i just need to vent

[SHANEFROMGA]

nine years ago my f up of a sister in law had a baby. a year in too her life she got hooked on meth and went to jail for making and selling it. we got custody of her girl and raised her as our own for almost 4 years. she jumped through all the legal hoops that dfcs put out for her and we had too give back the girl, for 5 years she has lived in the worst parts of town, in "ghetto" houses, with other people cause her mom can't get her life together and be a good person. 9 weeks ago my sister in law called us up obviously high on meth with some bs story about how her boyfriend got jumped and all their money was taken and she needs 20 dollars to pay some guy to help her move. my wife calls dcfs , and we now have our niece again. the girls father is a dumb ass who just got off probation, lives with his father and live in girl friend, and can't keep a real job. we are going to court soon to see about getting full custody of her so we can raise her the way she needs to be raised, and give the girl a fighting chance that she will not have if she stays with her parents. when she does come over to see her daughter she only stays about 10-15 minutes and doesn't really say or do much with her in that time , except complain about how bad her day was... the daughter has become the parental figure in their relationship. i don't get why people who can't even take care of themselves think they need to ruin another persons life , when where she is now is 100 percent better than the dump she was in before where she was sleeping on a air bed in the floor of her moms boyfriends bed room (a old run down single wide trailer, that his mother and about 15 dogs also live in). i get the wanting to see your child thing because i would die if mine were taken from me, but i would never give a reason for that to happen. why are shit people like this allowed to have kids and f their lives up as well ? i dread the holidays because it is gonna be a hell when the shit relatives who think they are getting to see her find out that isn't gonna happen, i'm pretty sure ww3 will break out. i just wish they would all go away and let us do whats right by her and stop trying to mess up the good life we are giving her now and into the future. just saying.....

[Death Metal Moe]

I hate how people get this fucking attitude with "their kids." They like to shout "You don't have the right to tell me how to raise my children" but then do nothing to take care of those children.

And people always give you shit if you dare to tell them what they're doing is wrong. Ya know what, sometimes you need to be told you're an asshole because you are.

Fuck all of them to death, do whatever you think is right.

[weekapaugjz]

here's hoping you get full custody. it's great you and your wife are there to support her. there are far too many kids who don't have someone to step in on their behalf.

[TripleSkeet]

I hope everything works out for you. Man thats such a tough situation. I would never fault someone for raising someone in a poor environment if they were at least TRYING to better their life, but I just dont get people that continue doing drugs and just acting like complete trash when they have kids that need them. Its a real fucking sin.

[Recyclerz]

I tip my hat to you for doing the right thing for your niece and I hope the courts see it your way. Even if the decision doesn't go the right way, fight to stay in her life in some fashion. Just knowing that you're sticking with her as best you can, even if it feels like you are eating shit sandwiches to do it, will be a big help to her. Good luck.

[RoseBlood]

As others have stated, do whatever you have to do to stay in her life and be a positive role model for her. Hopefully when she is older, she will find clarity. Be there for her when she does, even if she doesn't always see eye to eye with you about her mother.

Refrain from making anger fueled comments about her mother around your neice. No matter how frustrated or annoyed you are, doing so will only confuse her more. She is not yet emotionally mature enough to take on the burden of your anger too.

Also be prepared for the possibility that at some point in her life she will deny her mother was ever neglectful. The reality might be too painful for her to see. Again, this is just an unexpected possibility you should consider and prepare yourself for if you are to take an active role in her life.

[Misteriosa]

like everyone else already said: fight to stay in her life. she needs you so much.

as far as custody goes: if the ga law is anything like ny's, mom gets her 15 months to get her shit straight. termination of parents rights (tpr) can only begin once she's failed to "jump thru the hoops". sadly, she gets a second try. however, the judge wont be so forgiving, seeing as she's been in the system before. make it very clear to the foster care agency that you are an adoption resource. that influences the judge to speed the tpr along when they see that mom is not performing.

as far as christmas goes, keep it small: your nuclear family and MAYBE one cousin or something. its been a rough time and if shit relatives want to give you trouble, tell them that you were trying to keep things calm and stable for little janie.

and if they still give you shit, write them off (as moe said: fuck them all to death)

stay strong!

[Crash]

As others have stated, do whatever you have to do to stay in her life and be a positive role model for her. Hopefully when she is older, she will find clarity. Be there for her when she does, even if she doesn't always see eye to eye with you about her mother.

Refrain from making anger fueled comments about her mother around your neice. No matter how frustrated or annoyed you are, doing so will only confuse her more. She is not yet emotionally mature enough to take on the burden of your anger too.

Also be prepared for the possibility that at some point in her life she will deny her mother was ever neglectful. The reality might be too painful for her to see. Again, this is just an unexpected possibility you should consider and prepare yourself for if you are to take an active role in her life.

This. Well said RoseBlood.

Much respect to you and your wife. Don't give up. I don't know her but I know she's worth saving. You may be all she has.

