I just touched my son's jizz

[Judge Smails]

I guess that this makes me the Bizarro Dave, as the real Dave seems to be more involved with his father's jizz.

Here's my sordid tale: I'm taking my kids to the Lakewood Blue Claws game tonight because my son got free tickets in some "Celebrate NJ" school project he did. After trying three times, my son claimed he couldn't find his baseball glove in his room and that it must be in the garage. Now, I know damn well that it's not in my garage because I keep it immaculate and that it must be in his shambles of a room.

So, I decided to go check his room myself and reached under the bed and pulled out a crusty, balled up facecloth. It took me a while to register what it was and for a second I thought to call him up and ask him about it. Then I thought better and just tossed it back under there. I'll just leave it up to my wife if she wants to clean it or not.

Ahhh, the joys of parenthood. They grow-up so fast, don't they? Well, now I'm off to the game and what I'm sure will be a somewhat uncomfortable car ride. I look forward to logging-in tonight and checking the torrent of funny and abusive responses that will await me.

[Furtherman]

You hear that? That's the sound of all sorts of red flags popping up in some government watchdog office when you typed that subject line.

[Jujubees2]

Just put a box of these on his bed.

http://www.firstaidmonster.com/images/products/FAM_KLEENEX_TISSUE125_PLY-7430.jpg

[weekapaugjz]

http://c1.vse.lv/img/smiles/smileyPuking.gif

[King Hippos Bandaid]

this means you have cooties

[Jughead]

Maybe he was just polishing something???:wink:

[IMSlacker]

Bizarro Dave would have tasted it. You sir, are no Bizarro Dave.

[SatCam]

Probably just spilled yogurt or something. Dont worry about it

[MultiFingeredGabriel]

you should trick your wife into drying her face with it...but depending on how old it is she may cut her face.

[Chigworthy]

That wasn't your son's jizz.

[Bob Impact]

So

Fucking

Hot.

[Tall_James]

Congratulations - you have a normal kid.

Cut him some slack and forget you ever found it.

[weekapaugjz]

Congratulations - you have a normal kid.

unless he's batching to that effeminate neighbor kid...

[BOY BOY]

wait till my dad hears about this

[Hottub]

unless he's batching to that effeminate neighbor kid...

Oh my.:ohmy:

:popcorn:

[Ritalin]

That don't make you a bad person....

or does it?

[Stankfoot]

Congratulations - you have a normal kid.

Cut him some slack and forget you ever found it.

QFT

If you had confronted him with it I would have lost what little respect I have for you ....

[Mike Teacher]

"I Learned it by Watching You !!!"

[DarkHippie]

Could be worse, could be someone else's jizz

[mikeyboy]

QFT

If you had confronted him with it I would have lost what little respect I have for you ....

I wonder if it would gone a little bit like this? (gonna have to paraphrase a bit)

<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Y-Elr5K2Vuo&hl=en"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Y-Elr5K2Vuo&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>

edit: dammit! too slow.

[Mike Teacher]

Awww man I was SO gonna embed the video but decided at the last second not to.

MikESP

[Tall_James]

"I Learned it by Watching You !!!"

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

[SatCam]

Are you 100% sure it's jizz? Probably should give it a little lick to make sure

[A.J.]

Did you find his porn stash too?

[Reynolds]

What if it was really just snot, and you called him in there and talked to him about it and creeped him the fuck out for life?

[MobCounty]

I say you secretly switch his bug vault for another one that looks just like it. Then come in his room, say "once and for all!.. clean this place up!". Angrily start picking stuff up and grab the fake bug vault tissue in the mean time. At the height of your fake anger, pretend to choke on something. Take the rag and spit in it, then wipe your lips and face with it :devil2: ..

That will make for a good childhood mind scarring.

[Kris10]

This is stuff I need to remember for when I have a son and stumble upon this "rag". Just pretend I never saw it and realize its normal as long as its his and he's jerking off to women.

[Team_Ramrod]

I'd ask him why he hid it under the bed as opposed to getting paper towel on standby, unloading on his stomach/ chest/ chin, wiping up and flushing the residue.

Or take the time to explain it to him; Start out the conversation with "you know son, when I was a teenager and used to jack...."

[Kris10]

Do fathers and sons really have these conversations????

[Team_Ramrod]

Do fathers and sons really have these conversations????

Wanna get married, have a son, and find out for sure?

[Hottub]

Do fathers and sons really have these conversations????

I can let you know soon enough.

Sean is 10.:wallbash:

[SatCam]

You should show him this thread (http://www.ronfez.net/forums/showthread.php?t=17532)

[Reynolds]

Put it in his scrapbook to show off to his first girlfriend when he gets older.

[Kris10]

Wanna get married, have a son, and find out for sure?

I don't get involved with married men anymore... been there, done that! lol

[Kris10]

I can let you know soon enough.

Sean is 10.:wallbash:

I really wanted to have a boy instead of a girl but I'm really glad I didn't at this point.

[Team_Ramrod]

I don't get involved with married men anymore... been there, done that! lol

Yeah, but I can fix that with one text message.

[Team_Ramrod]

Put it in his scrapbook to show off to his first girlfriend when he gets older.

Better yet, save it for his wedding.... or that hot girlfriend of his that you always batch to and want to have sex with. You can show it to her and come in to console her and rescue her from the embarassment; You'll be a hero.

[Kris10]

Yeah, but I can fix that with one text message.

LOL Oh my!

[nukinfuts]

So, I decided to go check his room myself and reached under the bed and pulled out a crusty, balled up facecloth. It took me a while to register what it was and for a second I thought to call him up and ask him about it. Then I thought better and just tossed it back under there. I'll just leave it up to my wife if she wants to clean it or not.


