Mom with possible Alzheimer Dementia

[Coach]

Need some advice from someone in your actual area.
Got 2 parents that are of an age that concern me.
Dad is very functional independant..it is my mother that worries me..I think she is in the early stages of Alzhiemers/dementia but I can't tell. Long story short..I have dismissed 3 or 4 jobs out of the area because she pulls the "We need your help" card a lot. I need to go on with my life, but every time I get close..I get the guilt trip..I know I sound like a whiney Bitch.

[Coach]

Need some advice from someone in your actual area.
Got 2 parents that are of an age that concern me.
Dad is very functional independant..it is my mother that worries me..I think she is in the early stages of Alzhiemers/dementia but I can't tell. Long story short..I have dismissed 3 or 4 jobs out of the area because she pulls the "We need your help" card a lot. I need to go on with my life, but every time I get close..I get the guilt trip..I know I sound like a whiney Bitch.So.. how can I get her in a home or a home aid?

[Dr Steve]

Need some advice from someone in your actual area.
Got 2 parents that are of an age that concern me.
Dad is very functional independant..it is my mother that worries me..I think she is in the early stages of Alzhiemers/dementia but I can't tell. Long story short..I have dismissed 3 or 4 jobs out of the area because she pulls the "We need your help" card a lot. I need to go on with my life, but every time I get close..I get the guilt trip..I know I sound like a whiney Bitch.

Coach:

Not at all, family is very important.

Ultimately, only you can decide whether you can leave your parents with a good conscience. On the one hand, you need to lead your own life; your primary relationship is that with your wife (assuming you have one, etc) and children (again, assuming...). However, your relationship with your parents is very important, too.

If staying will jeopardize your primary relationship, you probably can't stay. There are things you can do to help, though, arranging home health care, sitters, making frequent visits home, etc. If staying will ruin your career, you probably can't stay, either; helping your parents at the expense of recriminations against yourself for the rest of your life isn't a fair trade.

There are some medications that can help with Alzheimer Dementia now, but they only delay the inevitable. I'd be interested to know if your mother has seen her doctor or a neurologist and dealt with the possible diagnosis.

If this is just manipulative behavior, that's another story. If youi're vulnerable to manipulation you may need counseling to help you get to the next level of your life.

No easy answers to this one, bro, and the answers I have alluded to may even be totally wrong given your situation.

I would 1) make sure she sees her doctor; if it's her thyroid and NOT dementia, fixing the problem may fix YOUR problem 2) get some counseling from a cognitive therapist who can help you cope with the feelings that are causing you paralysis.

your pal,



steve

[Dr Steve]

So.. how can I get her in a home or a home aid?

Ok!

1) If she is over 65, she has Medicare. Medicare will pay for Home Health to come see her if she is homebound.


2) if she is not homebound (i.e., can go to the store, etc), then Medicare won't pay a cent; you could hire a sitter part time or full time. If she has private insurance, it may help as well. Sitters from an agency cost up to $17/hr so it's a very expensive option. Sitters from the community may cost much less, but you get what you pay for sometimes. The agency sitters will be bonded and insured, which just gives you recourse if the person turns out to be a nut.

You can call the case managers at your local hospital and ask them who they recommend. They KNOW who is good and who stinks and usually will be glad to talk to you.

Alternately, you can ask around and see which home health agency gets the best reviews; call them up and talk to them and see if they can offer you anything .

keep me in the loop!



steve

[Coach]

But a well held in place pillow would be sooo much cheaper!
J/K :devil2: