My wife had a miscarriage

[Judge Smails]

Hate to have to break character, and this is not something that I really wanted to talk about, but I figured that since I stupidly made a big announcement in my other thread I should probably post an update.

Its been a pretty fucked up couple of days made worse by the fact that this all started on Mother's Day of all fucking days. And because the doctor was closed Sunday we went to the ER and had to make arrangements for someone to watch our kids since we hadn't told anyone and we didn't want them to find anything out because how do you explain that to an 8 year old?

My wife is superstitious and didn't want anyone to know just yet. If she knew I posted something here she'd go over the edge. It's already pretty tense as is. Anyone who read my announcement thread knows it was all an accident and that I wasn't exactly gung-ho about being a dad again. I started that thread basically to get a lot of emotions off of my chest. My wife, on the other hand, had really quickly accepted the idea and was starting to make all sorts of plans in her head.

Though I tried to be as supportive as possible she's a smart lady and knew where I stood. So now when I try to comfort her I think she feels thats its all hollow words because I never really wanted it to really happen. And as fucked up as it is - on some subconscious level she might be right. Like I said, everything's all really fucked right now. I want to comfort her but she's real distant like she's in this by herself and doesn't feel I'm feeling what she's feeling. And she might even be right, I don't even fucking know.

EDIT: Can someone delete my mod quote, please?

[drjoek]

Sorry Smails. Its a loss and needs to be greived

[Friday]

:sad:

i really have nothing constructive to offer. but i will keep you and your wife in my prayers.

[hammersavage]

Ugh. Just completely terrible. So sorry buddy

[TheGameHHH]

I'm truly sorry

[Hottub]

Sorry Smails.

PS, I'll fix your profile.

[mikeyboy]

I'm really sorry to hear that. I wish you and your wife strength to get through this tough time.

[disneyspy]

im with the rest,sorry to hear it,all my best

[ANC]

sorry to hear that buddy.. stay strong.

[~Katja~]

I am sorry to hear that Smails... I hope you and your wife will get through this quickly. I don't think your wife won't appreciate any type of support and comfort you can offer her, regardless of your original opinion on becoming a father again.

[mendyweiss]

Sorry, Judge
pm me if you get a free minute

[King Hippos Bandaid]

Sorry to hear J.S, stay gold

[ecobag2]

I'm very sorry.

Please stay strong.

I'm saying a prayer for you now.

[Jujubees2]

So sorry man. I had a similar situation with my wife. When our first was about nine months old she told me she was pregnant again. I wasn't prepared for two kids that quickly and I sensed that she knew I wasn't that excited. About a month later, just as we were moving into our house, she lost the baby. She was devastated and I tried to help her but it was a tough month or so. My only advice is just to be there for her.

[jessicaduh]

oh no, i'm so incredibly sorry for both you and your wife.

be gentle with her. regardless of how you were feeling, she was (is) forever connected to that child...it was a part of her. on top of that, her hormones are surely all messed up at the moment. she's going to go through a grieving process. you probably will too...maybe you're in one, and your current stage is numbness? i dont know.

at any rate, even if she draws inward, and even if she pushes you away, try your hardest not to get frustrated with her and to be understanding and let her know that you are there for her. she's mourning the loss of a child, regardless of whether you had met him or her; try your best to grow together with her through this, rather than apart.

how tragic. again, my condolences.

[RhinoinMN]

As like everybody else, I wish there is something I could do for you besides prayer. And that is what I promise you will get from me.

So very sorry for your loss.

[Aggie]

I'm extremely sorry. I've been there and it's really hard but you'll get through it together. Saying a prayer right now.

[TripleSkeet]

Dude that sucks. Dont ever tell her you posted that on here, but thats kind of what message boards are for. A place to vent about things that you might not be able to vent about with people in your everyday life.

But stick with the advice given here, just be there for her. A shoulder for her to cry on. Dont get frustrated and whatever you do do not tell her you may have some feelings of relief, even if she suspects or knows you might. That doesnt make you a bad person, a child is something that both partners should agree they want. Just dont admit it to her, keep that to yourself.

