Death is the ultimate way to be alone.

[Antioch]

Picking my guitar and trying to sing with Bronchitis and a Sinus infection is tough.... and not just because I can't sing right now, but because I just don't feel like doing anything remotely productive, including this. I used my Pepsi Points that I've been collecting under bottle caps and bought some songs on Amazon.com with them (5 points each). One of them was a song by Jackson C. Frank called "Dialogue." It's better known as I Want To Be Alone, but this isn't the title, although it is certainly the them of this very sad and depressing song. The song was used very effectively at the end of the Daft Punk directed movie "Electroma," in which two robots living in in an all robot world wanted to be human so badly that they had masks of wax made up over their robot heads that made them appear to be humanesque. The masks only lasted a day, however, as their heat melted the masks down. They then trudged out into the desert. One of them stops, and asks the other (silently, as there is no dialogue in this movie), to activate his self destruct. It is a series of switches on the mechanioids back. A few moments later, that robot is blown to bits. The remaining bot continues walking across a salt flat for some time until he stops and gets on his knees and tries to reach behind him and activate his own self destruct.. but alas he can't. He removes the glass from his robot head and tries to extend his reach... but fails. Then he disovers he can use the lens from one of his eyes a a burning glass, and the last thing you see in the film is that he is completely on fire and walking across the salt flat. The song "Dialogue" is playing. So the song's has been in my head a while. It is a rare gem... one you wouldn't have heard on the radio.

Personally I'm someone that likes to be alone. Living with a cat for the most part for the last five years has unfortuantely given me quite a few antisocial qualities, not all of them on the surface for all to see. I simply get sick of people in much the same way that a cat might. So I've had fourteen girlfriends in six years and none of the relationships last more than a few months, as shut myself off from my lovers when I get to where I can't stand the sight of them. It's is a horrible quality. I'm not overly mean or anything, I'm simply neglectful, and will stay out on the road for two months and not call, and when I am back home put my headphones on and listen to music and write. I'll even refuse to sleep with them. So it's cost me something, but I don't know how I can change. I keep hoping that I'll meet Miss Right, and things will click, and I won't get sick of her, but who knows, maybe I'm becoming too much like my cat, Lava. Cats don't need much dialogue from you, and as long as you feed them and bond with them occasionally they're alright.

To truly be alone though, one must die. Then no one will bother you. If I could live alone here on the earth, I think I'd be happy for a time, and then I'd get sick of the birds, the bees, and the trees. No amount of entertainment could keep me around, as to truly be alone, I'd have to find a way to off myself just like the two robots in Electroma.

I'm not suicidal. I don't think I'm depressed. I'm just trying to figure out this life.
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[midwestjeff]

Are you my board character?

[patsopinion]

it gets easier

nothing wrong with re-evaluating your personal relationships

if ur friends are jerks
you could always tell em you got a girl friend and cant hang out

[Antioch]

Are you my board character?

Which board character would this be?

[Antioch]

it gets easier

nothing wrong with re-evaluating your personal relationships

if ur friends are jerks
you could always tell em you got a girl friend and cant hang out

No, I think I'm the jerk, clearly. I just get tired of people, and then shut them out. It's not very nice, but I'm more miserable with people over a long time than just being by myself. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm stuck here in this Nebraska town on my way to South Carolina on Monday and I've got some down time to draw some conclusions from all of the things that have been on my mind.

[patsopinion]

No, I think I'm the jerk, clearly. I just get tired of people, and then shut them out. It's not very nice, but I'm more miserable with people over a long time than just being by myself. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm stuck here in this Nebraska town on my way to South Carolina on Monday and I've got some down time to draw some conclusions from all of the things that have been on my mind.

is it the town or is it you
spending time by yourself to evaluate whether you should should be by yourself is a backwards ass system and will only perpetuate being alone

depression is largely a conditioned condition
and you have to train yourself to break the conditioning

it made since when i was writing it

[Antioch]

is it the town or is it you
spending time by yourself to evaluate whether you should should be by yourself is a backwards ass system and will only perpetuate being alone

depression is largely a conditioned condition
and you have to train yourself to break the conditioning

it made since when i was writing it

Antioch is a name I've had stuck in my head since I was a kid. It so happens I have a townhouse in Antioch, Tennessee. So it is both me and the place.

I'm not depressed.. I said that in the thing... the presence of people depresses me, but I wonder how I'd feel if there were no people at all.

[biggestmexi]

this will keep you busy.

http://now.sprint.com/widget/

[Death Metal Moe]

I don't want to make it seem like your feelings aren't correct when I speak. I just want to clear that up 1st. I have no idea what "normal" is and the more I live the more I am sure that no such thing exists with anyone.

