Rescussitate or Do Not rescussitate?

[Rockvillejoe]

Just got back from the cardiologist with my plus 90 year old father. Although he still walks 2 miles a day, lives alone and takes care himself, including being mentally sharp, we learned he has a valve leak that will not be fixed due to his age. He has insisted that dies not want to be revived if and when he gets the big one.

Since I spend a lot of time with him, there is a chance I may be there when the time comes.

My question is, do give him CPR or let him die? At 98 he has outlived everyone he knows but his famtily. He has repeatedly said he wants to go when the time comes, but I don't think I can sit there and watch him die.

Selfish? Or a sense of moral conscience? I am in a quandry.

What is the answer?

[lleeder]

If someone I loved asked me to, I'd smother them with a pillow. Maybe I'm just old school that way. :glurps:

[Rockvillejoe]

Just got back from the cardiologist with my 98 year old father. Although he still walks 2 miles a day, lives alone and takes care himself, including being mentally sharp, we learned he has a valve leak that will not be fixed due to his age. He has insisted that he doea not want to be revived if and when he gets the big one.

Since I spend a lot of time with him, there is a chance I may be there when the time comes.

My question is, do give him CPR or let him die? At 98 he has outlived everyone he knows but his famtily. He has repeatedly said he wants to go when the time comes, but I don't think I can sit there and watch him die.

Selfish? Or a sense of moral conscience? I am in a quandry.

What is the answer?

p

[lleeder]

You have to try to keep him alive no matter what. Maybe I'm old school that way. :glurps:

[TheMojoPin]

Just got back from the cardiologist with my plus 90 year old father. Although he still walks 2 miles a day, lives alone and takes care himself, including being mentally sharp, we learned he has a valve leak that will not be fixed due to his age. He has insisted that dies not want to be revived if and when he gets the big one.

Since I spend a lot of time with him, there is a chance I may be there when the time comes.

My question is, do give him CPR or let him die? At 98 he has outlived everyone he knows but his famtily. He has repeatedly said he wants to go when the time comes, but I don't think I can sit there and watch him die.

Selfish? Or a sense of moral conscience? I am in a quandry.

What is the answer?

In that particular case, someone who is 98, regardless of their health, is likely going to be seriously injured by emergency resuscitation procedures if they survive. Imagine doing CPR on bone structure that old.

[Furtherman]

Wow... 98... good for you.. I can't imagine being faced with that decision. Just enjoy each moment and I'm sure you'll know what to do when the time comes.

[lleeder]

In that particular case, someone who is 98, regardless of their health, is likely going to be seriously injured by emergency resuscitation procedures if they survive. Imagine doing CPR on bone structure that old.

http://www.liveworkdream.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/lobstercrack06.jpg

[TheMojoPin]

http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn161/raymondpcxpert/Blog/t1000.jpg

[earthbrown]

thats tough man, but I think you need to respect his wishes.

My thoughts on if you happen to be with him when this happens, if simply calmly talk to him, hold his hand, let him go. Your calm words would be better than, you panicking screaming for someone to call 9-11 and performing CPR. It is pretty much excepted that you may be able to retain some of your senses for a few minutes after you are basically dead.

He wants to go when it is time, hell if he is in as good of shape as you say he will be around for a few more years.

My experiance with people living that old, (had a 104 and 100 in the family), is they are 100% good, and then go don hill in a matter of days. There bodies begin to shut down, and they know that they are going, my great-grandmother was this way, she woke up one morning, came out to the living room, and told my father to call the lawyer. She revised her will, and then a week later she died.

Also CPR on an old person is likely to cause broken ribs and other complications, so you might fuck up him quality of life, if he was to live on for a time.





K

[lleeder]

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_SCfwBkF65oY/R-puqPlNyII/AAAAAAAAB8g/iFfHPEvQZ4M/s400/Wicked+Witch+almost+melted.jpg

[~Katja~]

I would respect his wishes, especially at a high age like that. He would have a better life and death if he goes out sharp and feeling strong than when he starts slowly dying after he was revived. Of course it is easier said than done, but I would be afraid he would not be happy and possibly blame you if he does not come back strong.

[lleeder]

what forum is this in?

http://johnryanrecabar.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/humpty_dumpty.jpg

[Suspect Chin]

This question has been pondered many times before, but you have put an interesting twist on it. Do you try to resuscitate a person who has requested to be let go, when it is only you and him in the room? Most times this situation comes up in a hospital setting when the family is gathered around the patient and medical staff is nearby.

I agree with the other posters that CPR is traumatic for someone of his age and rather than having your last memory of him being you pounding on his chest, maybe it would be better to just let him go peacefully.

