Not handling a breakup well

[keithy_19]

I've made other threads about my relationship with my current girlfriend, well, now ex. But the finality of it ending has hit me so hard as of late. We got back together after things got bad, and a lot of it had to do with me just being a douchebag, but things were good again. Then out of nowhere things exploded and we ended. And it sucks so much. I'm young, but I did think of a future with her, whether it would end in marriage or not. She was the one for me. Everything I wanted. And I feel like I blew it. I'm having such a hard time letting go of this. I really don't know how to. Everytwhere I go I'm reminded of her. She never leaves my thoughts. I know that in time, if we're not meant to be, I'll get over it. Just right now I'm having such a hard time dealing with it all.

Sorry for venting. An almost three year relationship ending just really has wrecked me.

[Penelope]

How long ago was the break up?

[keithy_19]

How long ago was the break up?

Friday.

[spoon]

You'll be fine kid. Take some lessons from it, and realize you know even more what you want in a girl and relationship so you very well could end up being even happier in the near future. For now though, have some fun being single and know that almost every person in the world has been where you are and usually feel very similar until a little later when the emotions are much clearer.

[SatCam]

We love you keithy

[opie's twisted balls]

Sorry to hear brother but this too will pass. I know they're both cliches but they're true....there are plenty of fish in the sea and you'll come out of this a stronger person. Go out and connect with old friends or make some new ones, have a purely sexual fling, spend some cash on yourself on something you really want but otherwise wouldn't have bought.

[keithy_19]

Sorry to hear brother but this too will pass. I know they're both cliches but they're true....there are plenty of fish in the sea and you'll come out of this a stronger person. Go out and connect with old friends or make some new ones, have a purely sexual fling, spend some cash on yourself on something you really want but otherwise wouldn't have bought.

A purely sexual fling is all I want if I can't have her. I don't even know how to go about it though. I'm a dunce when it comes to wooing women.

We were saving to go to Disney World. I guess I can take some of that money to get inked again.

I'm just holding on to hope for us...

[keithy_19]

We love you keithy

:wub::glurps:

[spoon]

A purely sexual fling is all I want if I can't have her. I don't even know how to go about it though. I'm a dunce when it comes to wooing women.

We were saving to go to Disney World. I guess I can take some of that money to get inked again.

I'm just holding on to hope for us...

Ok disney world? You lost me there. Use that money and go somewhere actually worth it. Like a Manchester Orchestra concert at the Fillmore. :wink:

[keithy_19]

Ok disney world? You lost me there. Use that money and go somewhere actually worth it. Like a Manchester Orchestra concert at the Fillmore. :wink:

Punknews.org much?
:bye:

[Penelope]

The first two weeks are the worst. It gets better though.

[opie's twisted balls]

A purely sexual fling is all I want if I can't have her. I don't even know how to go about it though. I'm a dunce when it comes to wooing women.
Wooing is easier then you might think....go to the gym, the bar, join a club or sports team, etc and pussy will abound. Failing that there's always hookers.

We were saving to go to Disney World.
Let me tell you a funny (well it retrospect its funny) story. About 10 years ago I had the bright idea to take my then girlfriend to Disneyland for a few days. The relationship was already in the dumper we just hadn't decided to call it quits yet and thought a mini-vacation would be a good idea. We arrive in LA on a Tuesday and spend the first day and a half just being lazy by the pool, wandering around Hollywood Blvd, etc. There hadn't been any fights or arguments but the tension was building. Thursday we go to Universal and actually had a good day together, a sure warning sign that the shit was going to hit the fan. Friday we get up nice and early to head off to see the big rat. Even on the drive there the sniping started and continued throughout the morning as we hit a few rides. After lunch we go to Fantasyland and while I can't remember what set things off but broke into a full fledged yelling match right in front of the Peter Pan ride. There was some brutal verbal sparring back and forth....I was a bastard, she was a cunt, our respective families were all evil, I couldn't stop looking at other women's tits and her ass looked fat. All this in the area of the park that has the highest concentration of little kids who should never be exposed to such hostility and certainly not while at the happiest place on earth. Parents were looking at us in horror as we went for the soft emotional underbelly of each other and tried our best to rip the other to shreds.

If any of you were at Disney in 2000 and two pale Canadians traumatized your children I respectfully apologize.

So no, don't take a GF you're on the outs with to Disney.

I guess I can take some of that money to get inked again.
Tats are a GREAT way to deal with the loss of a relationship, just don't have her name inked on you.

[keithy_19]

Wooing is easier then you might think....go to the gym, the bar, join a club or sports team, etc and pussy will abound. Failing that there's always hookers.

I'm going to a bar with some coworkers on friday, but she goes to that bar a lot. So it kinda sucks.


Let me tell you a funny (well it retrospect its funny) story. About 10 years ago I had the bright idea to take my then girlfriend to Disneyland for a few days. The relationship was already in the dumper we just hadn't decided to call it quits yet and thought a mini-vacation would be a good idea. We arrive in LA on a Tuesday and spend the first day and a half just being lazy by the pool, wandering around Hollywood Blvd, etc. There hadn't been any fights or arguments but the tension was building. Thursday we go to Universal and actually had a good day together, a sure warning sign that the shit was going to hit the fan. Friday we get up nice and early to head off to see the big rat. Even on the drive there the sniping started and continued throughout the morning as we hit a few rides. After lunch we go to Fantasyland and while I can't remember what set things off but broke into a full fledged yelling match right in front of the Peter Pan ride. There was some brutal verbal sparring back and forth....I was a bastard, she was a cunt, our respective families were all evil, I couldn't stop looking at other women's tits and her ass looked fat. All this in the area of the park that has the highest concentration of little kids who should never be exposed to such hostility and certainly not while at the happiest place on earth. Parents were looking at us in horror as we went for the soft emotional underbelly of each other and tried our best to rip the other to shreds.

If any of you were at Disney in 2000 and two pale Canadians traumatized your children I respectfully apologize.

So no, don't take a GF you're on the outs with to Disney.

This made me chuckle. And when things are good they get bad incredibly quickly.


Tats are a GREAT way to deal with the loss of a relationship, just don't have her name inked on you.

I was holding out cause we wanted to go together. The tattoos would have nothing to do with each other, but I was holding out. I guess that went to shit.

[Furtherman]

I'm going to a bar with some coworkers on friday, but she goes to that bar a lot. So it kinda sucks.

Don't go.

[Misteriosa]

it seems that disneyland/world is where relationships go to die. i cant count the amount of relationships that have ended under the gaze of the rat. its realtionship kryptonite. it has to be.

[Serpico1103]

it seems that disneyland/world is where relationships go to die. i cant count the amount of relationships that have ended under the gaze of the rat. its realtionship kryptonite. it has to be.
Seeing parents chase their spolied brats may cause people to reevaluate their future.

[disneyspy]

it seems that disneyland/world is where relationships go to die. i cant count the amount of relationships that have ended under the gaze of the rat. its realtionship kryptonite. it has to be.

i cant tell you how many doofus's i saw ask their chick to marry them there,fucks up a good relationship by getting engaged,why buy the cow?

[Jujubees2]

i cant tell you how many doofus's i saw ask their chick to marry them there,fucks up a good relationship by getting engaged,why buy the cow?

Such a romantic!

[opie's twisted balls]

i cant count the amount of relationships that have ended under the gaze of the rat.
My theory is because adults go their with their sig other to recapture or share some of the magic they might have experienced as a kid. Problem is those innocent childhood memories don't translate well to adult reality of relationships....you swing the emotional pendulum so far in one direction with the anticipation of going to see the rat that when you get there real life hits you in the face and that pendulum comes screaming back down at warp speed.

why buy the cow?
because the cow likes big shiny hunks of carbon mounted in more shiny metal and if the cow doesn't get one of suitable size she lets someone else milk her

[spoon]

My theory is because adults go their with their sig other to recapture or share some of the magic they might have experienced as a kid. Problem is those innocent childhood memories don't translate well to adult reality of relationships....you swing the emotional pendulum so far in one direction with the anticipation of going to see the rat that when you get there real life hits you in the face and that pendulum comes screaming back down at warp speed.


because the cow likes big shiny hunks of carbon mounted in more shiny metal and if the cow doesn't get one of suitable size she lets someone else milk her

Fuck the cow and then eat it.

[disneyspy]

Fuck the cow and then eat it.

ewww,thats like tasting your own sperm

[spoon]

ewww,thats like tasting your own sperm

I was talking about other parts of the cow...the beefy parts.

And in your case, at least it adds one more step in the process of tasting your own jizz.

[keithy_19]

Don't go.

I'm going to suggest going to a different bar.

I invited my ex to go with us while we were together, and she said she would let me know. If I go and see her, it'll just fuck with me. So I'm going to suggest somewhere else..

[Doctor Z]

I've made other threads about my relationship with my current girlfriend, well, now ex. But the finality of it ending has hit me so hard as of late. We got back together after things got bad, and a lot of it had to do with me just being a douchebag, but things were good again. Then out of nowhere things exploded and we ended. And it sucks so much. I'm young, but I did think of a future with her, whether it would end in marriage or not. She was the one for me.

No she wasn't. Otherwise, you'd still be with her.

[Melk]

It is hard to end a relationship that has taken a chunk of your young adult life. You may blame yourself, but the blowups that led to the end of your relationship means that you or she had already decided that your relationship was over.

If you wanted it over, you got what you wanted. If she wanted it over, feel somewhat thankful that the relationship is over before you got married or moved in together (assuming you didn't).

You won't begin to feel better until you move on. Moving on is a choice, but not one you can easily will yourself into.

Good luck Keith. I've felt that kind of pain before. It sucks on every level, but it is a part of life.

[keithy_19]

It is hard to end a relationship that has taken a chunk of your young adult life. You may blame yourself, but the blowups that led to the end of your relationship means that you or she had already decided that your relationship was over.

If you wanted it over, you got what you wanted. If she wanted it over, feel somewhat thankful that the relationship is over before you got married or moved in together (assuming you didn't).

You won't begin to feel better until you move on. Moving on is a choice, but not one you can easily will yourself into.

Good luck Keith. I've felt that kind of pain before. It sucks on every level, but it is a part of life.


I think about our relationship and I never wanted anyone else. She was all I could think of. And, at one point, things got bad and we began seeing other people. I should say that she started seeing other people. I was too busy thinking of how to make us better. I had one random drunk hook up in the backyard of this girl from the south. We kissed on her patio and she said I could spend the night, and I went home. I knew if I stayed we would sleep with each other and I felt like I would be cheating on my ex.

I know in time it will get better. I know that I'll find someone else. I know that. I'm just empty right now.

[keithy_19]

I'm accepting that it's over. But I can't stop thinking about her being with someone else. I really hope she thinks about me being with someone else.

[Penelope]

Going out tonight will be good for you. Just make sure you don't run into her. You are in no state of mind to be talking to her now.

[Furtherman]

I'm accepting that it's over. But I can't stop thinking about her being with someone else. I really hope she thinks about me being with someone else.

Why? Because you're better for her than that someone else? This is a selfish, egotistical way of feeling your situation. Just accept that it's over. Period.

[Penelope]

Maybe you should delete her number from your phone before you get drunk tonight. Nothing is more pathetic than the drunk I miss you call.

[SatCam]

If you love her set her free

[keithy_19]

Maybe you should delete her number from your phone before you get drunk tonight. Nothing is more pathetic than the drunk I miss you call.

I know it by heart so I don't think it would matter. But I'm not going to call her. I don't know what to say to her.

[keithy_19]

I went out on friday and it was a good time. I forced myself to go because staying home just didn't seem like the best thing for me. She wasn't there, but two of her brothers friends were there. They called me over and surprisingly took my side. Weird.

I returned the ring that I had bought her that she gave back to me. So I have some more money in the bank and it's no longer sitting in my room. So that's good I guess.

[high fly]

Smart move getting out.
Too bad you ran into those two, because even though they took your side, they also served to take your thinking backward and you need to move forward.
The car goes in the direction you steer it in, find something else to occupy your thoughts and keep going out, but to new places where you will not run into those who will reverse the direction you need to be headed in.

Think long-term. Unless you marry foreva, you'll have many more such affairs and you have to get good at ending them and moving on, just as you need to have skills in establishing and maintaining a good relationship.
Once you are sure it is over, end it cleanly. Having things drag on just makes it impossible to get along with her later on and ruins memories. You want to be able to look back and remember the good times, not the nastiness at the end and the time wasted trying to retrieve something that was not there to begin with.

