show.

[kdubya]

His running off to NYC becuase he got a bad "report card" in college is the most pittiful and my favorite.
Eating his dads jizz is great a great precurser to his stunts on O and A, but the runaway story has so many more levels of crazy.

[foodcourtdruide]

And I used to think dave was a guy who was good with bits, now hes the show roadblock, fuck pepper is better on air than dave, hes turned more away from the show than he has drawn in.

His rehearsed bits are ok, him on air is death to the show.

Whaaat? I think Dave is brilliant comedically and working closely with Ronnie B has really bought out his best. He has a really quick mind, and he's always making me laugh.

That being said, his arguing method of "Ok, you've proven I'm wrong so now I'm going to make things up to make my side look better" gets annoying, but overall Dave is really awesome.

[Caseyelan]

And I used to think dave was a guy who was good with bits, now hes the show roadblock, fuck pepper is better on air than dave, hes turned more away from the show than he has drawn in.

His rehearsed bits are ok, him on air is death to the show.

I couldn't disagree with this more.

[foodcourtdruide]

I couldn't disagree with this more.

It's unrpovable either way, but I'd have to agree with Casey here. Maybe it's because I only read this board and the majority are pro-Dave, but I don't get that vibe at all.

[Furtherman]

hes turned more away from the show than he has drawn in.

No he hasn't.

Although I can think of one user I wish he did turn away.

[Furtherman]

His Tim Robbins story.

:thumbup:

[disneyspy]

No he hasn't.

Although I can think of one user I wish he did turn away.

FUCK YOU! im DIC #773

[A.J.]

:thumbup:

Thanks. I was waiting for you to show up!

[Hottub]

And I used to think dave was a guy who was good with bits, now hes the show roadblock, fuck pepper is better on air than dave, hes turned more away from the show than he has drawn in.

His rehearsed bits are ok, him on air is death to the show.

Are we listening to the same show?

[disneyspy]

i was datin this girl and she wouldnt play her messages while i was around so i liked daves hackin caseys computer story because when i was his age i got my girlfriends answerering machine access number and would check her messages while we were out on dates,i related to what he was goin thru and laughed my ass off

[IamFogHat]

What were Dave's confession stories besides Casey's email and tasting his dad's jizz?

[underdog]

And I used to think dave was a guy who was good with bits, now hes the show roadblock, fuck pepper is better on air than dave, hes turned more away from the show than he has drawn in.

His rehearsed bits are ok, him on air is death to the show.

You've never added anything of any interest to this board, except for your constant wrongness.

[MacVittie]

you know what, Dave has turned a lot of people away from the show, but who gives a shit? Davey Mac isn't eveyones cup of tea, and that's part of what makes him entertaining. I like what he brings to the show, and I'm not alone.

[shortchaz]

I haven't been listening too long, but I have to go with him putting the pre cum in the drink of the guy that bullied him.i thought he rubbed the clear stuff on the celtic steak, piss, and spit in the drink. either way i almost puked listening to it.

[Drunky McBetidont]

east side dave has pushed the limits as far as normal behavior. it is most interesting how mr bennington's opinion of east side dave (and spandy and mlc and crazyjen and crazed and paulo and franklyn and fred from brooklyn and mikeyboy and bobo and big a and sam and al dukes and stalker patty and everyother side character on the show) determines their performance. in one of the replays this week, franklyn was screaming that dave eats shit and mr b said, "not recently" and totally difussed the attack. i wonder how many (besides fez) realize they are alive on-air at ronnie b's discretion?

http://www.purgingtalon.com/sinisterscreen/reviewpics/svengali-cover.jpg

[foodcourtdruide]

i was datin this girl and she wouldnt play her messages while i was around so i liked daves hackin caseys computer story because when i was his age i got my girlfriends answerering machine access number and would check her messages while we were out on dates,i related to what he was goin thru and laughed my ass off

I think checking someone else's email/voicemail is wrong, but it's pretty far from insane. However, writing the other persons ex's as his wife and fighting with them, then writing as himself and trying to act like mediator is one of the craziest things I've ever heard.

