A question for the sentimental and emotional ladies of the board

[Judge Smails]

This is a confession/question. (It's long, I know. So just ignore it if you have ADD like King Hippo)

Here goes: My wife and I are highschool sweethearts of a sort. After years of knowing each other, our very first date was our Senior Prom. We dated, off and on, throughout college before getting married. The very first gift I gave her (while still in highschool) was this little white stuffed Gund Polar Bear. It quickly became our little relationship mascot. This thing went EVERYWHERE with her. It was always on her bed. She would bring it back and forth to college. It came on every vacation with us, including our honeymoon. We pretty much treated it like a child, because we were young, stupid and in love and that's just the sort of thing that young, stupid and in love people do.

Flash forward to about a year and a half ago. We were already married about 11 years at the time and I was doing some house cleaning when I came across this stuffed polar bear in a box of otherwise important items. Now, since I have a penis, I had no idea (or recollection) as to what this thing was and why it would be in a box of important documents. Figuring it was a mistake of some sort, I just chucked the thing in the trash.

Flash forward, again, to the present. My wife has been REALLY emotional lately. We just buried her grandmother last week and my wife is a complete wreck. On top of that, her Aunt Flow is visiting this week. She's been really nostalgic and sentimental and has been looking through old photos and mementos. This weekend she says to me: "Remember that little stuffed polar bear?" (Apparently his name was Snuff) "I've been going crazy looking everywhere for him. Do you know where he is? " To which I say: "Geez, no. But I'm sure he'll turn up eventually."

So, my question is: Do I let her know that her husband is an unromantic and thoughtless douch who through out the very first gift I gave her? Or, should I just follow the philosophy of "What she doesn't know won't hurt her" and let her continue to turn the house upside down and drive herself crazy looking for this thing?

[Dougie Brootal]

you should get a lawyer.........fast.

[commish13]

Ouch.

Sorry.

What's her email address?

[tupper65]

I'm not a lady, but I am emotional and sentimental.

Maybe you can go to the Gund site (www.gund.com). On there they have a bunch of 'E-tailers' (as opposed to retailers) and see if you can order a bear like the the one that you had. Order it with with express delivery and present it to your lovely wife.

[TooLowBrow]

snuffles
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41K%2BtdJDgXL._SL160_AA160_.jpg
$21 without any sentiment

[mendyweiss]

A New Bear Might Do THe Trick, Judge. Hope It All Works Out ( Keep An Eye On Aunt FLow,
She Might Upset The Delicate Balance )

[Judge Smails]

snuffles
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41K%2BtdJDgXL._SL160_AA160_.jpg
$21 without any sentiment

THAT'S THE ONE!!!!!!!!

[IamPixie]

I'm not a lady, but I am emotional and sentimental.

Maybe you can go to the Gund site (www.gund.com). On there they have a bunch of 'E-tailers' (as opposed to retailers) and see if you can order a bear like the the one that you had. Order it with with express delivery and present it to your lovely wife.

This is a good idea. Buy her a new one and tell her the truth....maybe get her a little something extra to make up for it.

[Furtherman]

I am not being sentimental or emotional here... but logically:

I wouldn't tell her that you didn't remember what it was... just that you may have accidentally thrown it away.

OR... you did come across it, but it was in bad shape (maybe infested with bugs) and you decided to get her a new one.

Either way... she may hold it against you if it seems like you forgotten something that was such a constant part of your early relationship. And that's a silly burden to walk around with.

[Kris10]

OUCH!!!! oh myyyyy! Wow. She was really attached to that thing, wasn't she? Get the new bear and explain that although you can't find the old one maybe the new one will due for the time being. I wouldn't mention chucking the original & hope you never in a drunkin state where you may bring it up otherwise your as good as divorced.

[LaBoob]

I am not being sentimental or emotional here... but logically:

I wouldn't tell her that you didn't remember what it was... just that you may have accidentally thrown it away.

OR... you did come across it, but it was in bad shape (maybe infested with bugs) and you decided to get her a new one.

Either way... she may hold it against you if it seems like you forgotten something that was such a constant part of your early relationship. And that's a silly burden to walk around with.

I think a 1/2 truth is definitely in order here. I would let her know about throwing it out (accident, bugs, whatever) and she most likely would be pretty upset... then I would bring out the new bear, or a bigger, better bear, and let her know how much she means to you, and let her know that you want this bear to represent the next chapter in your marriage and life, or that when she's upset about things, you want her to hug it and remember how much you love her, and that you hope it will make you feel better.