[keithy_19]

My friend talked to her today to invite her to a BBQ he's having. I guess in the process he asked how things were with us, even though he knows the whole story. She basically said that she loves me, but she's happier then she's been in a long time.

So, that kind of stung.

[CountryBob]

You should try to write some songs during this state of depression. Love lost is one of the best motivators of emotion and you wont believe how good it feels to let some of that out on paper - or poems even.

[Furtherman]

My friend talked to her today to invite her to a BBQ he's having. I guess in the process he asked how things were with us, even though he knows the whole story. She basically said that she loves me, but she's happier then she's been in a long time.

So, that kind of stung.

Wow, that's a great friend. I'm sure he basically told you exactly what she said.

[RoseBlood]

I really hope she thinks about me being with someone else.

If you're wishing your pain on her, you never really loved her.

Btw, I'm pretty sure she's not thinking about you being with someone else.

[CYYYFYYY]

If you're wishing your pain on her, you never really loved her.

Btw, I'm pretty sure she's not thinking about you being with someone else.



Sadly I wish pain on almost all my ex's and I even loved a few.

[Furtherman]

Sadly I wish pain on almost all my ex's and I even loved a few.

No, you didn't.

That's just being selfish. To wish a miserable life on someone because they had the nerve not to cling on whatever you had to offer is putting yourself before the woman. That's not love. You probably just miss the sex, that's where most of the jealously comes from.

[keithy_19]

If you're wishing your pain on her, you never really loved her.

Btw, I'm pretty sure she's not thinking about you being with someone else.

I only said that because she told me how she can be with anyone. Having low self esteem as I do, it fucked with me a lot. A few days before we broke up she said how this really good looking guy asked her out, but instead she decided to be with me. I guess she was trying to say that she wanted me, but it seemed more like she was pitying me.

And she probably isn't. But considering I forgave her after she slept with someone else, I do wish that she would think about me being intimate with someone. I know that's childish on my part, but it's what it is. It has nothing to do with how much I loved her.

[keithy_19]

No, you didn't.

That's just being selfish. To wish a miserable life on someone because they had the nerve not to cling on whatever you had to offer is putting yourself before the woman. That's not love. You probably just miss the sex, that's where most of the jealously comes from.

I don't wish a miserable life on her. I lost a girl who I wanted to spend my future with and who was my best friend. She wrecked me. I get angry because I don't know what to do. I don't sit up at night wishing that she fails at all she does and never finds happiness. I do want that for her. But two weeks after she left, it's hard to think about her being happy.

And I do miss being intimate with her, but I miss the moments after when it was just us lying there together. I miss waking up next to her a lot more than the sex.

And I know your statement wasn't at me, but for whatever reason I felt like answering it.

[keithy_19]

You should try to write some songs during this state of depression. Love lost is one of the best motivators of emotion and you wont believe how good it feels to let some of that out on paper - or poems even.

I have a notebook that I've been filling up.

[Furtherman]

Don't sweat it keithy, you're young.

[disneyspy]

some of god's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

and new vagina

[keithy_19]

some of god's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

and new vagina

Hers was top notch.

[brettmojo]

Hers was top notch.
:thisthreadisworthlesswithoutpics:

[CYYYFYYY]

No, you didn't.

That's just being selfish. To wish a miserable life on someone because they had the nerve not to cling on whatever you had to offer is putting yourself before the woman. That's not love. You probably just miss the sex, that's where most of the jealously comes from.

I hate them if they did something wrong to end it. IF they just felt we were not right then I don;t wish ill. If they cheat on me or use me then I wish them poorly.

[Furtherman]

It's only wrong to you. It sucks, I've been there, but it's their choice.

[TripleSkeet]

some of god's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

and new vagina

Listen to this man. Sorry dude, but it sounds like your biggest problem is you need to man up. Its fucking spring time. Theres pussy EVERYWHERE. Go out and get some and stop bellyaching over some lost girlfriend.

[keithy_19]

Listen to this man. Sorry dude, but it sounds like your biggest problem is you need to man up. Its fucking spring time. Theres pussy EVERYWHERE. Go out and get some and stop bellyaching over some lost girlfriend.

That is a problem with me. It's just not in me to go and have random hookups.

[PapaBear]

Listen to this man. Sorry dude, but it sounds like your biggest problem is you need to man up. Its fucking spring time. Theres pussy EVERYWHERE. Go out and get some and stop bellyaching over some lost girlfriend.

That is a problem with me. It's just not in me to go and have random hookups.
Take what Skeet said, and what you just said, and aim somewhere in the middle. In other words... Take in the beauty that's around this time of year (to take your mind off of "her"), and use it to inspire you to find someone new.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

And here's a secret hint, I'm sharing only with you...

Say to her, "Fucking magnets. I know how they work!"

[keithy_19]

Take what Skeet said, and what you just said, and aim somewhere in the middle. In other words... Take in the beauty that's around this time of year (to take your mind off of "her"), and use it to inspire you to find someone new.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

I've been trying. I've been going out. Tomorrow I'm going out with some people from my work and this girl and I are getting closer. I don't have any asperations, but whatever. Thursday I might be going to Sandy Hook to clean up the beach with some volunteer group. My girlfriend before my last invited me. Things are cool with us so I may go. Besides, there might be some young college girls there who are quite gullible.

And here's a secret hint, I'm sharing only with you...

Say to her, "Fucking magnets. I know how they work!"

:lol:

[Furtherman]

That is a problem with me. It's just not in me to go and have random hookups.

Besides, there might be some young college girls there who are quite gullible.



Maybe you'd better just work on yourself before picking up another girl. This whole "I'm sensitive, I'm not expecting anything, I'm just playin' the field" attitude can't fool anyone on a messageboard, so it's gotta be glaringly obvious in real life.

[keithy_19]

Maybe you'd better just work on yourself before picking up another girl. This whole "I'm sensitive, I'm not expecting anything, I'm just playin' the field" attitude can't fool anyone on a messageboard, so it's gotta be glaringly obvious in real life.

I definately do need to work on myself. I don't fool anyone in real life. I don't really try to.

And my comment on picking up young gullible college girls was just me being stupid.