[Lady Resin]

Both of my inlaws and parents had a DNR. We respected their wishes. I plan on having one. I see no reason to let people linger when they have no abilities. My father in law agreed to one a week before he passed. But to each his own.

[Ponyboy]

That , indeed, is a tough one. I work in the health field and see DNR's all the time....it's not hard for me to respect them since I don't know these people from Adam...but, if it were a loved one and they stopped breathing in front of me and I knew that they had a DNR.....I know what I would do!!

[JohnCharles]

I can't imagine what is going through your head right now.

When I was in a similar position, I recognized that the person in question was ready to go.

No matter the age, when it's time, it's time.

If you provide CPR, you are prolonging an inevitable outcome.

That sounds harsh, I know that. But, when you are comfortable knowing that it has to end, it won't hurt as much.

That is a mistake I have learned from.

[GregoryJoseph]

It is indeed difficult to see past our own selfish needs and respect the wishes of someone we love, but if we truly did love them we would honor them and their requests.

[JohnGacysCrawlSpace]

DNR:clap:

[OGC]

I went through a similar thing with my Dad when he was battling cancer. He made it very clear that he didn't want to be kept alive by artificial means. He also initiated a DNR for himself about a year before he died.

After one of his chemotherapy sessions he took a turn for the worse and ended up on a ventilator without much of a prospect of recovery. I had them keep him on the respirator for about a week until I was able to tell the doctors to let him go.

I suppose it is a different situation for me since even if he had recovered from that bout, he was destined to suffer a long drawn out decline and a miserable death.

I was with him when he passed and it wasn't a very pleasant time but the thought of him dying alone in a hospital bed was worse. The Dr's told me that he probably wouldn't know I was there but I figured if there was any chance at all that he would be conscious of me, I wanted to be there.

I still relive that day sometimes but the pain of the memory has faded and I know I did the right thing.

[Jujubees2]

If your father signs a DNR form I don't think you would even have to make a decision. The hospital would have to honor his choice.

[HBox]

If your father signs a DNR form I don't think you would even have to make a decision. The hospital would have to honor his choice.

This. Let him make the decision now while you are both of a clear mind. You don't want to wait to make these decisions.

[Dude!]

Originally Posted by lleeder
If someone I loved asked me to, I'd smother them with a pillow. Maybe I'm just old school that way.

You have to try to keep him alive no matter what. Maybe I'm old school that way. :glurps:

those were the two most fantastic
3-minute-apart responses
to a 3-minute-apart double-post
in the history of the internet

[Friday]

try to talk to him about it openly.

if he signs a DNR ... then you know he is certain of his wishes... and that would take a lot of the pressure off of you. but some are just not ready for that.

it's a judgment call... and it's the hardest and one of the most important of anyone's life when they are in that position. but, in the end, you have to think of their needs before yours. that will make it clearer to you.

i did this with my mom... for some reason it's not so tough to shed your own wants when you know they are counting on you to do the best thing for THEM. good luck!

[KC2OSO]

try to talk to him about it openly.

if he signs a DNR ... then you know he is certain of his wishes... and that would take a lot of the pressure off of you. but some are just not ready for that.

it's a judgment call... and it's the hardest and one of the most important of anyone's life when they are in that position. but, in the end, you have to think of their needs before yours. that will make it clearer to you.

i did this with my mom... for some reason it's not so tough to shed your own wants when you know they are counting on you to do the best thing for THEM. good luck!
well said.

[jauble]

Even if you know he wants to pass I find it hard to believe that you wont at least try. I really feel for you buddy and hope when this unfortunate moment arises you need not make a decision.

[sr71blackbird]

I would hate to be in that situation, knowing I know cpr and knowing they are mentally sharp and physically good otherwise. Its a tough call man!

[boosterp]

I thumbed through the posts here but as a former health care worker and paramedic you have to respect their wishes.

As a loved one respecting his wish is just another sign of love, otherwise if you intervened you would be violating that wish.

I have a living will and medical advanced directive and I would hope my family would respect my wishes too as outlined.

[A.J.]

His life, his choice. 98 is quite a run though.

[biggirl]

I was with my grandma when she passed. She had a DNR. It wasn't hard for me. I was holding her hand, and I knew this is what she wanted. It was incredibly sad, but also very peaceful. In the last few minutes of her life I recalled special memories that her and I shared. I actually had a smile on my face remembering.

The DNR gives you the answer. You just have to be there. You will find peace in it.

[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

It's his wish. I would respect it. If I was in your place, I'd rather spend the time comforting him and helping him move on to the other side.

98-- WOW!! He must have seen so much in his life!! He must have some great wisdom.