Adventures In Vibratorland

[Skellington]

I've been single since Decemeber.

I went to the 'buy a boyfriend without the psychotic episodes' store.

Purple g-spot boyfriend was a bit of a thug and didn't fit. There was no amount of lube in the world that would make purple g-spot boyfriend fit. I texted my friend and asked her if there was any....method.....to lubing and diddling. Purple g-spot boyfriend got kicked to the nightstand.

Jenna Jamison's rhinestone encrusted clitoral stimiulator couldn't stimulate .......anything. Like any sassy lady, pretty to look at, lame in bed. *boot*

The almighty jackrabbit boyfriend....didn't fit.

Thank fucking god I still have one hand that works.

*blinks*

Note to all: When returning $150 worth of used snatch goodies to the store, explaining that 'it didn't fit' will get you a lot of phone numbers you most likely don't want. (yes, you can return used snatch goodies for a full refund if not satisfied. I wasn't even partially satisfied.)

With my returned money, I bought a bottle of Glen Morangie La Santa, put Frankenhand on ice, and sipped in ode to my virginal snatch that no plastic, battery operated fallice could penetrate or please. I shouldn't be surprised, i've practiced my kegels so well that I have the ability to fire the speculum at my GYN. Now that's a classy lady.

And there is my random rant. Buddy's are now all aware of the very condition of my snatch.:happy:

[Dougie Brootal]

*passes out*

[TheMojoPin]

yes, you can return used snatch goodies for a full refund if not satisfied

Worst job in the world = used sex toy cleaner/repackager.

[drjoek]

¤gulp¤

[Death Metal Moe]

Hmmmm. Yea, could go a few ways with this, all of the HOT like the surface of the FUCKING SUN.

.......naaaaa, too creepy on a message board.

I'll just drop a "Good luck with finding things to pleasure your most intimate of areas" and walk away.

[Death Metal Moe]

Worst job in the world = used sex toy cleaner/repackager.

What if a pic accompanied the returned goods? It would at least be great for perverts and degenerates.

[Hottub]

Why is Skelly not in a bracket?

[TooLowBrow]

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1319/995290158_9229681083.jpg
scary

[Death Metal Moe]

Why is Skelly not in a bracket?

Because it's not creepy for an attractive woman to post this.

The creepiness comes in from the responses all of us will leave. This thread alone could move someone at the back of their bracket up to the playoffs in one fell post.

[Death Metal Moe]

Note to all: When returning $150 worth of used snatch goodies to the store, explaining that 'it didn't fit' will get you a lot of phone numbers you most likely don't want. (yes, you can return used snatch goodies for a full refund if not satisfied. I wasn't even partially satisfied.)


Correction. YOU can return $150 worth of snatch goodies.

[SatCam]

I always buy the refurbished/scratch & dent sex toys. They're cheaper

[Contra]

Didn't fit because it was too big or too small? My inquiring mind wants to know.

[Death Metal Moe]

Have you ever visited IrregularButtPlugs.com (http://icanhascheezburger.com/)? Bargain Basement deals.

[boosterp]

*insert stupid jaw drop smiley*

I only wish that you scratch that itch soon. I went nearly a year without and by the time I seriously started dating I was ready to fuck anyone who looked toward my direction. Scary.

[Tall_James]

yes, you can return used snatch goodies for a full refund if not satisfied. I wasn't even partially satisfied

That truly amazes me. I can't even return a pair of jeans to the Gap without a dirty look from the girl behind the counter.

Its like she's never even seen dried semen and blood stains before.

Sheesh.

[Death Metal Moe]

That truly amazes me. I can't even return a pair of jeans to the Gap without a dirty look from the girl behind the counter.

Its like she's never even seen dried semen and blood stains before.

Sheesh.

I don't think it was the fact that the stains were there, just the sheer volume of them.

[Tall_James]

I don't think it was the fact that the stains were there, just the sheer volume of them.