Anyway, best of luck sir.

[boosterp]

Budday,

I am glad you vented but sorry for your family's loss. I will keep y'all in my thoughts.

[razorboy]

I'm so sorry Judge. I know how excited you we're. That's terrible.

[drusilla]

i'm really sorry to hear you guys are going through some pretty rough times right now. i hope you'll be able to work it out together. she's gonna need a lot of time with this & all you need to do is just show her that you love her.

[Contra]

Even if you wanted the kid I doubt you would be as connected to the baby as the person that they are growing inside of. Stay strong and support her. Sorry to see this buddy.

[Death Metal Moe]

Very sorry Judge. Very very sorry. Good luck, that's some rough shit.

[joethebartender]

I'm sorry for your loss. My condolences to you both.

[biggirl]

I was told I was miscarrying my 2nd child. I felt like my husband didn't care either, but it just hurt so bad and no one will know what that is like until you actually are told something like you are miscarrying. I found out I was pregnant on March 1, and by March 3 they told me I was miscarrying. Just 2 days into finding out I was pregnant, I was attached to the idea of having that baby, it was my baby and it was being taken away.

I felt like no one understood. Now, I know my husband did care and was concerned. So keep being supportive. Your thoughts of not wanting a child did not have anything to do with this miscarriage. This was God's plan.

Your wife will come around and realize that you were and are supportive, but right now all she is thinking of is her loss. Let her be..she is grieving. She isn't completely thinking straight. When you are hurting that bad, nothing seems like it is helping. Carrying a child inside you is like no other feeling in the world. I feel really sad for you and your wife.

My prayers are with you and your family.

[zildjian361]

:sad:

[Judge Smails]

A very sincere Thank You to everyone. Myself, my wife and her dad are the only people who even knew she was pregnant and she has asked to keep it that way. So, she and I only have each other to lean on for the most part. I am doing everything I can to be there for her. It's so nice to know that I have found some very nice and caring friends here that can pick me up - even if I've never met them in person. God Bless.

[TheMojoPin]

I'm very sorry for your loss, JS. That's an awful thing you guys are going through and I know'll you find the strength and love from each other to get through this.

[Badinia]

My thoughts are with you and your wife. This is terrible news. Please take care of each other in any way you can.

[Farmer Dave]

I choked up at your first posted and could only skim the replies. I've been though it with my wife. The distance between us felt like a mile for a time. Best wishes to you both.

[sr71blackbird]

I am so sorry for you and your wife. It is rough, and I hope you and the family are okay. God bless. Talk to a counselor or priest, they usually can guide you through it. Sorry man!

[WampusCrandle]

i'm sorry to hear this. I hope you and your wife only the best. keep both of your spirits up.

[ToiletCrusher]

my thoughts are with you.

[Sarge]

I'm sorry for you both, my wife and I dealt with it and it absolutely sucks.

[CofyCrakCocaine]

Very sorry to hear this. Stay strong, the two of ya.

[Dougie Brootal]

so sorry dude. i wish i could do something to help.

[Ritalin]

Best thoughts to both of you.

Be good to each other.

[Brad_Rush]

Please accept my heartfelt condolences

[IMSlacker]

Wow, that's a rough one. I'm so sorry for your loss. You and your wife are in my thoughts.

[Recyclerz]

My condolences to you and Mrs. Smails.

[A.J.]

I'm so very sorry Your Honor.

[TjM]

Holy Christ. I'm sorry man. Your family will be in my thoughts

[samechick]

I am so sorry to hear this, my condolences to you both.

[jimmyolsenblues]

God bless you and your family.
I am sincerely sorry for your pain.
I don't even understand god's plan and a lot of time i even doubt he exists...
But I wish you well...

[ChrisTheCop]

As with everyone else, my thoughts are with you and your family today.

[hydee]

I am sending you my thoughts and hope that you and your wife find peace from this soon.

I agree with a lot of the folks here be there for her, while not beating yourself up over your first feelings about this baby.

Take care

[Sheila]

so sorry to hear this, our condolences to you and your wife.