How do you know

[Supervixen]

Everyone gets sad soemtimes
some people get depressed
How do I know my depressions are wrong? How do I know Im not suppose to kill myself?
I guess it sounds really stupid, but maybe I am never meant to be. Maybe the "crazy" ideas I get during a depressive low are really just my head telling me what ive always feared, that im nothing and it really wont matter if I live any longer.
How do I know it isnt true?
How do I know which voice in my head to trust?









*Baby Anna does NOT like sig pics ! BAH!*
<3 shoot me- my boyfriends popular <3

[IkeaBoy]

you actually do make a good point. People always say, feel good, things will get better but what if they aren't, what if you're not supposed to feel better, what if your depression is exactly what you're supposed to be in life. as far as which 'voice' to trust some people might say trust your "true" voice, or "instinct" but for a lot of people your instinct is almost always wrong. As far as who and what to trust, there's no real answer, there are different paths one can take and there's no "right" path and if you're destined to do something it will happen no matter what.

ok, that isn't very uplifting or helpful and I apologize but it's what I feel. If I can think of more specifics, more details later I will post them.

That being said, I don't think you should kill yourself, I want to make that clear.
[/quote]
"My review of 2001 the year is the same as my review of 2001: A Space Odyssey- overlong, hard to follow, and only enjoyable if you're really really stoned." - Lewis Black
"a single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic"- joseph stalin

This message was edited by IkeaBoy on 2-2-02 @ 12:19 AM

[FUNKMAN]

I'm not a religious nut or preacherman but saying the Our Father helps me...
Then I'm thankful for the things i do have and realize there are others who have much less... Not necessarily material things but things like being able to see, hear, walk, and being able to at least understand the difference between depression and happiness...
I'm no psychologist either but I believe that it's a good thing you are speaking about it... Hopefully someone, or a group of people may be able to help you keep
your appreciation for life...
But ultimately it will be up to you, and I believe you can do it, take it a day at a time :)

Sincerely,

FUNKMAN

<img src="http://www.markfarner.com/2001tour/ribfest8_small.jpg">

This message was edited by FUNKMAN on 2-2-02 @ 12:20 AM

[Supervixen]

if you're destined to do something it will happen no matter what


right. I believe that too. But what about time? Is there a certain time? Do we just feel it? What if I said I *think* I feel its time to go? Would that mean it is cause I did FEEL it or will it just come on its own?
I wonder if I just SAY "please let me die" If I'll die or if im not suppose to.
But I cant help wishing I was one of those ditzy girls that dyes their hair dark brown with the stupid blonde streaks and wears mudd jeans and listens to backstreet boys and thinks about nothing but flirting cause then i wouldnt see anything and i wouldnt think so thinking wudnt be an issue because I think too much and I know itll hurt me, I know it I know it will.
Nad its a numbness and It feels like I cant feel anything physichal (I splet that wrong I think) but I fel all these emmotions and everything comes flying out and I feel like nothing is good enough, nothing is at the point where it should be, and more than that I feel so unsuccessful no matter how hard I try and I feel SO VERY unappreciated, like I could kill myself and maybe i'd lie dead in my room for days, who would notice? I dont know.
I feel like since there are so many questions that cant be answered maybe this would be it, maybe not. I guess Ill have to think more. Theres no ending for this.





*Baby Anna*
......continue to shine......

[Excomunicated Reeshy]

Supervixen,

Most people experience depression at some point in their lives. But if it is persitent, you should seek professional help.

I, myself, suffer from PTSD and depression and I do regularly see my physician for assesment. I also have training in psychriatric nursing and have dealt with people that suffer from depression.

See a professional first before doing anything radical.

<img src=http://www.stonesmania.com.ar/rs_2001/keith/dibujos/images/rich2.jpg>

[Captain Stubing]

The fact that you are at a depressive "low" when you most consider this and that you still realize enough to question it should give you pause. You are here, therefore you were meant to be here (kind of like Decartes 'I think, therefore I am'). I don't know you from Eve but if you committed suicide I would be impacted, so at some level you must matter.

Depression comes with an insight that seems so searingly correct that it itself can be addictive. It is normal to fear nothingness; it's not a concept that easily registers. Most people don't face this...those with depression do on a regular basis.

Bottom line, depression sucks but know that there are people who 'get it' and want to help.

Fezaesthesia - Prognosis poor...

[IkeaBoy]

I strangely know what you're talking about Anna. I can't really explain it but it's like you're life is meaningless and like you've missed your chance at greatness so what's the point.

