Liquor Inspired writing

[keithy_19]

As many people have, I tend to write when I'm drunk. I guess I write all the time, but only get drunk on occasions.

But, the past time I was drunk, two days ago, I wrote something that I'm really proud of. Would anyone like to read it and tell me what they think?

[Yerdaddy]

no

[JPMNICK]

bring it to bar 9

[Yerdaddy]

I'm just joshing ya. In the old days I used to write when I was drunk or high and thought what I was writing was a work of literary genius until I read it sober the next day and saw my writing for what it was - a sheepy post without teh funny.

But during my last couple drinking years - when I knew I was an alcoholic and was scared shitless - hangovers were the only time I had any clarity of mind and was when I did my best writing of my life. Now that I'm struggling to get started as a writer I find myself pondering getting liquored up again. And that's got me scared again.

There are plenty of well-known alcoholic writers but I don't know any of them who actually wrote anything worth a shit while they were drunk. Maybe some of the beat generation writers like Vonnegut or Bukowski, but not guys like Hemmingway, Chandler, Faulkner or Poe.

[keithy_19]

It's not that it's great, it's that I just think it's clever. It's extremely angsty, but in a sex pistols punk kind of way, rather than a 2000 emo band way.

It's lyrics, so the tune in my head has a very jovial drinking song type of thing going on.

I'll just throw out one stanza of it which for whatever reason I really adore.

So I just become so sick of myself
Because I kiss her like I kissed you like I can kiss no one else
In theory it’s a shame but in practice its worse
How you, you fucking bitch, you’ve become my curse


The throwing of "you fucking bitch" is pretty juvenile sounding. But at the same time as I dislike it, I enjoy the pure first thing that comes to my head emotion side of it. How, soemtimes in relationships the first thing that you blurt out isn't usually prolific at all and upon thinking about it you feel kind of dumb and dissapointed that you couldn't think of something more inteligent.

[midwestjeff]

Writing when you are drunk is great. Keep doing it. I will right now. Youth fades and eventually you have to deal with things that even the pen can't heal. You find yourself left with empty bottles and an empty head. You keep searching but there is nothing that can take you back or restore those precious thoughts that you had. God, they were brilliant. The world was mine. I could see the past and the future and hold it all in my stupid little hand. My struggle was real. Everything i felt was new and exciting. I saw my future. I saw friends die. Now they're dead and i don't know what to do. Type away. Work. Work. Pay. Pay. There will be something, someday. It is all worth it and everything isn't nothing. Lonliness is not an option. Your old friends are still your friends. Find shelter. Sanctuary. There is none. Done and done. The only thing i have is a radio show and a shitty job to get me through to those silent nights. Silent night, holy night. Really? Holy? Fuck that, it is all silence around here. Silence and the thought of what should have, could have been. This is it, and it can only get better, or so i tell myself. You feel that sting. That's just pride fucking with you. I am an idiot. You are an idiot. Never forget that. No one understands and no one has control. But maybe somebody understands. Emrace that. It will go away.


Writing drunk is silly. Feels like brilliance, reads like dogshit. Living proof. :drunk:

[spoon]

oops'

[PapaBear]

oops'
I've drunk written that one a few times.

[thejives]

So I just become so sick of myself
Because I kiss her like I kissed you like I can kiss no one else
In theory it’s a shame but in practice its worse
How you, you fucking bitch, you’ve become my curse





mmm. That's good angst.

I suggest you keep doing what you're doing, but drink more and write on the walls with a sharpie.

Then take pictures. And post them. :smile:

[Dougie Brootal]

seems cool if you ask me. id like to read the whole thing.


mmm. That's good angst.

I suggest you keep doing what you're doing, but drink more and write on the walls with a sharpie.

Then take pictures. And post them. :smile:

:lol::drunk::tongue::laugh::clap::thumbup:

[The Silencer]

:clap::drunk:

[drjoek]

mmm. That's good angst.

I suggest you keep doing what you're doing, but drink more and write on the walls with a sharpie.

Then take pictures. And post them. :smile:

:drunk:Stop stealing my sig pig gimmick :annoyed:

[keithy_19]

I Hate You

There are a lot of things going on in my head
I sit in my room and I think about the weather
Cause it’s the only thing that I can see
When I’m driving to no ones company

And the blue of the sky doesn’t seem so bright
And the shiner you left after we had our fight
Is the one I’ll remember when I think of you
No more parks, no more dreams, no more telling the truth
And I hate you
Yes I hate you
Because you broke my heart and then you lied
Or it could have been reversed but what matters is that a part of me died
And now every relationship I try to start
It’s stained with the love and the lies you left when you did depart
So this new girl she’s wonderful with hair so gold
And it’s better than the shit colored hair I would hold
And it’s straight and it’s smooth not like your curls
And just thinking of your smile makes me want to hurl

So I just become so sick of myself
Because I kiss her like I kissed you like I can kiss no one else
In theory it’s a shame but in practice its worse
How you, you fucking bitch you’ve become my curse
And I hate you
Yes I hate you
Because you broke my heart and then you lied
Or it could have been reversed but what matters is a part of me died
And now every relationship I try to start
Is tainted the love and the lies you left when you did depart
So fuck myself and then fuck you
I did all the things that I could do
Yeah I’m a dick and a creep and a douche
But at least I’m not a whore just like you
And I hate you
The one thing that I know is true
I’ll give you the letter, show you the noose
To prove just how much I hate you

[DarkHippie]

I Hate You

There are a lot of things going on in my head
I sit in my room and I think about the weather
Cause it’s the only thing that I can see
When I’m driving to no ones company

And the blue of the sky doesn’t seem so bright
And the shiner you left after we had our fight
Is the one I’ll remember when I think of you
No more parks, no more dreams, no more telling the truth
And I hate you
Yes I hate you
Because you broke my heart and then you lied
Or it could have been reversed but what matters is that a part of me died
And now every relationship I try to start
It’s stained with the love and the lies you left when you did depart
So this new girl she’s wonderful with hair so gold
And it’s better than the shit colored hair I would hold
And it’s straight and it’s smooth not like your curls
And just thinking of your smile makes me want to hurl

So I just become so sick of myself
Because I kiss her like I kissed you like I can kiss no one else
In theory it’s a shame but in practice its worse
How you, you fucking bitch you’ve become my curse
And I hate you
Yes I hate you
Because you broke my heart and then you lied
Or it could have been reversed but what matters is a part of me died
And now every relationship I try to start
Is tainted the love and the lies you left when you did depart
So fuck myself and then fuck you
I did all the things that I could do
Yeah I’m a dick and a creep and a douche
But at least I’m not a whore just like you
And I hate you
The one thing that I know is true
I’ll give you the letter, show you the noose
To prove just how much I hate you

You've gotten much much better. You're learning to write what you feel as opposed to writing what you think you feel. Excellent!!

Not that its perfect. there are a few awkward lines which I've put in bold for you.

[keithy_19]

Some of it is awkward and I was too lazy to go back and fix them so they're not as awkward. I've written more poetry than lrics lately which I think are better. But, I don't think it's to bad for being intoxicated.

And thanks for the compliments. It means a lot.

[buzzard]

If you write drunk in diary form to yerself,you get insight ..If you post drunk in here you get a mod-quote.:dry:

[DarkHippie]

Some of it is awkward and I was too lazy to go back and fix them so they're not as awkward. I've written more poetry than lrics lately which I think are better. But, I don't think it's to bad for being intoxicated.

And thanks for the compliments. It means a lot.

If you are too lazy to go back and fix it, why post it and ask for feedback? Unless by feedback you meant "everyone tell me how great it is"

Seriously, I took an interest in your work cause i thought you had talent and I was always told that writers should help out the younger generation. but if you aren't gonna put in the work to perfect it, you will never make it as a writer.

[Dougie Brootal]

i agree with darkhippie. its a good start and it really conveys the emotion your feeling. i think you should go back and clean it up a little. try to make it flow in your own diction ( i think thats the word ). more like how you would actually say it. ya know? but other than that, i think its cool. and its very theraputic for you to get that shit out. keep it up! and let us see the next draft!

[grlNIN]

I prefer to write with my head in the oven.

[FUNKMAN]

I prefer to write with my head in the oven.

now that's hot...

[Ay Kay Forty2]

what about drunken posts. Do you think your post more or write more then you normally would sober?

Because there's been times when I don't even know what I wrote. Nothing crazy, but I don't wanta see someone comment on why my last post said that spaghetti comes outta my dick in a thread about the consequences of abortion.

[keithy_19]

If you are too lazy to go back and fix it, why post it and ask for feedback? Unless by feedback you meant "everyone tell me how great it is"

Seriously, I took an interest in your work cause i thought you had talent and I was always told that writers should help out the younger generation. but if you aren't gonna put in the work to perfect it, you will never make it as a writer.

I should clarify that. I didn't really go back and fix it up cause I was working on other things. Lazy wasn't the right term. I've beenw riting other stuff as of late. But, maybe by the end of tonight I'll have the second draft of it up.

[buzzard]

I should clarify that. I didn't really go back and fix it up cause I was working on other things. Lazy wasn't the right term. I've beenw riting other stuff as of late. But, maybe by the end of tonight I'll have the second draft of it up.

you should possibly learn to take constructive criticism too keithy..I may be wrong however,that's what(in My opinion)darkHippie was offering you,don't stop being just stop agreeing and excusing.

[IamPixie]

I prefer to write with my head in the oven.

first of all, that's pretty good.

Seriously, I took an interest in your work cause i thought you had talent and I was always told that writers should help out the younger generation. but if you aren't gonna put in the work to perfect it, you will never make it as a writer.

I also I wanna commend Keithy for putting himself out there. I think it that takes a certain level of courage to post that sort of thing. Dark Hippie's post makes me think that maybe we should start a thread where people post their creative writing. Look at the slpash Kathleens Dear Ron and Fez show was created. what do you guys think?

[keithy_19]

you should possibly learn to take constructive criticism too keithy..I may be wrong however,that's what(in My opinion)darkHippie was offering you,don't stop being just stop agreeing and excusing.

I know that Darkhippie was offering constructive criticism. I didn't take offense to it. He's always read my stuff when I've posted it and given good, hoenst, constructive advice. I was just saying that I didn't word my statement correctly.

And thank you pixie. It'd be neat to have a thread like that too.

[keithy_19]

Once Called Mine

The park we fell in love in has been flooded out
I cling to the bridge but my fingers slip away
I reach for you to grab me, keep me from my grave
But your hands are in his pockets so I just drift

Your smile it consumes me as I take more water in
My lungs can’t take it and I begin to smell your scent
Athena calls my name quietly and I wish to respond
But Hades has my neck clutched so no words pass my tongue

I know it’s beautiful up there if I could only reach the top
Of this dark casket floating on currents that never stop
They just keep on cycling past your new home
Away from tired boy with someone you now love

Though my visions blurry I see your life pass before my eyes
I sink deeper as I see the time spent with me
I see the parks and your room and my favorite blanket
I saw the tears you shed on that boat as you handed him my jacket

While you float on nearing home sweet home
I sink deeper from everything that I know
As you both touch, kiss, hold, and love
The one you didn’t is just trying to overcome

Away with the memories and inside jokes
Fading is the way that your head felt on my shoulder
Replaced with the sight of another mans fingers
Lightly touching the skin of the one I once called mine

[grlNIN]

I loved you

You didn't love me

Fuck the world




-END

[JPMNICK]

I loved you

You didn't love me

Fuck the world

-END

perfection

[PapaBear]

I loved you

You didn't love me

Fuck the world




-END

perfection
Eh... I would have ended it with "FIN". Then it would have (as ESD would say) keech.

[grlNIN]

Whatever i have an artist's soul.

[PapaBear]

Sorry. I've just been dying to say "keech" for a week.

[FUNKMAN]

Sorry. I've just been dying to post "keach" for a week.

http://www.theofficialjohncarpenter.com/data/movies/biopics/bpskeach.jpg

[keithy_19]

I loved you

You didn't love me

Fuck the world




-END

I could have just written that. But, then I think I would be letting down the millions of people on this messageboard who expect this poetry from me.

And also, it'll help get me laid by girls who are taken in by words.

[Dougie Brootal]

I could have just written that. But, then I think I would be letting down the millions of people on this messageboard who expect this poetry from me.

And also, it'll help get me laid by dudes who are taken in by words.

:wub:

[DarkHippie]

first of all, that's pretty good.



I also I wanna commend Keithy for putting himself out there. I think it that takes a certain level of courage to post that sort of thing. Dark Hippie's post makes me think that maybe we should start a thread where people post their creative writing. Look at the slpash Kathleens Dear Ron and Fez show was created. what do you guys think?

well, I've had a link to my portfolio up for months and no one has gone to it, so I don't think people care that much. :annoyed:

[keithy_19]

well, I've had a link to my portfolio up for months and no one has gone to it, so I don't think people care that much. :annoyed:

I never notied your portfolio. I'll go to it right now, bookmark it, and check it frequently.

[keithy_19]

“You’re not worried that you’re going to Hell?”
“Nope.” She finished her cigarette and flicked it away. “Do Jews even believe in Hell?”
“I don’t remember. I guess we gotta believe in something.”

