Tenbatsuzen
03-15-2005, 03:36 PM
For once, a legitimate confession from me.
For the past 6-8 months, I've been going through a very stressful period in my life. My job has been the #1 source of this. I keep thinking to myself that it's going to get better. Hopefully, it will.
The stresses of my job have gotten me both mentally and physically. I've turned from a somewhat sour person into a completely miserable bastard. And by miserable, I mean that I can't remember the last time I smiled at work and had it mean something.
At my job, I am driven by forces I can't explain. My overacheiving nature continually clashes with my overwhelming self-doubt. I constantly strive to gain acceptance from my boss and my peers. I get it sometimes; I fail miserably in other avenues.
A person I work with called me on it the other day - "you used to be such a happier person... what happened?"
It's not that I hate my job. I don't. I love the field I work in and I see my current position as a gateway to something I'll love in the future.
I think more stress is adding to me because my brother is moving away soon and he's leaving with his nieces. He won't be THAT far away - but still, I'll miss all of them.
I think another thing that's been prevalent, especially in my posts here, is how combative I've gotten, especially with other users who get under my skin. I'm realizing that instead of using that pent up energy to workout, be creative, do something, I was using a message board as a pressure valve.
A lot of it became obvious this weekend when Stingray of Wackbag tried to involve me in drama I had nothing to do with, and suddenly, it became very clear to me...
If I didn't do something about my attitude and how I was going, I'd eventually turn into Stingray. If that happened, I would probably then have to kill myself.
So if you've seen me as being over-aggressive in the past few months, now you know why. I'm going to seek a better outlet for my anger and aggression, and I'll let you guys how I do.
<center><img src="http://img123.exs.cx/img123/3075/cylonsig29ua.jpg"></center>
For the past 6-8 months, I've been going through a very stressful period in my life. My job has been the #1 source of this. I keep thinking to myself that it's going to get better. Hopefully, it will.
The stresses of my job have gotten me both mentally and physically. I've turned from a somewhat sour person into a completely miserable bastard. And by miserable, I mean that I can't remember the last time I smiled at work and had it mean something.
At my job, I am driven by forces I can't explain. My overacheiving nature continually clashes with my overwhelming self-doubt. I constantly strive to gain acceptance from my boss and my peers. I get it sometimes; I fail miserably in other avenues.
A person I work with called me on it the other day - "you used to be such a happier person... what happened?"
It's not that I hate my job. I don't. I love the field I work in and I see my current position as a gateway to something I'll love in the future.
I think more stress is adding to me because my brother is moving away soon and he's leaving with his nieces. He won't be THAT far away - but still, I'll miss all of them.
I think another thing that's been prevalent, especially in my posts here, is how combative I've gotten, especially with other users who get under my skin. I'm realizing that instead of using that pent up energy to workout, be creative, do something, I was using a message board as a pressure valve.
A lot of it became obvious this weekend when Stingray of Wackbag tried to involve me in drama I had nothing to do with, and suddenly, it became very clear to me...
If I didn't do something about my attitude and how I was going, I'd eventually turn into Stingray. If that happened, I would probably then have to kill myself.
So if you've seen me as being over-aggressive in the past few months, now you know why. I'm going to seek a better outlet for my anger and aggression, and I'll let you guys how I do.
<center><img src="http://img123.exs.cx/img123/3075/cylonsig29ua.jpg"></center>