Husbands: don't throw your wife's shit away! Lots of women (me included) hold onto things that at one time meant a lot to them. Just ask first. My sister's husband is always trying to throw shit away at their house and some of it is mine, my sister's, my mother's, my grandmothers... and no, not all of it has sentimental value, but women like to be consulted on stuff like that.

[Kris10]

Husbands: don't throw your wife's shit away! Lots of women (me included) hold onto things that at one time meant a lot to them. Just ask first. My sister's husband is always trying to throw shit away at their house and some of it is mine, my sister's, my mother's, my grandmothers... and no, not all of it has sentimental value, but women like to be consulted on stuff like that.

Except if it has to do with an ex than by all means feel free to trash it. The only thing I can think of that I have that is my ex's his is wedding band because he left it here but come to think of it I don't know where it is, our daughter (I won't trash her!) and pictures that he is in with my daughter. Otherwise letters, shit he gave me, etc it can all go. Thats including any past ex's as well. I don't need any of that stuff, its all in the past and I don't want to hold on to the past.

[LaBoob]

True...It's best to just get rid of all that ex stuff. You don't need it hanging around cluttering up your life. Especially if your current love is going to stumble upon it.

[Lady Resin]

http://www.cuddlycollectibles.com/Teddy%20Bears/Gund%20Teddy%20Bears/teddy_bears_by_gund_snuffles.htm

[zathrus]

you have to buy her a new one & tell her the truth. flowers wouldn't hurt.

[milliehatchett]

i agree with the wise women who have already posted. Tell her what happened while you give her the new bear and Pixie's idea of a little something extra is perfect!

getting her something just cause you know she's been having a rough time is always good...a spa day (massage, facial, etc) or something else relaxing for her.

[Friday]

you have to buy her a new one & tell her the truth. flowers wouldn't hurt.

flowers die.

jewelry lasts forever...

[GvacMobile]

Let the crazy mood swing pass and she'll forget about it for a few more years.

[TooLowBrow]

i cant believe how nuts and guilty shes got you feeling. she should buy you something nice to make you feel better

[Kris10]

Nope! She'd be MORE upset that he didn't remember and threw the damn thing out! Your a guy, don't be so stupid!

I'm not a jewelry chick. I use to wear a really nice white gold necklace with diamond pendant but took it off when I got one of my tats and haven't put it back on. When I was married I had my engagement ring and wedding band on 24/7. I wear a white gold diamond ring my daughter gave me on my right hand. Thats pretty much it. Whatever jewelry I own I wear and don't take off.

Now a spa day... I. would. love. Wow. I couldn't even imagine.

[LaBoob]

Let the crazy mood swing pass and she'll forget about it for a few more years.

Spoken like a true guy.

[IMSlacker]

Let the crazy mood swing pass and she'll forget about it for a few more years.

Exactly. Deny, deny, deny. Since you already claimed you don't know what happend to it, no good can come from coming clean now.

[Judge Smails]

OK, little Snuff II has been ordered and it only cost me $16.50 including shipping. Thanks to everyone for your opinions on this touchy situation. To be honest, I have not yet decided on whether I will fess up, or try to pass this guy off as the original. Really, I'm not just trying to protect my own ass, but I'm trying to spare her some more grief. I know that she would still feel bad because this is not the original. I just hope to the blessed baby Jesus that she's not at home when this thing comes in the mail. Otherwise the jig is up. (I said "JIG", Earl.)

[LaBoob]

OK, little Snuff II has been ordered and it only cost me $16.50 including shipping. Thanks to everyone for your opinions on this touchy situation. To be honest, I have not yet decided on whether I will fess up, or try to pass this guy off as the original. Really, I'm not just trying to protect my own ass, but I'm trying to spare her some more grief. I know that she would still feel bad because this is not the original. I just hope to the blessed baby Jesus that she's not at home when this thing comes in the mail. Otherwise the jig is up. (I said "JIG", Earl.)

I wouldn't try to pass it off as the original... if your wife loved it as much as you say she did, then it was probably worn out, even if it was slightly worn out, she'll know the difference!

Good Luck!

[Gvac]

<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/N_5MoQLETlE&hl=en"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/N_5MoQLETlE&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>

[Kris10]

You wouldn't be able to pass if off as the original.. she'll be able to tell the difference. There will be some sort of wear to the original in 11 yrs that the new one will not have.

[Judge Smails]

You wouldn't be able to pass if off as the original.. she'll be able to tell the difference. There will be some sort of wear to the original in 11 yrs that the new one will not have.


Maybe if I run it through the washer and dryer twenty times and then kick it around the garage for a while? Great, now I'm starting to panic again. Thanks for nothing. :glurps:

[Sinestro]

No matter what happens.......she'll have that "thing" over you.



You: Honey where's my golf clubs and stuff?

Her: Those old things, I gave them away.





You: I'm going to the football game with the guys.

Her: I thought we planned on visiting my family. (and the look)


Your whipped!!!!

[TooLowBrow]

You: Honey where's my golf clubs and stuff?

Her: Those old things, I gave them away.

Your whipped!!!!

lets turn it around and play it out fully....

You: Honey where's my golf clubs and stuff?

Her: Those old things, I gave them away.

Her: Then I bought you new golf clubs and stuff. I know the old golf clubs and stuff meant a lot to you so I hope you're not mad.

You: Oooooh! New stuff!



see women? see the difference?

[SatCam]

Don't tell her that you threw it out because it was old or dirty. I could imagine she would get the most mad if you threw something sentimental out just because it was dirty.

Either tell her the truth or tell her you can't find the bear. Hopefully she would understand that you didn't realize it was "that" bear and threw it out without thinking. A new bear helps

[Kris10]

Maybe if I run it through the washer and dryer twenty times and then kick it around the garage for a while? Great, now I'm starting to panic again. Thanks for nothing. :glurps:

Just say you were looking for the old one couldn't find it but you found a friend til the old one shows up.

[PapaBear]

Snuff looks just like my Coca Cola polar bear. I must be sentimental, too. I bought him for my (now 12 year old) son, when my ex was pregnant with him. Unfortunately, my dog, Buddy chewed his nose off.

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y229/snowmaninva66/-MediaCard-BlackBerry-pictures-IMG0.jpg

[keithy_19]

i cant believe how nuts and guilty shes got you feeling. she should buy you something nice to make you feel better

He obviously loves her.

I got my girl friend a stuffed elephant because she was sick with a bad cold. We weren't a couple at the time, but she sleeps with the elephant every night and it's her favorite stuffed animal.

I'm putting this in the back of my mind so I'll never throw it out someday if me and her, in the future, get married. It holds some value even though I got it for free because of my sticky fingers. :smoke:

[Arienette]

i know i'm a little late chiming in here, but in case the great bear caper hasn't ended yet, i thought i'd add my opinion...

not surprisingly, i essentially agree with all of the girls and none of the guys. whatever your choice of explanation, the absolute worst thing you can do is try to pass off the bear as the origial one. she'll probably be able to tell the difference... and if the truth ever does come out, i'm pretty sure she'd be extra special pissed to find out that not only did you forget about the bear and throw him out and lie about it, but then you thought she was stupid enough to fall for a switch you probably couldn't pull over on a 3 year old. i don't know about her but, to me, having my intelligence underestimated so greatly would be way worse than all that other stuff.

the bottom line is that if you guys have been married for that long, i'm sure she's already aware of the differences between the two of you when it comes to sentimentality. even though we women may wish that our men were on the same wavelength as us regarding emotions, it's just not the way you all are wired. she's still with you, so i'd imagine she's come to terms with that.

[Justice4all]

OUCH!!!! oh myyyyy! Wow. She was really attached to that thing, wasn't she? Get the new bear and explain that although you can't find the old one maybe the new one will due for the time being. I wouldn't mention chucking the original & hope you never in a drunkin state where you may bring it up otherwise your as good as divorced.



I mostly agree with Rouski. Buy her the new one (which is already done), and then tell her since you can't find the original hopefully the new one will make her feel a little better.
DON'T tell her you acidentally chucked it...


...unless it is something like 10 years later and she is emotionally healed. Then I think you should tell her the truth. Tell her you felt like shit and ran out and got the new bear because of how much you were hurting FOR her. She should recognize what a good husband you are. At that point it would be ok to be truthful, but not now...when she is an emotional wreck over this.


That's my advice...for what it's worth.

[foodcourtdruide]

No reason to let her know what happened, will just hurt her. I say buy the same bear and enjoy good feelings.

[foodcourtdruide]

i know i'm a little late chiming in here, but in case the great bear caper hasn't ended yet, i thought i'd add my opinion...

not surprisingly, i essentially agree with all of the girls and none of the guys. whatever your choice of explanation, the absolute worst thing you can do is try to pass off the bear as the origial one. she'll probably be able to tell the difference... and if the truth ever does come out, i'm pretty sure she'd be extra special pissed to find out that not only did you forget about the bear and throw him out and lie about it, but then you thought she was stupid enough to fall for a switch you probably couldn't pull over on a 3 year old. i don't know about her but, to me, having my intelligence underestimated so greatly would be way worse than all that other stuff.

the bottom line is that if you guys have been married for that long, i'm sure she's already aware of the differences between the two of you when it comes to sentimentality. even though we women may wish that our men were on the same wavelength as us regarding emotions, it's just not the way you all are wired. she's still with you, so i'd imagine she's come to terms with that.

I don't think this is a man vs. woman thing. I think all of us recognize the symbolic nature of the bear. It sounds like he just didn't remember when he tossed it. Being married I think some fights/arguments just AREN'T worth it and this looks like one of those.

[Arienette]

I don't think this is a man vs. woman thing. I think all of us recognize the symbolic nature of the bear. It sounds like he just didn't remember when he tossed it.
but that's just the point, isn't it? if men and women were the same in that way, then he would have recognized and remembered the bear when he came across it in the box.

that "all of us recognize the symbolic nature of the bear," is only true because of the way the story was presented. he told us the story of the bear and what it meant to them early in their relationship. anyone who can read would recognize the symbolic nature.

that all being said, i think most of us are basically on the same page as far as our advice. and i'm not even saying that it's such a bad thing... judge smails seems like a nice guy who made an honest mistake and is trying not to hurt his wife's feelings any more than is necessary.

[Judge Smails]

I've been meaning to update this, though I'm sure no one remembers or cares, but here goes.

So, I ordered and got the bear back in April. I knew if I just handed it over to my wife she would know something was up. So, I went to the basement crawlspace where we were storing a desk from my daughter's bedroom set (which used to be my wife's) and stuck it in a draw. At Christmastime we moved some stuff around my daughter's room and decided to bring up the desk. Lo and behold guess what my wife found in the drawer?

My wife has her most cherished stuffed animal back (as far as she knows). My daughter has a new desk to do her homework at. And my lying, scheming and coniving gets me off the hook again. Everyone wins!

[weekapaugjz]

nicely played.

[~Katja~]

I've been meaning to update this, though I'm sure no one remembers or cares, but here goes.

So, I ordered and got the bear back in April. I knew if I just handed it over to my wife she would know something was up. So, I went to the basement crawlspace where we were storing a desk from my daughter's bedroom set (which used to be my wife's) and stuck it in a draw. At Christmastime we moved some stuff around my daughter's room and decided to bring up the desk. Lo and behold guess what my wife found in the drawer?

My wife has her most cherished stuffed animal back (as far as she knows). My daughter has a new desk to do her homework at. And my lying, scheming and coniving gets me off the hook again. Everyone wins!

did you rub it with dirt and run it through the wash before you put it in the drawer?
how would she not know it was new?

[Judge Smails]

did you rub it with dirt and run it through the wash before you put it in the drawer?
how would she not know it was new?

When I first got it I ran it through the washer and dryer once because I know that's what she used to do. Believe me - she was none the wiser.

Oh, and for something that was so personal to my wife - she just handed it right over to my eight year-old daughter the second she saw it and took an interest in it.

[~Katja~]

looks like you can get away with murder...

[The Greek]

fess up to the mistake, its worse having her thought she lost it. at the least blame it on an animal of sorts. I constantly blame my mistakes on the dog. did you break that plate?? no the dog did. works more than you would think.

[Mullenax]

fess up to the mistake, its worse having her thought she lost it. at the least blame it on an animal of sorts. I constantly blame my mistakes on the dog. did you break that plate?? no the dog did. works more than you would think.

I'll always remember your first post.

[~Katja~]

fess up to the mistake, its worse having her thought she lost it. at the least blame it on an animal of sorts. I constantly blame my mistakes on the dog. did you break that plate?? no the dog did. works more than you would think.

sometimes it helps checking dates and all posted replies

[The Greek]

ahh rookie mistake, so he didn't blame his dog? should have blamed it on the daughter, o i found a torn up stuffed animal and threw it away, i didn't realize, sorry heres a new one.

[nate1000]

I was doing some house cleaning when I came across this stuffed polar bear in a box of otherwise important items. Figuring it was a mistake of some sort, I just chucked the thing in the trash.

This is precicely why I refuse to do housework.

[TripleSkeet]

Whatever you do, dont ever fess up to throwing it out. No matter what these other people tell you. Youre already in the clear. By telling her that all you are doing is putting the idea in her head that you are an insensitive ass. I mean, Im all with you but Im sure shes gonna ask how the hell you could forget what that bear was when she brought it on your honeymoon.