AHHHHHHHH!!!! You may want to warn your wife before she finds it and embarasses the crap out of him and he turns into asexual Earl...I as a rule let the man of the house go digging in my sons room should it be necessary just for this reason. As a mommy I just don't want to know about the perversion that goes on in the teenage boys mind and from listening to the show I know that the debauchery of the teenage mind knows no bounds.

:glurps:

[PapaBear]

At the first sign of clothing and cloths being stashed around his room, without saying why, I pulled him aside and told him it was time he learned to do laundry. He had been saying he wanted more responsibilities, so I was able to take care of the situation without embarrassing him.

[Judge Smails]

Well, what started as a funny little annectdote and peek into the crazy, suburban dad existence of Judge Smails, has turned into a situation which looms over my head like the proverbial Sword of Damocles. I mentioned the batch rag story to my wife in a joking matter, stupidly expecting her to see the humor in my initial discomfort with this new development in our son's natural progression into adolescence. Of course, she totally over-reacted (in my opinion) and has been haranguing me to have "The Talk" with him.

I know this will only make me, and my son, uncomfortable. I'm of the opinion to just go ahead and wash the batch rag. Then, when he realizes that it's missing he'll figure out something's up and hopefully switch to tissues, or something that can easily be flushed, or othewise disposed of thereby removing any evidence. What say you?

[SatCam]

Let him spill his load into whatever he pleases. Batch rags are economical and environmentally friendly.

[hydee]

While a cousin of mine was staying with me and my husband, he had his own room. When his stay with us was done and I went in to clean him room, I found not only the futon cover covered with come stains, but I found a butcher knife that I thought I had accidentally thrown out under his pillow.

My god the futon cover looked like a Jackson Pollock painting. It was so gross.

I am sorry you had to touch your own kids jizz. He should hide his spankerchief in a better place !

[PapaBear]

While a cousin of mine was staying with me and my husband, he had his own room. When his stay with us was done and I went in to clean him room, I found not only the futon cover covered with come stains, but I found a butcher knife that I thought I had accidentally thrown out under his pillow.

My god the futon cover looked like a Jackson Pollock painting. It was so gross.

I am sorry you had to touch your own kids jizz. He should hide his spankerchief in a better place !

Cum stained futon cover.... A natural part of growing up.

Butcher knife under the pillow... :help:

[Sheeplovr]

i thought since the glove seamed so important to the tale that he was goign to find the glove bring it to a game and reach in and learn the horible suprise

[Reynolds]

i thought since the glove seamed so important to the tale that he was goign to find the glove bring it to a game and reach in and learn the horible suprise

Are you drunk?

[A.J.]

Make sure there is always plenty of Kleenex kept in the home.

[Tall_James]

It may be hack but print this out and hang it up in his room when he's out...

http://www.myspaceantics.com/images/funny/masturbate-kitten.jpg

[drjoek]

Well, what started as a funny little annectdote and peek into the crazy, suburban dad existence of Judge Smails, has turned into a situation which looms over my head like the proverbial Sword of Damocles. I mentioned the batch rag story to my wife in a joking matter, stupidly expecting her to see the humor in my initial discomfort with this new development in our son's natural progression into adolescence. Of course, she totally over-reacted (in my opinion) and has been haranguing me to have "The Talk" with him.

I know this will only make me, and my son, uncomfortable. I'm of the opinion to just go ahead and wash the batch rag. Then, when he realizes that it's missing he'll figure out something's up and hopefully switch to tissues, or something that can easily be flushed, or othewise disposed of thereby removing any evidence. What say you?

Lie,tell your wife you had the talk. Let the kid learn things the proper way like the rest of us did, on the street from older teenagers.

[Furtherman]

Here's how my "talk" went.

Dad: "You have any questions about women?"

Me: "Nope."

Dad: "Ok."

Then we just stared in silence at the road ahead.

[Jujubees2]

Lie,tell your wife you had the talk. Let the kid learn things the proper way like the rest of us did, on the street from older teenagers.

QFT!

[Chigworthy]

This is stuff I need to remember for when I have a son and stumble upon this "rag". Just pretend I never saw it and realize its normal as long as its his and he's jerking off to women.

Are you scaird you'll queer the little sumbitch?

[MobCounty]

Ha spankerchief, too funny.

[Kris10]

Lie,tell your wife you had the talk. Let the kid learn things the proper way like the rest of us did, on the street from older teenagers.

This is what I was thinking... tell her you had the talk and don't have it. What is she going to do ask him?

[torker]

http://www.horroria.com/i/nstills/16/44/1644/1644-32476.jpg
I came. ~ Billy Maplewood

[Kris10]

Are you scaird you'll queer the little sumbitch?

If he was checking out men we would have something to talk about. If he jacking off to women, well, I better turn bi.

[topless_mike]

judge,
just show him your batch rag. explain to him that this is perfectly normal.

[Gvac]

I had my first wet dream when I was 12. I kind of figured out by myself what it was.

Then I was off to the races, masturbating 7 or 8 times a day.

About a year later my dad tried to have "the talk" with me - "one night you're going to wet the bed..."

I was like "yeah, I know all about it."

[Jujubees2]

I had my first wet dream when I was 12. I kind of figured out by myself what it was.

Then I was off to the races, masturbating 7 or 8 times a day.

About a year later my dad tried to have "the talk" with me - "one night you're going to wet the bed..."

I was like "yeah, I know all about it."

My oldest will be 13 in August and I'm waiting for the morning when he has to change his sheets. Hopefully my wife will know what to say :smile:

[CHUCKWAGONCOOK]

It could of been a pretzel. Salty like it was.