Ron's Line Of The Day (LOTD)

[EliSnow]

[Dave talking about having sex with Casey before his wedding]

Dave: By next thursday, I'm going to turn off the faucet .. the love faucet so to speak,
Ron: Well, you do have the drip, drip, drip that your doctor is working on.

[Crispy123]

Ronnie talkin to Earl about giving Jay Mohr his phone #

"make sure he gets the cell and not the home.
Cause Im never home and by that I mean I dont answer the cell."

[docgoblin]

Discussing the new clothing trends:

Ron: I'm not sure what the kids are into, I shop at a place called 'Blowhard's.'

[docgoblin]

From one of yesterday's classic best-of's, where Al Duke Pissed himself:

Ron: There's a sulfer smell about you... like the Devil took a leak!

I've heard that segment dozens of times and it still had my crying as I listened to it on the train ride home from work.

[Jimmie the Finger]

From one of yesterday's classic best-of's, where Al Duke Pissed himself:

Ron: There's a sulfer smell about you... like the Devil took a leak!

I've heard that segment dozens of times and it still had my crying as I listened to it on the train ride home from work.

DUDE that was the first time I have heard that and I was rolling .... I was laughing so damn hard I actually had to leave my office and walk around the building before my boss started to wonder what the hell was going on.

[docgoblin]

From one of yesterday's classic best-of's, where Al Duke Pissed himself:

Ron: There's a sulfer smell about you... like the Devil took a leak!

I've heard that segment dozens of times and it still had my crying as I listened to it on the train ride home from work.


DUDE that was the first time I have heard that and I was rolling .... I was laughing so damn hard I actually had to leave my office and walk around the building before my boss started to wonder what the hell was going on.

I heard it when it happened, and I've heard it several times since... Yet I was sitting on the LIRR laughing out loud to the point where I'm sure people thought I was nuts!

[docgoblin]

Yesterday when Winnie, er, I mean Vinnie Cooper was on the phone and they were talking about some of the games people play in the bedroom:

Ron: Vinnie, you play the same game all the time... You light a cigarette and wait 'til they're finished... "When this cigarette is done, GET OFF!"

[moochcassidy]

sound clip-

ron reminisces about the innocence of childhood (http://media.putfile.com/ron-reminises-about-the-innocence-of-childhood)

[Doom_Vulture]

In response to caller saying Metallica ripped off Dave Mustane:

"Yeah, if I didn't have a girlfriend, that's all I'd be thinkin about"

[thelyonhart]

"Jimmy Buffet sold out the entire state of Utah and all assholes showed up"

[AngelAmy]

I love when ron told earl he wants to filet him

[weekapaugjz]

"nothing for you there, tex"

[drjoek]

"Well i have my own radio show but get paid for two."

[Don Stugots]

"Well i have a radio show but get paid for two."

[Doogie]

"You put yoru butter in the fridge? You might as well as rip your bread in two cause that is what you are doing with the butter..."

[Don Stugots]

"i will never be able to marry you patti"

[docgoblin]

Fez: I don't think I'd ever get to the point where I could cut off one of my own limbs!

Ron: It all depends on how much pain you're in... I'll cut off a leg just to get out of a bad conversation.

[furie]

Caller : I was born in Philly, but I was raised in Jersey, now Am I from Philly

Ron : Slow down, I'm writing down Springsteen song lyrics

[docgoblin]

You know what I don't like about charities?... Needy people!

[AnnoyedGrunt]

Dave: People see I'm a red head and ask if the carpet matches the drapes.

Ron: They're actually talking about your apartment. They know you have no style.

[AnnoyedGrunt]

"I don't know what the kids are wearing these days. I shop at a place called Blowhard's. It's all 70's jackets and ties."

[drjoek]

re Paris Hilton

"She sucks dick like a rich girl"

[Dudeman]

fuck that wizard. ill whack him in the back. here comes a fuckin dragon.

[drjoek]

Fuck those dragons

Good news I got Robot arms

[drjoek]

Cincinnatti Is that an indian word that means hand to mouth?

[Badinia]

Cincinnatti Is that an indian word that means hand to mouth?

