I need to vent

[AngelAmy]

As some of you know (meaning Reef, Nick, and Stugots who get to hear me bitch about this daily) my parents have been planning to move to Tennessee after my brother graduates high school for probably about a year and a half now. Well he graduated on June 22nd so now it's crunch time to get the house ready for when it goes on the market on July 9th and also to figure out what my living arrangements are going to be.

I have been trying to figure out this moving thing for about 2-3 years now. I have been trying to save up my money as best I can, I have been trying to figure out the best (or cheapest) area to move to, I have been going completely insane thinking about this for the past few years. So now the time has come and I am no further along than I was 2-3 years ago. Yeah I have some money saevd up but it won't get me far. In my current job I am unable to afford rent ANYWHERE by myself (unless of course I move somewhere like Texas or Arizona where there are places with $400/mo rent).

The pressure of moving out and finding a place to live has been consuming my every thought to the point where I am just mentally exhausted. There is nothing more I can do besides getting a new job that pays more. I applied for several jobs but haven't heard back from anyone. I am debating whether to get a new job entirely and hope I can find something that pays well or if I should get a second morning job for extra income. That is what I have been debating in my head for the past 2 weeks I guess.

My parents don't seem to understand that no matter how many times they remind me that it's coming that doesn't change my financial situation. If I could move out I would have done it a long time ago. I just don't make enough money a month to be able to afford it. Almost every day for 3 years I have been asked when I am going to move out and I always have the same answer for them, "when I get the money." It's the same thing to this day. I do admit I could have done things a little differently to be in a better situation than I am today but I didn't and I am not so this is where I am right now.

Not only am I stressed out about potentially being homeless but I am also pissed off that my mom and step-dad are putting me in this position to begin with. They are being totally selfish in the way they are handling this, not asking me and my brother how we feel about it or how we are going to handle it or how we will feel once they leave. I will be fine. I have a car and a job so I will be able to handle myself but my soon to be 18 year old brother has no car and has no job and will be going to his first semester in college in the fall and they will be in hickville. I worry for my brother but he seems to be fine about it. I guess I am just so used to taking care of him and worrying for him but he has found a confidence in himself and in life than i envy.

The closer we come to selling the house the closer I come to really having a nervous breakdown. I don't feel like I am ready to handle this to be quite honest with you, I thought I would but I just can't. There are certain things that are harder for me to do than most people, such as leaving my comfort zone. Everything about this is turning my whole life upside down. Yes, in September I will be 24, yes I do consider myself an adult but that doesn't mean I am not totally terrified of the future. I don't know what I am going to do or where I am going to live or how I am going to be able to afford it but the time is near where I will be forced to make all these decisions and there is nothing I can do about it.

[ScottFromGA]

thats a terrible situation there, Amy. There isn't anyone you know that might be able to go in halves with you into renting a place?


by the way...I lived with my parents until a month after the baby was born......Its tough to get out but doing it alone is tough. Luckily, (not really) I had a leg to stand on when my mother passed, so it helped with the moving arrangements......

[Crispy123]

You definitely sound stressed, and with good reason. Change is a bitch!!! My advice would be just try and not only focus on the negatives but also the possibilities that come when you make changes. There is always the potential for disaster no matter what you do. You could be sitting in the living room and have a jet engine fall through the roof! However, greatness comes not from the status quo but from change. Buck up and good luck!:thumbup:

[Jennitalia]

that's a real fucked up position for your parents to put you in. did they even ask you if you would relocate with them? keep sending out your resume, and follow up as much as you can.

[reillyluck]

im really sorry that you are going through this, Amy.

The number one thing at this very moment that you need to do is take a deep breathe.

youve said that you have some money saved, which is a great thing. It wont get you far, but it will get you started. Do not give up on looking for a new job. have you considered gettting a recruiter? there are tons of recruiters in manhattan that thrive on trying to find work for you because they get a commission on your salary, which doesnt come out of your pocket, the company that hires you pays them. I can help you try and narrow your recruiter search if you need help.

I know you work at DHL, are there any positions at your company that are open right now that you might qualify for? if you havent tried, you should at least see whats out there, its worth the try.

You should really look into finding a roomate. there is no harm in sharing the rent with someone. try to find someone with a short lease in case it doesnt work out.

you could always rent out a room. it sounds weird but theres a ton of people i know that have done this to at least get on their feet.

this is a scary time for you. believe me, i know. I will try to find out any information i can to help you better your situation.

