Doogie
08-22-2009, 11:47 PM
Ok, tonight I was at a wetdown (christening for a new truck) for a volunteer fire department I am part of. I am also trying my damndest to stay sober anymore, mainly cause I want to lose weight and get back into a new exercise routine (and also doesn't help when someone you haven't seen in 8 years says "man you got fat..."), but the reason why I mention it is to understand that I was stone sober this entire event. And no, this is not the firehouse where I pissed in the Jack Daniels bottle (for that story feel free to go here (http://www.ronfez.net/forums/showthread.php?t=70015))
Near the end of the night I was gearing up to go home and went out towards the front of the firehouse, and there were all sorts of people hanging out, including one ball buster who likes to dish out jokes. I was going to leave, but I was enjoying watching all these drunk people deciding who was driving, who was walking home, people chasing people in cars who had started walking home 11 miles, etc. I described it best by saying to someone there "this is like watching a bad movie, and I have to see how it ends. I went this far, I need to see the ending."
Anyways, the aforementioned ballbuster's truck was written on the windows in some kind of dry erase marker that easily could have of been wiped out. The guy, who was totally drunk, was going to go home and saw the writing which said things like "I like penis" and other things on the windows in this dry-erase stuff. Well the dude flips out, starts storming around the place asking everyone who did it or who knew who did it. Real nasty like too...he has the reputation of being one of these drunks who starts picking fights when drunk.
Well myself and a few others who was watching all this shit go down were just commenting on all the people that just shouldn't drink. He gets to me and ask me like 20 times if I know who did it, or if I did it. I say I don't know which is the truth but still getting interrogated. Now after the 20th time being asked, and him just being annoying I decide to try to bring some levity to the situation and make a joke to perhaps make the guy laugh. I say "Milo Yambags did it." He asks who is that. And I reply he is "Kin to Kaiser Sousee..."
Well he doesnt like this answer and proceeds to turn into Mr. Tough Guy saying things like "I dont know who I am fucking with...blah blah blah." And I am trying now just be like "Ok fella I see you dont like a joke. I'm only breaking chops." And even the people next to him were laughing cause they knew I was joking. Well this enrages him even more, and now he is in my face repeating more of his tough guy shit, and finally he is trying to bump chests with me and I tell him a MINIMUM of 9-10 times to "Please get out of my face." As I ask him not to get in my face, now he goes nose to nose, literally making conact with my nose.
I really don't like confrontations cause I wont lie, I have a horrendous temper once I get going. I will fight start throwing punches and even bite noses after I throw punches. And I am trying to remember all sorts of "Zen" thinking and even military stuff to not lose my shit. But the constant beratement by this guy, on top of his physical contact was just too much for me. I ask him one more time to please get out of my face or I will have to defend myself. The guy wont stop, and no one is stepping in. Well I lost it. I shoved the guy to punching distance and get myself into fighting stance, a perfect stance so that I have balance and can size up where I am going to hit. Will I go for a face shot?? Or simply a kick to midsection if it is opened?? I am trying to access the situation and ready to throw my blow when finally people step between us.
I am not going to lie, I was now full of adrenaline. I now wanted the fight. I wanted to throw and I wanted to make him bleed, and hurt and I wanted his children in the morning to see the ravishing I wanted to unleash on him. I wanted to make this man suffer and bleed and make him feel the wrath and anger I had pented up in me from a lot of shit that has been going on in my life. I wanted to hurt him bad. Near the precipice of death, that is how bad I wanted to hurt him. That is how angry I was. Yet I was clam in preparing to fight. I just wanted to make this guy bleed, and I knew, I KNEW I could beat him. And wanted to. When he had 3 people around him he decided to do the "charging" thing of "Ohhh yeah I thought so." As if I was lucky and I tried to clear these people out and just waved my fingers in a "cmon" gesture. I was just so filled with rage, anger and hatred in that moment. I was completely and utterly numb as well.
When people heard what happened they were like "he gets like that, what an ass." And some guys that know him well say "look he isn't bad till get gets real drunk." There was even one guy who didnt see what went down, is a friend of his say to me "You shouldnt provoke him with jokes when he is so drunk." How the fuck am I supposed to know he is the bad drunk?? The main consensus from a lot of people that faced this guy's drunken escapades or were witness to it came to me and were saying "Good for you for sticking up to that ass. He needs a good beating." "Dude, I have to give you props for ready throw down on him" But to be honest, I didn't feel good about it once I started calming as all these things were being said to me.
