I'm Too Stupid to cook good food well

[CofyCrakCocaine]

Seems this is going to be a series...

I decide to atone for the offense of eating shit pizza for dinner last night by buying myself lovely ribeye steaks from whole foods. Big spender!

So I put the steaks on the grill and go back in to finish making a salad and cooking some corn. I set the timer to 3 minutes. Both steaks are about a pound each. Shouldn't be a problem.

Come out before the third minute's up. Smoke's flying out the grill. I lift the lid, fwoosh, like I threw some gasoline in there. After a couple failed pokes, I finally manage to lift the steaks up with the tongs... the fucking steaks are flaming. I have to slap them with the oven mitt to put 'em out. In all the times I've badly grilled steaks, I've never done such a shit job as this day.

So I got to enjoy a beautiful pair of hockey pucks for dinner. Two nights in a row.

[weekapaugjz]

never leave the grill man, never...

[ChrisTheCop]

If I want a good eating experience,
I generally leave it to the professionals.

[RoseBlood]

Baaahhaaaaaahahhahahahahahahaaaaa.. I wish I saw that. I would've laughed my ass off at you :tongue: Put the crack pipe down for 5 minutes bozo.. :wallbash:

[donnie_darko]

i can't wait till someone posts a lol cat fail photo i can haz your dinnaz!

i'm guessing charcoal grill, i never wander too far from charcoal...the gas grill is no problem....gotta keep an eye on the coal though.

[CofyCrakCocaine]

Words hurt Rose :glurps:

Yep, it was charcoal. Coal's so goddamn moody...one day it burns the other day it takes forever. 'Course I forget these things because I'm a ham 'n' egger rube.

[CofyCrakCocaine]

Woah double post. Sorry 'bout that.

[Tenbatsuzen]

As a question, how high did you set the heat?

You can always cook an underdone steak more. Medium-Low heat.

[jonyrotn]

Hahaha..You're a regular Peg Bundy in the kitchen huh Cofy..
:furious: :furious: <--- Steak for two at CCC's house...Who's in? :bye:

[Sue_Bender]

Seems this is going to be a series...

I decide to atone for the offense of eating shit pizza for dinner last night by buying myself lovely ribeye steaks from whole foods. Big spender!

So I put the steaks on the grill and go back in to finish making a salad and cooking some corn. I set the timer to 3 minutes. Both steaks are about a pound each. Shouldn't be a problem.

Come out before the third minute's up. Smoke's flying out the grill. I lift the lid, fwoosh, like I threw some gasoline in there. After a couple failed pokes, I finally manage to lift the steaks up with the tongs... the fucking steaks are flaming. I have to slap them with the oven mitt to put 'em out. In all the times I've badly grilled steaks, I've never done such a shit job as this day.

So I got to enjoy a beautiful pair of hockey pucks for dinner. Two nights in a row.


Oh...Mr. Mom, will you ever win?

[RoseBlood]

Words hurt Rose :glurps:

I'm sorry CCC, it's ok you still need some practice in your culinary skills.. but make up for it with your smarts.. :wink:

[A.J.]

never leave the grill man, never...

:clap:

http://forum.divxplanet.com/uploads/post-623-1118064611.jpg

If I want a good eating experience,
I generally leave it to the professionals.

Ditto. I haven't cooked a meal in 4 years.

[sailor]

As a question, how high did you set the heat?

You can always cook an underdone steak more. Medium-Low heat.

he turned the charcoals to medium-high.

[jauble]

Ditto. I haven't cooked a meal in 4 years.

Is that when you moved out of your mom's place?

[A.J.]

Is that when you moved out of your mom's place?

It's good to have an Italian mom.

[ahhdurr]

cofy - I see you're getting your balls busted and rightly so... everything on fire and you dancing around to put it out is funny.

I've learned a few things about cooking steaks on coals (and I'm the novice here, but here ya go...)

Get the coals settle out - nice glow, low smoke. Throw on the steaks for a few minutes one side and then flip and a few minutes the other side - that gives you the sear. Nice grill marks. Then you set the steaks up higher - on the top rack if you have one. If you don't have the top rack, you can build your coals on one side of the grill for the sear, then move the steaks over to the other side for the indirect cooking. The indirect cooking is at your discretion depending on how you want the steak done - use a meat thermometer and reference some temperature guidelines to check the center before you eat.

Otherwise - feel free to post more grilling mishaps. That's funny shit.

[Chigworthy]

paperbag's method is tried and true. Sear, then move aside. As with learning how to cook anything decently, there is always a few fuckups. Just don't give up, or the americans are fat jokes win.