Silly Puddy
01-18-2002, 09:58 PM
Normally, my posts (when I actually do post) tend to be on a more light-hearted level. However, the whole situation with Billy (whom I've never met nor had a conversation with) brings up so many feelings. You see, I happen to have an addiction, too. I'm a Class A food binger. It's such a source of embarrassment because it's supposedly a "woman's problem". But the truth is for a long time now I've been stuffing food down my throat when I'm not even hungry. And I tell myself the same story Billy tells himself....I can quit when I want to, but right now I don't want to.
Well, after hearing about the episode this past Wedneday, I need to speak up about this, both for myself and hopefully for Billy. Dan made a point in a different thread that by as an entertainer, Billy is essentially a willing participant in his life story being food for fodder (forgive the pun). That's such a typical addict excuse we use to justify our actions. I've always told myself that since I ACKNOWLEDGE publicly how f'd up I am, and make jokes about my obesity (now approaching 80 lbs overweight), then I don't really have a problem. Since I can say it out loud to people, then obviously I could stop doing the destructive behavior if I really wanted to. Well, if the last couple of years are any indication (in which I've gained about 70 pounds), it's all a pack of lies.
Yes, Billy willingly made a fool of himself on the radio. And Ron and Fez are not to blame for joining in on the fun. I think Ron and Fez looked at the situation and felt that by exploiting it in an over-the-top manner, they hope to send a message to Billy. Unfortunately, my personal experience, both as an addict and working with people who are addicts, is this doesn't often have the desired effect. Often the actions from Ron and Fez are exactly what the addict wants. If you laugh with him, then there's really no problem.
It's highly possible that Billy might be subconsciously asking for help. When I pull the same crap Billy did, deep down I think I'm hoping for somebody to find a way to help me stop the madness. But in the end, only one person can stop an addict, and that's the addict.
Billy, we may not share the same substance, but there's a lot of similarities in behavior. I keep looking to others to validate me in my disease, regardless of how foolish I look in the process. At the same time, I just want somebody to say the magic words to take the pain away. I don't know when I'll have the strength to take the actions I need to. Every day I wait is another day of harm I do to myself. Billy, please don't keep waiting. As much as people love you, nobody is going to say that perfect thing or perform that perfect action or offer that perfect opportunity. It's up to us, the addicts, to make our own lives what we truly want them to be. Giving up the substance is a small price to pay for the end reward. Both of us have had the joy of being clean (I had over 4 years of not binging not that long ago). Try and remember just how great that feeling was. If you don't see it that way, look closer. I know I long for the days when binging wasn't even a thought in my head. I hope you find the willingness to put the alcohol down. And I selfishly hope by writing all of this, I can start doing the right thing for myself, too.
I think, therefore I am..............a moron.
Well, after hearing about the episode this past Wedneday, I need to speak up about this, both for myself and hopefully for Billy. Dan made a point in a different thread that by as an entertainer, Billy is essentially a willing participant in his life story being food for fodder (forgive the pun). That's such a typical addict excuse we use to justify our actions. I've always told myself that since I ACKNOWLEDGE publicly how f'd up I am, and make jokes about my obesity (now approaching 80 lbs overweight), then I don't really have a problem. Since I can say it out loud to people, then obviously I could stop doing the destructive behavior if I really wanted to. Well, if the last couple of years are any indication (in which I've gained about 70 pounds), it's all a pack of lies.
Yes, Billy willingly made a fool of himself on the radio. And Ron and Fez are not to blame for joining in on the fun. I think Ron and Fez looked at the situation and felt that by exploiting it in an over-the-top manner, they hope to send a message to Billy. Unfortunately, my personal experience, both as an addict and working with people who are addicts, is this doesn't often have the desired effect. Often the actions from Ron and Fez are exactly what the addict wants. If you laugh with him, then there's really no problem.
It's highly possible that Billy might be subconsciously asking for help. When I pull the same crap Billy did, deep down I think I'm hoping for somebody to find a way to help me stop the madness. But in the end, only one person can stop an addict, and that's the addict.
Billy, we may not share the same substance, but there's a lot of similarities in behavior. I keep looking to others to validate me in my disease, regardless of how foolish I look in the process. At the same time, I just want somebody to say the magic words to take the pain away. I don't know when I'll have the strength to take the actions I need to. Every day I wait is another day of harm I do to myself. Billy, please don't keep waiting. As much as people love you, nobody is going to say that perfect thing or perform that perfect action or offer that perfect opportunity. It's up to us, the addicts, to make our own lives what we truly want them to be. Giving up the substance is a small price to pay for the end reward. Both of us have had the joy of being clean (I had over 4 years of not binging not that long ago). Try and remember just how great that feeling was. If you don't see it that way, look closer. I know I long for the days when binging wasn't even a thought in my head. I hope you find the willingness to put the alcohol down. And I selfishly hope by writing all of this, I can start doing the right thing for myself, too.
I think, therefore I am..............a moron.