Creepiest One Night Stand

[Gvac]

I'm sure we've all had 'em...random sexual encounters with women of questionable morals, ethics, and mental faculties. God bless 'em.

Sometimes they turn out to be a lot of fun, sometimes they're disastrous, and sometimes they're downright weird.

I hooked up with a chick in a bar one night who told me she was into witchcraft. Right then and there I had to have her. She was so strange I couldn't resist.

But that's not what I'm talking about. I mean the ones where you think the person you're hooking up with is at least semi-normal and then turns out to be batshit insane.

Who wants to kick it off?

[topless_mike]

PSYCHO
FEMALE
COCAINE
CRAZY.

This chick was uber-nuts. Like you said, batshit insane, only she wouldn't stop calling.
Leave me alone bitch.

I really wont divulge much further than that for privacy reasons.

[hunnerbun]

There was this one guy...obsessed with his hat, said he had disciples....tried to convert me to his beliefs.....:ohmy:

[Gvac]

There was this one guy...obsessed with his hat, said he had disciples....tried to convert me to his beliefs.....:ohmy:

He sounds pretty cool to me. :huh:

[Furtherman]

Waaaay too many. Way to many.

Have you seen crying after sex? Scary as hell. Even when you find out it's not you, just her crazy head... STILL... scary as hell.

[Marc with a c]

Ugh. Worst thread ever.

my worst turned out to have a buddy passed out in the room while the one night standing was happening, and apparently wasn't passed out the entire time.

[Gvac]

Waaaay too many. Way to many.

Have you seen crying after sex? Scary as hell. Even when you find out it's not you, just her crazy head... STILL... scary as hell.

How about during sex? That one scared me too.

[LaBoob]

Waaaay too many. Way to many.

Have you seen crying after sex? Scary as hell. Even when you find out it's not you, just her crazy head... STILL... scary as hell.

guilty...



How about during sex? That one scared me too


and guilty...

[Furtherman]

guilty...



and guilty...

Of being too good! OOOH! giggity

[LaBoob]

To be fair though, it's the alcohol that gets me. I can be flying high one minute and bawling my eyes out the next, but only if I really have something on my mind. I've been working really hard on not getting to that state and I'm getting much better! :laugh:

[Gvac]

To be fair though, it's the alcohol that gets me. I can be flying high one minute and bawling my eyes out the next, but only if I really have something on my mind. I've been working really hard on not getting to that state and I'm getting much better! :laugh:

I was going to ask what causes the 'crying during sex' thing but I guess you answered it.

Incidentally, that wasn't the creepiest thing that happened to me with a one night stand.

[jonyrotn]

There was this one guy...obsessed with his hat, said he had disciples....tried to convert me to his beliefs.....:ohmy:
Nice..Was this in between Nichole and Katie or his Top Gun years?

Ugh. Worst thread ever.

my worst turned out to have a buddy passed out in the room while the one night standing was happening, and apparently wasn't passed out the entire time.
Snuck from behind hey budday? Was the style of attack, Jail house or bath house ? Either way don't sweat it Marc, it could happen to the best of us..


Gvac, you have a way of dredging up the most painful memories..

I'm going to obstain from posting in this thread, for personal reasons.Maybe one day over a beer or two, but not today..And please don't start a thread about our best one night stands, because I'm gonna have to take the fifth on that one too..

Just know my guts are in knots right now and I'm filled with fear and shame..Not cool, dude..Not cool at all..

[Gvac]

Gvac, you have a way of dredging up the most painful memories..I'm going to obstain from posting in this thread, for personal reasons.Maybe one day over a beer or two, but not today..And please don't start a thread about our best one night stands, because I'm gonna have to take the fifth on that one..

Just know my guts are in knots right now and I'm filled with fear and shame..Not cool, dude..Not cool at all..

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

I can't promise anything...:innocent:

[Bossanova]

Hottub

[Hosp]

Wiccan, dated until I went to one of her mothers' houses (not one mother with mulitple houses, but multiple "mothers" each with their own house). Went up to her room and found a black candle with my name carved in it surrounded by flower petals.

Haven't dated since, what the hell curse did she put on me?

[topless_mike]

Haven't dated since, what the hell curse did she put on me?

does your junk still work?
...just askin

[Hosp]

Well, one time when she was giving me head she put a bruise on the head about the size of a nickle, but everything works fine.

[Marc with a c]

that's what you get for raping roberto

[Hosp]

that's what you get for raping roberto
HEY! He never said no.

[Ritalin]

How about during sex? That one scared me too.

I've been there. Freaked me out pretty good.

Still finished though. I mean, as long as you're there.

We did it again about a week later, it turns out I missed the crying.

(I know, "so I punched her" would be the best line right there, but I didn't punch her.)

(I told her she was fat)

[Marc with a c]

she probably was

[Creepy McFlirt]

All of my one night stands have been creepy. Go figure.

:wub:

[FUNKMAN]

after divorcing i met a lady on yahoo. we met at a parkway reststop and went to red bank for dinner. afterwards we went to point pleasant where she was renting a room. she put in a Boney James cd and everything was pretty cool.

she then began telling me about how her ex-boyfriend had convinced her and others she was insane. she had a daughter but right after she gave birth they took her daughter from her and 8 years later now she is trying to get her life together to get her daughter back.

then she started getting into the events 'leading up to' and her nervous breakdown. i'm on the bed, clothes on and i'm watching her at the foot of the bed reenacting, pounding her chest and loudly saying "get this pain out of me" over and over. then she started dancing to Boney and playing 'air trumpet'

i got a bit spooked and knew she had some deep emotional issues. she knew after the date she wasn't the one for me and I kept in touch just to see how she was making out. last thing I heard from her was her family disowned her and she had to get out of where she was living...

another lady who I exchanged e-mails and phonecalls with but never met had some horrible shit going on. she had a bad divorce and afterwards met a man. she eventually okay'd the man living with her. somehow this man got his name on the title to her house. he now also has a girlfriend and he has also threatened to kill this woman's daugthers. she has spent 40,000 so far trying to get his name off the title and out of the house. when this man goes with his girlfriend to florida for a week she has to watch his rothwielder(sp?) and a judge even sided with the man and she was ordered to watch the dog...

[outlawfrank]

The one night stand that sticks out really wasn't that bad. The morning wasn't to bad either. It was a couple of weeks later that was odd, and slightly hot. I ran into the girl at the same bar and her GIRLFRIEND, who is a big bitch, began yelling at me. Telling me to stay away from her girl, then abruptly her fist met my nose. I stood there shocked and then thrown out for instigating the fight.

Oh yes I have awoken to girls crying in shame as well.

[Leticia]

I had one at this party that one of my friends had in boston.

He actually got up afterwards (after all 2 1/2 minutes) and then said, "I'll be right back" and left.

What a jerk and an idiot. Cause we were going to see him the next day anyway (we were at my friend's place for the weekend)

We just ended up making fun of him for not only being a one minute man but for actually using the line i'll be right back and just fucking leaving.

So stupid, Also, it was not as is he sneaked away. I could clearly see the front door when he left. He was just drunk and an idiot.

I also have a drunk absolutely gross story.
But I will tell it cause I don't give a shit.

I had sex with this one guy after we left a bonfire we were at with some punk friends (punk rocker).

We had sex (which completely sucked) and it wasn't till the next day that I realized that I had a tampon on and he had pushed it deeper inside of me while we were doing it.

Don't throw up! lol. This actually happened to me.
It was the grossest thing ever.

Oh , and it came out while I was screaming a song at kareoke... but not all the way. I went to the batrhoom and then took it out.



Don't stop talking to me just because I had an awfully gross incident involving a tampons deep in my vagina which was only saved by singing a fast paced west side story song...
:unsure::unsure::help:

[Gvac]

Man, some of you are downright weird.

And I knew Leticia would win.

[A.J.]

What's a one night stand?

[ANC]

There was a stretch for about 3 years that it seemed every weekend I'd meet yet another girl that turned out to be nuts. I apologize for the length and wordiness of this story.