[keithy_19]

She called me today. I didn't pick up, but I called her back (because I'm smart). And she was crying on the phone and didn't know what to do about something in her life, and I talked very calmly and kindly and offered my advice(because I'm smart). She called me again and I was at work so she left a message thanking me for my advice and how me being there meant more to her then I will ever know. So I got off of work and called he rback (because I'm dumb) and went to her house and we talked about stuff on her porch. And it was nice, and she asked if we were friends and I said yes and she went to bed and hugged me before she went in and I'm stupid for going over there cause I'm back to feeling how I did when we first ended and I thought I was getting better. Not great, but I was trying.

[weekapaugjz]

Cut the ties with her keithy. Its tough (trust me I know the drill) but its for the best.

[keithy_19]

Cut the ties with her keithy. Its tough (trust me I know the drill) but its for the best.

If I do, at least I know that I went out being a good guy..whatever that's worth.

[TripleSkeet]

Ugh. Dude the last thing you wanna be is this girls friend. I cannot stress to you enough how bad a decision that would be on your part. You think you have it tough now? Watch how insane you go when she decides to tell you about sex with her next guy. And she will. Because youre "friends" now. And if you tell her you dont want to hear it she will look at you like YOURE the crazy one because apparently, "that doesnt bother friends".

Give her the peace sign and delete her number brother. You are just setting yourself for even more pain then youve gone through already. These are lessons that are usually learned by 10th grade.

[RoseBlood]

Cut the ties with her keithy. Its tough (trust me I know the drill) but its for the best.

If I do, at least I know that I went out being a good guy..whatever that's worth.

Take Weeka's advice and don't worry about being the good guy.
Don't concern yourself with how she or anyone perceives you during a break up.
People will move on and so should YOU.

Ugh. Dude the last thing you wanna be is this girls friend. I cannot stress to you enough how bad a decision that would be on your part. You think you have it tough now? Watch how insane you go when she decides to tell you about sex with her next guy. And she will. Because youre "friends" now. And if you tell her you dont want to hear it she will look at you like YOURE the crazy one because apparently, "that doesnt bother friends".

Give her the peace sign and delete her number brother. You are just setting yourself for even more pain then youve gone through already. These are lessons that are usually learned by 10th grade.

If a recent ex starts telling you about the guy she's sleeping with, she's either lacking in emotional intelligence or quite evil in which case you're better off without.

[Furtherman]

If I do, at least I know that I went out being a good guy..whatever that's worth.

Nothing.

She called me today. I didn't pick up, but I called her back (because I'm smart). And she was crying on the phone and didn't know what to do about something in her life, and I talked very calmly and kindly and offered my advice(because I'm smart). She called me again and I was at work so she left a message thanking me for my advice and how me being there meant more to her then I will ever know. So I got off of work and called he rback (because I'm dumb) and went to her house and we talked about stuff on her porch. And it was nice, and she asked if we were friends and I said yes and she went to bed and hugged me before she went in and I'm stupid for going over there cause I'm back to feeling how I did when we first ended and I thought I was getting better. Not great, but I was trying.

Here is where you keep fooling yourself. It's not nice. It's never nice in these situations. It's a heartbreaking, frustrating, ego mashing, heart in a blender, darkness washed over the dude situation.

But you see yourself as "nice". STOP IT.

If you admit that it sucks, you might think, "Why bother?", and move ON.

[CYYYFYYY]

You have to stop cold turkey. Talking to her just makes the pain remain. If she wanted you back it would have happened. It stinks but that is life

[Sinestro]

Not again!

Why do you keep you ex-girlfriends as your friends?? Not everyone is supposed to like you and think you're a nice guy.:wallbash:

[Penelope]

Don't give him such a hard time. When you get into this stupid state of mind, love or whatever it is. For some reason logic disappears and you have the desire to exactly what is the worst possible thing for you. I got dumped in March by my live in bf of 3 years. When we broke I just said, ok, and sobbed quietly alone, and didn't bother him. I didn't talk to, text, e mail, my ex for about 45 days, or more (I stopped counting at some point).
Then this week I accidentally came across a recent picture of the ex all cozied up with his ex. I sent a nice but pathetic and hurt e mail, he wrote me back a nice e mail. THEN, this weekend he dropped me from google buzz. I sent a crazy e mail. It was all about , please stop hurting me, I still love you, I want to see you again in the future. THE WORST POSSIIBLE THING I COULD HAVE SENT. I was just asking for rejection there, and acting crazy. Then I sent 2 more short e mails today apologizing, promising not to bother him again. It is no surprise that he has not responded. I wouldn't be surprised if he blocked my e mail. I'm sure he hates me now. The thing is I KNOW this behavior is counterproductive and crazy. I'm never going to contact him again. (Too ashamed)

People in love are so fucking stupid. It's not keithy's fault. Even though he is asking for more hurt.

It's been 2 months since my break up and I'm still trying to move on, and forget, and it only works about half the time. BREAK UPS SUCK

[keithy_19]

Not again!

Why do you keep you ex-girlfriends as your friends?? Not everyone is supposed to like you and think you're a nice guy.:wallbash:

I don't keep them as my friends. My ex-ex and I are cordial. It's not a friendship, but there's no resentment either.

With my current, Penelope is right. We hadn't talked for a month. I sent her an email soon after we broke up which was basically just all the things I wanted to say but never did or could. It was cathartic in a way.

Then she called me and I saw her number on my phone and I got that awful feeling in my stomach that is somewhere between excitement and an ulcer.

When I went to see her, because she asked and I'm, unfortunately, still very attached to her. She actually apologized to me because she 'caused' all the problems.

That's not true. I fucked up too. And maybe she was jsut apologizing to clear her conscience of any guilt/regret so she can be with someone else. I don't know. It sucks. I was able to just leave with others. I would get drunk and feel bad and just kind of let it go. With her, if I'm sober and depressed, if I'm intoxicated I'm depressed.

I know that losing a gf isn't the end of the world. I'll meet someone else and I'll probably have another broken heart at some point. Right now, though, I just can't think of anyone else. I took all the pictures down. Boxed all the notes. Put all the gifts in the back of the closet. But my room still reminds me of her. Everywhere I go there is a memory attached to it. I want to be a writer and I've been writing even more lately because of everything. And damn, writing reminds me of her.

[Sinestro]

I don't keep them as my friends. My ex-ex and I are cordial. It's not a friendship, but there's no resentment either.