To be honest, they looked acid-washed after I was through with them.

http://www.blurtit.com/var/question/q/q8/q87/q873/q8738/q873849_acid_wash.jpg

[britneypablo]

<font color="deeppink"> wow i think i love this chick...shes fantastic

[Tall_James]

<font color="deeppink"> wow i think i love this chick...shes fantastic

She was pretty cool even before this story.

[~Katja~]

I didn't know you can return them (i too have one of them purple non fitting ones laying around)... it would gross me out... now I don't even want to buy another out of fear of getting a repackaged one...

I am just glad I still have my shower head... you should get one, they are fantastic!

http://sonakishowerheads.com/images/sonaki-crystal-spray.jpg

[BlackSpider]

I didn't know you can return them (i too have one of them purple non fitting ones laying around)... it would gross me out... now I don't even want to buy another out of fear of getting a repackaged one...

I am just glad I still have my shower head... you should get one, they are fantastic!

http://sonakishowerheads.com/images/sonaki-crystal-spray.jpg

how big are the "Non-fitting" ones, if you can fit that shower head in there...?

[~Katja~]

how big are the "Non-fitting" ones, if you can fit that shower head in there...?

you don't shove that up there...



but you knew that!

[underdog]

Whatever you do, please don't use a vibrator on a glass coffee table.

[PerryWinkle]

note to self......careful if showering at katja's

[lleeder]

Do you have the same problem with real cocks?

[Gvac]

Grossest thread ever.

[biozombie]

how big are the "Non-fitting" ones, if you can fit that shower head in there...?

:clap:

[Hottub]

Do you have the same problem with real cocks?

Nice.

[~Katja~]

Do you have the same problem with real cocks?

what real cocks?

[beachbum]

I am speechless,literally without speech.:surrender:

[~Katja~]

I am speechless,literally without speech.:surrender:

thank god for that novelty called keyboard...

[razorboy]

thank god for that novelty called keyboard...

Shower heads and keyboards? Kinky.

[underdog]

I am speechless,literally without speech.:surrender:

Me too, but I have difficulty talking while I'm jerking off.

[Death Metal Moe]

Vibratorland sounds like the worst amusement park I've ever been told I had to wait outside in the car at.

[Death Metal Moe]

Me too, but I have difficulty talking while I'm jerking off.

http://img.chan4chan.com/img/2009-03-15/1237097805253.jpg

By "this" I mean YOU fagging this vibrator thread up!

[underdog]

http://img.chan4chan.com/img/2009-03-15/1237097805253.jpg

By "this" I mean YOU fagging this vibrator thread up!

You'll find a way.

[Death Metal Moe]

You'll find a way.

...............

you got me there.

[MagillaGorillaz]

I should start a new thread with my story of the day. I'm at my parents house today. It's where I grew up. I'm snopping around in my old room. It's got all sorts of stuff of my Dad's now. I haven't lived there in a few years. There are some things of mine that are in the room beer mugs some other old stuff. I open my old desk to find a vibrator. Red with some bead looking things in it. I'm not an expert in the whole vibrator thing, but I think it's the rabbit one. But my god, words can't describe my reaction.

[sr71blackbird]

http://mediaphoto.doctissimo.fr/dossiers/o/r/orchideenoire/mangas/TN2-25063-vibrations.gif

[Death Metal Moe]

I should start a new thread with my story of the day. I'm at my parents house today. It's where I grew up. I'm snopping around in my old room. It's got all sorts of stuff of my Dad's now. I haven't lived there in a few years. There are some things of mine that are in the room beer mugs some other old stuff. I open my old desk to find a vibrator. Red with some bead looking things in it. I'm not an expert in the whole vibrator thing, but I think it's the rabbit one. But my god, words can't describe my reaction.

http://awkwardboners.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/costner-boner.jpg

[KatPw]

I've been single since Decemeber.

I went to the 'buy a boyfriend without the psychotic episodes' store.