OH MY LORD that's what I was signing on to quote. It was HILARIOUS.

[Don Stugots]

I got Robot Arms.

[Don Stugots]

By the way, she called collect.

[docgoblin]

Folks, please check back a page or so before you post. We're getting quite a few duplicates lately. Most of them are only a few posts later than the original. As the thread gets closer to 1000 we don't want anyone saying that we're padding to bump it. Besides... If you check wackbag's thread, there's a ton of padding in it. We should be above that. Someone commenting on another member's post just to highlight the genius of the line is fine. Let's just not start duplicating each other's posts. I really want to get this to 1000 by summer's end.

[Reynolds]

To Lily: " You're turning Pitzy into your new Earl"

[nassue]

"i went ahead.....and ordered for the table


the perfect last line to the perfect last episode to the perfect show"




fantastic way to start the show i was quoting it all day long

[Crispy123]

Talking about your favorite country in Africa

Im going to be sitting in Niger laughing my ass off, and you know what Ill be saying?

Hey you Niger's get off my lawn, and there's nothing anyone can say Earl.

[EliSnow]

To ESD's request for water to chase Jack Daniel's:

Ron: The water's your fucking tears, you pussy.

[ruggedo]

Sometimes its just the shear out nowhere line that gets me.

"Come in here you red headed golf ball"

[PigShitIrish]

Talking about Zeppelin

"They're basically Heart, but thinner"

[PigShitIrish]

Not really line of the day but definitely words of wisdom "You're afraid because you do not think you're worthy of love, that's the cause of your jealousy"

[RocksThePhatAzz]

"I didn't read the whole bible but I think there's something about Atomic Bees in there.

[ralphbxny]

It wasnt me that was rough on cleveland....it was god!!

[Doogie]

"Horror movie was...Roots. Especially as they got more and more freedoms. I was like 'Ohhhh my God, are we ever going to stop them?'"

[drjoek]

While blowhard was ranting about horror films

Ron; "Alright I've got lines to do"

[docgoblin]

During the 'end of the world discussion:'

I got debts... So if we're gonna end the world, don't make me sit around and pay off people.

[docgoblin]

Fez: I have a taste for bologna!
Ron: You have a taste for cock and I'm just gonna leave it at that

[Reynolds]

And that was for nothin' imagine what we'll fuckin do if you pricks try somethin'

[ralphbxny]

It will still be spontanious...just more polished, funnier and 15 minutes older!!!

Listen to the boys tomorrow and tell me if they arent 15 mintues funnier!

[nassue]

dave: you know dogfish really do bark.
ron: (sigh)... i wish fez would come back.

[docgoblin]

From Tuesday when they were discussing the slim possibilty of Fez managing the Yankees:

Fez: I'd like to be considered!

Ron: Your first question will be "How many people go out on the field?"

[docgoblin]

From Wednesday's discussion of how the world will end. A caller says it will be a sudden reverse gravity situation:

If you do get caught up in reverse gravity, just make it look like you're rowing a boat... Like The Wizard Of Oz...

[docgoblin]

Fron Tuesday as they were listening to a track from Jane's Addiction's first album, which was live from the Roxy:

This is another great album to tie-off to... What am I saying?.. I could tie-off to the Monkees!

[PigShitIrish]

Yeah I like seeing Jazz outside, thay way, when I throw up nobody will care.

[drjoek]

About XM delay in Canada

It'll be the same great show but in Flannel

[Don Stugots]

"I can do rails for breakfast."

[Don Stugots]

"i am annoyed that I know you are lying and I cannot prove it."

[Don Stugots]

"Crazy"

[EliSnow]

Today:

Bronx Johnny: I'm not Puerto Rican.
Ron: What are you?
Bronx Johnny: I'm Ecuadorian.
Ron: Well, save up your money and become Puerto Rican

[Don Stugots]

"Boy, that Stugots knows everything that's going on." i paraphrased since i am gitty.

[Dan 'Hampton]

"Don't say ghetto around Jews, that means something entirely different to them."

[ralphbxny]

You have to trust me...I can do this 1 out of 3 times! (about throwing knives )

[docgoblin]

Yesterday Ron admitted that players like amputee Jim Abbott should have their own baseball league:

There should be a "Special Needs" League for the people that are Physically challenged, the ones that are mentally challenged... And redheads!..

