So sad

[west milly Tom]

So I just told my fiencee of 2 years that I think its time to move on. I'm so fucked up I don't even know what to do. The thing is we haven't been getting along for over a year now. Last October (07) about a year after we got engaged, she found out that I did not leave my selfish indulgences under the Christmas tree where I proposed to her, but had been continuing to party. Well she never got over it and just resents me because she's straight as an arrow. I know lying was wrong and hurtful. I figured at this point shed be over it but the bickering never stopped. We are not frequently intimate and I don't see this getting any better. To continue, she goes on a cruise with her sister and arrives home tonight. She tells me she missed me so much. Before she could go any further I tell her, "I don't think this is working anymore". Well she cried so hard and told me she really loves me and that the distance made her realize how much she loves me. Her cries wrench my innermost core. I'm conflicted, terribly, to say the least. We've been together 5.5 years, engaged for 2. And we have the most awesome dog. I have to see her face to face tomorrow after work and I just don't know what to do. Anyone offer any constructive ideas? I also recognize that I'm a major ball buster sometimes, but id appreciate real feedback.

[PapaBear]

Her time away from you has her missing you, but it also has her forgetting the fact that she doesn't like your indulgences. If your indulgences will change, or her feelings about them will change, then maybe it can work. Chances are, neither will happen anytime soon. You made the right choice. Maybe things will change in the future, and you two can give it another go. But for now, you're not right for each other.

[jonyrotn]

You probably did the right thing although,
it ALWAYS sucks seeing someone you love hurt that deeply..
I'd let it breath for a day or two, anything done or said now will be on pure emotion..

[Foster]

I went through same thing a few years ago, the last couple of years in our relationship I felt we were together out of comfort or habit. When I ended it, it hurt, we were no longer in love but I still loved her and I knew our lives were going no where together.

If your experience is anything like mine I'll tell you its going to get rough between the two of you as you sort through things. Try to keep an open mind for her feelings, but don't let guilt make decisions for you that you may regret later.
Remember time will heal everything, except damaged personal items.
Good Luck

[west milly Tom]

Yea its so strange. My heart is so heavy, she's practically suicidal. I just don't know. I feel bad just for the way this has her feeling.

[reillyluck]

sorry to hear about this and im really sorry i was going to ban you for not coming to the xmas party. :wink:

seriously though, if there was one ounce of doubt in your mind to be with her, then you did the right thing. relationships that end are definitely not easy, but with time, it does get better. maybe you just need a little bit more time apart to figure things out.

just hope you hang in there budday.

[Holes]

What are your indulgences? If I am reading it right then you are choosing booze, blow, weed, whatever your choice is over her? Not trying to be a dick, just trying to get a perspective.

[west milly Tom]

What are your indulgences? If I am reading it right then you are choosing booze, blow, weed, whatever your choice is over her? Not trying to be a dick, just trying to get a perspective.



Well I drink, and occasionally like the toot. When we met I was partying all the time, and she fell in love with me that way. Then I got a serious job laid off the partying and she got used to the idea of me not doing that so much. The problem is I told her I stopped.and when she found out I didn't and saw the amount of money I wasn't saving for a house it really devastated her.

[west milly Tom]

I spoke to her on the phone before work this morning and she is pleading with me to try and work it out. This sucks a bag of dicks.

[biggestmexi]

I spoke to her on the phone before work this morning and she is pleading with me to try and work it out. This sucks a bag of dicks.

NO SIR YOU SUCK A BAG OF DICKS.

[west milly Tom]

NO SIR YOU SUCK A BAG OF DICKS.


Thanks bro.

[biggestmexi]

Thanks bro.

yep get mad at me. you puss.

I dont understand why you did this with the invention of

Ashleymadison.com

:ohmy:

[instrument]

Sounds like you've moved on, and I honestly thing staying together cause she wants to is not going to go well.

But you're the one who knows the answer not us, its pretty simple, is this the girl you still want to marry?

Being engaged for 2 years would lead me to believe that it isn't.

