The comprehensive Fez Whatley enemies list

[K.C.]

It's growing so large, I think we need to keep track of the who and what.

Off the top of my head, I've got

-George Clooney (for "ruining the Batman series" despite not writing or directing that movie, and probably donating much of his substantial salary for the film to third world causes).

-Mikey D. (for never cutting him one ounce of slack)

-Sandra Bullock (for portraying a kind Southern woman who takes in a poor black kid and gives him the structure that allows him to become an NFL star tackle, also for being a woman).

-The Daily Lleeder (for constant hit and run on-air attacks)

-Warren Sapp (for allegedly beating a woman, despite no subsequent evidence or charges coming forth yet...former hero of Fez's).

-FMJeff (for making slightly sarcastic, somewhat humorous and inoffensive twitter posts)

-Chuckwagoncook (the turkey trot fall out)

-Roosevelt Island trick-or-treaters (for saying his apartment smells)

-ADF (for pretending like he was going to touch Fez's chicken fingers at a bar night eight years ago)

-Sheepy (for pretending he "had a secret as well" to get Fez's "secret" out of him)

-Tender (for being the 'Southern Mikey D.')

-Harry Elvis (for being the top three reasons Fez had his first heartattack despite a lifetime of frozen dinners and fast food)

-Conan O'Brien (for having the audacity to get the Tonight Show gig)

-Sarah Jessica Parker (for having a horse-face, also for being a woman)

-Mickey Rourke (for using the word 'faggot' unapologetically)

-NFL Handicapper Marc Lawrence (for starting Fez's unparalleled losing streak in predicting sporting events)

-Brooke Hogan (for being slightly Amazon looking, also for being a woman)

-Starr Jones (for the triple threat of being fat, black, and a woman)

-Matt Drudge (for starting the Homeless Fez phenomenon by posting Homeless Fez on the front page of the Drudge Report)

-Big A (for being the coolest, daddi-o!!! Aaaaaaaaaahhh Big AAAAAAAAA!)

-Mrs. Whatley (aka Fez's mom) (for "being abusive" and for sleeping with the handyman Bobo)

-Stephen Baldwin (for being Ron Bennington's true best friend)


Feel free to add to the list...

[EliSnow]

It's growing so large, I think we need to keep track of the who and what.

Off the top of my head, I've got

-George Clooney (for "ruining the Batman series" despite not writing or directing that movie, and probably donating much of his substantial salary for the film to third world causes).

-Mikey D. (for never cutting him one ounce of slack)

-Sandra Bullock (for portraying a kind Southern woman who takes in a poor black kid and gives him the structure that allows him to become an NFL star tackle, also for being a woman).

-The Daily Lleeder (for constant hit and run on-air attacks)

-Warren Sapp (for allegedly beating a woman, despite no subsequent evidence or charges coming forth yet...former hero of Fez's).

-FMJeff (for making slightly sarcastic, somewhat humorous and inoffensive twitter posts)

-Chuckwagoncook (the turkey trot fall out)

-Roosevelt Island trick-or-treaters (for saying his apartment smells)

-ADF (for pretending like he was going to touch Fez's chicken fingers at a bar night eight years ago)

-Sheepy (for pretending he "had a secret as well" to get Fez's "secret" out of him)

-Tender (for being the 'Southern Mikey D.')

-Harry Elvis (for being the top three reasons Fez had his first heartattack despite a lifetime of frozen dinners and fast food)

-Conan O'Brien (for having the audacity to get the Tonight Show gig)

-Sarah Jessica Parker (for having a horse-face, also for being a woman)

-Mickey Rourke (for using the word 'faggot' unapologetically)

-NFL Handicapper Marc Lawrence (for starting Fez's unparalleled losing streak in predicting sporting events)

-Brooke Hogan (for being slightly Amazon looking, also for being a woman)

-Starr Jones (for the triple threat of being fat, black, and a woman)

-Matt Drudge (for starting the Homeless Fez phenomenon by posting Homeless Fez on the front page of the Drudge Report)

-Big A (for being the coolest, daddi-o!!! Aaaaaaaaaahhh Big AAAAAAAAA!)

-Mrs. Whatley (aka Fez's mom) (for "being abusive" and for sleeping with the handyman Bobo)

-Stephen Baldwin (for being Ron Bennington's true best friend)


Feel free to add to the list...

You're wrong about ADF/Matt Drudge. ADF started the Homeless Fez craze. (http://www.ronfez.net/forums/showthread.php?t=54260&highlight=fez+apple) Fez went on the homeless shopping spree as a result of ADF's thread.

[TeeBone]

Here's one from Fez's childhood...

Those two kids with cane poles and cut-off dungarees - For punching Fez in the ear, stealing his bike and knocking his wild cherry slushy out of his hand. Pinellas Park was/is not a very friendly place.

That is also my, 'All-Time Favorite' Fez story.

[Pestz4Evah]

HTG - lettuce wraps.

[Tenbatsuzen]

It's growing so large, I think we need to keep track of the who and what.