With my current, Penelope is right. We hadn't talked for a month. I sent her an email soon after we broke up which was basically just all the things I wanted to say but never did or could. It was cathartic in a way.

Then she called me and I saw her number on my phone and I got that awful feeling in my stomach that is somewhere between excitement and an ulcer.

When I went to see her, because she asked and I'm, unfortunately, still very attached to her. She actually apologized to me because she 'caused' all the problems.

That's not true. I fucked up too. And maybe she was jsut apologizing to clear her conscience of any guilt/regret so she can be with someone else. I don't know. It sucks. I was able to just leave with others. I would get drunk and feel bad and just kind of let it go. With her, if I'm sober and depressed, if I'm intoxicated I'm depressed.

I know that losing a gf isn't the end of the world. I'll meet someone else and I'll probably have another broken heart at some point. Right now, though, I just can't think of anyone else. I took all the pictures down. Boxed all the notes. Put all the gifts in the back of the closet. But my room still reminds me of her. Everywhere I go there is a memory attached to it. I want to be a writer and I've been writing even more lately because of everything. And damn, writing reminds me of her.

sounds like the stuff you did after you broke up with your girlfriend before that, and the one before that.

Good luck.

[high fly]

I don't keep them as my friends. My ex-ex and I are cordial. It's not a friendship, but there's no resentment either.

With my current, Penelope is right. We hadn't talked for a month. I sent her an email soon after we broke up which was basically just all the things I wanted to say but never did or could. It was cathartic in a way.

Then she called me and I saw her number on my phone and I got that awful feeling in my stomach that is somewhere between excitement and an ulcer.

When I went to see her, because she asked and I'm, unfortunately, still very attached to her. She actually apologized to me because she 'caused' all the problems.

That's not true. I fucked up too. And maybe she was jsut apologizing to clear her conscience of any guilt/regret so she can be with someone else. I don't know. It sucks. I was able to just leave with others. I would get drunk and feel bad and just kind of let it go. With her, if I'm sober and depressed, if I'm intoxicated I'm depressed.

I know that losing a gf isn't the end of the world. I'll meet someone else and I'll probably have another broken heart at some point. Right now, though, I just can't think of anyone else. I took all the pictures down. Boxed all the notes. Put all the gifts in the back of the closet. But my room still reminds me of her. Everywhere I go there is a memory attached to it. I want to be a writer and I've been writing even more lately because of everything. And damn, writing reminds me of her.


Your "current" what?
Current ex?

Good grief, man, of course you'll find someone else and get your heart broken. They all hurt when they end.
You just gotta figure out how to get over it and right now you're feeding the misery instead of getting away from it.
You gotta change your whole approach, man. You have a self-defeating way of dealing and need to change that.
Leave this one behind. If she calls or emails, ignore it. Just ignore it. Things are not magically going to become the way they once were and there's nothing she has to offer other than reopening old wounds. You need to get moving.

Don't look back on this affair until you've had another one. Just as you can't drive a car straight while staring back over your shoulder, you ain't gonna get another one till you cut loose and get pointed forward and moving forward.
You've gotten so trained to wallow in your misery you are comfortable with it. Getting out of it is uncomfortable and inspires a sort of fear. Reach down and grip that bozack and get the fuck over this fear and get going.
You have gotten some good advice here. Wise up and follow it...

[high fly]

My friend talked to her today to invite her to a BBQ he's having. I guess in the process he asked how things were with us, even though he knows the whole story. She basically said that she loves me, but she's happier then she's been in a long time.

So, that kind of stung.


You need to tell your friends that you don't want to hear anything about her; that hearing about her is retarding your recovery.
Unless you're a masochist or something.
Is that the deal here?
Are you craving pain?
Your real friends will help you get past this and the ones who will not are not worth being around anyway. Leave them in your wake, too.

[keithy_19]

sounds like the stuff you did after you broke up with your girlfriend before that, and the one before that.

Good luck.

Sorry if it seemed like I was lashing out. I wasn't. I'm just frustrated, and there's other stuff going on in my life that really sucks right now. She was something that made the other things not so bad.

[high fly]

some of god's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

and new vagina


Hers was top notch.


That's what you think now.
There is always better out there to be had.
You ain't gonna get it unless you do some changing.
Right now, your approach is keeping you from getting that better pussy....

[Sinestro]

You want to feel better. Set up a site and post the naked pics you got of her. Wink wink.:wink:


Or take all the stuff that reminds you of her and smash em up and chuck em in the trash.(if you haven't done that already)

[high fly]

Am I the only one who keeps recalling that scene in Naked Gun where Drebin says he just can't get his ex out of his mind, and how everywhere he looks he sees something to remind him of her?

[keithy_19]

Just venting.

I've been holding onto whatever I have left with her. A random hook up one night made me think we still had hope. It didn't really turn out how I thought, but for whatever reason I still believed it would. I know that's very dumb of me.

So we've just been friends. And I love it and hate it. I love being with her, but I hate the goodbye and knowing I'm nothing but someone there for her when she feels like me being there. And that sucks. And it's fucked up. Fucked up for her to still be calling on me. Even more fucked up that I give her the ability to.

And when I think I'm ok with it, I do something stupid and feel like I've ruined it again. It's so fucking dumb because it's already ruined and it's both of our faults. But now I feel guilty. And I always feel guilty but I was doing better with not feeling as guilty about us. And then it comes back. And it sucks. Because I should be stronger than to see her name on my phone and immediately drop what I'm doing to attend to her and her needs. And I should be brave enough (smart enough) to know that I'm so young and that there are so many other people out there for me to meet and fret over and love. I know that. I just feel weak about it all.

And it's not just with her. It's other things in my life, and at the moment I can't take any real steps to get them worked out. I'm trying, but I don't have the means to. And I feel better when I'm with her. I feel strong when I'm with her. But as soon as she's gone I feel weak. And I don't want to feel like this anymore.

[Melrapuo]

Just venting.

I've been holding onto whatever I have left with her. A random hook up one night made me think we still had hope. It didn't really turn out how I thought, but for whatever reason I still believed it would. I know that's very dumb of me.

So we've just been friends. And I love it and hate it. I love being with her, but I hate the goodbye and knowing I'm nothing but someone there for her when she feels like me being there. And that sucks. And it's fucked up. Fucked up for her to still be calling on me. Even more fucked up that I give her the ability to.