[PerryWinkle]

sorry to hear about your situation, my friend. Usually if you feel any hint of doubt, things aren't meant to be. But with that said, are you deep down doing the partying because you know she doesn't like it, thus hoping she ended it with you because you have a fear of commitment. And this is coming from a guy who has sabataged many of relationships the same way. Also, does this mean she won't be attending the X-mas Pa bar night?

[west milly Tom]

sorry to hear about your situation, my friend. Usually if you feel any hint of doubt, things aren't meant to be. But with that said, are you deep down doing the partying because you know she doesn't like it, thus hoping she ended it with you because you have a fear of commitment. And this is coming from a guy who has sabataged many of relationships the same way. Also, does this mean she won't be attending the X-mas Pa bar night?


I have thought about that a lot. And you could be right.

As far as PA bar night, there are other women who I'm sure would be happy to accompany a distinguished gentleman like myself.

[PerryWinkle]

I have thought about that a lot. And you could be right.

As far as PA bar night, there are other women who I'm sure would be happy to accompany a distinguished gentleman like myself.

I believe we all have done stuff like that. Make them hate us, so its easier for us. Can you see yourself being married at all? Not just her, but to anyone.

And i wasn't asking about Pa bar night for you, I was wondering for myself :devil2:

[~Katja~]

ok Mr Tom... I read through the various posts of yours and I think you love her, because you don't want to see her hurt... but you are at a point in your life where you realize that you can't be 25 and partying anymore for the rest of your life and the next step is some serious commitment that you initially wanted.
I think you need to take some time finding out what you really want out of your life.
There can be a happy medium but a relationship as well as a marriage takes a lot of compromise and growing up.
Trust me, I am horrible about the compromising part, hence the fact that I live alone... but I had to grow up to be a parent and some days it's scary because it seem you never get a break from it. But there are plenty of ways it's rewarding as well.

From what you told us before you and here do have a lot of things in common that you really enjoy together... If you decide to work it out, maybe set a schedule like let's say every other weekend you get to do and party alone and it's a flexible arrangement...
and trust me, the older you get you will find that less and less friends will be available to party with you as often as you do now, because they have gone through that very same process of growing up and changing priorities in life.


I have another question, while she was gone she missed you apparently, did you miss her at all or feel like you could care less?
Did you wonder what she was up to and wanted to call to just say hello?

[sr71blackbird]

Many women go by the Three A's that justify the termination of a relationship:

Adultery
Abuse
Addiction

In many ways it is smart for a man or woman to avoid a relationship that the other partner poses these qualities, because they will generally lead to ruin sooner or later. If you really want her, why not try to stop i or get help? What does it do for you anyway? I am glad you had the idea that she was better off without the problems and know you must be hurt bad and I am sorry for that. But you did the right thing.

[~Katja~]

Well I drink, and occasionally like the toot. When we met I was partying all the time, and she fell in love with me that way. Then I got a serious job laid off the partying and she got used to the idea of me not doing that so much. The problem is I told her I stopped.and when she found out I didn't and saw the amount of money I wasn't saving for a house it really devastated her.

and that was 5 1/2 years ago which is a long time for people to change... you can either change and grow together by supporting each other or change and grow apart.
When you do grow apart then there is usually not much you can do to hold it together.

[PerryWinkle]

and that was 5 1/2 years ago which is a long time for people to change... you can either change and grow together by supporting each other or change and grow apart.
When you do grow apart then there is usually not much you can do to hold it together.

stop giving girl advice. grow together; support each other, that's all advice a girl would give. He has to decide if he wants to be in a committed relationship and all the things that go along with that, with anyone. This isn't a question about his chick, its all on him. He has to decide if he can take that final step.

[Jujubees2]

stop giving girl advice. grow together; support each other, that's all advice a girl would give. He has to decide if he wants to be in a committed relationship and all the things that go along with that, with anyone. This isn't a question about his chick, its all on him. He has to decide if he can take that final step.

And be totally honest. Tom, you started out your engagement with a lie so the relationship was doomed to fail. If a relationship is not based on trust, it will fall apart quickly.

[~Katja~]

stop giving girl advice. grow together; support each other, that's all advice a girl would give. He has to decide if he wants to be in a committed relationship and all the things that go along with that, with anyone. This isn't a question about his chick, its all on him. He has to decide if he can take that final step.

and I am not even going to argue that point cause I said in my first post that he needs to find out what he wants.
The thing is 5 1/2 years is a long time (in my book) and you will KNOW when it's over. You will know when you can't ever be yourself in a relationship and whether you want to accept it or just can't deal with it.

[PerryWinkle]

and I am not even going to argue that point cause I said in my first post that he needs to find out what he wants.
The thing is 5 1/2 years is a long time (in my book) and you will KNOW when it's over. You will know when you can't ever be yourself in a relationship and whether you want to accept it or just can't deal with it.


the thing is, he doesn't know who the real "himself" is. he isn't the party guy all the time that just want to drink and drug, and he isn't the stay at home dad ready to take the kids to soccer practice either. I have a feeling that he just is afraid of what he'll miss out on if he "picks" one side or the other. This is what guys go through. It's not about growing old together or becoming one with your partner, it's weighting your options and seeing which one is the best for you. now some guys have much better scales and the decision is easy, but for some of us, the scale kind of sticks in the middle for a real long time.

[disneyspy]

wow this is like readin my past,you gotta go thru what you gotta go thru,man i've deleated alot of paragraphs and rewritin and deleated again,you know my #

[RoseBlood]

the thing is, he doesn't know who the real "himself" is. he isn't the party guy all the time that just want to drink and drug, and he isn't the stay at home dad ready to take the kids to soccer practice either. I have a feeling that he just is afraid of what he'll miss out on if he "picks" one side or the other. This is what guys go through. It's not about growing old together or becoming one with your partner, it's weighting your options and seeing which one is the best for you. now some guys have much better scales and the decision is easy, but for some of us, the scale kind of sticks in the middle for a real long time.

From the little I know, I don't think these two are right for each other at this time. You make some good honest male perspective points but if Tom is dealing with figuring out who he is and weighing his options, then I don't think he is ready to settle down with this chick or any.
Maybe I'm wrong but I think when a guy matures and decides he's ready to settle down with a girl, he just knows it. If he's still confused as to where his priorities lay, if he's with a girl but keeping tabs on what's still out there then 1) he's not ready to be in a committed relationship or 2) he's with the wrong girl.

[PerryWinkle]

From the little I know, I don't think these two are right for each other at this time. You make some good honest male perspective points but if Tom is dealing with figuring out who he is and weighing his options, then I don't think he is ready to settle down with this chick or any.
Maybe I'm wrong but I think when a guy matures and decides he's ready to settle down with a girl, he just knows it. If he's still confused as to where his priorities lay, if he's with a girl but keeping tabs on what's still out there then 1) he's not ready to be in a committed relationship or 2) he's with the wrong girl.

we're making the same point, but you're just saying it the nice girl way.

[reillyluck]

yep get mad at me. you puss.

I dont understand why you did this with the invention of

Ashleymadison.com

:ohmy:

That's Life: The Forum. remember where you are posting.

[PerryWinkle]

That's Life: The Forum. remember where you are posting.

nice mod work

[west milly Tom]

I believe we all have done stuff like that. Make them hate us, so its easier for us. Can you see yourself being married at all? Not just her, but to anyone.

And i wasn't asking about Pa bar night for you, I was wondering for myself :devil2:



I can definitely see myself mring married. One thing that I know is I want to be a family man, as good a husband and father as my pops.

ok Mr Tom... I read through the various posts of yours and I think you love her, because you don't want to see her hurt... but you are at a point in your life where you realize that you can't be 25 and partying anymore for the rest of your life and the next step is some serious commitment that you initially wanted.
I think you need to take some time finding out what you really want out of your life.
There can be a happy medium but a relationship as well as a marriage takes a lot of compromise and growing up.
Trust me, I am horrible about the compromising part, hence the fact that I live alone... but I had to grow up to be a parent and some days it's scary because it seem you never get a break from it. But there are plenty of ways it's rewarding as well.

From what you told us before you and here do have a lot of things in common that you really enjoy together... If you decide to work it out, maybe set a schedule like let's say every other weekend you get to do and party alone and it's a flexible arrangement...
and trust me, the older you get you will find that less and less friends will be available to party with you as often as you do now, because they have gone through that very same process of growing up and changing priorities in life.