Purple g-spot boyfriend was a bit of a thug and didn't fit. There was no amount of lube in the world that would make purple g-spot boyfriend fit. I texted my friend and asked her if there was any....method.....to lubing and diddling. Purple g-spot boyfriend got kicked to the nightstand.

Jenna Jamison's rhinestone encrusted clitoral stimiulator couldn't stimulate .......anything. Like any sassy lady, pretty to look at, lame in bed. *boot*

The almighty jackrabbit boyfriend....didn't fit.

Thank fucking god I still have one hand that works.

*blinks*

Note to all: When returning $150 worth of used snatch goodies to the store, explaining that 'it didn't fit' will get you a lot of phone numbers you most likely don't want. (yes, you can return used snatch goodies for a full refund if not satisfied. I wasn't even partially satisfied.)

With my returned money, I bought a bottle of Glen Morangie La Santa, put Frankenhand on ice, and sipped in ode to my virginal snatch that no plastic, battery operated fallice could penetrate or please. I shouldn't be surprised, i've practiced my kegels so well that I have the ability to fire the speculum at my GYN. Now that's a classy lady.

And there is my random rant. Buddy's are now all aware of the very condition of my snatch.:happy:

Have you ever tried the Fun Factory brand of toys? I have this http://www.edenfantasys.com/vibrators/g-spot-vibrators/dinky-digger and it rules, really powerful. You just have to get over the fact that it looks like something out of a kids cartoon. All my other toys have been sitting lonely in the drawer ever since I got that. Their Smart Balls (what I call my cooch balls) are also awesome for kegels http://www.edenfantasys.com/smart-balls/adult-toys-dvds-22724. Germans know good sex toys apparently http://www.funfactory.de/

[~Katja~]

Have you ever tried the Fun Factory brand of toys? I have this http://www.edenfantasys.com/vibrators/g-spot-vibrators/dinky-digger and it rules, really powerful. You just have to get over the fact that it looks like something out of a kids cartoon. All my other toys have been sitting lonely in the drawer ever since I got that. Their Smart Balls (what I call my cooch balls) are also awesome for kegels http://www.edenfantasys.com/smart-balls/adult-toys-dvds-22724. Germans know good sex toys apparently http://www.funfactory.de/

wonder if it would look weird at customs when I stock up on some things while back home

[KatPw]

wonder if it would look weird at customs when I stock up on some things while back home

You would probably make the customs agent's day.

[Tall_James]

Have you ever tried the Fun Factory brand of toys? I have this http://www.edenfantasys.com/vibrators/g-spot-vibrators/dinky-digger and it rules, really powerful. You just have to get over the fact that it looks like something out of a kids cartoon. All my other toys have been sitting lonely in the drawer ever since I got that. Their Smart Balls (what I call my cooch balls) are also awesome for kegels http://www.edenfantasys.com/smart-balls/adult-toys-dvds-22724. Germans know good sex toys apparently http://www.funfactory.de/

Didn't I ban this as a spam thread a few days ago? No, that was username AnalViagraCialisSexToy.

[MagillaGorillaz]

http://awkwardboners.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/costner-boner.jpg

Mine was more of an innie at the time of discovery.

[Death Metal Moe]

wonder if it would look weird at customs when I stock up on some things while back home

Just think of a bad sitcom moment. Kinda like when Ted Bundy's neighbors brought home a lot of kinky shit with them from a vacation episode.

Everyone chuckles and you get to run off with the stuff looking all horny.

Life is just like TV, right?

[Death Metal Moe]

Didn't I ban this as a spam thread a few days ago?

You ban this stuff and I'll bring back that photo of you modeling some merchandise!

[KatPw]

Didn't I ban this as a spam thread a few days ago? No, that was username AnalViagraCialisSexToy.:lol:

You ban this stuff and I'll bring back that photo of you modeling some merchandise!

Hot.

[Tall_James]

You ban this stuff and I'll bring back that photo of you modeling some merchandise!