[midwestjeff]

i hope she never gets that crib death thing.

[Sweet_Ness]

On Cal Ripken

"He's the right color....he's American color"

[drjoek]

Nicos real Name ........Todd Hilliard

[docgoblin]

From Friday's show talking about Casey's nickname for Dave's penis:

She calls your dick little fry!?... I'd be throwin' hands!

[docgoblin]

From Friday's show when Ron wanted Dave and Earl to do "tummy sticks."

Dave: Just get the women out of the room...

Ron: ...If the women stayed in the room you couldn't get hard!

[docgoblin]

Dolphins don't have hands and they masterbate more than Earl!

[ralphbxny]

Ron is like branch rickey and Fez is like a lime rickey.

We are like a couple of Branch Rickey's for having Earl Here.

If O&A staff looked like the UN it would have helped!!

[Antifriend]

Lilly - I dont think i do that, because i know that feels cause it has happend to me.

Ron- Jivin ?

Lilly- Yes

Ron- I want to put his face on a stamp.






holy shit how do you come up with that lol

[Doogie]

"Just like I tell Fez, I am telling you Lilly...Once you get that lil pussy in your face, you will forget all about cock."

[ralphbxny]

Caller: Lili acts like her shit dont stink!!

Ron: We have smelled Lili's shit....and it smells like Rasberries.

[Sweet_Ness]

"Hello Dead Man!"

[drjoek]

"Mark my words The only thing better than a girl is two girls"

[Sweet_Ness]

"Born and raised in Stupidville"

[Big_D]

you guys rock man that was a good show today.

[underdog]

Ron : "Here's what I'm trying to say, Shark. This is how terrible our lives are. You are our friend."
Radio Shark : "That's right."
Ron : "Isn't that sad?"
Radio Shark : "No, I think that's great."
Ron : "Naw, I thought we could do a lot better."

[ruggedo]

First time Ron got me on the show closing before he finishes his sentence.
I really wanted that golf tip!!!

[underdog]

"I've been blessed with something : I don't care about other people."

[underdog]

Ron's whole rant about Missouri had me crying, I was laughing so hard.

"You land-locked mother fuckers! That's what I'm showin' you!"

[Furtherman]

"I stand shoulder to shoulder with Ben Kingsley. The man knows what he's doing."

[docgoblin]

Your version of and angel, Earl, sounds like a pigeon!

[docgoblin]

On Fez's belief that everyone goes to heaven:

I'm not getting a cloud house next to Hitler... Well, by the time we get there they'll be cloud apartment buildings!

[drjoek]

Talking about giving up a body part for a family member

"It took me twenty years to get my old man a satelite dish"

[drjoek]

"You can put a sports coat over a pile of shit. It's still a pile of shit."

[drjoek]

"I don't have a colored TV"

[ralphbxny]

There goes the NAture boy...Thats alot better than crying isnt it FEZ!!!

[ralphbxny]

when you see a girl with a diamond ring in philly we ask when is the baby due?

[Sweet_Ness]

I'm not quoting word-for-word but

"No one is going to object....I have some Eucadorian boys in the audience that will stab you to death"

[Heather 8]

"Well, that's something you don't see every day: a Dominican with a kid on her hip."

[ruggedo]

I loved the whole "thats the guy that should be coming to work every day. Leave that crying guy at home, and just bring this guy with you"
There was more to it,but I was laughing over it and missed it.

[docgoblin]

"Well, that's something you don't see every day: a Dominican with a kid on her hip."

Then later there was this gem:

Ron: And while all this was happening Silera had two more children.

[docgoblin]

Another classic from the wedding:

Ron: That was "It Makes Me Fez" from his new album "Learn A New Fucking Tune"

[drjoek]

"Well, that's something you don't see every day: a Dominican with a kid on her hip."


And as a follow up you also never see a Domincan kid obsesed with baseball

[drjoek]

God isn't a man or a woman its something to stop you from panicking

[buzzard]

Ron to Fezzy McCool; "Why don't you just shitcan the other guy and stay like this?"