I have another question, while she was gone she missed you apparently, did you miss her at all or feel like you could care less?
Did you wonder what she was up to and wanted to call to just say hello?


I wrote her company email every day just letting her know what I did that day, telling her I missed her. a lot of it is she's 34 and I'm 28 and I feel like I may never "grow up".

[~Katja~]

I can definitely see myself mring married. One thing that I know is I want to be a family man, as good a husband and father as my pops.




I wrote her company email every day just letting her know what I did that day, telling her I missed her. a lot of it is she's 34 and I'm 28 and I feel like I may never "grow up".

you wrote her you missed her or you did miss her?
There is a difference.

[west milly Tom]

the thing is, he doesn't know who the real "himself" is. he isn't the party guy all the time that just want to drink and drug, and he isn't the stay at home dad ready to take the kids to soccer practice either. I have a feeling that he just is afraid of what he'll miss out on if he "picks" one side or the other. This is what guys go through. It's not about growing old together or becoming one with your partner, it's weighting your options and seeing which one is the best for you. now some guys have much better scales and the decision is easy, but for some of us, the scale kind of sticks in the middle for a real long time.



QFT

wow this is like readin my past,you gotta go thru what you gotta go thru,man i've deleated alot of paragraphs and rewritin and deleated again,you know my #

Thanks brother.

[jonyrotn]

Many women go by the Three A's that justify the termination of a relationship:
Adultery
Abuse
AddictionI wouldn't be so quick to omit "Anal" from this list, especially by forcible compulsion..
Try this with the wrong woman without an invitation and you'll be on your way to the bus station before you can wipe the shit off your dick..

[west milly Tom]

you wrote her you missed her or you did miss her?
There is a difference.

I missed her, but did not miss the guilt of shouldering her misery.

[RoseBlood]

we're making the same point, but you're just saying it the nice girl way.

ok, i guess you're right, i'm tired and not making any sense and was distracted by an old puerto rican man :help:

[pittphantoms]

Whatever you do - do it. Don't let the decision linger or the situation fester without a real decision. The last thing you want is to be breaking up for a year...

I think this sounds like your last major learning experience before you are ready to settle down.

[~Katja~]

I wouldn't be so quick to omit "Anal" from this list, especially by forcible compulsion..
Try this with the wrong woman without an invitation and you'll be on your way to the bus station before you can wipe the shit off your dick..
That's Life: The Forum. remember where you are posting.

and you also forgot to use your special font

[~Katja~]

I missed her, but did not miss the guilt of shouldering her misery.

so let me ask you this, can you see yourself without her? what would you do next after you really separate?

party? party some more... and then search for another chick... a few random one night stands and then you will look for a soul mate again because like you said, you do want to be a father one day...

Being that she is 34 I can see her maybe having different goals in life.
Especially if you guys talked kids before.

[Contra]

You say that you want a family, but the question is when. Do you want to grow up now, with her, or later with someone else. Which do you love more, her and the idea of a family, or the booze and the coke? Can't have your cake and eat it too brother. If you want kids you can't be putting money up your nose that should be going into your child's mouth.

I'm going through something VERY similar right now so I know where you are coming from I think. My vise is the herb, i've been smoking less and less and now I don't even think I really want to do it anymore, except maybe a party or something if someone is passing around. I think this is the last year of chonic use (not to make a pun). I've been with my chick for close to 6 years now and she's being very patient thankfully but I don't think she will wait much longer for a ring.

Well I hope my rambling brought some insight to the table.

[topless_mike]

The problem is I told her I stopped.and when she found out I didn't and saw the amount of money I wasn't saving for a house it really devastated her.

this wasnt cool...

i dont know if this has been said yet, but look at it this way.
take 15, 20 years from now. which statement would you rather prefer come out of your mouth?

"wow.. i've been married 15 years already and have a house and kids"

or

"wow.. ive been enjoying my indulgences for 15 years already and have...."

answer that question and i think you'll figure it out.

[west milly Tom]

Its not so much about the blow anymore. I haven't been getting high all that much anymore. Its more about the fact that I'm tired of being the bad guy. She's always sad and I'm the root cause of her sadness. And that makes me sad.