Off the top of my head, I've got

-George Clooney (for "ruining the Batman series" despite not writing or directing that movie, and probably donating much of his substantial salary for the film to third world causes).


The interesting thing about Clooney is that he was probably the most convincing Bruce Wayne out of the three schumacher Batmans. Also, Clooney felt very, very bad, he said in interviews afterwards, in self-depreciating humor that he was responsible for killing the franchise, when there are many, many problems with Batman and Robin before you get to Clooney's performance.

Isn't CrazyJen on the Fez hatred list?

[EliSnow]

The interesting thing about Clooney is that he was probably the most convincing Bruce Wayne out of the three schumacher Batmans. Also, Clooney felt very, very bad, he said in interviews afterwards, in self-depreciating humor that he was responsible for killing the franchise, when there are many, many problems with Batman and Robin before you get to Clooney's performance.

It's been clear for years that Fez took Clooneys' comments about "killing the franchise" completely wrong way. Based on his comments, Fez took Clooney's jokes as if Clooney were proud of killing the franchise.

But as you point out, Clooney's acting were near the bottom of a long list of things wrong with Batman and Robin. Schumacher killed the franchise and essentially Clooney was doing a cool thing by taking the blame on.

[furie]

The vagina

[DarkHippie]

everyone that posts in this thread

[JimBeam]

He mentionen Patricia Heaton and Kevin Costner not too long ago.

Maybe just before the new year or just after it.

[KingGeno]

You forgot:

-Other Crazy People - Fez voiced how crazy people were at Four Winds, showing that he is just like a high school girl drama queen

[llc]

CBS for not putting on the Man Crunch ad

[KingModem]

George Michael for thinking that people actually want to watch a "Sports Machine" on Sunday night after a long day of football.

[opie's twisted balls]

Jesus

[Serpico1103]

Jonah Bobo's Parents- inviting him to a party in Israel
People (besides him) that talk in an elevator- not following Fez etiquette
Cashiers- they ask if he wants a store card

[Enabler]

How could you forget;

lledeer: (for not being funny)
or
Casey Elan MacDonald: (for having children? ummm. was that really why?)

[IamFogHat]

Dave - For having a nice dinner with family and friends when he got married.

[K.C.]

In the sports division:
Brett Favre (for not retiring, despite his comeback resulting in him winning the NFL MVP)
The entire Manning family (for having 'slow face' which annoys the man who beat up a retarded girl as a kid)
Tony Dungy (for not winning a Super Bowl, despite the fact he turned the Bucs franchise from a joke into a legit contender)
The IAAF (for not letting that shemale runner compete against women)
Ron Jaworski (for "not adding anything" to the Monday Night Football broadcasts despite being probably the mox knowledgable Xs and Os football guy on ESPN in general)

[K.C.]

Dave - For having a nice dinner with family and friends when he got married.

Beanie McDonald (for making Ron & Fez a box cake which Fez thought was too dry)

[Mitch&Murray]

drjoek-daily lleeder co-conspiritor,too negative

[jimmyolsenblues]

To quote dice..."Fez hates everything and everybody and everything about everybody

[sailor]

-The Daily Lleeder (for constant hit and run on-air attacks)

How could you forget;

lledeer: (for not being funny)

#4

[Enabler]

#4

woops. i dont read good.

[sailor]

woops. i dont read good.

the only reason i clicked this thread was to make sure he was included. :)

[underdog]

JerseyRich - For starting the FMJeff Posse.

[Tenbatsuzen]

West Side Claire - Looking like ET, eating weirdly. Also, being a woman.

[Death Metal Moe]

http://blog.aarp.org/shaarpsession/full_moon_large.jpg

The Night - He hates being out of his home during it.

[K.C.]

JerseyRich - For starting the FMJeff Posse.

Photoshop Mike (for starting the Whatley Posse and the thousands of Fez photoshops)

[Meataball23]

How on earth did ethan hawke miss this list??


For being an actor who makes films...im not really sure why Fez hates him, I only know that he hasnt seen a movie with him in it in the last 10 years.

[Pittsburgh]

JAY MOHR - For asking him to come out of his cave.

[IamFogHat]

http://blog.aarp.org/shaarpsession/full_moon_large.jpg

The Night - He hates being out of his home during it.

Dusk
http://nosalikes.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/skyline_dusk_ny1.jpg
Because he only has so much time to get home before nightfall.

[jennysmurf]

Lady Trucker- for making a jingle including his farts, and many other things.

[Chigworthy]

#1: Himself

[deliciousV]

NASCAR For not making the cars go slower, thereby endangering the fans. (after the one time incident where some shit off a car flew up in the stands and hurt some people)

[Devo37]

ronfez.net -- for threads like this one

[IamFogHat]

ronfez.net -- for threads like this one



Yeah, god forbid we live in the real world.

[K.C.]

JAY MOHR - For asking him to come out of his cave.

Nikki Cox (for being nice to him and saying supportive things...oh, and she's a woman)

[Devo37]

Yeah, god forbid we live in the real world.

not judging, just adding to the list.

