Hemorrhoids again

[Donnie Iris]

I am admittedly not sober at the time of this submission, but here goes… What it comes down to is that I am fairly certain that I am dealing with a fucking hemorrhoid on the very inside of my ass crack. I was drinking, yelling, and eventually fucking after the Steelers game. ( The fucking part is in no way to sound cool, I already regret it but it was just one of those things). Anyhow, there is like a round bulbous thing recently discovered and obviously disconcerting. There was no ass play involved in either party in regard to the latter of my evening’s endeavors. My question is what are my next steps? Some Prep-H and prayer? Is this something weird I don’t know about? Surgery or some crazy shit? I’d appreciate your thoughts.

Also, I sit at a desk for the majority of my day for work. Just a disclaimer if that is pertinent.

[topless_mike]

Anyhow, there is like a round bulbous thing recently discovered and obviously disconcerting

useless without pics...

[Donnie Iris]

useless without pics...

Good point.

On a side note, thanks for the lack of response "Doc". In the middle of my facade of real life that is a corporate job, I went to the bathroom to find a scene in my own pants comparable to that of a Jaws film.

I'm still not sure what's going on.

Thanks.

[~Katja~]

Good point.

On a side note, thanks for the lack of response "Doc". In the middle of my facade of real life that is a corporate job, I went to the bathroom to find a scene in my own pants comparable to that of a Jaws film.

I'm still not sure what's going on.

Thanks.
if you need a faster response email him directly, if you are in pain and need serious help, see a professional and don't wait for a messageboard reply from a doc who cannot even see your issue in person to make a correct diagnoses.

[Donnie Iris]

if you need a faster response email him directly, if you are in pain and need serious help, see a professional and don't wait for a messageboard reply from a doc who cannot even see your issue in person to make a correct diagnoses.

I was using hyperbole.

I'm fine.

[Dr Steve]

I am admittedly not sober at the time of this submission, but here goes… What it comes down to is that I am fairly certain that I am dealing with a fucking hemorrhoid on the very inside of my ass crack. I was drinking, yelling, and eventually fucking after the Steelers game. ( The fucking part is in no way to sound cool, I already regret it but it was just one of those things). Anyhow, there is like a round bulbous thing recently discovered and obviously disconcerting. There was no ass play involved in either party in regard to the latter of my evening’s endeavors. My question is what are my next steps? Some Prep-H and prayer? Is this something weird I don’t know about? Surgery or some crazy shit? I’d appreciate your thoughts.

Also, I sit at a desk for the majority of my day for work. Just a disclaimer if that is pertinent.

You definitely have an external hemorroid. If it clots off, it becomes a "thrombosed external hemorrhoid" and the best treatment is to have it opened surgically. It's a very simple outpatient procedure.

If it doesn't hurt, you can leave it alone for now, but then you have to wonder why it happened in the first place. Hemorrhoids often arise because of high pressures in the rectum and anus caused by our crappy American diet.

Check out these two threads:

http://www.ronfez.net/forums/showthread.php?t=72117

http://www.ronfez.net/forums/showthread.php?t=74357

write me back if they don't answer your questions.


your pal,



steve

[hdcorp]

Well, this is a god damn breakthrough in my ass ball problem... I thought I would share this miracle with anyone who is interested.. I had a type 4 bleeding prolapsed pile that god damn came outta my ass... It hurt just to walk, and sitting down it was so irritating. I'm just so glad i didn't have to go to see a doctor and it went away on its own. I did alot of research on the internet about what works, and i tried everything.. My own method worked for me BIG TIME... So here's my advice.

1> Don't try to pop or squeeze it because, it will damage the vein and the fucking roid will double in size.
2> I know this might sound weird, but make a big pot of my chili recipe.. (This is a substitute for the cayenne pepper cure) <---this is what did it folks... SERIOUS!!!

2 1/2 pounds of beef
3 28 oz cans of diced tomatoes
5 medium minced onions
2 14 oz cans of tomatoe sauce
2 cans of kidney beans
12 full tablespoons of chili powder
5 full tablespoons of turmeric powder
7 full tablespoons of cayenne pepper
5 minced cloves of garlic
1 tablespoon of garlic powder
1/2 cup of sugar
1 tablespoon of garlic salt
pepper to taste.

