The River

[CountryBob]

Anyone catch this last night? Caught me totally by suprise and might be something cool to watch this spring.

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[Chigworthy]

I've been waiting for this to hit Hulu for some time. I haven't watched yet, but plan on it. I just hope the disappointment isn't as gigantic as that island of shit Alcatraz.

[Gutter]

well......I thought the camera work was cool. It's enough that it gives off that documentary style feel without being too shaky. The dialogue was "eh". There were a lot of times where I got pretty confused by an entire exchange between characters and was left thinking, "Why the hell would they say that?". There were some pretty creepy moments in the second part of the 2hr special, but after what happens there, they just get back on the boat.....they haven't discovered anything new that points them back down river. I thought they got off the boat to track down what little clues they had about some mercenaries they saw on a video tape. Well, something completely different happens off the boat and when it's all said and done, they just move further down the river. Maybe I missed something but I didn't get that part.

Overall I was entertained, but I hate when dialogue feels like it's forcibly devoid of any information giving. For example; one character knows something....the audience knows she knows it too. Another character inquires about what they know about the immediate action with a "what's going on?" type of question. The response is, "I don't know....it's nothing....don't worry". WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?! It's so frustrating when the audience knows and we have to sit there and struggle to watch the characters put the plain as day pieces together. I felt like that happened a couple of times and I hate when it happens.

I'll keep watching for now though.

[Gutter]

I've been waiting for this to hit Hulu for some time. I haven't watched yet, but plan on it. I just hope the disappointment isn't as gigantic as that island of shit Alcatraz.

If you hate Alcatraz, which I've actually been enjoying for the most part, I think you're going to fucking hate The River.

[CountryBob]

I had to kept telling myself that they knew that they were on camera just about every second - and that might have made their choices of dialogue seem out of place.

I will give it a few weeks before I pass my judgement.

[Gutter]

I had to kept telling myself that they knew that they were on camera just about every second - and that might have made their choices of dialogue seem out of place.

I will give it a few weeks before I pass my judgement.

The one that really stuck out for me was the argument between the mom and the son. Also, when they're opening the door and the girl was like, "they shouldn't open that door" and the dad was just like, "don't worry about them". wait what? So you're all knowledgeable about whats going to happen when you open that door, but you don't want to stop them? why the fuck not?

[CountryBob]

The one that really stuck out for me was the argument between the mom and the son. Also, when they're opening the door and the girl was like, "they shouldn't open that door" and the dad was just like, "don't worry about them". wait what? So you're all knowledgeable about whats going to happen when you open that door, but you don't want to stop them? why the fuck not?

Maybe some ancient lore about who disturbes the spirit will suffer its wraith? Or they know more than they are allowing - probably knew what the hell was going on in the first place. I expect many alterior reasons for this trip.

[Gutter]

Maybe some ancient lore about who disturbes the spirit will suffer its wraith? Or they know more than they are allowing - probably knew what the hell was going on in the first place. I expect many alterior reasons for this trip.

well then have that stuff in the dialogue. I don't mind suspending disbelief or anything, but I shouldn't have to assume something in every scene in order for it to make sense. I think I was doing a lot of that.

[CountryBob]

well then have that stuff in the dialogue. I don't mind suspending disbelief or anything, but I shouldn't have to assume something in every scene in order for it to make sense. I think I was doing a lot of that.

I hear ya - some shows just get me aggravated from the start - a la Alcatraz. But this one didnt do that to me - yet....

[Gutter]

I hear ya - some shows just get me aggravated from the start - a la Alcatraz. But this one didnt do that to me - yet....

So far, i'm the opposite. love Alactraz, kind of frustrated by The River.

[Chigworthy]

Alright, we watched one of the two pilot episodes last night. We did not watch the second one because the first one was so ass-out horrendous. What the fuck is with the networks? Are they incapable of producing anything decent? I mean they actually had someone go around a boat and glue that fake moss that old pervs with railroad sets use to the interior to make it look like it had been sitting there for however long. Here, let's splash more of this reddish-brown paint around, then it'll look all rusty and stuff. Good, you guys are doing a heck of a job, this is going to make the Hatch look like dog shit. Hey you, take this bag of fake spiderwebs and spread them around a bit. They used this at my kid's Halloween carnival; it looks fantastic.