After they were able to separate everyone, I was able to get myself calmed. A friend of mine was like "what an asshole." And I think that was the moment I just started truly to have the blood pressure come down and I thought of how I was just there. And I hated it. I hated the fact that I lost control like that. I hated the fact that I let some little peon get me so fired up that I was prepared to face assault charges, and just didn't care. When I was in that rage mode, I was also thinking how long before the ambulance got there and I could go to my car to get a bat to finish him off and I hated that I had that thought. I haven't lost control like that in a very long time. And the worst part if that I am stone sober too...Here I am ready to start Grad School soon, starting a new career, getting my life up and in order again, and I allowed a stupid little peon make me almost lose it all. Over some stupid shit.
I hate the fact that I lost control like that. I hate that I allowed all my rage and anger to be channeled like that then and there. I hate the fact that I am normally good in a situation like that and able to simply walk away. But I didn't want too...I guess I wanted to channel all that anger and rage. I wanted to be a little boy again. Ugggghhhh...
Now by this point of him tromping and stomping around like an ass, people went up and simply wiped down his windows, and trying to get him the fuck out of there. Why they didn't just drive him home?? I don't know...there was a lot of shit I saw tonight that made me question the whole volunteer system in general. Something I have been questioning for a while. Maybe that is why I lost it...I see a part of an old life I am trying to continue to perpetuate, yet I don't have a passion for it.
I am just doing what needs to be done, yet I just don't want to do it anymore. But I don't want to be a "quitter" either. But for me, it just doesn't have the same "oomph" and gusto it used to give me. I think that is why I got so pissed...I volunteer at this place, helped to clean up at the end of the night, cause I was sober (and I am not judging anyone who was drunk) and felt like I was doing something good or some part to help. I was mixing and mingling most of the night before that, even playing some horseshoes and playing on the piano right before all this shit went down. I guess I was pissed that I literally didnt have anything to do with this guys truck and he is interrogating me (and everyone else to be fair) and I just didn't like it. I was there to have fun, to help out, and just get out of the house after doing a massive project at my house all day and just wanted to unwind. I am just rambling here and am going to end this long diatribe.
Near the end of the night I was gearing up to go home and went out towards the front of the firehouse, and there were all sorts of people hanging out, including one ball buster who likes to dish out jokes. I was going to leave, but I was enjoying watching all these drunk people deciding who was driving, who was walking home, people chasing people in cars who had started walking home 11 miles, etc. I described it best by saying to someone there "this is like watching a bad movie, and I have to see how it ends. I went this far, I need to see the ending."
Anyways, the aforementioned ballbuster's truck was written on the windows in some kind of dry erase marker that easily could have of been wiped out. The guy, who was totally drunk, was going to go home and saw the writing which said things like "I like penis" and other things on the windows in this dry-erase stuff. Well the dude flips out, starts storming around the place asking everyone who did it or who knew who did it. Real nasty like too...he has the reputation of being one of these drunks who starts picking fights when drunk.
Well myself and a few others who was watching all this shit go down were just commenting on all the people that just shouldn't drink. He gets to me and ask me like 20 times if I know who did it, or if I did it. I say I don't know which is the truth but still getting interrogated. Now after the 20th time being asked, and him just being annoying I decide to try to bring some levity to the situation and make a joke to perhaps make the guy laugh. I say "Milo Yambags did it." He asks who is that. And I reply he is "Kin to Kaiser Sousee..."
Well he doesnt like this answer and proceeds to turn into Mr. Tough Guy saying things like "I dont know who I am fucking with...blah blah blah." And I am trying now just be like "Ok fella I see you dont like a joke. I'm only breaking chops." And even the people next to him were laughing cause they knew I was joking. Well this enrages him even more, and now he is in my face repeating more of his tough guy shit, and finally he is trying to bump chests with me and I tell him a MINIMUM of 9-10 times to "Please get out of my face." As I ask him not to get in my face, now he goes nose to nose, literally making conact with my nose.