The only thing that was crazier was when Norton told the story about how when he was a kid he'd daydream about KISS beating the shit out of him, then comforting him.

[Drunky McBetidont]

I think checking someone else's email/voicemail is wrong, but it's pretty far from insane. However, writing the other persons ex's as his wife and fighting with them, then writing as himself and trying to act like mediator is one of the craziest things I've ever heard.

The only thing that was crazier was when Norton told the story about how when he was a kid he'd daydream about KISS beating the shit out of him, then comforting him.

his acgt signature in line #345342344324 of his dna is off by a little. i think the c and g are flipped. for that stuff to start so young is a big flag that norton is genetically broken or he was diddled when he was a toddler.

[drjoek]

His story of sleeping outside of westsides house during the Super Bowl(?)

[tanless1]

i do prefer the shows w/o dave, earl cld actually breathe and fez wld start bust'n chops.... it was fun.
dave's not going anywhere till he's promoted out. need to get "sam and dave" a gig out of town, then everybody wins. he'll call in from time to time and we'll remember him as a breath of fresh air.
until then i wish continued growth for the dimwitted, panicky(ooo-oooo-ive got a story) , red head..... i do see 12 steps in his future.

[FezsAssistant]

I like the one where he said he ate raw chicken and was fine with no food poisoning at all b/c the sauce 'must have cured it or preserved it or something'.
Then he retold it a couple years later and said he got horrible food poisoning.

[drjoek]

I like the one where he said he ate raw chicken and was fine with no food poisoning at all b/c the sauce 'must have cured it or preserved it or something'.
Then he retold it a couple years later and said he got horrible food poisoning.



Not all ESD stories are true.

[FezsAssistant]

Not all ESD stories are true.

I want to believe they are, though. :sad:

[drjoek]

I want to believe they are, though. :sad:

Then I won't forward the lie truth spreadsheet I worked up. You can believe in them .all. If you want the true/lie breakdown let me know

[TooLowBrow]

he fucked a jar of jelly then his mom ate crackers with the jelly on them

[samechick]

The one where he confessed that he stole money from his grandmother using her atm card.

[santino]

whether it's true or not the raw chicken story was pretty good. -years ago my buddy and i were hammered and made roast beef sandwiches at like 2 am. the next day we realized that the roast beef was all slimy and bad! it was fucking gross, but niether one of us got sick.

and for the record i like dave on the show.

if i hear another replay with that twat lilly i'm gonna fuckin scream. "best of" by definition should never include anything with that douche bag on it. (sorry, had to get that off my chest)

[jetdog]

You've never added anything of any interest to this board, except for your constant wrongness.

I'm just quoting this post because its so succinct...so precise...so perfect...

And the best story is him faking illness and ending up in a children's hospital. It soothes my soul and my catholic-derived guilt for playing sick for about 50 % of 6th grade.

[biozombie]

I like the one where he said he ate raw chicken and was fine with no food poisoning at all b/c the sauce 'must have cured it or preserved it or something'.
Then he retold it a couple years later and said he got horrible food poisoning.

I think those were 2 different stories. in the recent one he was so drunk that he ate a bunch of raw chicken thinking it was cooked because it was covered in barbecue sauce & got sick. In the older story, he ate a bunch of chicken that had been sitting out for a while, but it was o.k. because he loaded it up with salt, just like they did back in the pirate days. Dave's logic rules.

Also, I'd like to nominate SP1 for "Board Character Of The Month", if possible.

[AnnoyedGrunt]

I like his adventures in higher education. He passed out and someone wrote on his face so he got frustrated he broke the bathroom mirror. He later threw paint down a hallway and set a Christmas tree on fire in front of a nun.

[ruggedo]

There are three things you cant count on in this life

1-Wrestlers are exactly who you see them as on TV.

2-Penthouse letters are screened and all true.

and 3-Dave tells only God's honest truth all the time,

because of that Dave makes me laugh.
My favorite story may be that TV that mounted at the top of the wall. Every time I think about them staring way up in the air to watch TV it gets me to smile.