A few years ago before I met my girl, I went out with a friend of mine and his girl (like a third wheel) to go bar hoppin'. We hit Chumleys to grab some food, then went over to Tortilla Flats. I go outside for a smoke when this chick asks me for a light and starts talking to me. Telling me she's new to the city, she moved from Arizona, blah blah blah. She offers to buy me a drink and introduces me to her friend inside. Both chicks seem to really dig me both hanging on me and being all flirty. At which point they ask me if I have any cocaine, which I didn't (not my thing). After a few drinks we head over to Hogs and Heffers. The friend flashes the bouncer to get in and we follow. My buddy keeps giving me a look as if to say "You got one hell of a night ahead of ya". One chick pulls me into the bathroom to watch the door, takes a leak then molests me in the bathroom. We stumble out of the restroom and she buys yet another round of drinks. She proceeds to yell to everybody in the bar "Ya see this guy? I fuckin' love him" then pins me against the bar and further molests me. Then she says I'm wanna dance for you and stumbles on top of the bar. The dance was anything but sexy, picture Fredo's wife in Godfather II trying to dance like a srtipper. The extremely hot bartenders spray her with seltzer, say she's too drunk to dance on the bar and carry her out.
We all leave, my buddy and his girl go home and the three head to a diner on the Upper East Side. In the diner these 2 chicks are hammered and acting like a bunch of asses in front of a few cops at the counter who just laugh it off, look at me and and give me the "It better be worth it" look. We leave and the friend says she has to go home (to my disappointment) so me and the other chick go back to her place because she had more booze (looking back this reminds me a little of Barfly).
We get to her place and she's fading fast so she runs to the bathroom and comes out all perky. We start fooling around for a few hours. Afterwards she starts talking about what we will do the next afternoon, and what we'll do tomorrow, and then next weekend. So I start to freak. I mean after 1 drunken evening she was a few thoughts shy of picking out names for our kids. So I say I gotta help my brother-in-law with a job in South Jersey just so I can get the hell out of there. She got this real creepy (not sexy) look and said "You're not going anywhere, we're going to spend the afternoon together" and holds my wrists down to the bed. Now she's about 120 pounds so I just lift her off me and say I really gotta go. She lunges at me and starts kissing me, loses her balance and falls back on the bed. I make a run for the door and she slips by me and blocks the door and starts kissing me again. I slink my way to the door and finally find my way out and she runs after me. I forget that her place is on the 6th floor and it's a walkup so I ran my ass off, busted out the front door and headed toward 1st Ave. She was yelling at me down the street from the front of her building. I ran in the middle of traffic and jumped into the first cab I saw and I got the fuck outta dodge.

[LaBoob]

There was a stretch for about 3 years that it seemed every weekend I'd meet yet another girl that turned out to be nuts. I apologize for the length and wordiness of this story.

A few years ago before I met my girl, I went out with a friend of mine and his girl (like a third wheel) to go bar hoppin'. We hit Chumleys to grab some food, then went over to Tortilla Flats. I go outside for a smoke when this chick asks me for a light and starts talking to me. Telling me she's new to the city, she moved from Arizona, blah blah blah. She offers to buy me a drink and introduces me to her friend inside. Both chicks seem to really dig me both hanging on me and being all flirty. At which point they ask me if I have any cocaine, which I didn't (not my thing). After a few drinks we head over to Hogs and Heffers. The friend flashes the bouncer to get in and we follow. My buddy keeps giving me a look as if to say "You got one hell of a night ahead of ya". One chick pulls me into the bathroom to watch the door, takes a leak then molests me in the bathroom. We stumble out of the restroom and she buys yet another round of drinks. She proceeds to yell to everybody in the bar "Ya see this guy? I fuckin' love him" then pins me against the bar and further molests me. Then she says I'm wanna dance for you and stumbles on top of the bar. The dance was anything but sexy, picture Fredo's wife in Godfather II trying to dance like a srtipper. The extremely hot bartenders spray her with seltzer, say she's too drunk to dance on the bar and carry her out.
We all leave, my buddy and his girl go home and the three head to a diner on the Upper East Side. In the diner these 2 chicks are hammered and acting like a bunch of asses in front of a few cops at the counter who just laugh it off, look at me and and give me the "It better be worth it" look. We leave and the friend says she has to go home (to my disappointment) so me and the other chick go back to her place because she had more booze (looking back this reminds me a little of Barfly).
We get to her place and she's fading fast so she runs to the bathroom and comes out all perky. We start fooling around for a few hours. Afterwards she starts talking about what we will do the next afternoon, and what we'll do tomorrow, and then next weekend. So I start to freak. I mean after 1 drunken evening she was a few thoughts shy of picking out names for our kids. So I say I gotta help my brother-in-law with a job in South Jersey just so I can get the hell out of there. She got this real creepy (not sexy) look and said "You're not going anywhere, we're going to spend the afternoon together" and holds my wrists down to the bed. Now she's about 120 pounds so I just lift her off me and say I really gotta go. She lunges at me and starts kissing me, loses her balance and falls back on the bed. I make a run for the door and she slips by me and blocks the door and starts kissing me again. I slink my way to the door and finally find my way out and she runs after me. I forget that her place is on the 6th floor and it's a walkup so I ran my ass off, busted out the front door and headed toward 1st Ave. She was yelling at me down the street from the front of her building. I ran in the middle of traffic and jumped into the first cab I saw and I got the fuck outta dodge.

Haha... hysterical. I love that you had to actually run away from this girl. She sounds bat-shit crazy! I love it!


Leticia: Oh , and it came out while I was screaming a song at kareoke... but not all the way. I went to the batrhoom and then took it out.



Leticia ... this story kicked my ass! Especially this part about screaming a karaoke song and pushing it out... I can just imagine your face the moment you realized you just pushed it out from screaming so hard... hilarious. Let alone the fact that you went straight from dirty tampon sex to singing your heart out!

[grlNIN]

There was a girl in my HS somewhat around the older kids i hungout with that had the tampon thing happen to her.

I have cried during and after sex on a few occasions.

I haven't had any weird one night stands perse. I've pretty much known all the people i've hooked up with. One gave me a severe kidney infection though, i hated that kid.

[Justice4all]

We get to her place and she's fading fast so she runs to the bathroom and comes out all perky. We start fooling around for a few hours. Afterwards she starts talking about what we will do the next afternoon, and what we'll do tomorrow, and then next weekend. So I start to freak. I mean after 1 drunken evening she was a few thoughts shy of picking out names for our kids. So I say I gotta help my brother-in-law with a job in South Jersey just so I can get the hell out of there. She got this real creepy (not sexy) look and said "You're not going anywhere, we're going to spend the afternoon together" and holds my wrists down to the bed. Now she's about 120 pounds so I just lift her off me and say I really gotta go. She lunges at me and starts kissing me, loses her balance and falls back on the bed. I make a run for the door and she slips by me and blocks the door and starts kissing me again. I slink my way to the door and finally find my way out and she runs after me. I forget that her place is on the 6th floor and it's a walkup so I ran my ass off, busted out the front door and headed toward 1st Ave. She was yelling at me down the street from the front of her building. I ran in the middle of traffic and jumped into the first cab I saw and I got the fuck outta dodge.

Yea that funny white powder will make you do weird things won't it???
I was with someone who did a line right before she jumped into bed (I didn't know it at the time). When we were done her heart was racing like she just ran the 4 minute mile. I thought it was due to what we just did. I found out almost 24 hours later she went into my bathroom and did some coke. Not cool. So I never ever slept with her again. (yea I know, shocking but true) it was kinda creepy AFTER the fact.

But as for having to escape from someone's house/apartment? That hasn't happened to me. Thank god.

Gvac, you have a way of dredging up the most painful memories. I'm going to obstain from posting in this thread, for personal reasons.Maybe one day over a beer or two, but not today..And please don't start a thread about our best one night stands, because I'm gonna have to take the fifth on that one too.

Just know my guts are in knots right now and I'm filled with fear and shame..Not cool, dude..Not cool at all.

Well I wouldn't say not cool (he can ask any question he wants, it's up to you to answer or not) but as far as the othet stuff goes, for MY life it is QFT.
When you start to crawl out of a personal hell you look back and realize some of the dumbest shit you ever did and some you laugh at but there are a select few that really make you hang your head in shame.

I had one at this party that one of my friends had in boston.

He actually got up afterwards (after all 2 1/2 minutes) and then said, "I'll be right back" and left.

We just ended up making fun of him for not only being a one minute man but for actually using the line i'll be right back and just fucking leaving.


I had sex with this one guy after we left a bonfire we were at with some punk friends (punk rocker).

We had sex (which completely sucked) and it wasn't till the next day that I realized that I had a tampon on and he had pushed it deeper inside of me while we were doing it.

Don't throw up! lol. This actually happened to me.
It was the grossest thing ever.

Oh , and it came out while I was screaming a song at kareoke... but not all the way. I went to the batrhoom and then took it out.



Don't stop talking to me just because I had an awfully gross incident involving a tampons deep in my vagina which was only saved by singing a fast paced west side story song...
:unsure::unsure::help:

Was it "I like to pee...I mean BE in America?":laugh:

Hey at least we know how to induce labor if needed down the road Leticia! Just put you on stage and start singing show tunes!

Alcohol + idiot= Oil + water. It doesn't mix (but sometimes can be hysterical to the buzzed or sober person)
I was in a threesome where one of the women forgot for almost a WEEK (according to her) she had her tampon still in her. WE (me and the other girl) only found this out in the middle of the event. Boy did that kill things off really fast. And the tampon chick wanted to keep going after she took it out of her and dumped it to the side of the trampoline (we were outside and it was nighttime).
We both laughed and just didn't continue.
Never saw tampon chick after that day again.
Eeeesh. my life is so amusing.:unsure:

after divorcing i met a lady on yahoo. we met at a parkway reststop and went to red bank for dinner. afterwards we went to point pleasant where she was renting a room. she put in a Boney James cd and everything was pretty cool.

she then began telling me about how her ex-boyfriend had convinced her and others she was insane. she had a daughter but right after she gave birth they took her daughter from her and 8 years later now she is trying to get her life together to get her daughter back.

then she started getting into the events 'leading up to' and her nervous breakdown. i'm on the bed, clothes on and i'm watching her at the foot of the bed reenacting, pounding her chest and loudly saying "get this pain out of me" over and over. then she started dancing to Boney and playing 'air trumpet'

i got a bit spooked and knew she had some deep emotional issues. she knew after the date she wasn't the one for me and I kept in touch just to see how she was making out. last thing I heard from her was her family disowned her and she had to get out of where she was living...

another lady who I exchanged e-mails and phonecalls with but never met had some horrible shit going on. she had a bad divorce and afterwards met a man. she eventually okay'd the man living with her. somehow this man got his name on the title to her house. he now also has a girlfriend and he has also threatened to kill this woman's daugthers. she has spent 40,000 so far trying to get his name off the title and out of the house. when this man goes with his girlfriend to florida for a week she has to watch his rothwielder(sp?) and a judge even sided with the man and she was ordered to watch the dog...

FUNK, what a godsend that this chick knew she wasn't for you after the date. Can you imaging if she started to spout the 'we're soulmates' crap? She would have never left you alone. Thank god for small miracles. I am guessing you are not in touch with her anymore. (You are a wiser man then I am most of the time)

And as far as the woman with the dog....I would have let it run away and just claimed it 'escaped'.

ps. Rottweiler (was that what you were going for?)

[FUNKMAN]

ps. Rottweiler (was that what you were going for?)

exactly! thank you sir

[topless_mike]

Don't stop talking to me just because I had an awfully gross incident involving a tampons deep in my vagina which was only sav

knowing she can take a tampon and a rod = HAWT !


... just sayin

[Midkiff]

after divorcing i met a lady on yahoo. we met at a parkway reststop and went to red bank for dinner. afterwards we went to point pleasant where she was renting a room. she put in a Boney James cd and everything was pretty cool.

she then began telling me about how her ex-boyfriend had convinced her and others she was insane. she had a daughter but right after she gave birth they took her daughter from her and 8 years later now she is trying to get her life together to get her daughter back.

then she started getting into the events 'leading up to' and her nervous breakdown. i'm on the bed, clothes on and i'm watching her at the foot of the bed reenacting, pounding her chest and loudly saying "get this pain out of me" over and over. then she started dancing to Boney and playing 'air trumpet'

i got a bit spooked and knew she had some deep emotional issues. she knew after the date she wasn't the one for me and I kept in touch just to see how she was making out. last thing I heard from her was her family disowned her and she had to get out of where she was living...

Yes, but did you fuck her?

[FUNKMAN]

Yes, but did you fuck her?

i never get blown and fucked and tell

[Justice4all]

knowing she can take a tampon and a rod = HAWT !


... just sayin
Either that or the guys dick was so small it could fit in there with the tampon.
Which wouldn't be good for him.



I would think anyway...

[Justice4all]

Yes, but did you fuck her?

I could tell if he did or didn't by what he said.
But I'm not saying either.

[LaBoob]

i never get blown and fucked and tell

:lol:

[Furtherman]

This thread is bringing back things I haven't thought of in years!!! Back into the closet, beasty!!!


This isn't that creepy, but one time in college, a one-nighter began telling everyone how we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Even followed me to another party... in another state... and started making out with me after I puked. I mean... minutes after I puked. Her advances were ignored. She sent a guy friend to... I think beat me up... but it never happened, because we started talking and even eventually became friends. We both agreed that she was nuts!! Ooooh she hated me after that.

[Friday]

Man, some of you are downright weird.

And I knew Leticia would win.

Friday for the challenge:

we were all drunk at my best friends house (not an uncommon occurrence).
my friend and I, who had always flirted and made out even when he had a girlfriend, were finally both single so we got frisky.

well ... the computer room was free.
and let's just say that in the middle, my head bashed against the computer chair so hard that it came crashing down on my face.
and cracked my front tooth.

i cried and ran into my best friends bedroom drunk and embarrassed.
to top it all off I had a similar situation as Letitia's tampon except with a condom.
arrrrrgh.

and I had to go to work with the freaking hole in my smile before i could get a dentist appt.

yeah.

i am glad those days are over.
nothing but love for one lucky man from now on!

[Uncle Fezster]

http://members.aol.com/kfbofpql/wolfberg.gif



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[Gvac]

OK, my creepiest one night stand didn't involve anything as outlandish as some of the stuff posted here but it weirded me out just the same.

A chick that was at the bar my band had played at came home with me and spent the night. It was great and there was nothing too freaky or crazy that went down, until the next morning.

We were hanging out drinking coffee and having a cigarette and she said "I'll be right back" and ran out to her car. She came back in with the promotional poster of the band that was hanging in the bar (I had no idea she had taken it) and asked for my autograph.

MY AUTOGRAPH.

It was the freakiest thing that ever happened to me and I had no clue how to react. I just sat there staring at her like she was a maniac for a while and finally said "W H A T ?!?!" She said she was serious and wanted it. I refused. I explained "I'm a jerkoff from New Jersey who plays in a bar band, I'm not a rock star."

She couldn't believe I wouldn't sign it.

I couldn't believe she wanted me to.

It still gives me the creeps thinking about it.

[led37zep]

Weird.

I banged a chick and she asked me for your autograph too.

Must have been the hat.


:wub:

[Jennitalia]

Friday for the challenge:

we were all drunk at my best friends house (not an uncommon occurrence).
my friend and I, who had always flirted and made out even when he had a girlfriend, were finally both single so we got frisky.

well ... the computer room was free.
and let's just say that in the middle, my head bashed against the computer chair so hard that it came crashing down on my face.
and cracked my front tooth.

i cried and ran into my best friends bedroom drunk and embarrassed.
to top it all off I had a similar situation as Letitia's tampon except with a condom.
arrrrrgh.

and I had to go to work with the freaking hole in my smile before i could get a dentist appt.

yeah.

i am glad those days are over.
nothing but love for one lucky man from now on!

the tampon thing happened to a roommate of mine in college. only we had to take her to the emergency room to get it removed (12+ hours later). i had the condom thing happen to me once... that was interesting.

a friend of mine was telling me of a one night stand he had once at a party....they were all shit faced and they went off to a room to fool around and as he was going down on her, she farted in his face. and not the cute li'l farts.

[LaBoob]

a friend of mine was telling me of a one night stand he had once at a party....they were all shit faced and they went off to a room to fool around and as he was going down on her, she farted in his face. and not the cute li'l farts.


Ooof... nice choice of words

[AnnoyedGrunt]

I haven't had that many one nighters so I don't have anything overly creepy to share. However, in college we were both drinking, though she was apparently drunker than she seemed. I'm standing there naked and she's eye level to my groin when she projectile vomits all over my business.

[Team_Ramrod]

Stimulating topic..... I guess I'll chime in.

I had one situation when I was 20, my buddies and I were out at the bar one night and we got nice and liquored. We spent all our cash and couldn't afford a cab ride home so we called up a girl who had some 'interest' in me, we went over to her apartment and hung out for a bit. Shortly after we arrived (at 3am) she said she was tired and needed to get some rest before work in the morning. One of my buddies asked her if we could just crash there for the night; as kindly as she could she said no..... Knowing we were fucked I gave that stupid "brow curl head nod" to let my buddies know I would take care of the situation. Cause I'm a big deal you see.... Jesus Christ, I was an ass.

So I took the girl by the hand and walked with her to her kitchen, I made quick small talk and then moved in for a kiss. We went to her room and started working, After a few minutes of touching, kissing and giggling she dicided it was time to get shit accomplished. So I jumped on and went about my duties as the team captain; about 3 minutes in I came to the stark realization that (a) I wasn't wearing a Jimmy, and (b) she doesn't know how to move worth shit. Knowing that my guys looked to me for leadership I decided to fight through adversity and continue on. I lasted about another 15 minutes before I made the executive decision to pull the pin, I stopped and said "I gotta stop, sorry". She said "no, keep going"... I said "I can't, I'm not wearing anything... it might be the best decision".
So I pulled out and layed beside her, she cuddled up to me and we fell asleep.

I would have felt bad if I wasn't able to convince myself it was her that was decieving me by acting like she knew how to have sex.

Then there was the time I literally had to go home and shower.... and the time with the startling discovery that she only had one arm.... And the time I not only had to steal one condom, but four, from a roomate cause she was 'smaller' and they kept snapping when I tried to get in... but that's for another day.

[Team_Ramrod]

I haven't had that many one nighters so I don't have anything overly creepy to share. However, in college we were both drinking, though she was apparently drunker than she seemed. I'm standing there naked and she's eye level to my groin when she projectile vomits all over my business.

I would have blew my load instantly!

You sir, have control!!!!!!!!!

[Leticia]

I am somehow very glad that the tampon thing has happened to other people.

Oh to clear up things.

Yes his dick was small.

It was over 12 hours later and I'm glad I didn't have to go to the emergency room!

I think the cracked tooth wins! Damn you Friday! lol.:tongue:

Oh and I was singing Officer Krumpky. lol. Seriously a hard song to sing all by yourself!! I even did the dialogue in between the singing!!!!
lol.

Yay for this thread, haha.:clap::drunk:

[Dr.Rockso]

A few years ago before I met my girl, I went out with a friend of mine and his girl (like a third wheel) to go bar hoppin'. We hit Chumleys to grab some food, then went over to Tortilla Flats. I go outside for a smoke when this chick asks me for a light and starts talking to me. Telling me she's new to the city, she moved from Arizona, blah blah blah. She offers to buy me a drink and introduces me to her friend inside. Both chicks seem to really dig me both hanging on me and being all flirty. At which point they ask me if I have any cocaine, which I didn't (not my thing)..


Why can't Dr.Rockso find some nice women like these ??




I DO COCAINE!!!

[Justice4all]

Stimulating topic..... I guess I'll chime in.

I had one situation when I was 20, my buddies and I were out at the bar one night and we got nice and liquored. We spent all our cash and couldn't afford a cab ride home so we called up a girl who had some 'interest' in me, we went over to her apartment and hung out for a bit. Shortly after we arrived (at 3am) she said she was tired and needed to get some rest before work in the morning. One of my buddies asked her if we could just crash there for the night; as kindly as she could she said no..... Knowing we were fucked I gave that stupid "brow curl head nod" to let my buddies know I would take care of the situation. Cause I'm a big deal you see.... Jesus Christ, I was an ass.

So I took the girl by the hand and walked with her to her kitchen, I made quick small talk and then moved in for a kiss. We went to her room and started working, After a few minutes of touching, kissing and giggling she dicided it was time to get shit accomplished. So I jumped on and went about my duties as the team captain; about 3 minutes in I came to the stark realization that (a) I wasn't wearing a Jimmy, and (b) she doesn't know how to move worth shit. Knowing that my guys looked to me for leadership I decided to fight through adversity and continue on. I lasted about another 15 minutes before I made the executive decision to pull the pin, I stopped and said "I gotta stop, sorry". She said "no, keep going"... I said "I can't, I'm not wearing anything... it might be the best decision".
So I pulled out and layed beside her, she cuddled up to me and we fell asleep.

I would have felt bad if I wasn't able to convince myself it was her that was decieving me by acting like she knew how to have sex.

Then there was the time I literally had to go home and shower.... and the time with the startling discovery that she only had one arm.... And the time I not only had to steal one condom, but four, from a roomate cause she was 'smaller' and they kept snapping when I tried to get in... but that's for another day.


wow....that was not really creepy....it actually was a SMART thing you did. Yea she sucked in bed but you made a great choice in NOT going forward.
And at 20??
My hats off to you.

[DreamWeaver]

I'm not a one night stand type of gal at all but I was feelin lonely after a recent breakup and there was this fella at the end of the bar that looked exactly like my ex. I introduced myself, we chatted and soon enough we were going back to his place.

His place turns out to be a room in some seedy beach hotel. So he's homeless and living in a hotel. Ok whatever. We get to the nasty and HE starts crying...so loudly that I thought it was a joke. We stop and start talking. He then breaks out pics of his WIFE who just left him and his kids....crying hysterically the whole time. He's telling me all about his kids and shit like I care. I just came here to fuck, pal. I grabbed my things and said Adios.

Thanks for ruining my one and only one night stand buddy.

[Tenbatsuzen]

Welcome back, G. You were missed.

[Justice4all]

I'm not a one night stand type of gal at all but I was feelin lonely after a recent breakup and there was this fella at the end of the bar that looked exactly like my ex. I introduced myself, we chatted and soon enough we were going back to his place.

His place turns out to be a room in some seedy beach hotel. So he's homeless and living in a hotel. Ok whatever. We get to the nasty and HE starts crying...so loudly that I thought it was a joke. We stop and start talking. He then breaks out pics of his WIFE who just left him and his kids....crying hysterically the whole time. He's telling me all about his kids and shit like I care. I just came here to fuck, pal. I grabbed my things and said Adios.

Thanks for ruining my one and only one night stand buddy.


Holy shit! a DW sighting!
Nice to see you back G.

It took THIS thread to get you out of retirement? :tongue:

[The Jays]

One time I brought home a girl from the bar, all I cared about was she had some D's. We went back to her dorm, it was dark, we started fooling around, I started putting my fingers to work, and it seemed like I was really getting her worked up, like really soaking wet. Then my fingers started sticking together, then I started feeling like little clumps, like when you rub wet toilet paper in your hand. Then I tried to look at my hand, and it seemed darker than usual. So I excused myself to go to the bathroom to investigate, I go in, turn on the light, and my hand all the way up to my mid forarm is covered in blood. Either I made her cum so hard she burst an artery, or, she was having her period and didn't tell me. So I went back, told her what happened, and we agreed to call it a night, and that I'd just head back to my dorm. So I stole her weed and left.

[Furtherman]

I'm standing there naked and she's eye level to my groin when she projectile vomits all over my business.

So I stole her weed and left.



Funniest lines of this thread.

[NewYorkDragons80]

One time I brought home a girl from the bar, all I cared about was she had some D's. We went back to her dorm, it was dark, we started fooling around, I started putting my fingers to work, and it seemed like I was really getting her worked up, like really soaking wet. Then my fingers started sticking together, then I started feeling like little clumps, like when you rub wet toilet paper in your hand. Then I tried to look at my hand, and it seemed darker than usual. So I excused myself to go to the bathroom to investigate, I go in, turn on the light, and my hand all the way up to my mid forarm is covered in blood. Either I made her cum so hard she burst an artery, or, she was having her period and didn't tell me. So I went back, told her what happened, and we agreed to call it a night, and that I'd just head back to my dorm. So I stole her weed and left.
That happened to a friend of mine, only he was drunk and eating the chick out. He went to the bathroom, turned on the light, and it looked like a scene from Dawn of the Dead. Whenever we tell the story, we call it "Mikey's Big Adventure"

[Dougie Brootal]

Don't stop talking to me just because I had an awfully gross incident involving a tampons deep in my vagina which was only saved by singing a fast paced west side story song...


mod quote? :lol:

[JPMNICK]

you have not lived until you had a bad one night stand

my worst one started of course with heavy drinking. this girl was checking me out so i went over to say hi. we start talking. this was at a bar, so it was kind of loud so i was like lets go outside to the patio to talk more. she said lets just go to your place. my place was my parents place, but i figured what the hell. i bring her there, we start smashing, and she is SOOO loud. So I tell her to be quiet. she tells me she can't, i tell her she has to, and she flips. she is screaming, what do you think i am some whore cause i like to enjoy myself. i said no but we just need to keep it down. then she starts to cry and say how she should not be doing this. now i am flipping out because i think she is going to turn around and say i am raping her. THEN she procedes to tell me she is only 19 and using a fake ID. then she starts blowing me, we finish smashing, and pass out. i wake up to her kissing me. we start to smash again, and then i have to walk her out and drive her back to my car past my mom who is eating breakfast. not good

and what is a worse noise then high heels in the morning after a night of drunken sex??

[Dougie Brootal]

THEN she procedes to tell me she is only 19 and using a fake ID. then she starts blowing me, we finish smashing, and pass out.


:lol: this is the best part of the story!!! two thumbs up!:thumbup:

[joethebartender]

and what is a worse noise then high heels in the morning after a night of drunken sex??

The noise of the conductor saying "Queensboro Plaza Next stop, please stand clear of the closing doors" followed by the dual "doors closing" tone.