I really don't like confrontations cause I wont lie, I have a horrendous temper once I get going. I will fight start throwing punches and even bite noses after I throw punches. And I am trying to remember all sorts of "Zen" thinking and even military stuff to not lose my shit. But the constant beratement by this guy, on top of his physical contact was just too much for me. I ask him one more time to please get out of my face or I will have to defend myself. The guy wont stop, and no one is stepping in. Well I lost it. I shoved the guy to punching distance and get myself into fighting stance, a perfect stance so that I have balance and can size up where I am going to hit. Will I go for a face shot?? Or simply a kick to midsection if it is opened?? I am trying to access the situation and ready to throw my blow when finally people step between us.
I am not going to lie, I was now full of adrenaline. I now wanted the fight. I wanted to throw and I wanted to make him bleed, and hurt and I wanted his children in the morning to see the ravishing I wanted to unleash on him. I wanted to make this man suffer and bleed and make him feel the wrath and anger I had pented up in me from a lot of shit that has been going on in my life. I wanted to hurt him bad. Near the precipice of death, that is how bad I wanted to hurt him. That is how angry I was. Yet I was clam in preparing to fight. I just wanted to make this guy bleed, and I knew, I KNEW I could beat him. And wanted to. When he had 3 people around him he decided to do the "charging" thing of "Ohhh yeah I thought so." As if I was lucky and I tried to clear these people out and just waved my fingers in a "cmon" gesture. I was just so filled with rage, anger and hatred in that moment. I was completely and utterly numb as well.
When people heard what happened they were like "he gets like that, what an ass." And some guys that know him well say "look he isn't bad till get gets real drunk." There was even one guy who didnt see what went down, is a friend of his say to me "You shouldnt provoke him with jokes when he is so drunk." How the fuck am I supposed to know he is the bad drunk?? The main consensus from a lot of people that faced this guy's drunken escapades or were witness to it came to me and were saying "Good for you for sticking up to that ass. He needs a good beating." "Dude, I have to give you props for ready throw down on him" But to be honest, I didn't feel good about it once I started calming as all these things were being said to me.
After they were able to separate everyone, I was able to get myself calmed. A friend of mine was like "what an asshole." And I think that was the moment I just started truly to have the blood pressure come down and I thought of how I was just there. And I hated it. I hated the fact that I lost control like that. I hated the fact that I let some little peon get me so fired up that I was prepared to face assault charges, and just didn't care. When I was in that rage mode, I was also thinking how long before the ambulance got there and I could go to my car to get a bat to finish him off and I hated that I had that thought. I haven't lost control like that in a very long time. And the worst part if that I am stone sober too...Here I am ready to start Grad School soon, starting a new career, getting my life up and in order again, and I allowed a stupid little peon make me almost lose it all. Over some stupid shit.
I hate the fact that I lost control like that. I hate that I allowed all my rage and anger to be channeled like that then and there. I hate the fact that I am normally good in a situation like that and able to simply walk away. But I didn't want too...I guess I wanted to channel all that anger and rage. I wanted to be a little boy again. Ugggghhhh...
Now by this point of him tromping and stomping around like an ass, people went up and simply wiped down his windows, and trying to get him the fuck out of there. Why they didn't just drive him home?? I don't know...there was a lot of shit I saw tonight that made me question the whole volunteer system in general. Something I have been questioning for a while. Maybe that is why I lost it...I see a part of an old life I am trying to continue to perpetuate, yet I don't have a passion for it.
I am just doing what needs to be done, yet I just don't want to do it anymore. But I don't want to be a "quitter" either. But for me, it just doesn't have the same "oomph" and gusto it used to give me. I think that is why I got so pissed...I volunteer at this place, helped to clean up at the end of the night, cause I was sober (and I am not judging anyone who was drunk) and felt like I was doing something good or some part to help. I was mixing and mingling most of the night before that, even playing some horseshoes and playing on the piano right before all this shit went down. I guess I was pissed that I literally didnt have anything to do with this guys truck and he is interrogating me (and everyone else to be fair) and I just didn't like it. I was there to have fun, to help out, and just get out of the house after doing a massive project at my house all day and just wanted to unwind. I am just rambling here and am going to end this long diatribe.