As for killing myself in my room and not being noticed, honestly, I can be sure that the only way people will notice me being dead in the way that I stopped posting.

[/quote]
"My review of 2001 the year is the same as my review of 2001: A Space Odyssey- overlong, hard to follow, and only enjoyable if you're really really stoned." - Lewis Black
"a single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic"- joseph stalin

[HordeKing1]

ANNA - You ask how you know that "depressions are wrong," and not the true inner you.

The exact etiology of depression is uncertain but it is clearly a mixture of both genetic and environmental factors.

However, to my knowledge, common to all depressives are nuerotrasmitters and chemicals in the brain that are "off" (i.e. they are not functioning as they should.)

Just as a diabetic does not produce the correct amount of insulin, a depressed person does not produce the correct amount of various chemicals. Obviously this is a simplified analogy, but the comparisson should be clear.

Years ago people died from diabetes, as there was no way to treat the disease. Now, when properly treated, diabetics live a full healthy life. Similarly, while years ago the depressed were locked up and abused, (and killed as far back as homo neanderthalis - the first species to practice trepaning) there there are now treatments to correct the physical component of depression. Even people with multiple episodes of major depression live full, functional and happy lifes with proper treatment.

Of course, medication is not a panacea. Therapy is equally important to ensure that both the genetic and environmental conditions leading to the depression are addressed.

Your "depressed self" pondering which is the real you, is laboring under the handicap of thinking in the depressed state. In order to properly address the question you have to be put back into the state that you would be in, if not for the existence of the depression. This is effectated by medicine and therapy.

As we've discussed, you have some other things going on in addition to depression. We should continue to discuss them in a private forum.

Again, I urge you to seek professional face to face counseling in a clinical setting.



http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/hking2

[legroommusic]

THIS IS THE VOICE OF LEGROOM. ANNA, DO NOT KILL YOURSELF. TRUST ME ON THIS. DO NOT KILL YOURSELF.

hope that was helpful.

<img src=http://members.aol.com/npalomares/myhomepage/legroom.jpg?mtbrand=AOL_US>
Rich done this here pic. thanx
i got kicked out of my band, so now i'm stuck with the name. At least these guys'll take me.

[Supervixen]

you missed it a lil. I dont feel like I missed anything, I just feel like I never will get any chances. I feel like everything is so unfair, and life is unfair and it makes just no fucking sense to live anymnore. it makes no fuckign sense to be alive when im not doing a single fucking thing and no one would fuckign notice it anyway, i mean what the fuck do I HAVE? i fucking have nothing. I have nothing and i dont know if i ever will and i dont want to have to live how im living now. there is not one single fucking thing that is making me say "okay you need to be alive to do this" theres nothing that needs me, theres nothing i can controibute to, theres nothing so I shouldnt be alive and if i wasnt it would just help everyone else alot fucking more.


*Baby Anna*
......continue to shine......

[impactplayer2k1]

You have so much right now Anna, that you havent had time to stop and admire it. Right now, your doing something with your life by going to college and making something of yourself. Most people can't say that because theyre in far worst positions than you. You have friends here that love and care about you and are willing to help you no matter what with no questions asked.

Most of all, you have a boyfriend that loves you. If there is anything worth living for is this: sharing you love with someone special. All and all, you dont have it that bad. I wish there was more I can tell you. Just that you know my AIM name and i'll there if you need to talk.

-Anthony

<IMG SRC="http://www.members.aol.com/impactplayer2k1/sig1.jpg">
Thanks to WWFallon for the sig!

[CovDiesel]

First of all.. there is no destiny.

You are not Destined to do anything.. you make your own path based on the gifts you have and the situation you are presented with... you can change it... sometimes it's easier to stay in the bad situation cause it's all you know.

Screw Destiny and take a shot at creating your own future.

<IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/dxixrxt/covbball.jpg">

[Supervixen]

I guess I just really wanted to know if other people thought this way, but its a new day and I still feel horribly horribly horribly sad and not knowing what to do. oh and lets not even talk about my boyfriend thats an advanture I wish not talk about- BAH.

I feel crazy saying alot of the stuff I say but it makes SO much sense in my head.

This reporter who is held hostage in pakistan. Why him? Whats the lesson in that? He has a good job and a wife and a kid on the way, why couldnt it be someone useless like me? It doesnt make any sense at all.

sometimes its like this drowning feeling.
No meds, I hate meds, i hate meds i hate meds.