[Dougie Brootal]

I think this sounds like your last major learning experience before you are ready to settle down.

im stealing this.


i really dont have any advice, ive been sitting here for a couple minutes trying to come up with something and i cant. im the last person who should give advice on this anyway. all i can say is sorry this is happening to you budday. and i kinda know what youre going through.

[west milly Tom]

so let me ask you this, can you see yourself without her? what would you do next after you really separate?

party? party some more... and then search for another chick... a few random one night stands and then you will look for a soul mate again because like you said, you do want to be a father one day...

Being that she is 34 I can see her maybe having different goals in life.
Especially if you guys talked kids before.


If we broke up, I'd bang a few skanks get way to drunk and move on. The shitty thing is I can see myself without her. But I don't think she can see herself wigthout me.

[~Katja~]

If we broke up, I'd bang a few skanks get way to drunk and move on. The shitty thing is I can see myself without her. But I don't think she can see herself wigthout me.

ok, you got your answer there. You can see yourself without her.
It's hard and she is going to be sad, but maybe when you talk to her and make clear that you being with her for the wrong reasons is not fair to her.
If she is looking for a stable relationship and maybe a family it will take her a few years to get to that point again... if you hold her up now for selfish reasons it will be even more devastating for her later on.

[west milly Tom]

I'm actually suprised to hear all the support and advice. Thanks people.

[west milly Tom]

ok, you got your answer there. You can see yourself without her.
It's hard and she is going to be sad, but maybe when you talk to her and make clear that you being with her for the wrong reasons is not fair to her.
If she is looking for a stable relationship and maybe a family it will take her a few years to get to that point again... if you hold her up now for selfish reasons it will be even more devastating for her later on.


Is that a deciding factor though, the fact that I COULD see myself without her?

[west milly Tom]

I mean I COULD see myself with her too, I did propose to her.

[~Katja~]

Is that a deciding factor though, the fact that I COULD see myself without her?

I just went by what I felt like when I separated from Lukas' dad.
Aside from past problems and issues we just never came to terms about and me not feeling happy and living a controlled life... at the time I told him to leave I already had envisioned myself a life without him and being a single mom.
I wasn't separating cause I had a life with someone else in mind but simply because I could see myself happier without and by myself.

So ask yourself, if you can see yourself without her... how long do you think you would feel happy for and get a kick out of being single? How long before you start seeking a new full relationship again because you really don't want to be alone...
and at that time, do you think you will look back and regret?

I have never regretted a decision I have made... which still does not mean that they were always easy making.

[Dougie Brootal]

I'm actually suprised to hear all the support and advice. Thanks people.

hey, we're all buddays here!

[west milly Tom]

Fucked up
Side note: today is her company luncheon. Eeash.

[west milly Tom]

I feel like I regret every decision I've ever made. I'm sure this will be no different. I'm looking for an answer that I can't seem to find.

[PerryWinkle]

have you come up with anything new since you had all day to think about it?

[Gvac]

The answer is simple, but not easy.

If your "indulgences" are more important than keeping a promise to her, and her insistence that you give up those indulgences is more important to her than keeping you, it's got to end.

Again, a lot easier said than done.

It doesn't sound like you're so madly in love with her that you're willing to change, and I don't think she'll ever accept the fact that you prefer being a bit more frivolous with your money than she would like.

It sucks more than anything in the world to hurt someone you love, whether it's intentional or not, but if it's for the greater good it's got to be done.

Best of luck.

[keithy_19]

What Gvac said.

[west milly Tom]

have you come up with anything new since you had all day to think about it?


We've been talking on the phone all day. I saying that its not working out and she saying that it can if I really want it to. She has been crying all day. shes coming here in a few for the face to face. Its killing me to see her this way, but I keep telling myself we'll both be better in the long run. Nothing has ever been harder than right now. Sucks.

[west milly Tom]

The answer is simple, but not easy.

If your "indulgences" are more important than keeping a promise to her, and her insistence that you give up those indulgences is more important to her than keeping you, it's got to end.

Again, a lot easier said than done.