Nothing to see here. Move along.

[mikeyboy]

Just think of a bad sitcom moment. Kinda like when Ted Bundy's neighbors brought home a lot of kinky shit with them from a vacation episode.

Everyone chuckles and you get to run off with the stuff looking all horny.

Life is just like TV, right?

How did I miss the wacky Ted Bundy Show?

http://scrapetv.com/News/News%20Pages/usa/images-2/ted-bundy-in-court.jpg

[TripleSkeet]

With my returned money, I bought a bottle of Glen Morangie La Santa, put Frankenhand on ice, and sipped in ode to my virginal snatch that no plastic, battery operated fallice could penetrate or please. I shouldn't be surprised, i've practiced my kegels so well that I have the ability to fire the speculum at my GYN. Now that's a classy lady.

And there is my random rant. Buddy's are now all aware of the very condition of my snatch.:happy:

Wanna make out?

[Death Metal Moe]

How did I miss the wacky Ted Bundy Show?

http://scrapetv.com/News/News%20Pages/usa/images-2/ted-bundy-in-court.jpg

Holy fucking shit, I actually wrote Ted Bundy instead of Al Bundy?

Dude, I fucking RULE!

[~Katja~]

Holy fucking shit, I actually wrote Ted Bundy instead of Al Bundy?

Dude, I fucking RULE!

CREEP!

[underdog]

wonder if it would look weird at customs when I stock up on some things while back home

When I worked at the airport, it was amazing how many people traveled with vibrators with the batteries still in. You'd hear a bag buzzing and open it up to see what was in it.

A bag once broke open in one of the back rooms once and it was just filled with vibrators, leather and panties so we all ran out front to see who was picking it up. It was some 50yr old balding guy. It was strange. We all felt hammersavaged.

[Death Metal Moe]

CREEP!

Nice! I just shot above GVAC in my bracket!

[~Katja~]

When I worked at the airport, it was amazing how many people traveled with vibrators with the batteries still in. You'd hear a bag buzzing and open it up to see what was in it.

A bag once broke open in one of the back rooms once and it was just filled with vibrators, leather and panties so we all ran out front to see who was picking it up. It was some 50yr old balding guy. It was strange. We all felt hammersavaged.

I had an electric toothbrush that went off in a suitcase once and wondered what the hell was making that noise from the bag, was surprised they never stopped us...
now I have a sonicare which you take apart when traveling anyway

[underdog]

I had an electric toothbrush that went off in a suitcase once and wondered what the hell was making that noise from the bag, was surprised they never stopped us...
now I have a sonicare which you take apart when traveling anyway

We'd get toothbrushes, electric shavers and vibrators going off constantly.

[beachbum]

You must always remember to take the batteries out of your toothbrushes and "neck massagers".

[boosterp]

How is this not the hottest thread ever?

[TheMojoPin]

I'm stunned some idiot hasn't gone for the shitty, "I know the feeling - my cock is too big to fit in my hand" joke yet.

Not that I just did. I would simply be stating a fact.

[underdog]

I'm stunned some idiot hasn't gone for the shitty, "I know the feeling - my cock is too big to fit in my hand" joke yet.

Not that I just did. I would simply be stating a fact.

I know the feeling. I have really, really small hands, too.

[Death Metal Moe]

I'm impressed most people have been keeping it kinda cool in what was lined up to be Creepfest 2009.

[Death Metal Moe]

Well OK, I'll be the douchebag.

Hey Skell, what are you now planning to pleasure yourself with after finding all the toys didn't fit the bill so to speak?

Trying smaller toys? Going back to basics? Fred Garvin?

[biggirl]

my husband bought me a vibrator. I don't really like it. I like his penis better.

[Death Metal Moe]

my husband bought me a vibrator. I don't really like it. I like his penis better.

And I hope he never keeps you waiting for it young lady. God's speed.

