When a friend blows up your spot...

[K.C.]

I posted a while back, a thread where I was talking about a situation where I was really into this chick that had gone out with my friend a while back, and that I was trying to decide whether I was going to pursue it.

Well, that part of it got resolved...I went with my gut and went after the chick and we talked and had a really nice flow going with everything. Everything seemed to be going great, and after getting to know each other we were set to go out this week.

Until last night...see, part of what I learned in talking to her in the lead up to everything was that she really didn't want this guy (my friend) as a part of her life. Very understandable.

Well, I made the mistake of telling him about how it was going between me and her, mainly because I wanted to see if he was comfortable with it (which he told me he was), because theoretically at some point down the line if I started seeing the girl, that situation would have to be worked out. So again, everything seemed good there, too.

This would probably be the appropriate time to mention that his sister is roommates with this chick...anyway, the point is that he went home last night and has dinner with his sister and let's on the he knows about the whole thing and starts grilling her with questions about 'what exactly is going on between them' and stuff of that nature.

Naturally, his sister goes home, tells the chick, and when I talk to her that night it degenerates into 'I don't know if I can trust you anymore' basically with her believing I've been relaying everything we've talked about to him (which isn't true), and basically betraying her trust.

So now, I don't know where I stand with her (but I don't think it's good), and I've got to deal with a friend who may have just sabotaged my shot at this.

Honestly, what the hell am I suppose to do...as far as the chick goes, it's on her at this point. She's got to make her own decision about me. I can respect that (even though it's agonizing to wait through).

In the meantime, if he did completely blow up this spot, and did so purposely (which I suspect to some degree), how the hell can I confide in him about this stuff anymore?

[Furtherman]

In the meantime, if he did completely blow up this spot, and did so purposely (which I suspect to some degree), how the hell can I confide in him about this stuff anymore?

I don't know your friend but he either knew it would get back to her or after it sank in that you were going out with her, he had to feed his jealousy by asking his sister but didn't mean for it to get back to her.

You've done the right thing, letting your friend know. If she can understand that, then things might work out. It shows your honesty.

But if you do start dating her, don't even think about telling anything to your friend about it, because it will get back to her.





This is why I never date a girl who was with a friend. Too much bullshit. You could always go a find another girl.

[K.C.]

I don't know your friend but he either knew it would get back to her or after it sank in that you were going out with her, he had to feed his jealousy by asking his sister but didn't mean for it to get back to her.

You've done the right thing, letting your friend know. If she can understand that, then things might work out. It shows your honesty.

But if you do start dating her, don't even think about telling anything to your friend about it, because it will get back to her.





This is why I never date a girl who was with a friend. Too much bullshit. You could always go a find another girl.

Believe me, I never planned for this to happen...I just kind of fell into it and through talking to her figured out I really kind of dug her.

At any rate, you're right in that if this situation can be salvaged, I've got to just cut him out of the loop on this one.

[badmonkey]

Your friend now owes you a keg of beer and a night with either a hooker or his sister.

I don't make the rules.

Badmonkey

[Justice4all]

I will try to put this as simple as possible:
If the girl does not understand that this was your buddy before she was your S.O. then she needs a reality check,
You did right by your friend and you did it the discreet way. He was a moron to go back and tell his sister ect. ect. YOU SHOULD ALSO LET HIM KNOW HE WAS AN ASS FOR TELLING ANYONE WHAT YOU SAID. Especially his sister!!!

So keep trying to talk to this girl, if she does not get the fact that you went out of respect to your friend, then she is clueless and does not deserve your attention.

She needs to lighten up to a degree and not assume that everything is one big drama fest.

[sailor]

well, you asked him to find out how he feels. now you know.

and stuff like this trust-circle are amusing from the outside. she's mad at you for telling him. you're mad at him for telling his sis. he's probably mad at the sister for telling the girl. interesting cycle.

[Leticia]

That's not fair to you. Now you're in this ridiculous situation because everyone is so sensitive. She needcs top know that you had a right (and made the right choice) to tell your friend to avoid conflict later on. Ugh. I hate situations like this.

I don't think this is one of those "give her space" situations cause she'll just get more mad over time. Just call her or whatever and tell her exactly what you've told him. So at least she knows exactly what he knows. And assure her that it doesn't change anything.

People are crazy.

[sailor]

People are crazy.

women people are.

[K.C.]

Well, thanks for the thoughts everyone.

I was able to hammer some stuff out tonight and everything seems fine on all fronts. Everything seems ok between me and the chick and we're still set to go out, and my friend and I came to understanding about the situation.

So as of right now, it looks good...

...not that it's not a potential powder keg ready to explode at any time, but for the moment everything seems cool.

[Leticia]

Yay :)