It doesn't sound like you're so madly in love with her that you're willing to change, and I don't think she'll ever accept the fact that you prefer being a bit more frivolous with your money than she would like.

It sucks more than anything in the world to hurt someone you love, whether it's intentional or not, but if it's for the greater good it's got to be done.

Best of luck.



Thanks but like I said its not about the party anymore. Its about forgiveness.

[~Katja~]

Thanks but like I said its not about the party anymore. Its about forgiveness.

forgiveness on whose part?

[west milly Tom]

forgiveness on whose part?

Her's.

[~Katja~]

but then it is still about the partying if you expect her to forgive you for it in the past and future.

If she says it can work if you really want it... it means she would expect a change in your partying ways... and if she is not worth that for you to keep her then it is best for her to move on as much as it may hurt her.

[west milly Tom]

I don't know Kat. I'm cloudy at best right now. She's here so ill get back at ya'll.

[Friday]

good luck, budday.

breaking an engagement is one of the hardest things in the world to do... it hurts just like a death.
but if there are doubts now... you are probably making the right decision for both of you.

[west milly Tom]

That was the worst thing ive ever
experienced ever. Its over. 4.5 hours of crying, laughing, one bottle of wine, and just feeling awful. I wish things were different, but they're just not. She says I gave up on her and shell be waiting for me to find myself. Watching her cry was the worst thing ever. I felt like dying. Is that not the worst thing ever when the woman you love cries tears of grief because of you?
I feel like I should have something profound for you all, but I'm just tired, so tired. She did not want it to end. I'm so something, something. Ill leave you all with the great words of Warren Zevon who has helped me through many difficult times before:

I could hold my head up high and say that I left first
Or I could hang my head and cry tell me which is worse.

You could go and ask her why
She might say she's not sure

Trust me when I tell you I'm not good enough for her.

I want her to be happy
I want her to be free
I want her to be everything she couldn't be with me


You could go and ask her why
She might say she's not sure

Trust me when I tell you I'm not good enough for her.

[west milly Tom]

Fuckkkkkkk!!!!!!

[RogerPodacter]

i feel for you budday. i was with my ex girl for 6 years, and after that long of a time i kinda felt the way you did, so we broke it off. my mind was so confused, i didnt know if i was doing the right thing or the wrong thing. if i would miss her after the split, or i would be happier. nothing is black and white, our lives are all in the gray areas. sometimes i still think i made a mistake and its been a couple years since then. so good luck with whatever you decide! but my advice, your getting older, what else is out there? life's all about eventually finding someone you love and living together. nothing else more important really after sifting thru all the bullshit.

[ohioscouser]

I just got engaged myself to a lady who is 5 years older than me.

But Tom mate, just dont regret what you are doing and take some more time to think it through. Dont be too rash, you may regret what you are doing now in the future.

Just take some time...

[MacVittie]

How old are you dude?

[west milly Tom]

How old are you dude?

28

[~Katja~]

That was the worst thing ive ever
experienced ever. Its over. 4.5 hours of crying, laughing, one bottle of wine, and just feeling awful. I wish things were different, but they're just not. She says I gave up on her and shell be waiting for me to find myself. Watching her cry was the worst thing ever. I felt like dying. Is that not the worst thing ever when the woman you love cries tears of grief because of you?
I feel like I should have something profound for you all, but I'm just tired, so tired. She did not want it to end. I'm so something, something. Ill leave you all with the great words of Warren Zevon who has helped me through many difficult times before:

I could hold my head up high and say that I left first
Or I could hang my head and cry tell me which is worse.

You could go and ask her why
She might say she's not sure

Trust me when I tell you I'm not good enough for her.

I want her to be happy
I want her to be free
I want her to be everything she couldn't be with me


You could go and ask her why
She might say she's not sure

Trust me when I tell you I'm not good enough for her.

oh damn it Tom, I actually feel like crying for both of you right now.
She seems not ready to give up and you seem to not know what you want but definitely don't want to hurt her with your selfish actions (which you acknowledge)
If she is really going to wait for you to get where you need to be to be completely committed then you truly have a special person in your life that feel you are worth the wait despite your faults...

[MacVittie]

28

Keep your chin up. You've got a whole lot of life ahead of you.