[RnBnngtn4Prez]

This is my own personal collection. Enjoy:


"Kids, don't let cerebral palsy get in your way. Especially if belongs to some other kid."

"You've got nothing to worry about Fez, Master Po and I are both trained killers. The only difference is that I am a trained killer of children."

"Ron: I love those Chinese needles...
Fez: Acupuncture???
Ron: Heroin"

"I once ate a steak off a hooker's head while she was going down on me!"

"I like a black chick where you gotta knock the flies off her face."

"No one from Philidelphia jacks off online. If anything they do it in front of a school like a gentleman."

"Women can't put together a team or build a bridge. Women can complain about men, but without us they'd never get across a river."

"My dream is to have all the races together - except for the fucking Eskimoes. You know why... fucking blubberchewers."

"There is only one record that I care about though, and thats most home runs by a white person."

"I wanna die in my own pajamas...not some assless gown they gave me!"

"What does your family do for Black History month, steal each other presents?"

"You know what movie makes me cry? Scarface. Knowing he died with that big mountain of coke just laying there..."

"Your eyebrows look like two catapillars butt-fucking"

"There was a tear in my eye as I was molesting her. She's so fuckin' adorable."

"Ron to *Woman talking about The Notebook*: I haven't beaten a woman to death since 1989."

"I'll light a baby on fire for 100 dollars so dont ask what I'd do to a puppet."

"Get away from that TV, you're going to burn your eyes out! Why don't you go boil some plastic with your cousin?"

"Hey - just because there's tears don't make it rape."

"Any monkey, you put a suit on him and i'll never stop laughing. You know why? 'Where do you think you're going with that suit? You think you got a job somewhere?' It just makes you happy. 'Where does he think he's going with a suit on? Who's he foolin'? He's not foolin' anybody! You crazy monkey!' "

"You know what I think is the worst STD? Babies."

"Ron: You keep a pellet gun at your house?
Dave: Yeah
Ron: What are you, afraid of being attacked by targets?"

"You know who says bros before hoes? Guys who suck each other's cocks."

"If I ever had a retard, God forbid, I would dress him up in nothing but tailored suits."

"Ron: I knocked a girl up once......when I was younger.
Fez: What'd ya do............???
Ron: I took her back to my house and introduced her to my Mom. I said, 'it's your problem now.' And I left.
Fez: Wow. What happened.......???
Ron: I don't know. I don't even know if it was my house. "

"I like South Africans - they're like Nazi's, but with better weather!"

"I try to make everything a positive. Even rape and murder. I worked at a rape center, and there's this girl they brought in, and it had I gone on for I guess fourteen hours, and I looked her in the eyes and said:
'At least ya still got your shoes...'
...
Course she was catatonic at the time, so I wrote it on her stomach in Sharpee."

"My old man would never complain if you broke a window with a baseball; like it was always a good thing. My mom would be like 'Look what he did!' and he goes 'Hey...he's hitting line drives. What is the problem? I don't want him getting under the ball.' "

Little Linay D, age under 12:
"Ron: You've got to fit in with them Linay.
Linay: Wha?
Ron: You need to fit in with the cool kids.
Linay: But how?
Ron: Alright, you know what the cool kids have for lunch?
Linay: No.
Ron: Cigarettes...Cool kids have cigarettes for lunch, so try to steal some cigarettes."

"You'll never get dressed as quick as when you wake up next to a naked dead chick."

"I don't have a degree in anything and you know what I do everyday when I get outta here? I go home and fuck a bag of money."

"You're as dumb as a bag of red hair."

"If there was any justice in this world, instead of talking right now, you'd be sucking on a dead dog's dick."

"Every time she opens her mouth, and i don't want to sound redundant, she sounds like an unfuckable retard."

"Try lickin' the balls once in a while!!!"

"I'll tell you this...there's not a puppy alive that I couldn't take. Even German Sheppard puppies, I could probalby stomp 40 of them to death before I fall down from exhaustion and they eat my flesh..."

"Ron: "And you thought we had a problems with the blacks....wait 'til we're dealing with fuckin robots"
Black Earl: "Noone likes an uppity robot" "

"You wanna talk to me about paranoia? Have you ever sat up all night looking through a straw out the peephole?"