[Marc with a c]

i liked the mikey d and the greek story when the astoria mafia came to his house in queens.

[weekapaugjz]

he fucked a jar of jelly then his mom ate crackers with the jelly on them

i agree with this. funny stuff. and the jar of jelly was microwaved.

[Drunky McBetidont]

My favorite story may be that TV that mounted at the top of the wall. Every time I think about them staring way up in the air to watch TV it gets me to smile.

he had to buy fred from brooklyn's wife 14 frozen daiquiries for that hangin. that job cost them hundreds.

[Devo37]

how about his mis-adventures in his Astoria basement apartment:

- The leaking bathtub faucet that he didn't report for months
- breaking the plastic case around the thermostat so he could change the temperature
- thinking his landlord, Frank, was going into his apartment and smoking cigarettes and drinking slurpies while he was not home
- the hot-the-cold-then-hot shower that made him scream
- causing the blackout when he finally bought an plugged in his air conditioner and apparently being the last ConEd customer to get his power restored.

any others?

[Caseyelan]

how about his mis-adventures in his Astoria basement apartment:

- The leaking bathtub faucet that he didn't report for months
- breaking the plastic case around the thermostat so he could change the temperature
- thinking his landlord, Frank, was going into his apartment and smoking cigarettes and drinking slurpies while he was not home
- the hot-the-cold-then-hot shower that made him scream
- causing the blackout when he finally bought an plugged in his air conditioner and apparently being the last ConEd customer to get his power restored.

any others?




that frank guy was a motherfucker. I consider myself a voice of reason in dave's life and I shit you not, that guy deserved it..... never met a bigger prick. Let's not forget the time he BROKE INTO THE HOUSE WHILE I WAS IN A BRA YELLING THAT I WAS HIDING A CAT.

[Marc with a c]

i almost made a vagina/pussycat joke. i'm glad i didn't.

[sailor]

that frank guy was a motherfucker. I consider myself a voice of reason in dave's life and I shit you not, that guy deserved it..... never met a bigger prick. Let's not forget the time he BROKE INTO THE HOUSE WHILE I WAS IN A BRA YELLING THAT I WAS HIDING A CAT.

euphemism?
i almost made a vagina/pussycat joke. i'm glad i didn't.
you're a vagina.

[hammersavage]

BROKE INTO THE HOUSE WHILE I WAS IN A BRA YELLING THAT I WAS HIDING A CAT.

2 big luscious cats

[Marc with a c]

euphemism?

i almost made a vagina/pussycat joke. i'm glad i didn't.

see.

[hammersavage]

i almost made a vagina/pussycat joke. i'm glad i didn't.

I chose the tit route

[Marc with a c]

I chose the tit route

sailor's a tit

[Aqualad]

Once when I wasn't home my landlord came in and looked through my boxes of comics. I felt violated.

[JAH1013]

there are so many to pick from. almost all are completely hilarious. the story about his mom almost eating the jelly-fucked sandwich is pretty good.

[sailor]

when he invented the shurse.

[Caseyelan]

when he invented the shurse.

or the shandal.

[Devo37]

i almost made a vagina/pussycat joke. i'm glad i didn't.

i thought she was just happy to see him...

[Drunky McBetidont]

or the shandal.

how many bottles of jameson are still un-opened? i say 1.

[hammersavage]

When he razorboy'd the huskie

[Drunky McBetidont]

When he razorboy'd the huskie

that was gross. anybody that razorboys anything needs to have their head examined.

[biozombie]

The Davey Mac Jack & Ride, I can't wait for that dream to be reality.

[disneyspy]

When he razorboy'd the huskie

:lol::lol::lol:

[Green Lantern]

Him telling when he stole money from his grandmother was also a good one.

[JohnnyDaytona]

Dave letting his Mom eat from his fucked jar of jelly.