And when I think I'm ok with it, I do something stupid and feel like I've ruined it again. It's so fucking dumb because it's already ruined and it's both of our faults. But now I feel guilty. And I always feel guilty but I was doing better with not feeling as guilty about us. And then it comes back. And it sucks. Because I should be stronger than to see her name on my phone and immediately drop what I'm doing to attend to her and her needs. And I should be brave enough (smart enough) to know that I'm so young and that there are so many other people out there for me to meet and fret over and love. I know that. I just feel weak about it all.

And it's not just with her. It's other things in my life, and at the moment I can't take any real steps to get them worked out. I'm trying, but I don't have the means to. And I feel better when I'm with her. I feel strong when I'm with her. But as soon as she's gone I feel weak. And I don't want to feel like this anymore.

Keith, I'm gonna give you some advice.

About two years ago I posted on here how I was going through a break up. I was around 21 at the time. I absolutely loved the girl, and would have done anything for her. Long story short, she left me for some fat, balding fuck who had a car. I made mistakes, which I admitted, but they were in no way deserving of being left for someone else. I may have been an ass, but I wasn't an asshole. So that was a two year relationship down the shitter.

At first, I became a complete bitch. Called her crying, tried to get her back. I begged and pleaded, and it got me nothing. I tried to be the nice guy, and it got me nothing. I became the person she could talk to when "fat fuck" wasn't around. I was her emotional crutch, and fulfilled those needs, while she had fun dating other people.

After about a month, I decided enough was enough. I started to pull away from my ex. She lured me in a couple of times (which is normal in most first-time break ups) and I regretted being sucked back in every time. Finally, I wrote an e-mail saying that I couldn't be friends with her anymore. She didn't take it well, but we agreed.

I was afraid everything was my fault. I was afraid I was a bad guy. I was afraid I'd never find anyone, or ever be happy again.

Currently I'm dating a new girl, very different from my ex, who I'm extremely happy with. Here comes an even more important part - I DON'T TALK TO MY EX. I'm not friends with her, I don't check her myspace or facebook. I don't text her, or drunk dial her, or try to hang out with her. She's dated plenty of guys since me. I've stuck with the one (new) girl that has shown me that life gets better, and I'm too fucking young to be wasting my time worrying about the past. You should seriously do the same. Just move on. Life definitely can get better.

Can things with your ex get fixed? At this point, no. Can they be fixed in the future? Who the hell knows. Stop worrying about it. Focus on yourself. Move on. It will only make things better.

[keithy_19]

I'm pretty good at resisting the urge to contact her. I want to, but I hold back. But when she gets in contact with me it's hard for me to stop.

I want a relationship with her. She wants a friend. As much as I want to be there for her, it's killing me. I don't know if there is any hope of us anymore. I don't know if things have been sullied so much that it can't be.

Writing an email to her is a good idea. I hate that it's come to this, but I can't do it anymore. I know what her answer will be to it, but I'll make peace with it. I have to.

[TripleSkeet]

I'm pretty good at resisting the urge to contact her. I want to, but I hold back. But when she gets in contact with me it's hard for me to stop.

I want a relationship with her. She wants a friend. As much as I want to be there for her, it's killing me. I don't know if there is any hope of us anymore. I don't know if things have been sullied so much that it can't be.

Writing an email to her is a good idea. I hate that it's come to this, but I can't do it anymore. I know what her answer will be to it, but I'll make peace with it. I have to.

Keith man, this girl doesnt want a friend. Is a power trip. Girls love to do this. They take a guy they used to go out with and they basically castrate them under the guise of "I wanna be your friend". What this girl doesnt have friends already? People she hasnt fucked? Of course she does. So why you? Because you can be that guy that gives her all the emotional bullshit and sits and listens to everything she says while the guys she dates get the sex.

Youre getting all the shit part of a relationship without any of the reward. And she will keep doing this until you put a stop to it.

As long as you have this almost cuckold relationship with this girl you will NEVER have the kind of relationship you want. Its not possible. This girl isnt just going to realize shes got a great guy under her nose and go back with you.

Its gonna take alot for you to break free from this girl. But youre best bet is to just cut contact completely. If not youre just gonna keep causing yourself pain. But for future reference try to keep in mind, when breaking up with a girlfriend, that if they are looking for a friend that unless thats a friend with benefits youre not interested.

[Penelope]

Yeah, it's tough, hon. My ex occasionally sends I love you and miss you messages. If I ever contact him though, he'll ignore my message for a few days though. At first I went 43 days without talking to him, then we talked for a while, then I went another 20 days. Now I've decided I'm never going to talk to him ever again no matter what messages I get. I'm only on day 4 of no contact and no responding to him for any reason. I just feel sick over the whole thing. I want this whole thing to become a distant memory. No contact is the only way to go.

[keithy_19]

Not that it really means much, but I asked for a girls number today. She replied that she had a boyfriend and she seemed genuine about it. It's what it is.

I'm kind of surprised I asked. I shouldn't be. I shouldn't feel any sense of pride for doing something as trivial as asking for a girls number, but hell, I'll take it. Even if the outcome wasn't what I would have liked. I haven't wanted to talk to anyone else since me and my ex split, and tonight I saw a pretty girl and said fuck it. My ex is living ehr life, I should live mine. I miss her, but me missing her won't bring us back together.

[Butterz]

Its been over ten years now, I was twenty-three when the girl who was everything broke up with me. We had been in a three year relationship. Everything was great, so I thought. Our families had gotten to know one another, and her friends from before the relationship had become mine, and vice-versa. This was, no doubt, the girl I was going to marry.

Then, one day, she went bat-shit fucking insane. She broke up with me, without ever citing a valid and decisive reason. I never did learn, and to this day, do not know why she did it. I guess she was young, and just wanted some other cock in her before she settled down. Which, as far as I know, she still has not.

Now, I would like to say I handled it smoothly, and moved on with my life. But not so much. I spent two years and some change staring down the neck of a whiskey bottle. The mention of her name by others made me sweat and get rattled. I could not bear to hear stories about who she might be with from others. If, for some reason I would see her at a bar, or even in fucking traffic, it had the potential to send me on a three-day bender. I was a flat out fucking mess.

Eventually, I picked myself up. Started exercising a fair amount. Bought a motorcycle. Then I found another chick.

People will tell you it just takes time to get over. Thats true. But for me, it took years. But its O.K., because that experience made me so much stronger emotionally and made me able to deal with loss much better.

I seen her not so long ago. I was with my girl at the bar. My ex was sitting with a friend. She looked ok. Ten years older. I did not feel a panic. Just smiled and waved. It almost felt odd, because this was a person who changed my life so drastically, and all I do is wave at her. But, for me in my life, she played her part, and right now, I am happy how things turned out.

[high fly]

Not that it really means much, but I asked for a girls number today. She replied that she had a boyfriend and she seemed genuine about it. It's what it is.

I'm kind of surprised I asked. I shouldn't be. I shouldn't feel any sense of pride for doing something as trivial as asking for a girls number, but hell, I'll take it. Even if the outcome wasn't what I would have liked. I haven't wanted to talk to anyone else since me and my ex split, and tonight I saw a pretty girl and said fuck it. My ex is living ehr life, I should live mine. I miss her, but me missing her won't bring us back together.

It does mean something.
Good move.
Look, take a long view for a minute.
Between now and old age, you're gonna be in and out of love many times, you're going to ask out plenty of women who turn you down, whether because they are in a committed relationship or not.
You gotta get to where you're looking forward a lot more than looking backward, and you've got to continue to move forward.
Don't worry about getting shot down. Since it's going to happen hundreds if not thousands of times in the future, you'll increase your odds by flirting with a larger number of women.
Don't ask them all for their numbers, but practice on being charming, courtly and gentlemanly.

It helps to be in practice by just chatting up all the women you meet. Chat up the cashier at the store if there's no one behind you in line and even if she is not someone you'd date.
Conversating with lots of women will make you more at ease around them when you meet one who turns out to be single, in your range and who is interested in you.
In all these situations, if you're still dwelling on the ex, even if you say nothing about it, they will smell it on you like the stink of death.

Don't even think of trying for a sympathy angle.
Don't be all mealy-mouthed with that "well what do you want to do" kinda crap. Don't ask her to dinner and let her select the restaurant, or ask her to see a movie and then let her decide. Women don't like that.

Have a plan.
"Hey, I have two tickets to this interesting show Friday night and I'd like you to see it with me."
If she wants to go along, fine. If not, don't weasel around or offer something else. She has a chance to suggest something else and if she doesn't, move on.
Move on to the next one. Let this one sit home on her ass and miss out on the good time you and someone else are going to have.
That's your attitude, even if it is unsaid....

[keithy_19]

It does mean something.
Good move.
Look, take a long view for a minute.
Between now and old age, you're gonna be in and out of love many times, you're going to ask out plenty of women who turn you down, whether because they are in a committed relationship or not.
You gotta get to where you're looking forward a lot more than looking backward, and you've got to continue to move forward.
Don't worry about getting shot down. Since it's going to happen hundreds if not thousands of times in the future, you'll increase your odds by flirting with a larger number of women.
Don't ask them all for their numbers, but practice on being charming, courtly and gentlemanly.

It helps to be in practice by just chatting up all the women you meet. Chat up the cashier at the store if there's no one behind you in line and even if she is not someone you'd date.
Conversating with lots of women will make you more at ease around them when you meet one who turns out to be single, in your range and who is interested in you.
In all these situations, if you're still dwelling on the ex, even if you say nothing about it, they will smell it on you like the stink of death.

Don't even think of trying for a sympathy angle.
Don't be all mealy-mouthed with that "well what do you want to do" kinda crap. Don't ask her to dinner and let her select the restaurant, or ask her to see a movie and then let her decide. Women don't like that.

Have a plan.
"Hey, I have two tickets to this interesting show Friday night and I'd like you to see it with me."
If she wants to go along, fine. If not, don't weasel around or offer something else. She has a chance to suggest something else and if she doesn't, move on.
Move on to the next one. Let this one sit home on her ass and miss out on the good time you and someone else are going to have.
That's your attitude, even if it is unsaid....

I made small talk when she sat me, made her laugh. I thought I noticed her glancing over at me occasionaly, and I said fuck it. When I left I decided to ask. Not the smoothest move I know, but I was real confident about it. She told me that she was with someone and I took it fine. Nothing awkward. It was fine.

I left and felt slightly better about working up the hutzpah to ask. Little 'victories' even in 'defeat'.

[keithy_19]

Done. She's cut off. It took me long enough, but it's done. Sucky situation but it's for the best..

[jennysmurf]

Done. She's cut off. It took me long enough, but it's done. Sucky situation but it's for the best..

Good move, budday. I know it was tough, but it really was the best thing to do.

[midwestjeff]

Wait a minute.

I'm totally shocked.

Keithy is whining over a girl???????????

Who knew?

Goodnight, sweet ginger.

[keithy_19]

Wait a minute.

I'm totally shocked.

Keithy is whining over a girl???????????

Who knew?

Goodnight, sweet ginger.

Please remember the forum.

:wink:

[midwestjeff]

Please remember the forum.

:wink:

I remember, I just don't care.

[keithy_19]

Good move, budday. I know it was tough, but it really was the best thing to do.

We sat on her porch and talked. And I was honest. For whatever reason I felt like I shouldn't just cut her out of my life without talking to her first. So we talked. And it really sucked. I left feeling like the one in the wrong.

And she said to me that she just wanted us to heal and in the future we could be together again. That sounds nice, but I just don't think that's the right way for me to deal with this. We'll be friends as she lives her life carelessly and I struggle. She's with other men while I'm sitting waiting for her to say we're "healed". It's not fair at all.

[midwestjeff]

You're gay, just face it.
Fez did and look how well it has worked out for him.

[keithy_19]

You're gay, just face it.
Fez did and look how well it has worked out for him.

You're in rare form, huh?

[PapaBear]

You're in rare form, huh?
Classiest post of the night! :thumbup:

[keithy_19]

Classiest post of the night! :thumbup:

:sleep:

[midwestjeff]

Sorry Keithy.

I will be imposing a seven day ban on myself for not respecting your use of this forum.

In return, I ask that you please weigh in on my paternal dick sucking poll.
I'd love to know your thoughts on the subject.
See ya in a week or so.

[keithy_19]

Sorry Keithy.

I will be imposing a seven day ban on myself for not respecting your use of this forum.

In return, I ask that you please weigh in on my paternal dick sucking poll.
I'd love to know your thoughts on the subject.
See ya in a week or so.

It's ok. I have tougher skin than to let a message board weigh on me.

And certainly.

[Penelope]

Sorry Keithy.

I will be imposing a seven day ban on myself for not respecting your use of this forum.

In return, I ask that you please weigh in on my paternal dick sucking poll.
I'd love to know your thoughts on the subject.
See ya in a week or so.

It's ok. We all tend to party a little too much with various pills and smoke on Saturday nights. It don't make you a bad person.
I hope things are getting better Keithy. Hugs.

[torker]

I'll give you some advice after I resolve things with my high school sweet heart from 25 years ago. I just found her on Facebook.:surrender:

[Sinestro]

I'll give you some advice after I resolve things with my high school sweet heart from 25 years ago. I just found her on Facebook.:surrender:

There ain't no going back.

Just ask this guy.



And she said to me that she just wanted us to heal and in the future we could be together again. That sounds nice, but I just don't think that's the right way for me to deal with this. We'll be friends as she lives her life carelessly and I struggle. She's with other men while I'm sitting waiting for her to say we're "healed". It's not fair at all.


Oh shit. Torker is Keithy from the future.

[keithy_19]

Oh shit. Torker is Keithy from the future.

Is that why he's been making me laugh with almost everything he posts?


She wrote me an email. A really long one. Saying how she loves me and wanted to be with me after things got better. And that because I took a step back from it all and didn't want to be her friend it shows I didn't love her nearly as much as I said I did. That she hasn't been seeing anyone else and that she thinks about me seeing other girls and then puts it out of her mind because I tell her I love her and she believes me. And because I backed away she doesn't think I do.

It sucks. So now she is the one who has broken off contact completely. Which is kind of interesting, since I thought I did that..

[torker]

I got over the getting back together part after about 7 years. It's just the 18 years of not knowing where she's been that have been a little hard on old torker.:glurps:

[keithy_19]

I got over the getting back together part after about 7 years. It's just the 18 years of not knowing where she's been that have been a little hard on old torker.:glurps:

http://sarabeth3283.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/hug.jpg

[Furtherman]

It's ok. I have tougher skin than to let a message board weigh on me..

No, you don't.

[keithy_19]

No, you don't.

Well, if that's what you think, then that's fine.

[Furtherman]

It is what it is. It's all good. It's all well. Oh well.

[Sinestro]

Is that why he's been making me laugh with almost everything he posts?


She wrote me an email. A really long one. Saying how she loves me and wanted to be with me after things got better. And that because I took a step back from it all and didn't want to be her friend it shows I didn't love her nearly as much as I said I did. That she hasn't been seeing anyone else and that she thinks about me seeing other girls and then puts it out of her mind because I tell her I love her and she believes me. And because I backed away she doesn't think I do.

It sucks. So now she is the one who has broken off contact completely. Which is kind of interesting, since I thought I did that..


Ain't it like a woman to always try and get the last word in.

[jennysmurf]

Ain't it like a woman to always try and get the last word in.

And that's totally what she's trying to do. Don't let her fool you, Keithy. I stand by my opinion that you did the right thing. It's her way of getting in one last dig at you.

[Penelope]

The ex is sending me "I love you" and "I miss you so much" messages. I miss him so much too. We are on opposite sides of the United States now though so we can't just meet up for lunch or anything. I have never loved anyone the way I loved this man. We are both so weird I don't know if either of us with would fit with anyone else. He never cared how weird I am, cause he's even weirder. Maybe we won't ever get back together, but I am his friend for life. If he ever needs anything, money, help, or whatever, I'm there for him. I'll take care of him and change his diapers when he gets old, cause he's a lot older than I am. Even if he has a girlfriend now or has gotten married, I still love him. I tried to forget that he existed for months. I accept that this man and I are connected forever as friends, . . . and it's ok.

[keithy_19]

The ex is sending me "I love you" and "I miss you so much" messages. I miss him so much too. We are on opposite sides of the United States now though so we can't just meet up for lunch or anything. I have never loved anyone the way I loved this man. We are both so weird I don't know if either of us with would fit with anyone else. He never cared how weird I am, cause he's even weirder. Maybe we won't ever get back together, but I am his friend for life. If he ever needs anything, money, help, or whatever, I'm there for him. I'll take care of him and change his diapers when he gets old, cause he's a lot older than I am. Even if he has a girlfriend now or has gotten married, I still love him. I tried to forget that he existed for months. I accept that this man and I are connected forever as friends, . . . and it's ok.

I really hope that things work out for the best for your.

[torker]

Oh shit. Torker is Keithy from the future.

It's turned into a war.:flush:

[keithy_19]

It's turned into a war.:flush:

It's a sexy war, though.

[keithy_19]

I know summer is for fun, but I'm not enjoying the warm weather at all.

[torker]

It's a sexy war, though.
I'm not sure 'sexy' is a word I'd use.

I think I came off a bit Mike from Fargo~ish.:flush:
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[keithy_19]

i suck so much.

[keithy_19]

I'm an idiot for thinking that things would be different. I always go back. I always do. When will I learn? Why can't I let this go? Why?

I have no will power. It's my fault.

[keithy_19]

Today is our anniversary. I know it's stupid to bring this up, but because of my lack of will and my thinking that we could still get back to where we were when things were good (I'm a doofus), we've hung out recently. And I've tried not to care, or show that I care, or show that I care as nearly as much as I do. And we'd end up at my house lying in my bed watching tv and nothing sexual would happen, but we were in bed and close to each other so it made me think that she was feeling something more, too.

And today some stuff happened in her life (family/money) wise so she was bummed out and I listen to her lament and just try to be there for her in her time of need. She sends me a text telling me how I'm a wonderful person and how much it meant to her that I listened to her and made her feel better. And I realize it's never going to happen again. She's my 'friend'. And it sucks all over again.

And it's my fault for not being stronger and just walking away and ignoring when she 'came' back.

[CYYYFYYY]

It is tough but the only advice I can give you is have NO CONTACT with her because when you do, that just bring back memories that will never happen again

[Sinestro]

And we'd end up at my house lying in my bed watching tv and nothing sexual would happen, but we were in bed and close to each other so it made me think that she was feeling something more, too.
.

You should have tried something. Maybe she doesn't know how she feels about you. And if she slapped you then you would know.