"Right now Dave, you smell like boiled potatoes, stale whiskey....and a certain amount of jizz."

"Ron: So Lenya how old are you?
Lenya : 9
Ron: Have you kissed a boy yet?
Lenya: No
Ron: By the time I was your age I knew my way to the clinic."

"I'll fucking knock Steven Hawking out of that stupid chair. Then i'll say 'now who's smart? now who's fucking smart?' "

"What kid wouldn't want some red-headed guy living in their house jacking it to their mom?"

"I never admitted this in public but I was a cutter. Not myself, other people. If I was anxious, I just drew a little blood. I didn't cut a vein, unless she mouthed off."

"If I see a kid in my yard, just takin' a shortcut to school, i'll fuckin' clip him! No warning shot!"

"I'd put my finger in her ass, but I'd lick it first see cause that's the kind of person I am. I ain't gonna go around shoving fingers in people's asses without lubrication."

On Nicole Richie's anorexia: "She is two pukes and one shit away from being perfect"

"Earl: I've always considered myself an artist.
Ron: Look, being able to get three fingers into your own ass does not make you an artist."

"The last thing Sean Connery did that I liked was beat his wife"

"We're all human, except eskimoes. Filty, filthy eskimoes."

"I see [Hillary Clinton] as an Anna Nicole Smith in a sensible pantsuit."

"You should go to a psychiatrist and bolt the door shut."

"(Ron's solution to Earl's girl woes)
Ron: Fuck an infant.
Earl: I am not having sex with an infant.
Ron: You know how big your dick looks with that...super."

"When a cheer ends with 'suck my dick', I think we're going to win this game. I think we're going after this one."

"When they talked about the meek inheriting the earth they were talking about fucking idiots like you!"

"When I was growing up there was a kid with leg braces. We beat him into a coma simply because his knees didn't work. "

"By saying you were "running away from your dad" did you mean you were running towards his dick with your mouth open?"

"Here's a diet plan for you. One bump right after you wake up, and another bump every 15 minutes for the rest of your life. This way you don't have to worry about having a sensible dinner."

"I'm a fucking ADULT, you think a candy bar is going to make me forget about my problems? I need seditives."

"Caller: Ron, would you get fucked in the ass for a million dollars?
Ron: Yes. And I would milk it for all its worth. I would tell my kids: 'You better finish your steak! I got fucked in the ass for that.' Or 'I don't go out every morning to get fucked in the ass for you to waste that slice of pizza like it don't cost a thing!' "

"Ron: Are you a gun owner?
Caller: Yes, I own many guns.
Ron: Good, take one, put the barrell in your mouth and pull the trigger."

"ESD: I called the cops once before.
Ron: What, when you lost your dick?"

[FezPaul]

Commenting about how Melinda's first two Match Game responses were "Cock" and "Dick":

Ron: The woman's obsessed.
Ant: And I'm exhausted.
Ron: Well, if you ever need a break.

[Landblast]

R: Keisha, what train did you take in to the city?
K: I took, I think I took the F train in.
R: Every train is the F train for you that's the problem,..

[drjoek]

Best of replay


I always thought your waist size should match your age.

[ralphbxny]

This is my own personal collection. Enjoy:


"Kids, don't let cerebral palsy get in your way. Especially if belongs to some other kid."

"You've got nothing to worry about Fez, Master Po and I are both trained killers. The only difference is that I am a trained killer of children."

"Ron: I love those Chinese needles...
Fez: Acupuncture???
Ron: Heroin"

"I once ate a steak off a hooker's head while she was going down on me!"

"I like a black chick where you gotta knock the flies off her face."

"No one from Philidelphia jacks off online. If anything they do it in front of a school like a gentleman."

"Women can't put together a team or build a bridge. Women can complain about men, but without us they'd never get across a river."

"My dream is to have all the races together - except for the fucking Eskimoes. You know why... fucking blubberchewers."

"There is only one record that I care about though, and thats most home runs by a white person."

"I wanna die in my own pajamas...not some assless gown they gave me!"

"What does your family do for Black History month, steal each other presents?"

