Mother's Day and the Filial Obligation

[WampusCrandle]

At dinner last night, the talk of bad parenting came up. somehow the conversation got to a point, where I said, "Mothers that have children with fetal alcohol syndrome shouldn't receive a Mother's Day card." I argued that mothers that place their children in danger, while in the womb, shouldn't be surprised if they don't get a Mother's Day card because they gave birth to a child born at a disadvantage. at this point, i am talking about mothers that are taking drugs and drinking/ smoking while pregnant or HIV. My father's girlfriend argued that a mother still loves and cared for the child after they were born. I also argued that a mother's filial obligation to the unborn child would be to not take any drugs and not smoke nor drink, and if they don't stop, the filial obligation was already broken.

So, with that filial obligation broken by the mother, should that mother expect to get a mother's day card from her child?

[biozombie]

What if the card said "Thank's for nothing, cunt"?

[Hottub]

Is the child willing to forgive the mother for poor judgement in her past?
I personally would throw poo at her.

[ToiletCrusher]

As a raging alcoholic, my mother tends to call me up solely to complain about how I never come around. So, I send her scratch off tickets and say, "maybe this time, hag".

[Thebazile78]

Is the child willing to forgive the mother for poor judgement in her past?
I personally would throw poo at her.

What about emotional distancing and/or lack of bonding? Or someone who bails on you?

My mother and I never "bonded" when I was an infant.

When I was 4, I told her she could leave because I could take care of my dad and my baby brother better than she could. She says she almost did.

At my 8th grade graduation ceremony, they made the class give their mothers carnations while they played "Wind Beneath My Wings" (ew; hack) ... I gave mine to my Dad. Mom wasn't surprised.

When I was 16, she left for good and Dad raised us. He did OK.

During high school, I thought she was punishing me for telling the truth to the Court Officer from DYFS and telling the truth at the custody hearing she dragged us to after the longest week of my life (when the temporary protection order, issued by our town PD, expired) by not asking to have any visitation appointments with me.

During college, I thought the same thing because she wasn't paying her share of my tuition ... and I talked about her so little, one of the girls I sang with in Choir thought my mother was dead.

Needless to say, I have sent a Mothers' Day card to my FATHER every year for quite some time. I even sent him flowers once.

While I have a better relationship with my mother now than I have had in my life EVER, I still don't feel that squishy, TV-close relationship with her. Frankly, that's OK by me, but a lot of people seem to think it's weird that I'm not close with my mom. She's a hard person to get close to for a lot of reasons, and part of me has forgiven the way she treated me when I was a kid, but part of me still gets angry and hurt when I remember the bad times.

I've started to send her cards and stuff randomly, and do occasionally call her for her birthday, but I don't feel obligated to give her a card on Mothers' Day!

[Ritalin]

Hello! This topic is sure to push buttons all over the place.

My mother made some of the worst decisions she could have possibly made when I was a kid, and my life suffered because of it. I worked through it, and it doesn't really affect me any more, and for a while there my mother and I had a pretty good relationship.

But you know, not every person who acts like a raving lunatic is going to turn it around. Sometimes the people who most affected you when you were a kid STILL have all the same problems, and I think the only rational thing an adult can do is to do the best they can with crazy people until it gets to the point where there's no reason to deal with it any more.

Should I have a person in my life who intentionally makes me unhappy simply because she gave birth to me? Of course not. Being family means - to me this is - getting every opportunity to change and make mistakes and grow and all those things with all the support in the world. But as some point enough is enough.

I don't owe my mother the right to make me and my family unhappy.

And don't misunderstand me: I don't have a problem with my mother for what happened when I was 10 or 11. I'm 43 years old and that's old news. She's not a part of my life for how she is today.

[~Katja~]

At dinner last night, the talk of bad parenting came up. somehow the conversation got to a point, where I said, "Mothers that have children with fetal alcohol syndrome shouldn't receive a Mother's Day card." I argued that mothers that place their children in danger, while in the womb, shouldn't be surprised if they don't get a Mother's Day card because they gave birth to a child born at a disadvantage. at this point, i am talking about mothers that are taking drugs and drinking/ smoking while pregnant or HIV. My father's girlfriend argued that a mother still loves and cared for the child after they were born. I also argued that a mother's filial obligation to the unborn child would be to not take any drugs and not smoke nor drink, and if they don't stop, the filial obligation was already broken.

So, with that filial obligation broken by the mother, should that mother expect to get a mother's day card from her child?

if the question is just about a card... no mother should expect to get one, a good mother will feel loved and appreciated all year long, because the love you give is the love that is returned. No card will ever do that.


As for your your example, I agree with your father's gf.
Drug addicts find themselves pregnant more often than not and by the time they find out it may be too late for an abortion... that being said, some can clean up immediately, some will continue to struggle with that (because let's face it, an addiction is still an addiction and not just that easy to get out of because you find yourself pregnant) .... if they finally get out of that vicious cycle and become excellent mothers, it makes them no less of a good mother than one that was clean and planned for pregnancy and baby from the get go.
The obligation does not just sit with the mother but with the guy that sticks his dick in her unprotected!

[biggirl]

My sister and her husband adopted 3 kids. Their biological mother was a drinker and drug user. My nephew, who is 17, will never have a normal life since he had fetal alcohol syndrome and other complications from the mother's drug use. I am sad that he is slow and will never lead a normal life.

The thing with this "mother" is that she continued to drink, use drugs and have babies. She is a poor excuse for a human being.

She does not deserve to ever, EVER receive a mother's day card. What kind of "mom" would do that to her offspring?