:clap:

I really like it. It's intelligent and has a great flow. You can really get the imagery too. I could easily visualize the cemetary, and the rabbi walking away and the way the cigarette smoke looked as it flowed from her mouth an dissipated into the air.

Bravo sir, bravo.

[keithy_19]

She used to be into hip hop and then got into rock because of me. Now she's back to lsitening to reggaetron, the worst music possible. But I wrote her a rap song. Sad to say I wasn't durnk at all with this one. And no, I didnt mean it to be serious.

"Cristina’s rap, yo yo pantyhose motha fucka got me in a gat fight”

Oh good grief she says like she’s a regular Charlie Brown
But she brings more cool than snoopy to my town
And she’s got these curves that make time stand still
And she’s got the scent of a rose that I proudly display on the my windowsill

And she’s got these lips that are so fucking full
And they taste so much better than when I take a pull
From the cigarettes that I stopped cause of her
She knows how to make my dog bark and I can make her pussy purr

And her parents didn’t like me but I’m trying real hard
To see her as much as I can even without any car
And when I finally see her well the lights fucking shine
And all the bad things in the world feel so fucking fine

[JPMNICK]

She used to be into hip hop and then got into rock because of me. Now she's back to lsitening to reggaetron, the worst music possible. But I wrote her a rap song. Sad to say I wasn't durnk at all with this one. And no, I didnt mean it to be serious.

"Cristina’s rap, yo yo pantyhose motha fucka got me in a gat fight”

Oh good grief she says like she’s a regular Charlie Brown
But she brings more cool than snoopy to my town
And she’s got these curves that make time stand still
And she’s got the scent of a rose that I proudly display on the my windowsill

And she’s got these lips that are so fucking full
And they taste so much better than when I take a pull
From the cigarettes that I stopped cause of her
She knows how to make my dog bark and I can make her pussy purr

And her parents didn’t like me but I’m trying real hard
To see her as much as I can even without any car
And when I finally see her well the lights fucking shine
And all the bad things in the world feel so fucking fine


you have a lot of balls for posting that. i give you props

[keithy_19]

you have a lot of balls for posting that. i give you props

Thanks. It's quite possibly the worst thing I've ever written. Scratch that, the worst thing anyone has ever written.

[Dougie Brootal]

well, I've had a link to my portfolio up for months and no one has gone to it, so I don't think people care that much. :annoyed:

:smoke:i dont click links. im much too cool for that shit.:smoke: post it here.

[IamPixie]

:smoke:i dont click links. im much too cool for that shit.:smoke: post it here.

I agree...I never noticed that link D_H. pull the trigger and post it here!

[DarkHippie]

These are 3000 word short stories. Jon would beat my ass. Just click the link

[Dougie Brootal]

These are 3000 word short stories. Jon would beat my ass. Just click the link

only if you say the magic word..... :tongue:

[DarkHippie]

only if you say the magic word..... :tongue:

A la peanut butter sandwiches!!

[Dougie Brootal]

A la peanut butter sandwiches!!

SWEET! READING THE UNVEILING NOW!

[Dougie Brootal]

These are 3000 word short stories. Jon would beat my ass. Just click the link

only if you say the magic word..... :tongue:

A la peanut butter sandwiches!!

SWEET! READING THE UNVEILING NOW!

I LIKED IT! it was very descriptive and it was fun to read! pretty depressing though, but thats not a bad thing!

[keithy_19]

I'm drunk. Subsequently I'mw riting a play. A fan of theater since the age of six, I've decided to go at it and write soemthing halfway decent. Oh boy.

[midwestjeff]

I'm drunk. Subsequently I'mw riting a play. A fan of theater since the age of six, I've decided to go at it and write soemthing halfway decent. Oh boy.

A little tip; use spellcheck. :innocent:

[keithy_19]

I started the play, but gave up on it for the time being. No desire to write it right now.

Though, I did write this, which is very personal yet universal at the same time I think. I doubt it'll make a whole lot of sense. Give it a go though.

This plastic tomb is a place for the living dead
Loud noise ruining the eternal peace
The calling of angels asking if everything is fine
Wide eyed responses tell all

The curiosity of the missteps of the synergy
The dance that does nothing but tear apart
Nothing left but a shell of once workable parts
Led to waste away in the cruelest of suffering

‘Bleed for me’ it cries and you must obey
To achieve wellness pain is the sacrifice
Hurting the very thing that is causing hurt
The pieces don’t fit but there’s no questions allowed

The hero falls victim to the thing that makes him great
The villain loses battles but inevitably wins the war
The choirs sing praise but it all falls on deaf ears
As all the prayers count for nothing more but air