By the way that parody song was swiped from The Flaming Lips "She don't like jelly":blink:

[HumanName]

Jack Donovan

[TjM]

Let's not forget the time he BROKE INTO THE HOUSE WHILE I WAS IN A BRA YELLING THAT I WAS HIDING A CAT.

In the bra?

[Coach]

How Jesus Invented the chair.

[drjoek]

How Jesus Invented the chair.



:lol:
What adds to this is it was right around the time that they discussed the HTG said that ESD was smart.

[GreatAmericanZero]

i always laugh when i pass a "White Castle" for when Dave went in and the black cashier asked him if he was alibino

[lleeder]

i always laugh when i pass a "White Castle" for when Dave went in and the black cashier asked him if he was alibino

What was the excuse she thought he used?

[Brad in Bama]

There's so many

Running away at a confused young 23

Diner jacking

Fight club

And those are just the stories lets not forget his well thought out debates

Mayo is not a condiment

A sandwich is a sandwich only if it has sliced wonder bread

His childlike view of religion


And his drinking exploits demand their own channel on SiriusXM

I have to say that this post pretty much sums it up. Dave is an enigma. You can't just categorize him. For those who watch 30 rock, I'd love to be able to see the world through Dave's eyes.

[Brad in Bama]

that frank guy was a motherfucker. I consider myself a voice of reason in dave's life and I shit you not, that guy deserved it..... never met a bigger prick. Let's not forget the time he BROKE INTO THE HOUSE WHILE I WAS IN A BRA YELLING THAT I WAS HIDING A CAT.

Jesus I forgot all about these! He should start penning his memoirs.

[beachbum]

I just prefer to think of him in the pre-Casey days.Running around the tri-state area from public spot to public spot jacking off like a retarded chimpanzee.

[Coach]

I just prefer to think of him in the pre-Casey days.Running around the tri-state area from public spot to public spot jacking off like a retarded chimpanzee.You think Marriage and Fatherhood has stopped that?

[beachbum]

Point taken.

[FezsAssistant]

my personal favorite is him telling about in his old apt in astoria, the landlady would mess with the water while he was in the shower. HAHAHAHAHAHA he would yell and scream "I'LL GET YOU!!!! YOU FUCK!!!"

holy shit was that funny.

[GrantB]

i love when he talks about the turn of events that got him kicked out of college.

all these stories are genuinely hilarious.

also, his "attempts" at suicide as a child are pretty funny. like jumping off the roof or rolling down the stairs.

[mudflap170]

I gotta agree. At first I thought his stories were real, but I seriously doubt they are. I don't know how they could be. It's all ginger schtick.

Evidently, you don't know Dave. They are 100% real.
I always liked the stories about when him and West Side were living in that downstairs apartment and the landlord's son used to give him grief.

[Sloppy2nds]

My personal favorite is the one where he was tag teamed by those two guys, but claims he doesn't remember me or my friend.

[FezsAssistant]

Evidently, you don't know Dave. They are 100% real.
I always liked the stories about when him and West Side were living in that downstairs apartment and the landlord's son used to give him grief.

Except for the raw chicken story that I mentioned earlier in this thread. I think it's the only one where he was caught lying. Version one = no food poisoning. Second time he told it he got horrible food poisoning.

[jimmyolsenblues]

i love that he lived in a car story.

[Fatwreck86]

Dad JIZZ

[Fatwreck86]

After reading all these stories it remind how fucking funny Dave eastside is.

[MacVittie]

I love how Dave's impressions of Earl, Earl's Grandma, and Reggie Jackson all sound exactly the same.

[biozombie]

I love how Dave's impressions of Earl, Earl's Grandma, and Reggie Jackson all sound exactly the same.

I could be wrong, but I think his Hitler, Charlemagne & Einstein were also very similar, but it could be because they were all poppin' Earl's Grandma.

[landarch]

I thought this title was "Favorite LSD Story" in which case I would have a good one. But ESD? I met him once, and he was incredibly nice.

[Meataball23]

Hes absolutely hilarious...the full dog blowing story makes me tear up.