I feel like I can say all this on amessage board because, well not for nothing but I dont really know most of you and anything I say you cant do anything about. Its like if I said any of this at schoolthey might think I want to kill people, which I dont but you know how things are after Columbine. I can say whatever i want and no one can do or say anything back, and the people around me "friend" "family" they dont notice anything anyway so I can almost do whatever i want and sometimes I wish i had the balls to kill myself. Sometimes I feel like I do and other times I just feel like not killing myself. Like its a seesaw, and things have to all line up and when they do I know itll be time to kill off this uselessness. I try so hard in everything. I try to be a good person and I try to help my friends whenever they need it and I try to help anyone that needs help. I volunteer and I give money even though I have none and I do okay in my classes and I balance out what makes me comfortable and what makes other people around me comfortable and it just seems like everything goes unnoticed, like im unnoticed like Im not a real person, just a shadow and I see no point to just being a shadow and I wish it could change. and i wish I could just not be so depressed.


*Baby Anna*
......continue to shine......

[Icebox]

At times in my life, I've felt very useless too. It took me quite awhile to even feel a little bit of success. I use to wonder why everyone else in the world was happier than I was. Was it something they did or was it something I wasn't doing? Did I do something wrong in my life that prohibited me from ever being happy? I use to describe my role in life as a watcher. I always was in the shadows, watching people, always wanting to participate, yet never finding the courage or at times the opportunity to do so. When I ever did decide to step out into the light, I never felt I really made a connection. It felt as if I would never be looked at or even in the eye by other people. I felt very alienated and lost. I was always self conscious of what others thought of me-how I looked, acted, and thought. I was always in fear of sharing my thoughts because I never had anything useful to add. I've even experienced times that when choices I made were never really right in the mind of my parents. Everytime my father commented or criticized anything I did; the message I always got was loser, worthless, or good for nothing. There was a long period of time when I was by myself, wallowing in my loneliness.

But in my life, a few things happened that changed me. One was that I suffered a loss of a close family member that drove me into a self destructive depression. I drank heavily and didn't care anymore. My life seemed over. Yet at every turn, when I thought I had hit my lowest point, someone or something proved me wrong and showed me there is alot to appreciate in life if I just allowed myself to be satisfied just being myself and the fact that I am alive to have the chance to appreciate them. From my friends cheering me up, to watching the sunrise, to the smell of my dad cooking eggs on a Sunday morning, to the feel of the wind against my face on a cool Saturday in the fall after a night of rain, these things I found that I enjoyed and that through everything this world was a pretty nice place to be in and I would hate to lose or miss any experience in it. I stopped listening to all the people that made me feel that my life didn't have any worth. I stopped measuring my success and happiness on what others have or achieved. It wasn't worth it. We all have different definitions of success. For me, I am successful when I am happy. Only I know what will make me happy and to not be in this world is not an option because there is too many wonderful things in this world that I would miss.

Soon enough, an unexpected opportunity appeared when I least expected it. This allowed me to experience more than I or anyone in my life ever thought. It came in form of a job that allowed me to move to another city far away from home and gain alot of different, exciting memories. I still feel a little helpless in areas in my life especially my social life but my experience has shown me it'll change for the better. I guess my point to you is that Success and Happiness will come to you in time when you least expect it. This is not a perfect world and that is why it is a beautiful, wonderful, and exciting place to be. You will be happy...that is my hope for you. I don't really know you at all; however, I have read alot of your posts and have enjoyed them alot. So if you ever feel that you are or your life is useless look to your friends and loved ones...each smile or laugh initiated by you demonstrates your worth to them. When you make a posting and someone responds like this one (where people have responded and taken notice) this also demonstrates your worthiness and usefulness in the world. You will find that one thing in you life that will fulfill and complete you. I know that if you no longer post I will notice. Someone once said a friend is like a new world undiscovered and to never meet that friend is one of the greatest tragedies in the world. So try to explore as many worlds as you can Supervixen because you will have an effect and make a difference. I'm Ed and I'm here if you ever need a friend.

[quo

[TheGameHHH]

First of all.. there is no destiny.
That's it, it's official, you have heard it here first. There is no destiny.

IT'S TIME TO PLAY THE GAME-AHHH!

<IMG SRC="http://wwfallon.homestead.com/files/RFnetTheGameHHH.jpg">
Thanks Fallon for the sig!

[HordeKing1]

We control our destiny. Our fate is in our own hands - subject to random fluctuations in the quantum foam of course.

http://members.aol.com/rnfpantera/hking2