I noticed that the kid, who inexplicably has a thick NYC accent, looks like he is about 5 years younger than his mom. So I looked up the actors ages. She would have had him when she was 17. And Dad would have been 26. Dr. Emmet Cole is a statutory rapist and I'm glad he's dead.

http://s17.postimage.org/93pbkbmb3/the_river_sucks.jpg

Fuck this show.

[Gutter]

Alright, we watched one of the two pilot episodes last night. We did not watch the second one because the first one was so ass-out horrendous. What the fuck is with the networks? Are they incapable of producing anything decent? I mean they actually had someone go around a boat and glue that fake moss that old pervs with railroad sets use to the interior to make it look like it had been sitting there for however long. Here, let's splash more of this reddish-brown paint around, then it'll look all rusty and stuff. Good, you guys are doing a heck of a job, this is going to make the Hatch look like dog shit. Hey you, take this bag of fake spiderwebs and spread them around a bit. They used this at my kid's Halloween carnival; it looks fantastic.

I noticed that the kid, who inexplicably has a thick NYC accent, looks like he is about 5 years younger than his mom. So I looked up the actors ages. She would have had him when she was 17. And Dad would have been 26. Dr. Emmet Cole is a statutory rapist and I'm glad he's dead.
Fuck this show.

Now THATS a review. hahahahaha

[CountryBob]

Funny how some shows drive us crazy on a wide range of issues.
I dont even care about fake moss spider webs etc. that is driving you nuts - or what age the Mom had her kid.

I dont even think that way - for this show.

But in Alcatraz, it bugs the shit out of me that something so fucking un natural and paranormal or time travelling is happening, and the chcik cop and fat boy just blindly follow without really freaking out on what is happening.

It is interesting what pushes our buttons....

[Chigworthy]

Funny how some shows drive us crazy on a wide range of issues.
I dont even care about fake moss spider webs etc. that is driving you nuts - or what age the Mom had her kid.

I dont even think that way - for this show.

But in Alcatraz, it bugs the shit out of me that something so fucking un natural and paranormal or time travelling is happening, and the chcik cop and fat boy just blindly follow without really freaking out on what is happening.

It is interesting what pushes our buttons....

Yeah that show sucks just as bad as this one.

[cougarjake13]

Funny how some shows drive us crazy on a wide range of issues.
I dont even care about fake moss spider webs etc. that is driving you nuts - or what age the Mom had her kid.

I dont even think that way - for this show.

But in Alcatraz, it bugs the shit out of me that something so fucking un natural and paranormal or time travelling is happening, and the chcik cop and fat boy just blindly follow without really freaking out on what is happening.

It is interesting what pushes our buttons....

Well fat guy is into comics and shit and although it freaked him a lil at first I think hes accepting enough if for nothing else to find out how or why

I think once the chick saw that her grandfather was the one who killed her partner that was enough for her to stick around and she's been busting housers balls about the how

[Furtherman]

Ugghh.. Enough about Alcatraz. They did freak out about what was happening. End of story. There's a thread for that.


Now, as for The River, I had a blast watching the premiere. THE DOLLS! Creepy, and a good enough story that I'm ready to get into.

It wasn't perfect, of course (complaining about fake moss.... really?) but I had more of a problem with the "found footage" parts that kept jumping from time to time. And those cameras will eventually run out of juice. The dialouge was hard to make out a few times, and I thought subtitles would have worked in those parts.

It seems the only two that don't know what is truly going on is the son and the camera guy. The black one, not the self-proclaimed Jew who got swept up into the air. So I expect those two to become friends.

The supernatural element was a little more magical than I expected, but I'm cool with the "laws of physics" breaking down like Dr. Cole talked about.

There are only 8 episodes, so we'll know in a few weeks whether it will be picked up for a full season, which means we'll probably have to wait until fall. So if you don't like it, there are plenty of other shows you can complain about.

[CountryBob]

Yeah - the dolls were very creepy and that hole sucking the mom down in the creek was cool too.

[Gutter]

Now, as for The River, I had a blast watching the premiere. THE DOLLS! Creepy, and a good enough story that I'm ready to get into.


I was like a terrified six year old during that part. DID NOT want to see that one dolls eyes just pop open. woulda shat myself.