[JPMNICK]

Reilly i have mentioned the roomate thing to her many times, and she is def against it.

to me that is the best way to do it, you save a HUGE amount of money

[Friday]

We have all (most) done it! It might suck sometimes but it beats the hell out of being homeless or broke or living in the ghetto!

http://imagesource.allposters.com/images/pic/MG/104329~Roommates-Posters.jpg

[reillyluck]

its not easy, but if all others fail theres no harm in trying, AMY!!!!! :smile:

roomates kinda suck, but you might miss out on an opportunity on great memories!

are you paying your parents rent? if you are could you ask them to at least give you a break so you can save more? if you arent start trying to cut your expenses 10 dollars here, 10 dollars there goes a long way.

or Make Reeph pay phor everything!!! :tongue:

[AngelAmy]

its not easy, but if all others fail theres no harm in trying, AMY!!!!! :smile:

roomates kinda suck, but you might miss out on an opportunity on great memories!

are you paying your parents rent? if you are could you ask them to at least give you a break so you can save more? if you arent start trying to cut your expenses 10 dollars here, 10 dollars there goes a long way.

or Make Reeph pay phor everything!!! :tongue:

yeah im paying my parents $120/month, it doesn't sound like much but to me it is.
I was supposed to stop paying in Sept last year so I could save and I did for a while, but then their mortgage went up and they started asking for money again.

The roomate thing kinda scares me, you know how I am with people. I understand it's the way to go but with all my anxieties about people I don't know I would probably live miserably and wind up having a heart attack or something. It sounds like a cop out but it's really not, it's just how i am.


I am going to continue looking for a better paying job or just buckle and work for Target in the morning and have absolutley no life or time to even enjoy my own place.

There are no positions in my company right now, the only thing there would be is a dispatching position and everything goes by seniority so there is no real guarantee i will be able to get it. I keep praying a dispatching position opens up because that's what i'd rather be doing anyway but so far no dice.

I am sure I will come up with something, I always do. I have just been so stressed out about it lately and sometimes I find myself randomly crying just by thinking about it. I am so sick of hearing myself talk about it but if I keep it inside then I will just go more insane than I already am.

[Death Metal Moe]

That is a hard spot to be in. I wish I had advice for ya. Good luck with it. Maybe someone on the board knows an inexpensive place to rent?

[Snacks]

It sucks that this is what they want to do and it bothers you so much, but I see their side. Parents do everything for thier kids that they can and dont live for themselves until their children are atleast 18. I think your parents are doing what they want and it might not be what you want or at a time that fits your schedule but (like you said) you are an adult.

Growing up sucks, I know Im still learning and im older then you. But this may turn out to be a good thing for you. Have you asked your parents to lend you a few thousand to help you get started? They should be able to if they are selling a NJ home to move to Tenn. What do you do or work? Are you full time or part time? Do you have a job or a career? Are you in school?

Good luck in whatever you do.

[Hottub]

Yes Amy, it sucks, but it is often a fact of life. You will need a roomate. Your current situation does not allow it any other way. We have all done it. You could get lucky, you know? I shared a place with 2 guys I knew since elementary school, and it worked out pretty well.
Also remember the shift you are working. There probably will not be too much interaction between you. I think you will have to do it.


P.S. Anything with that other option we talked about?

[Reephdweller]

P.S. Anything with that other option we talked about?

What's the other option?

[sailor]

will your brother be dorming? if so, that really cuts down on how much this affects him. if not, he could get a job and be your roomie, perhaps? a lot of people hold full time jobs while going to college.

[FUNKMAN]

good luck Amy, hope things work out!

http://www.sc.iitb.ac.in/~janas/Fcros.jpg

[grlNIN]

I was in the same situation but i was paying my brother $600 a month, $120 is small potatoes and if you think that's a huge amount of money to pay a month you are going to rip your hair out when you realize how much it would really cost to rent a shithole box here in Jersey.

I can sympathize more than you know Amy but the simple fact is your parents arent putting you into a situation by moving, you are putting yourself in one by not having moved out with 2-3 years warning. It's not like they dropped this on you wham! bam!, they let you know with ample time.

Yeah it sucks to hear but there are always ways to make it work, a studio apartment in a complex might run $800 a month or as other have suggested, roomates or simply move in with Reef.