[PerryWinkle]

good one tom, now you have Katja crying too :nono:

[keithy_19]

good one tom, now you have Katja crying too :nono:

http://www.hemmy.net/images/animals/cuteanimal2-05.jpg

[west milly Tom]

oh damn it Tom, I actually feel like crying for both of you right now.
She seems not ready to give up and you seem to not know what you want but definitely don't want to hurt her with your selfish actions (which you acknowledge)
If she is really going to wait for you to get where you need to be to be completely committed then you truly have a special person in your life that feel you are worth the wait despite your faults...



Thanks Katja, that's touching.

[JerseyRich]

Jesus...you are running a parallel life to me!

Just some background. Was together with my ex longer than you were (10 years...since we were in High School) Got engaged under the Rockefeller Tree...I called it off just after she got back from a trip The only different is, WE GOT MARRIED...(And a ton of other things that have nothing to do with the subject)

My advice is to see the signs. If you really aren't willing to change, and she wants you to, it isn't going to work. You have to want to change yourself if anything is ever going to really be different. It seems that this will be a bone of contention in your relationship FOREVER.

So don't marry her. You are obviously not a perfect match...and anything less than a perfect match in a marriage(especially with matters of drugs/alcohol) will just cause friction and resentment.

It might sound harsh, but I hope you make the right decision...The decision that is best for both of you.

[RoseBlood]

I have nothing to add, take it from JerseyRich and katja, no better advice than the advice of experience.

[Fezticle98]

I have to agree with JerseyRich.

It sounds from your posts like your mind is already made up. Not sure where the people urging you to try and work it out came in.

It hurts real bad, it's hard, but you know it's the right thing to do. There is honor in knowing that you did the best thing for both of you, even though there is an easier way out in the short term.

[west milly Tom]

Jesus...you are running a parallel life to me!

Just some background. Was together with my ex longer than you were (10 years...since we were in High School) Got engaged under the Rockefeller Tree...I called it off just after she got back from a trip The only different is, WE GOT MARRIED...(And a ton of other things that have nothing to do with the subject)

My advice is to see the signs. If you really aren't willing to change, and she wants you to, it isn't going to work. You have to want to change yourself if anything is ever going to really be different. It seems that this will be a bone of contention in your relationship FOREVER.

So don't marry her. You are obviously not a perfect match...and anything less than a perfect match in a marriage(especially with matters of drugs/alcohol) will just cause friction and resentment.

It might sound harsh, but I hope you make the right decision...The decision that is best for both of you.



You proposed under the tree too? That's crazy. I guess I'm not the first person to go through this. I just want to thank everybody for the support and advice. Hopefully ill be able to put a face to some of your name at the PA bar party. I'm just getting off work in Hoboken and I'm going to meet my old friend Jack, check out my posts after 700 they should be great. Thanks again .netters.

[west milly Tom]

So its been one full day now and although I'm still feeling like a piece of shit, I had a great conversation with my best friend last night that has brought me some relief. I just hope she has someone to do the same. I am still having a real hard time just knowing how much she is suffering. I just can't get her weaping out of my head. I hope she is ok.

[JerseyRich]

So its been one full day now and although I'm still feeling like a piece of shit, I had a great conversation with my best friend last night that has brought me some relief. I just hope she has someone to do the same. I am still having a real hard time just knowing how much she is suffering. I just can't get her weaping out of my head. I hope she is ok.

The cliched thing to say right now is "time will help heal the wounds"...any honestly, it's the truth.

[west milly Tom]

so I just finished editing her off my myspace/facebook pages, fucking depressing, real fucking depressing.

[Friday]

Hang in there sweetie... this is going to be a rough holiday season for you.

It will get better eventually... but for now, just try to keep yourself surrounded with good friends. And furry pets if you have them... they absorb tears surprisingly well.

http://forums.randi.org/images/smilies/hug6.gif

[keithy_19]

Hang in there sweetie... this is going to be a rough holiday season for you.

It will get better eventually... but for now, just try to keep yourself surrounded with good friends. And furry pets if you have them... they absorb tears surprisingly well.

http://forums.randi.org/images/smilies/hug6.gif

Furry people too.

:smile: