I'm Done

[TjM]

I'm through with life. My wife wants to take some classes but you have to pay in advance she owed about 2200 for her last round of classes. She paid for half with an account she FUCKING HID from me. Now we owe the other half and she's pissed because I just can't pay it this month. I needed to pay things like rent and groceries. It seems like we're growing apart and she doesn't give a shit about our fucking struggle. I'm not sure I give a shit about moving on at this point. (And yes I'm buzzed) She doen't give two shits about me. It's like she doesn't give a fuck we're broke

[Furtherman]

Take a deep breath. Think to yourself... will you be thinking like this when you're not buzzed? Probably not.

[Misteriosa]

i agree with furtherman. when your buzz wears off, take another look at the situation. i'm pulling for you :o

[TjM]

I think the hidden account is what pisses me off the most. I mean for months she knew we were struggling and she had a grand in the bank that she never told me about

The other thing is I'm not so much mad at her as pissed at myself for not being able to provide whatever she needs

[dino_electropolis]

Through with wife? Yes, sure

through with life? I'd re think that.


If things get u down, u can always just take a nice relaxing hot air balloon ride!

[biggirl]

Ryan and I can totally sympathize for your financial situation as we are going through the same thing.

When you are off of your buzz...maybe you need to sit your wife down and show her all the bills and ask if she could contribute by getting a 2nd job for awhile. Then she can take her classes.

Think of a way to make it work for both of you. Financial struggle can ruin a relationship even if you both still love each other. It is just one of life's challenges that you need to get through and in the end it will make your marriage stronger.

[biggirl]

I think the hidden account is what pisses me off the most. I mean for months she knew we were struggling and she had a grand in the bank that she never told me about

it is always good for people to have independence even within a relationship. I feel there is nothing wrong having a private account. I wish I could, but I have no money to put in it.

[red_red_red]

I think the hidden account is what pisses me off the most. I mean for months she knew we were struggling and she had a grand in the bank that she never told me about
ouch, that's not good. having said that, take some time to calm down. don't make any rash decisions until you've mulled it over for a few days.
i'm sorry you are having a rough patch right now, hang in there.

[red_red_red]

it is always good for people to have independence even within a relationship. I feel there is nothing wrong having a private account. I wish I could, but I have no money to put in it.
independence is good, secretive is a whole other matter, no?

[Farmer Dave]

If she really hid money from you, you have every reason to be pissed.

End of the world or marriage? Probably not.

[Crispy123]

Think of a way to make it work for both of you. Financial struggle can ruin a relationship even if you both still love each other. It is just one of life's challenges that you need to get through and in the end it will make your marriage stronger.

I agree with this. Maybe it can work between you two maybe not. It is a challenge and life is full of them. I support giving it all you got for as long as you got even if it gets all fucked up on the way.

The only advice I can give you is that getting buzzed is a temporary feeling. Use it to forget your worries or to unwind after a stressful day for sure. But I would advise against getting buzzed and then dwelling on your problems or coming up with a solution to your problems in this state.

We are fans of a great radio show and love to post on this forum so I feel like we have some good things in common and there are people who do care about you.

[TjM]

eh I guess I jumped the gun. She knows we need to py rent then get gas/groc so she understands she might not be able to take class. I guess I just needed to vent to someone besides her and I chose .net

[biggirl]

independence is good, secretive is a whole other matter, no?

I'd agree no secretive accounts. I know that Ryan and I both tend to hide from each other small amounts of cash we have...just to be able to buy little things we want. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

[biggirl]

eh I guess I jumped the gun. She knows we need to py rent then get gas/groc so she understands she might not be able to take class. I guess I just needed to vent to someone besides her and I chose .net

this is a good place to vent.

[Mitch&Murray]

eh I guess I jumped the gun. She knows we need to py rent then get gas/groc so she understands she might not be able to take class. I guess I just needed to vent to someone besides her and I chose .net



Grab another cold one,run a batch, watch the ballgame.
Revisit the whole thing tomorrow.

[red_red_red]

I'd agree no secretive accounts. I know that Ryan and I both tend to hide from each other small amounts of cash we have...just to be able to buy little things we want. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
yeah? my stash is up to 27 bucks..now that i have admitted this, Katlyn's radar will go off and she will somehow "need" to go to the mall and have lunch with friends. :surrender:

[FrogSlayer]

Where did the money in the "secret account" come from?
Maybe a gift from a relative marked as education funds?
I don't think the money should have been kept a secret
I do think that in most cases in this economy it takes two incomes when the bills aren't getting paid by one.

Hope you feel better, the money stuff can be the hottest topic in a marriage when it should be very low on the list.

[Farmer Dave]

eh I guess I jumped the gun. She knows we need to py rent then get gas/groc so she understands she might not be able to take class. I guess I just needed to vent to someone besides her and I chose .net
Better to vent the stew about it. Hope some of the comments helped.
I'd agree no secretive accounts. I know that Ryan and I both tend to hide from each other small amounts of cash we have...just to be able to buy little things we want. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.

I do that so I can buy a damn b-day present w/o having to use the check book or debit/cedit card which she sees.