If your job doesnt pay enough to afford it then get a new job or get another job.

I realize this is a vent post and im not trying to be a jerk at all but this is life and you have to adapt or change to make it work for you.

[JPMNICK]

when it comes down to it, this whole thing is a big math problem. how much do you make minus your rent, car payment, car insurance, electric, heat, laundry and food. if the answer is positive you can do it, if it is negative you can not. there is a good chance you will be living with no cable, internet, and dropping down the minimum cell phone plan with no text messaging.

the cheapest I have ever seen an apartment is 620 in a basement in newark. this was a single, no share with their own bathroom. i think patterson might have some in the 500 range, but i never really looked into it that much. i doubt you want to live in newark, so you are really looking at 800 min. for your own studio type apartment.

[Don Stugots]

Amy, Regina just suggested finding someone that is looking for a roommate. at this point you might as well try it. Craigslist was a whole section for people looking for people to move in with them. check it.

[JPMNICK]

I think the min you can make per month to be able to barely afford to live alone is 2400 a month, which is considering you pay 250 for a car and 120 a month insurance. that is no cable, internet and a cell phone bill of 40 bucks a month. no house phone, 800 a month rent, 300 a month in food, 50 a month for gas. i am sure those numbers are low, so then add that on to the total from above and then subtract out taxes to figure out your net take home.

2400 a month is 600 per week, and after taxes the 2400 is about 1600 depending on the tax rate.

[JPMNICK]

Amy, Regina just suggested finding someone that is looking for a roommate. at this point you might as well try it. Craigslist was a whole section for people looking for people to move in with them. check it.

roomates.com is also a great place. I know a lot of people our age who have found great roomates on both websites.

[Don Stugots]

you can do this AMY. we believe in you.

[CofyCrakCocaine]

Amy,
First and foremost: Everyone here loves you. Some like a sister, others like, well, we won't go there. Roseblood and Leticia know what I speak of. It's like a scene outta Grey's Anatomy between you three! :devil2:
Steering back into seriousville...my girlfriend went through a similar experience, but she was admittedly better prepared for moving to a new home in Jersey. The shitty thing is, she was better prepared because her parents and a sibling died so she got enough money from the sale of her parent's old house combined with a couple years' accumulated salary so she could (barely) get a small one bedroom condo down by where you are.
She was very stressed out and I went house-shopping with her all over the Garden State. It's a very stressful process, especially when you leave a place you've lived for so long. We're all in this shit-tastic situation together... while I'd like to see things like property taxes and inflation taxes go down, we can't bank on that happening, obviously.
I am the world's most anti-social misanthropic scum of the earth-type Vader motherfucker when it comes to being someone's roommate... I need my own personal space or I go nuts from claustrophobia. But I still will probably wind up having a roommate somewhere when I am more firmly planted in the ground wherein I can afford my own living situation. I will have to accept it too... and I hate that. But it's the way it is, or so it would seem. I think everyone who's suggested roommates are not far off the mark with this.
If your current job is not paying the bills even remotely adequately, then perhaps you need to fish for better paying jobs out there. You also have to consider any excess expenses you engage in that you don't need to do. This applies to any entertainment, electronics, and so forth that are not necessarily necessary to your everyday life beyond simple lifestyle fun.
In the long run, I am fully confident that you will be fine. The same for your brother... perhaps he can put his acting chops to work. There's always Suffolk county if all else fails...

[samnyc]

How long were you planning to live with your parents anyway?

[furie]

i think finding roommates is you're only option. it'll suck but you'll get a great learning experience out of it.

[Tenbatsuzen]

I know we're already discussing this in IM, but if lurkers or regulars are also looking for advice -

1) Put in for low-income housing. Fortunately, Section 8 doesn't put you in the projects anymore, I believe the law now states that all apartment complexes have to offer some sort of low income housing. You may be on the waiting list for a while, though.

2) If it's a low-income job, but there's discernible office skills, it doesn't hurt to look into a temping agency. There's a lot of opportunity in temping, and the money is generally better, although the trade off is that you get no vacation or sick days. But it's a sacrifice you want to make if you need to get a better job in a hurry.

3) There ARE decent apartments in New Jersey for around 1000 dollars.

[sailor]

I know we're already discussing this in IM, but if lurkers or regulars are also looking for advice -

1) Put in for low-income housing. Fortunately, Section 8 doesn't put you in the projects anymore, I believe the law now states that all apartment complexes have to offer some sort of low income housing. You may be on the waiting list for a while, though.

2) If it's a low-income job, but there's discernible office skills, it doesn't hurt to look into a temping agency. There's a lot of opportunity in temping, and the money is generally better, although the trade off is that you get no vacation or sick days. But it's a sacrifice you want to make if you need to get a better job in a hurry.

3) There ARE decent apartments in New Jersey for around 1000 dollars.

a lot of places hire full-time from temp agencies, even tho it takes a while.

[Tenbatsuzen]

a lot of places hire full-time from temp agencies, even tho it takes a while.

And even if they don't hire, you still have contacts inside the company to get a job elsewhere if the company is big enough.

Although, you have to stress to the job counselor that you want a long-term assignment.

[AngelAmy]

I am not ready for this, not at all. I don't want to deal with it. I don't want it to happen, not now.

As much as I don't want to admit it I am sad that they're going. I have found myself thinking about it and getting pretty upset.

[Crispy123]

I am not ready for this, not at all. I don't want to deal with it. I don't want it to happen, not now.

As much as I don't want to admit it I am sad that they're going. I have found myself thinking about it and getting pretty upset.

Recognizing your feelings is good. Just try and act on them. Get them involved in helping you out. Spend time with them before they go. Hopefully all will go well and you will both prosper in your new situations.

[JPMNICK]

I am not ready for this, not at all. I don't want to deal with it. I don't want it to happen, not now.

As much as I don't want to admit it I am sad that they're going. I have found myself thinking about it and getting pretty upset.

if not now, then when? that's what you have to say to yourself. now is as good as a time as any. you have been working for 5+ years at this point, it is time for you to start the next stage in your life.

[pittphantoms]

The best rents are usually found in and around colleges... prices are generally lower in that area for cost of living for everything else as well.

If youre looking to only pay $400 per month, there needs to be a room mate, if not two. Right when I moved out the first time I rented a house with two friends from work. It was better than an apartment in many ways - especially if you need your space. I always make sure I have a good bedroom if I have a room mate, as it is truely YOUR PLACE...

[JPMNICK]

would it make sense for you to move to PA and just commute to work? in every job I have worked, someone always is living in PA and doing the commute, and they pay like 1/2 the rent that we do here. I know gas prices are high, but it still might work out in your favor.

[AngelAmy]

would it make sense for you to move to PA and just commute to work? in every job I have worked, someone always is living in PA and doing the commute, and they pay like 1/2 the rent that we do here. I know gas prices are high, but it still might work out in your favor.

i have considered that


i know a few people who work here who are doing that too

[grlNIN]

Have you entertained the option of going with them?

It may seem like the hard thing to do but economically may be your best bet. If you can transfer within your company and still hold on to your pay rate you will probably have a leg up down South.

I was going to move to Covington, Kentucky, 2 bedroom apartments in what is basically a more upscale Red Bank were going for $550 a month with the bigger utilities included. My friend and i also could have rented out a house for $500 a mo. plus certain utilities.

I know you have friends, family and Reef here but if this is an opportunity that could secure you the ability to save money and eventually come back and get a place of your own.

[Don Stugots]

if not now, then when? that's what you have to say to yourself. now is as good as a time as any. you have been working for 5+ years at this point, it is time for you to start the next stage in your life.

TODAY STARTS TODAY!

[JPMNICK]

Have you entertained the option of going with them?

It may seem like the hard thing to do but economically may be your best bet. If you can transfer within your company and still hold on to your pay rate you will probably have a leg up down South.

I was going to move to Covington, Kentucky, 2 bedroom apartments in what is basically a more upscale Red Bank were going for $550 a month with the bigger utilities included. My friend and i also could have rented out a house for $500 a mo. plus certain utilities.

I know you have friends, family and Reef here but if this is an opportunity that could secure you the ability to save money and eventually come back and get a place of your own.

maybe you should look into getting a new job someplace that is cheaper to live, even if it is not where your parents are, just to lower your cost of living in relation to how much you are making.

the good thing about the PA move is with the hours you work, the traffic should not be bad at all

[grlNIN]

Are you talking to me or Amy?

I don't understand why you quoted my entire post.

[JPMNICK]

Are you talking to me or Amy?