The only thing I want to mention is to be careful with this isolation. It's very, very easy to just close yourself out of the world around you and just exist on your own. The pain of being alone is a constant, familiar one that you can deal with by either putting it out of your mind for a great deal of time or by playing little games in your own head. But it's constant and familiar.

To deal with other people is unfamiliar and therefore dangerous to someone who doesn't want to leave anything up to chance.

I guess what I'm saying is make sure if you want to be alone, it's what you REALLY want and not just the way you fell you HAVE to exist becaus you're trying to keep yourself away from uncomfortable experiences.

Because even though at times I've felt just like you do, thankfully not for long because I'm not like that and I know it now, but experiencing life with other people, even just friends and family is part of our lives as humans. I think it's something very basic in us, we seem to be social creatures. I don't have any scientific knowledge but it's my opinion that we need social interaction. I personally choose to keep a very small group of close friends and everyone else are pretty much aquatences.

I don't think you're suicidal either, you're just asking big questions, looking for big answers. And you know you'll never get what you're looking for, so I won't insult you with cliques.

Good luck, bro.

[Puggle_kicker]

You pretty much described me there. I do like cats, though I had to leave mine in NY when I moved. Im very anti social. To the point of my roommate can have a friend over, or even the drummer in our band and Ill just sit in my room and just play my guitar by myself. I generally cant stand people.

The thing is that Im not depressed about it. Ive come to terms with it. Most people are social and need other people. Im just an intolerable douchebag and its better for me and them that we are separate.

[Death Metal Moe]

I wonder how I'd feel if there were no people at all.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/140/318208709_e9bcd442a6.jpg?v=0

"Eh, I have mixed emotions on that subject."

[Death Metal Moe]

You pretty much described me there. I do like cats, though I had to leave mine in NY when I moved. Im very anti social. To the point of my roommate can have a friend over, or even the drummer in our band and Ill just sit in my room and just play my guitar by myself. I generally cant stand people.

The thing is that Im not depressed about it. Ive come to terms with it. Most people are social and need other people. Im just an intolerable douchebag and its better for me and them that we are separate.

Ya see, I felt like you, a lot, a few years ago. The problem was I had a lot of issues about myself I didn't like. So I'd like shut myself out and off because I didn't like me. I wouldn't allow people access to me because I didn't think I was worth being around. But I know I'm a good person that people enjoy being around, so that finally sunk into my thick head and I started to change things about myself I didn't like. I'm still unhappy a lot, but it's better now.

[Puggle_kicker]

I think it's something very basic in us, we seem to be social creatures. I don't have any scientific knowledge but it's my opinion that we need social interaction. I personally choose to keep a very small group of close friends and everyone else are pretty much aquatences.

Ive always disagreed with this. This notion that everyone should fit in one mold is just sickening. Some people have different destinies. I feel my destiny is to be alone. And Ive come to terms with that and I am very happy about it. Im not depressed and I dont feel alone. I think if its something you can come to terms with you should be fine.

That said if its something that bothers you . . . . then maybe it is not your destiny.

[Puggle_kicker]

Ya see, I felt like you, a lot, a few years ago. The problem was I had a lot of issues about myself I didn't like. So I'd like shut myself out and off because I didn't like me. I wouldn't allow people access to me because I didn't think I was worth being around. But I know I'm a good person that people enjoy being around, so that finally sunk into my thick head and I started to change things about myself I didn't like. I'm still unhappy a lot, but it's better now.

The thing with me is that its almost the opposite. Im relatively happy with myself but I just despise most people. I dont think they deserve to hang around with me, I just dont have the time of day for them.

This attitude is really a shitty one to have, but there ya go. Ill lay my cards on the table. And I have enough respect for other people not to subject them to me and my bullshit.

[Death Metal Moe]

Ive always disagreed with this. This notion that everyone should fit in one mold is just sickening. Some people have different destinies. I feel my destiny is to be alone. And Ive come to terms with that and I am very happy about it. Im not depressed and I dont feel alone. I think if its something you can come to terms with you should be fine.

That said if its something that bothers you . . . . then maybe it is not your destiny.

I never said it's one specific path to being social or not. I know people who love to be the center of attention. I know people who are more comfortable at home reading a book. I know people who's only social interaction is through online games and forums. I know people who hardly go outside.

Life experience is different for everyone, I never said there's one mold. I personally have 3 very close friends, and those are my friends. That's about it right now.

I completely agree with you that people do have different destinies. That's why I didn't say "You're wrong for feeling the way you do," I just offered my opinion and my personal experience. And since I know I'm not where I want to be, I'm not going to preach to anyone.

