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Mothball
09-10-2003, 09:44 PM
my bathroom habits? I'm a bad wiper with a bad fistula. I use soft cotton paper and on top of that I always soil my underpants...ALWAYS!
Can anybody help me with a serious answer?

Fallon
09-10-2003, 11:18 PM
John Spartan, you'll have to learn to use the three shells.

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DJEvelEd
09-11-2003, 07:16 AM
Try using baby wipes (I use "Wet Ones Vitamin E & Aloe" for fresh bung) I have tenesmus so I know.









And if you're shitting yourself, your spincter muscle is blown out so you better stop sticking things up your ass.

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DJEvelEd
09-11-2003, 07:36 AM
And by the way, I think your post would be better read like:
"How do I improve my............

[next page]...............bathroom habits?"

If you use this format, you can make funny thread titles like:

"I like to stick my finger into my Grandmother's quivering................


[next page].............pudding pie."








Just a thought.

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Katylina
09-11-2003, 07:55 AM
A toileting program must be put into effect. First you need to laminate a picture that represents bathroom. Velcro this picture to your desk in full sight. Next, you will velcro a copy of that picture on the bathroom door (or next to the door frame). You should be able to match the picture on your desk to the picture on the door in order to locate the bathroom. Now that that is taken care of, let's move on to step two.

You will have free access to juice or water all day long. This increases the likelihood that you will have to urinate when you go to the bathroom. This procedure is called flooding. You will be on a thirty minute toileting schedule, starting when you first wake up in the morning. Every thirty minutes you will pick up the picture on your desk, match it to the door, and use the bathroom. If you are accident free for 5 days, you will change the toileting schedule to every 45 mins. etc. This will teach you how to initiate for the bathroom independently.

As per wiping, you will need chocolate pudding and bathroom tissues (toilet paper). Start by putting some pudding on the front of your leg and wipe until completion. When you can do this successfully, gradually move the positioning of the pudding closer and closer to your rear. This will teach you how to wipe until clean.

And that, my wet seated friend, is toileting in a nutshell.


And watch out for corn-- that stuff comes out whole, baby.

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Furtherman
09-11-2003, 08:08 AM
As per wiping, you will need chocolate pudding and bathroom tissues (toilet paper). Start by putting some pudding on the front of your leg and wipe until completion. When you can do this successfully, gradually move the positioning of the pudding closer and closer to your rear. This will teach you how to wipe until clean.


I try and avoid the typical abbreviated letters, but that made me laugh out loud.

TheGameHHH
09-11-2003, 08:53 AM
John Spartan, you'll have to learn to use the three shells.
Ha, he doesn't know how to use the 3 seashells!

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Def Dave in SC
09-11-2003, 09:26 AM
gradually move the positioning of the pudding closer and closer to your rear

What?? My ear? Thats just rediculous!

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Death Metal Moe
09-11-2003, 11:04 AM
Stop drinking a quart of vodka a day. That should help Drinky Drinkerton.

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Katylina
09-11-2003, 06:18 PM
I try and avoid the typical abbreviated letters, but that made me laugh out loud.


Laugh not-- that is our actual toileting and wiping programs at school for the autistic children.

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Johnny Fontane
09-11-2003, 06:33 PM
Laugh not-- that is our actual toileting and wiping programs at school for the autistic children.


I knew that looked too serious to be a joke.

As for ass wiping, it's simple. Once you think you're finished wiping, stick your hand up your ass. Is there shit on it? If so, you're not finished wiping.

With that said, allow me to add the following:

BWWWWWWAAAAAAHAHA!!!



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monsterone
09-11-2003, 06:54 PM
http://scripts.cgispy.com/image.cgi?u=katylina


i wish photoshop made a filter to undo photshop filters.

this might help: adult star jewel de'nyle gave steve of fm an interview, and giving this advice...




Jewel De'Nyle: You never eat before an anal scene and use and enema bottle dump out the enema and use warm water to flush out your system and then your good to go no embarrasing moments.


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