I don't understand why you quoted my entire post.

my fault, i usually hit quote to get me to the posting screen, and then clear out the message box instead of scrolling down to the bottom to hit the post button. i forgot to clear the box, and it is to late to edit it

[AngelAmy]

my fault, i usually hit quote to get me to the posting screen, and then clear out the message box instead of scrolling down to the bottom to hit the post button. i forgot to clear the box, and it is to late to edit it

i could SO edit it if i wanted to!!!!!

how cool am i!!

[Thebazile78]

The best rents are usually found in and around colleges... prices are generally lower in that area for cost of living for everything else as well.

I used to work at the off-campus housing referral service while I was in school (and living on-campus, oddly enough) at RU-New Brunswick.

Their website is: http://ruoffcampus.rutgers.edu/

The current 1-bedroom & studio listings range from $550 to $1000+ in varying degrees of OK or not so OK spots in the New Brunswick/Highland Park area. . .the nicer the area, the higher the rent. Also, listings where the owner lives in the building are not subject to rent control.

Another good feature of the Off-Campus Housing site is their roommate search (http://ruoffcampus.rutgers.edu/search/roommatesearch.asp). It's probably going to be as random as Craigslist, but at least you're narrowing the pool of potential weirdos to college students. (The service also works with grad students, who tend to be older and less into partying, so that might be a good preference for you if you need to sleep at weird hours.)

PM me if you're interested in other info, OK?

[Mike from Bklyn]

Consolidate your stuff. Get rid of everything you don't think you absolutely need. Learn to travel lite. It makes moving much easier. When you have to deal with roommates you might be moving a couple of times.
My mother got remarried when I was 23. I was given my walking papers. I'm 36 now and I have moved 6 times in 13 years. Good Luck,

[AngelAmy]

well i just pulled up to my house and there is a nice shiny new for sale sign out there. as soon as i saw it my heart skipped a beat or fell into the pit of my stomach or one of those not so nice feelings. it's here and it's scary

[weekapaugjz]

well i just pulled up to my house and there is a nice shiny new for sale sign out there. as soon as i saw it my heart skipped a beat or fell into the pit of my stomach or one of those not so nice feelings. it's here and it's scary

it sucks. when the house i grew up in went on the market, i was really shaken up by it. esp. cause the fact i didn't like the guy my mom married. i feel like i don't really have a "home" right now. i have my apt. which is mine but it's not the same. my mom's new place is awesome but it will never feel like home. you'll be able to get through this amy, you are a strong, fantastic girl and nothing can keep you down.

[StupidGirlllll]

Maybe after they sell the house, they will give you & your brother some $, since they are moving so far away..Hope for the best & as of section 8, in some areas I think there is a really long waiting list.. I know in Jersey City its closed.

[undressa]

I have an idea to help you get some cash, it was a sugestion from my sister
sell a bunch of your crap, trust me, people with buy anything
think ebay
think half.com

I bet if you really tried you could get 400bucks by the end of the month.

[Justice4all]

well i just pulled up to my house and there is a nice shiny new for sale sign out there. as soon as i saw it my heart skipped a beat or fell into the pit of my stomach or one of those not so nice feelings. it's here and it's scary

Amy, did you get my PM??

[ShelleBink]

Well dude, you know I'll do what I can... and you know I'm here for needing to vent too.

I refuse to see my hetero life partner in need and sit by idly!

[ralphbxny]

This sucks...I went through it when my parents divorced and no one made sure if I was ok so I was mad at them for years but we have since worked it out. I wish you all the luck. I know it wont be easy but you will be ok...you have all your buddies here!!!

[hydee]

I hate to be this way but at 24 you shouldn't still be living at home. It is past time for you to have left the nest and started your own life. It isn't your Mom and step dads place to make you feel comfortable with the decisions they are making with their life either. They are doing what adults do moving to live where they want to live a life they desire to live.

If on the other hand you had to live with them due to an illness or some other issue I could understand the problem you are having but honestly you really have to grow some balls now and start living your life.(girls can grow balls :) )

[ScottFromGA]

well i just pulled up to my house and there is a nice shiny new for sale sign out there. as soon as i saw it my heart skipped a beat or fell into the pit of my stomach or one of those not so nice feelings. it's here and it's scary

well Amy, look on the brightside.....at least your not pregnant!

:thumbup:

everything has a way of working itself out....

[MrPink]

I'm sort of in your situation, and I have no advice for you. Maybe you can join the military, I'm gonna do that when I get outta school.