[Drunky McBetidont]

my husband bought me a vibrator. I don't really like it. I like his penis better.

see, he prolly got you a tiny one. should have gotten you purple guy or greeny

[biggirl]

see, he prolly got you a tiny one. should have gotten you purple guy or greeny

it's a greeny.

[TheGameHHH]

When I worked at the airport, it was amazing how many people traveled with vibrators with the batteries still in. You'd hear a bag buzzing and open it up to see what was in it.

A bag once broke open in one of the back rooms once and it was just filled with vibrators, leather and panties so we all ran out front to see who was picking it up. It was some 50yr old balding guy. It was strange. We all felt hammersavaged.

http://news.thomasnet.com/IMT/archives/techies%20fight%20club.jpg

"Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor, but every once in a while...it's a dildo. Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo."

[SatCam]

it's a greeny.

http://www.kelsptgrmg.com/yahoo_site_admin/assets/images/greenie.33862408_std.jpg

[TjM]

Giggity Giggity

[biggirl]

it is green...not a greeny

[Skellington]

Worst job in the world = used sex toy cleaner/repackager.

Noooooo, they don't clean or repackage, they just send it back to the manufacturer. Isn't there a healthcode again reselling things that have been....IN people???? EWWW!!

[Skellington]

Why is Skelly not in a bracket?

Because i'm adorable.

[Skellington]

Didn't fit because it was too big or too small? My inquiring mind wants to know.

Too big. Way too big.

[Skellington]

*insert stupid jaw drop smiley*

I only wish that you scratch that itch soon. I went nearly a year without and by the time I seriously started dating I was ready to fuck anyone who looked toward my direction. Scary.

I'm a good catholic girl. I'm 28 and have been with 4 mates. When lacking a decent man to play dickpuppet with, and unable to find a good dick without a man attached, god made jameson. Sweet, sweet Jameson.

[Furtherman]

dickpuppet.

awesome.


With its sleek, machined body and a brass adapter for a steam hose poking out of its motorized base, this steam-driven vibrator is a taste of old-fashioned goodness. (http://io9.com/5242949/steam-fetishists-rejoice-this-vibrator-is-for-you)

http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/io9/2009/05/steamvibe.jpg

[Skellington]

Do you have the same problem with real cocks?

*blinks* Who wants to know and find out, and, is he hot, stable, single and like tattooed chicks?

[Furtherman]

*blinks* Who wants to know and find out, and, is he hot, stable, single and like tattooed chicks?

Why yes, yes I am.

[disneyspy]

Why yes, yes I am.

arrrrrrrrr

[Contra]

They were too big? But all those commercials on XM keep telling me that its all about the girth for the ladies!

[beachbum]

That's my porno name.Girth.Girth Mannion.

[boosterp]

I'm a good catholic girl. I'm 28 and have been with 4 mates. When lacking a decent man to play dickpuppet with, and unable to find a good dick without a man attached, god made jameson. Sweet, sweet Jameson.

I am a good boy, a bit mentally unstable, educated, and a "neo-pagan" (according to a web survey) so I know where you're coming from.

They were too big? But all those commercials on XM keep telling me that its all about the girth for the ladies!

That's not what the women tell me. :down:

[Aggie]

I've never had one and after reading about your troubles I probably never will.

[Gvac]

I am a good boy, a bit mentally unstable

The understatement of the year.

[BlackSpider]

The understatement of the year.

You're thinking of boosterg...

[boosterp]

The understatement of the year.

:annoyed:

You're thinking of boosterg...

:laugh:

And this thread was at one time hot.

[Contra]

Yeah GVAC killed the sexy

[RhinoinMN]

Yeah GVAC killed the sexy

Impossible.

[Gvac]

This thread was never sexy.

It was pretty boring, to be honest.

[Drunky McBetidont]

This thread was never sexy.

It was pretty boring, to be honest.

worthless without pics










































of the poster inserting the prosthetic device

[Contra]

It would be boring to you GVAC, Meh:)