Epschtein
05-07-2008, 01:02 PM
true story. :P
my grandfather (65) and father (57) died relatively young from strokes.
so boy was i thrilled 5 years ago when i had a stroke! i dont remember being all that scared at the time, it was mild but it messed with my emotions so i just dont think i ever "thought" of getting scared (if that makes any sense).
i focused on recovery and was doing really well, until last year when i got a really bad infection and almost lost part of my leg, while i was in the hospital (lucky, if you can call it that) i had another stroke.
again, it was very mild. and my physical recovery was good at first, but my emotional recovery was not good at all. im still not sure how much of it was actual damage from the stroke, and how much of it was just psychological damage afterwards, but i have pretty much fallen apart over the last year.
they stressed during my recovery that (of course) diet and exercise were the most important things for me to focus on, that my physical condition was my insurance policy to ward off future problems, obviously someday im probably going to die of a stroke but shit we all have to die sometime hehe.
so what did i do? well, after my supervised therapy ended, pretty much nothing. in just about a year i have gone from a relatively ok 225 pounds (im 6'3") to just over 300, i started drinking, and for the most part i am just an anxious mess. i guess im in denial, i never really thought about it until this week but i suppose i feel like im a dead man walking. almost paralyzed at times by fear that if i exert myself or make any big plans that im sure to fall over dead.
i think i might have reached critical mass because all last week i just felt like shit, everything hurt and i was miserable and lazy, and over the weekend for the first time in a long time i felt like changing things.
it took a few days to get out the door and over the fear that it would surely kill me but i finally went for a 45 minute walk and apparently im still alive because i know this cant be heaven. :P
so ummm yeah thats my amazing story "breaking news - man goes for walk and lives to tell the tale!"
time for some changes, i think i got a little more life left in me...
my grandfather (65) and father (57) died relatively young from strokes.
so boy was i thrilled 5 years ago when i had a stroke! i dont remember being all that scared at the time, it was mild but it messed with my emotions so i just dont think i ever "thought" of getting scared (if that makes any sense).
i focused on recovery and was doing really well, until last year when i got a really bad infection and almost lost part of my leg, while i was in the hospital (lucky, if you can call it that) i had another stroke.
again, it was very mild. and my physical recovery was good at first, but my emotional recovery was not good at all. im still not sure how much of it was actual damage from the stroke, and how much of it was just psychological damage afterwards, but i have pretty much fallen apart over the last year.
they stressed during my recovery that (of course) diet and exercise were the most important things for me to focus on, that my physical condition was my insurance policy to ward off future problems, obviously someday im probably going to die of a stroke but shit we all have to die sometime hehe.
so what did i do? well, after my supervised therapy ended, pretty much nothing. in just about a year i have gone from a relatively ok 225 pounds (im 6'3") to just over 300, i started drinking, and for the most part i am just an anxious mess. i guess im in denial, i never really thought about it until this week but i suppose i feel like im a dead man walking. almost paralyzed at times by fear that if i exert myself or make any big plans that im sure to fall over dead.
i think i might have reached critical mass because all last week i just felt like shit, everything hurt and i was miserable and lazy, and over the weekend for the first time in a long time i felt like changing things.
it took a few days to get out the door and over the fear that it would surely kill me but i finally went for a 45 minute walk and apparently im still alive because i know this cant be heaven. :P
so ummm yeah thats my amazing story "breaking news - man goes for walk and lives to tell the tale!"
time for some changes, i think i got a little more life left in me...