[Puggle_kicker]

I never said it's one specific path to being social or not. I know people who love to be the center of attention. I know people who are more comfortable at home reading a book. I know people who's only social interaction is through online games and forums. I know people who hardly go outside.

Life experience is different for everyone, I never said there's one mold. I personally have 3 very close friends, and those are my friends. That's about it right now.

I completely agree with you that people do have different destinies. That's why I didn't say "You're wrong for feeling the way you do," I just offered my opinion and my personal experience. And since I know I'm not where I want to be, I'm not going to preach to anyone.

Yeah I understood your point and its valid and well made. I almost put a disclaimer in my post . . . . and I should have.

Im not attacking you but the philosophy. The idea that was presented is all.

You have made some good points and made it clear you weren't trying to be judgmental. So if I came off as I was attacking you . . . . I wasnt.

:smile:

[Gvac]

I agree that each of us is different as far as personality types and in what paths we choose to walk in this life. The question is if you've actually chosen your path or merely accepted it.

Sounds to me like you're not exactly thrilled with yours, Antioch, and you're trying to convince yourself you actually prefer a solitary life when maybe you don't.

Only you can answer that, though.

I'll leave you with a few words from The Tao Te Ching -

"Without looking out the window you can know the heavens
Without opening the door you can know the world."

[Antioch]

There's a lot more wisdom and insight on this board than I ever expected, and I'm reading it all with a completely open mind.

Seems like I go back and forth, because it was in 2001, when I sailed alone to Hawaii without any company at all aboard my Cal 2-24 sloop Luana. On this voyage I was alone at sea for two days, with two and a half weeks ahead of me and realizing how much my friends meant to me. I'd planned to sail to Hawaii and down to French Polynesia and over to the Gambier Islands which is basically a nearly uninhabited group of archipelagos and a'tols on FP's S.E. corner. I would find an island devoid of human beings where there was fresh water, and then devise a way of beaching my boat and then dragging it about a half mile inland where I'd re-set her on stilts and liveout my days there. It also came to me on the voyage to Hawaii that this would simply be a slow suicide, and that it probably wasn't the best idea. Upon arrival in Honolulu three weeks after leaving Long Beach, California, I simply rented out a slip at Ala Wai and remained there, miserable in paradise for nearly a year before flying home to Arizona with only enough money for an old Jeep and the deposit on a new apartment. I started from scratch again.

I've done this kind of reckless thing four times now, in different ways of course, but I hope one of these days I'll figure it out. I really out to direct some of this restless energy into doing more productive things, like losing weight.

Well, I'm endanger of rambling onto a different subject. Thank you for all of the feedback.

[Antioch]

this will keep you busy.

http://now.sprint.com/widget/

I got a laugh out of that, thanks.

[Antioch]

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/140/318208709_e9bcd442a6.jpg?v=0

"Eh, I have mixed emotions on that subject."

Is that from that Twilight Zone (was it?) where he goes, "at least I have my books." then he breaks his glasses... lol.. good thing I'm near sighted. :)

[Death Metal Moe]

Yeah I understood your point and its valid and well made. I almost put a disclaimer in my post . . . . and I should have.

Im not attacking you but the philosophy. The idea that was presented is all.

You have made some good points and made it clear you weren't trying to be judgmental. So if I came off as I was attacking you . . . . I wasnt.

:smile:

No worries man, I was just making sure I got my points across properly and also wanted to make sure I wasn't sounding preachy in the least. I didn't take your comments as an attack.

I have my opinions but they are just that. Everyone has to find out how they want to spend their time here in their own way. I was just offering that in my case I thought I wanted it one way and it turns out I need it in a slightly different way.

[Death Metal Moe]

I agree that each of us is different as far as personality types and in what paths we choose to walk in this life. The question is if you've actually chosen your path or merely accepted it.

Sounds to me like you're not exactly thrilled with yours, Antioch, and you're trying to convince yourself you actually prefer a solitary life when maybe you don't.

Only you can answer that, though.



Nice. That's what I was trying to say. Thanks GVAC. You said it in like 2 less paragraphs too.

[Death Metal Moe]

Is that from that Twilight Zone (was it?) where he goes, "at least I have my books." then he breaks his glasses... lol.. good thing I'm near sighted. :)

Yea, just a quick gag after the long post I left ya.

[keithy_19]

I just thought I'd take this oppurtunity to say that people on fire absolutely horrify me.

[cougarjake13]

i was once in a similar frame of mind, hated people, hated interaction

maybe growing up changed that or meeting my wife, not sure


i still hate most people, i just dont take it out on her anymore