[biggirl]

yeah? my stash is up to 27 bucks..now that i have admitted this, Katlyn's radar will go off and she will somehow "need" to go to the mall and have lunch with friends. :surrender:

does she have a job, if not, tell her to get one.:laugh:

[red_red_red]

does she have a job, if not, tell her to get one.:laugh:
:laugh: child labor works for me

[biggirl]

I do that so I can buy a damn b-day present w/o having to use the check book or debit/cedit card which she sees.

sometimes I feel guilty using the checkbook to buy ryan's presents cause really that is the money he earned. I try to use money that I have earned myself....maybe that is why he gets shitty presents from me...I don't make much...:down:

[Farmer Dave]

Hope you feel better, the money stuff can be the hottest topic in a marriage when it should be very low on the list.

Those are words of wisdom.

[biggirl]

Those are words of wisdom.

I was going to agree just as you posted this.

[biggirl]

money is so overrated.

[Farmer Dave]

sometimes I feel guilty using the checkbook to buy ryan's presents cause really that is the money he earned. I try to use money that I have earned myself....maybe that is why he gets shitty presents from me...I don't make much...:down:

We've always had a joint checking and joint savings accnt. We went into the marriage w/ the 'whats mine is yours' mentality. 15 years, so far so good.

[Misteriosa]

a few bucks here or there for a gift or something similar is ok. from what im reading, she was hiding enough cash to pay for school. that could have been used to cut down on cc debt, etc. im not married, so take what i say with a pillar of salt. i would approach her about this and (as someone else also said) ask her to take a break from school until things stablize a bit more. take a secind job or something. as the lady is paying this with cash and not federal loans or something, the school issue should have been discussed from the beginning. if she is unemployed, i think UE pays for some schooling, so it should come out of pocket. thee is a lot i dont know about this situation, so again:

http://www.cargill.com/salt/wcm/groups/public/@cseg/@salt/@assets/documents/image/na3012330.jpg

[biggirl]

We've always had a joint checking and joint savings accnt. We went into the marriage w/ the 'whats mine is yours' mentality. 15 years, so far so good.

same here. I actually made more money than Ryan in the beginning:laugh:but it doesn't matter. We all pull our weight in the marriage/family in some way or another.

[zildjian361]

quote Dice, Im Done Oww.drop a load and be out. it can only get worse.:bye:

[tanless1]

,,,as long as she doesn't invest in a pager.you'll have a chance.

[Tenbatsuzen]

I still don't understand this concept of shared bank accounts.

It's fucking lunacy.

"secret" accounts are one thing, but the deal is simple - your money is yours and my money is mine.

[topless_mike]

i have a "secret account"
i bring in the income, as PIA is a stay at home mom. even when she was working, both of our monies go right into the joing checking. bills came first. if she wanted to go shopping, as long as there was enough money, she could go. same went for me. we never bickered about "oh thats my money" etc. any money we get for christmas usually goes for bills, maybe keep a small percentage for whatever we want. whatever money i get for my birthday has always gone right for car insurance, which first payment is always due 10 days later.

my secret account is whatever money i have left over in my pocket come the end of the week. once, maybe twice a month i'll snatch a 20 spot out of the atm and put it right into my drawer. i do this for presents for her, or shit that i want. its up to $450 right now, which im getting her an ipod touch tomorrow and cooking classes for xmas. she knows that i sqiurrel away money, and she doesnt care as long as im not draining the account. (she knows that this money 99% of the time goes for stuff for her... alterior motive maybe?)

back to the original point, if you guys are really struggling, i'd be pissed off. but lets qualify "struggling" first- if you have a lil play money left over at the end, thats one thing. but if you straight up cant get through the month, thats a right to be pissed.

problem is with savings is, well, once you borrow it to pay bills, its gone. nothing to show for it. if you can keep humping to just get through this patch, you'll still have that extra money later on.

all seriousness... if she wont let go of that extra cash to help relieve some burden, then she really doesnt care about what this is doing to you. might be time to turn the page, bro.

[Jujubees2]

We've always had a joint checking and joint savings accnt. We went into the marriage w/ the 'whats mine is yours' mentality. 15 years, so far so good.

16 years here and the same thing. Never had separate accounts.

[TjM]

Man talk about over reaction. I feel like a tool

[FrogSlayer]

don't let the money drive you crazy (or the drinking)

[Furtherman]

Man talk about over reaction. I feel like a tool

Happens to everyone who mulls over life when we're a bit tipsy. It's just an emotional response. No worries, I've been there myself.

[SP1!]

independence is good, secretive is a whole other matter, no?

Being secretive is never good, that is a huge warning flag.

I think everyone is having money problems lately so if one spends like its not a big deal then it does wear on you, just subtly remind her that until the shit blows over frivolous shit is out the window.

[FebruaryEast]

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_w6xtfed-JTA/Rv0U3KrWlII/AAAAAAAAAuI/rxSgRG9t8cw/s320/rich+vos.jpg

I know the struggle

[yojimbo7248]

Man talk about over reaction. I feel like a tool

Don't worry about it. Most of us know the feeling of getting drunk and either saying something or writing something you regret. Hope everything is OK.