In a skillet cook the ground beef adding 2 tablespoons of chili powder, 2 tablespoons of cayenne pepper and 1 tablespoon of turmeric powder. When it is done and brown, drain it and set it aside. 2. add some cooking oil to the skillet and add the chopped onions and garlic, cook until they become clear and a little brown, add the garlic salt, mix and put aside. 3. Rinse and drain the kidney beans and cook them in water in a small pot until they become very soft, rinse again and put aside. 4. Now, in a really big pot, mix all the other ingredients together, and bring to a boil, then add the beef, beans, onions and let it simmer for 1 hour. Taste it to make sure that it is extremely hot, so hot that you can only stand to eat one bowl, if it isn't hot enough add more cayenne pepper.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
You must eat one big bowl WITH 2 slices of whole grain TOAST w/ butter. And a glass of water. Twice a day <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Before you have to poop, put some vaseline or polysporin, whatever, to lubricate your asshole.. When you poop, it will be very hot, however the cayenne pepper is actually going to stop the bleeding and reduce the swelling dramatically.

3> After you goto the washroom, have a glass of ice near by, or something out of the freezer. sit in the bath tub for about 20 mins in really hot bath water, the sith bath thing. After you get out of the tub, wrap an ice cube in a bit of toilet paper, and sit on it for about 10 mins, while you towel yourself dry. Pat your but down with some corn starch, and get ready to do it again next day.

4> Last but not least, Do ass exercises by squeezing in your buttcheeks and holding for 12 seconds at a time, whenever you feel comfortable to do it, you should make a habit of this while on the computer or watching tv...

That's it, after about 5 days of this shit, my hemorroids were gone, and I had some good chili. I didn't even have to see a doctor.. Good Luck! :thumbup:

[weekapaugjz]

Before you have to poop, put some vaseline or polysporin, whatever, to lubricate your asshole.. When you poop, it will be very hot, however the cayenne pepper is actually going to stop the bleeding and reduce the swelling dramatically.

that sounds awesome!

[KC2OSO]

The OP is wonderful. Well worth the read.

Meantime, back when my (now) wife and I were dating and I had a hemorrhoid, she was good enough to peer into my asscrack (brave gal) and apply the Prep-H. She is truly the best woman I have ever met.

[midwestjeff]

that sounds awesome!

Convenient for you too, considering there is always vaseline on your asshole.

[disneyspy]

the best thing about having gay sex in the gulf right now is you dont have to use lube

[midwestjeff]

the best thing about having gay sex in the gulf right now is you dont have to use lube

On the down side, it is much easier for dolphins to rape you now.

Oh man, do dolphins love them some rape or what?

[pennington]

An old Cuban gave me this advise years ago: eat raw pineapple (you can get it in the supermarket already cored and sliced in a plastic container). Worked for me.

[KEITHJAY]

Rub a banana on your asshole

[KEITHJAY]

It works for anything :tongue:

[KEITHJAY]

I'm serious :thumbup:

[KEITHJAY]

Banana skin is my 300th post sheesh :devil2:

[torker]

Hemorrhoids can be refractory to conservative treatment. There are various next steps to consider as options. The invasiveGestational trophoblastic minimallyMinimally invasive surgery can include heart disease.
Minimally invasive cardiac surgery

You can't pass up sound advice like that.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6sMCYwQrtXo/RrYd23CDsaI/AAAAAAAAAEc/wTqb0MQ9paQ/s320/fletch_1146345835.jpg

[jlehane]

Dr Steve I just wanted to tell you Kim Bassinger mentions Dr Steve(played by Dan Akroyd ) late 80's movie My Stepmom was an Alien,several times in the movie highly usable as sound clips for your show as punch ins or sounders to liven things up or intro/outro/commercial breaks. I love her looks and she was my pick for a vid for song Last Dance (for Maryjane)/Maryjane's Last Dance I ghostwrote for Petty 1987. It was a song about pot,inspired by all my pothead musician friends,though I'm straight.Some of my friends would say LEGALIZE IT,and I'd fail them if I didn't mention it.

[Rockvillejoe]

I am admittedly not sober at the time of this submission, but here goes… What it comes down to is that I am fairly certain that I am dealing with a fucking hemorrhoid on the very inside of my ass crack. I was drinking, yelling, and eventually fucking after the Steelers game. ( The fucking part is in no way to sound cool, I already regret it but it was just one of those things). Anyhow, there is like a round bulbous thing recently discovered and obviously disconcerting. There was no ass play involved in either party in regard to the latter of my evening’s endeavors. My question is what are my next steps? Some Prep-H and prayer? Is this something weird I don’t know about? Surgery or some crazy shit? I’d appreciate your thoughts.

Also, I sit at a desk for the majority of my day for work. Just a disclaimer if that is pertinent.

hey rmember:
http://www.ronfez.net/forums/showthread.php?t=67668&highlight=rockvillejoe