[RoseBlood]

I know you just came here to vent so I apologize if I got on your back about what you should and shouldn't do. I commend you for continuing to be an advocate for this girl. You may be her only saving grace. Vent here whenever you need too, that's what this forum is for.

[SHANEFROMGA]

I know you just came here to vent so I apologize if I got on your back about what you should and shouldn't do. I commend you for continuing to be an advocate for this girl. You may be her only saving grace. Vent here whenever you need too, that's what this forum is for.

no problem, i appreciate all the kind words and support from you all.

[SHANEFROMGA]

"update"
went to court today to get custody, my sister in law and her ex were contesting it, he didn't show for court and he hasn't been cooperating with dfcs, so he defaulted and a letter of non-reunification will be filed for him. my sister in law got dfcs to let her work a case be with a small time frame and if she doesn't get her shit in line, a letter of non-reunification will be filed on her and full custody will go to me and my wife. lets hope the life long f up will keep up her streak of f'ing up.

[JPMNICK]

"update"
went to court today to get custody, my sister in law and her ex were contesting it, he didn't show for court and he hasn't been cooperating with dfcs, so he defaulted and a letter of non-reunification will be filed for him. my sister in law got dfcs to let her work a case be with a small time frame and if she doesn't get her shit in line, a letter of non-reunification will be filed on her and full custody will go to me and my wife. lets hope the life long f up will keep up her streak of f'ing up.

good luck i guess, but i am sure it is hard to see your sister like that and have to explain her behavior to her kids.

either way you are a good family for doing this

[RoseBlood]

lets hope the life long f up will keep up her streak of f'ing up.

I hope you have the best interest of your niece in mind when you say that.
Regardless, your niece is better off having you in her life.

[SHANEFROMGA]

I hope you have the best interest of your niece in mind when you say that.
Regardless, your niece is better off having you in her life.

nothing but..... she deserves a good life, and not to try to say we're so great, but we can provide it way better than her mom. sad as that is to say really.

[SHANEFROMGA]

so if anyone cares check this mess out, my sister in law comes over last nite and brakes down to my wife and tells her she is 10 weeks pregnant , the dad is the guy she's shacking up with that she's known since november that she meet in rehab classes.

[Jayw]

so if anyone cares check this mess out, my sister in law comes over last nite and brakes down to my wife and tells her she is 10 weeks pregnant , the dad is the guy she's shacking up with that she's known since november that she meet in rehab classes.

Wow..... That has got to be mind blowing, considering the situation.

[Snacks]

so if anyone cares check this mess out, my sister in law comes over last nite and brakes down to my wife and tells her she is 10 weeks pregnant , the dad is the guy she's shacking up with that she's known since november that she meet in rehab classes.

How old is she? Is she clean? Has she ever heard of a condom, the pill, tubes tide or pulling out?! I guess you think you are now going to be taken care of another kid soon?

[spoon]

so if anyone cares check this mess out, my sister in law comes over last nite and brakes down to my wife and tells her she is 10 weeks pregnant , the dad is the guy she's shacking up with that she's known since november that she meet in rehab classes.

shit Shane what a mess

I don't even know what to say outside of that bc your sis-in-law can't manage her own life much less TWO kids now.

Good luck man, I really have no advice at this point. It's just one HUGE clusterfuck with the only good in it being you and your wife trying to save your niece. Adding another kid to this equation is simply crazy.

[CountryBob]

Sorry Shane that you have to go through all of this aggravation. It makes it worse when you cant control the suituation - you feel helpless.

[Philly Franko]

I hope everything works out for you. Man thats such a tough situation. I would never fault someone for raising someone in a poor environment if they were at least TRYING to better their life, but I just dont get people that continue doing drugs and just acting like complete trash when they have kids that need them. Its a real fucking sin.

Great Sig Pic T Skeet...I wish all the Luck in getting Full Custody

[sailor]

Good luck with it all. You're doing the right thing, obviously.

[SHANEFROMGA]

Today was the court hearing for custody of my niece , and the judge gave us long term custody and non reunification with the mother. would post more details but still hurting from gall bladder surgery .

[Jujubees2]

Good news Shane concerning the niece!

Bad news on the gallbladder. Feel better budday.

[jennysmurf]

Today was the court hearing for custody of my niece , and the judge gave us long term custody and non reunification with the mother. would post more details but still hurting from gall bladder surgery .

Wonderful! :clap:

[CountryBob]

Great news!
And I was rooting for the gall bladder! :flush:

[CYYYFYYY]

Great to hear!

[Vitamin J]

Congrats and here's to living relatively drama free from here on out. Kudos to giving your niece a fighting chance through you and your wife's persistence. Wish you a speedy recovery post gb surgery. When you're back full on, reintroduce yourself to the wonderful world of fatty indulgent meals (in moderation of course) sans annoying pain of regret afterward. Start slow... i'm thinking a nice ribeye nestled between two top loin steaks. You deserve it.