[midwestjeff]

Mother.

[Jughead]

Life Well Just parts of it...

[Freakshow]

Has anyone mentioned ronfez.net?



also

ronfez.net


can't forget ronfez.net...

[IamFogHat]

Has anyone mentioned ronfez.net?



also

ronfez.net


can't forget ronfez.net...

It's just good that Fezzie never went to any of the other boards, compared to this place I don't know what would have happened.

[K.C.]

Shirley Phelps Roeper (for believing the Bible literally, oh, and she's a woman)

Cher (for not jumping up and down with excitement at the thought of her daughter's sex change operation, oh, and she's a woman)

Earl Douglas (for "borrowing" $2000)

Tim Tebow (for not being aborted, which Fez would have preferred instead of him living to do missionary work and preach the Bible)

James Cameron (for using 3D effects)

The makers of Hungryman TV dinners (because sometimes one Hungryman isn't enough to satisfy him, thus putting him through the rigorous task of microwaving another Hungryman)

Ants (for invading his donuts)

[midwestjeff]

Earl Douglas (for "borrowing" $2000)


Might as well just go with all blacks.
Otherwise this thread will be at 1000 pages in no time.

Ants (for invading his donuts)

Eh, I think he secretly liked the ants.

[Pestz4Evah]

Cereal boxes for only having 2 servings in them.

The ghost of a Revolutionary War Soldier for scaring him in his apartment.

[weekapaugjz]

Fresh Direct: for making him eat a weeks worth of food in two days

[Tenbatsuzen]

Northern Virginia - For the realization that he'll eventually be buried there - oh, and it's a woman's name

The Betsy Ross Bridge - A bridge and it's named after a woman.

[Jughead]

Sand....

[Jughead]

Slurpee

[Jughead]

Oh and Names....Night

[PapaBear]

Marilu Henner. For her empty promises.

[Melk]

Chris Lemon: For writing a book he couldn't remember the name of.

[midwestjeff]

Bama (i think that was his name) : for video taping instead of taking a picture.

Skippy : for being a cat.

[Meataball23]

Robots - For never being able to say the word correctly

[K.C.]

Breaking addition to the list...

Evander Holyfield: (for beating up a woman)

[IMSlacker]

Evander Holyfield - accused of hitting his wife.

Damn you, KC!

[IamFogHat]

Brett Farve - for being shy.

[Crossweird]

I have an inkling that Joe Poo should be on this list, but I can't remember why.

[yojimbo7248]

Chris Lemon: For writing a book he couldn't remember the name of.


but he loves a Lemon Party

[Meataball23]

Michael Ian Black - For being the last celeb Fez even attempted to interview b/c he had no idea what Fez was talking about*



*Some sort of island joke that no one understood if I remember correctly

[Freakshow]

Bill Clinton

for stealing his stent gimmick. Just listen tomorrow, I bet ya...

[SkeletorClaws]

God (for not answering his prayers in 2002, even though he ultimately did answer his prayers)

Tony Romo (for his "Gee Aw Shucks" positive attitude)

His ex-Fiancee in Niagara Falls (the breakup wasn't clean)

[AKA]

Sundays - for reminding him that school starts the next day

Heart Attacks - - because they are like attacks on your heart

DC Intern Puck - for not being Bitz, and for killing a deer with his bare hands

You're wrong about ADF/Matt Drudge. ADF started the Homeless Fez craze. (http://www.ronfez.net/forums/showthread.php?t=54260&highlight=fez+apple) Fez went on the homeless shopping spree as a result of ADF's thread.

Actually, he wasn't wrong. ADF was Fez's nemesis for years because of the chicken finger incident - the homeless shopping spree just updated it.

[K.C.]

Tony Romo (for his "Gee Aw Shucks" positive attitude)


Jessica Simpson (for being a "jinx", and oh, because she's a woman)

[AnnoyedGrunt]

NASCAR For not making the cars go slower, thereby endangering the fans. (after the one time incident where some shit off a car flew up in the stands and hurt some people)

Wouldn't they also be on the list for allowing fans to bring confederate flags to the events?

[Melk]

Barnes & Noble, Borders, and Amazon.com for selling books

[SkeletorClaws]

Barnes & Noble, Borders, and Amazon.com for selling books

Untrue. Fez likes bookstores. However he despises Libraries.

[AF Mike]

Barnes & Noble, Borders, and Amazon.com for selling books

Untrue. Fez likes bookstores. However he despises Libraries.

Chapter Books - They put him to sleep.

[spainlinx0]

Black and white contrast, unless there is more black than white. He once said it might be why he hates reading.

[Recyclerz]

The State of California for passing Prop. 8 and outlawing same sex marriage.

[Meataball23]

Chapter Books - They put him to sleep.

:clap::lol:

Well remembered!!

Seriously the term chapter book cracked me up when he said that.

Has the "it puts me right out" thing ever been explained? There are exciting page turning books out there; the fact that he refuses to read anything other than headlines is so bizzare.