[CountryBob]

Growing up in the haunted house that I lived in - my sisters would fuck with me so hard when Mom was out. They would say that their dolls were going to kill me. I already was a scared little shit because of the paranormal activity - and those dolls that the eyes would open and close on their own - still haunt me.

[Furtherman]

I was like a terrified six year old during that part. DID NOT want to see that one dolls eyes just pop open. woulda shat myself.

"Oh jeese... that doll is going to move.... it's gonna move.... it's gona move..... i just... it's gonna move..... OH GOD IT MOVED!!!!" I think my words were.


That part was were the found footage cuts worked excellent. I thought it wasn't necessary while they were on the boat.

[disneyspy]

why do they have 6 camera angles and only 2 camera men when they go on land? so fucking FAKE! still i kinda like it and knowing that its only 7 episodes has made me commit to the whole series

[Gutter]

"Oh jeese... that doll is going to move.... it's gonna move.... it's gona move..... i just... it's gonna move..... OH GOD IT MOVED!!!!" I think my words were.


That part was were the found footage cuts worked excellent. I thought it wasn't necessary while they were on the boat.


yea, the found footage stuff was awesome. I like the idea that the producer has his own kind of headquarters on the boat....I'm wondering if he (and in turn us) will learn more about the characters motives that way.

I got super fucking douche chills when he found his bear on the tree.

[Gutter]

why do they have 6 camera angles and only 2 camera men when they go on land? so fucking FAKE! still i kinda like it and knowing that its only 7 episodes has made me commit to the whole series

you know it's not a documentary right? haha

[Chigworthy]

my sisters would fuck me so hard when Mom was out.

It's just too easy.

[CountryBob]

It's just too easy.

good lord

[Chigworthy]

good lord

Sorry, but there's just no way to pass that up.

[CountryBob]

Sorry, but there's just no way to pass that up.

I understand :down:

[Furtherman]

Sorry, but there's just no way to pass that up.

You weren't the only one to think that!

[CountryBob]

Everyone must have drank some Moonshine that was made in a radiator - they went blind!

[Gutter]

I'm getting annoyed by the, "Let's leave the boat and track Dad into the jungle.....holy shit! Scary thing in the jungle! Everyone back to the boat!!!" formula of this show. However I did like last nights episode better than the premiere.

[CountryBob]

Fez- your Dad is gone - he isnt gonna do what he always did. Get fucking over it or YOU continue the traditions. Geeez already!

[Misteriosa]

Fez- your Dad is gone - he isnt gonna do what he always did. Get fucking over it or YOU continue the traditions. Geeez already!

wrong thread, me thinks...

[CountryBob]

wrong thread, me thinks...

Haha - yous thinks correctly - yous dos..

[CountryBob]

Killer locust's last night

[Gutter]

not too bad last night. Looks like they at least figured out where they were going and it wasn't a "off the boat on the boat" episode.

[CountryBob]

How crazy would it be to wonder off and sit down to die? Like some Indians used to go up on the mountain and lay down on a rack to die.

[Gutter]

How crazy would it be to wonder off and sit down to die? Like some Indians used to go up on the mountain and lay down on a rack to die.

If you knew you were about to die, that'd be a pretty cool way to go.

[CountryBob]

If you knew you were about to die, that'd be a pretty cool way to go.

Epic - instead of laying in a bed and shitting all over the place.

[Gutter]

Epic - instead of laying in a bed and shitting all over the place.

Yea seriously. Fuck the retirement home.....I'm gonna go find a nice quiet place in the jungle where no one will have to clean up my death shit.

[WampusCrandle]

I've caught up with all the episodes and I'm pretty invested in the show. I like the pacing, and I'm, for once, happy with the guerilla style video.

[CountryBob]

What were those things - vampires or ghosts last night?

[Furtherman]

Ghosts. There have been other stories about a boat run by a crew of ghosts, and the only way they can pass on, is to find a replacement crew. It was a good take on an old story.

[CountryBob]

Well, looks like they have pulled the plug on this crazy boat ride.

I liked this nuttiness too :down:

[cougarjake13]

Glad I nvr got on

[disneyspy]

i read somewhere that it was originally only supposed to be 7 episodes

[King Imp]

More fucking zombies! :wallbash:

[CountryBob]

that scene of the body room last night was well done and creepy - even with the CGI flies.

[CountryBob]

Well, it ended ....


I like crazy shit like this but it wasnt award worthy or nothing.