"You know what movie makes me cry? Scarface. Knowing he died with that big mountain of coke just laying there..."

"Your eyebrows look like two catapillars butt-fucking"

"There was a tear in my eye as I was molesting her. She's so fuckin' adorable."

"Ron to *Woman talking about The Notebook*: I haven't beaten a woman to death since 1989."

"I'll light a baby on fire for 100 dollars so dont ask what I'd do to a puppet."

"Get away from that TV, you're going to burn your eyes out! Why don't you go boil some plastic with your cousin?"

"Hey - just because there's tears don't make it rape."

"Any monkey, you put a suit on him and i'll never stop laughing. You know why? 'Where do you think you're going with that suit? You think you got a job somewhere?' It just makes you happy. 'Where does he think he's going with a suit on? Who's he foolin'? He's not foolin' anybody! You crazy monkey!' "

"You know what I think is the worst STD? Babies."

"Ron: You keep a pellet gun at your house?
Dave: Yeah
Ron: What are you, afraid of being attacked by targets?"

"You know who says bros before hoes? Guys who suck each other's cocks."

"If I ever had a retard, God forbid, I would dress him up in nothing but tailored suits."

"Ron: I knocked a girl up once......when I was younger.
Fez: What'd ya do............???
Ron: I took her back to my house and introduced her to my Mom. I said, 'it's your problem now.' And I left.
Fez: Wow. What happened.......???
Ron: I don't know. I don't even know if it was my house. "

"I like South Africans - they're like Nazi's, but with better weather!"

"I try to make everything a positive. Even rape and murder. I worked at a rape center, and there's this girl they brought in, and it had I gone on for I guess fourteen hours, and I looked her in the eyes and said:
'At least ya still got your shoes...'
...
Course she was catatonic at the time, so I wrote it on her stomach in Sharpee."

"My old man would never complain if you broke a window with a baseball; like it was always a good thing. My mom would be like 'Look what he did!' and he goes 'Hey...he's hitting line drives. What is the problem? I don't want him getting under the ball.' "

Little Linay D, age under 12:
"Ron: You've got to fit in with them Linay.
Linay: Wha?
Ron: You need to fit in with the cool kids.
Linay: But how?
Ron: Alright, you know what the cool kids have for lunch?
Linay: No.
Ron: Cigarettes...Cool kids have cigarettes for lunch, so try to steal some cigarettes."

"You'll never get dressed as quick as when you wake up next to a naked dead chick."

"I don't have a degree in anything and you know what I do everyday when I get outta here? I go home and fuck a bag of money."

"You're as dumb as a bag of red hair."

"If there was any justice in this world, instead of talking right now, you'd be sucking on a dead dog's dick."

"Every time she opens her mouth, and i don't want to sound redundant, she sounds like an unfuckable retard."

"Try lickin' the balls once in a while!!!"

"I'll tell you this...there's not a puppy alive that I couldn't take. Even German Sheppard puppies, I could probalby stomp 40 of them to death before I fall down from exhaustion and they eat my flesh..."

"Ron: "And you thought we had a problems with the blacks....wait 'til we're dealing with fuckin robots"
Black Earl: "Noone likes an uppity robot" "

"You wanna talk to me about paranoia? Have you ever sat up all night looking through a straw out the peephole?"

"Right now Dave, you smell like boiled potatoes, stale whiskey....and a certain amount of jizz."

"Ron: So Lenya how old are you?
Lenya : 9
Ron: Have you kissed a boy yet?
Lenya: No
Ron: By the time I was your age I knew my way to the clinic."

"I'll fucking knock Steven Hawking out of that stupid chair. Then i'll say 'now who's smart? now who's fucking smart?' "

"What kid wouldn't want some red-headed guy living in their house jacking it to their mom?"

"I never admitted this in public but I was a cutter. Not myself, other people. If I was anxious, I just drew a little blood. I didn't cut a vein, unless she mouthed off."

"If I see a kid in my yard, just takin' a shortcut to school, i'll fuckin' clip him! No warning shot!"

"I'd put my finger in her ass, but I'd lick it first see cause that's the kind of person I am. I ain't gonna go around shoving fingers in people's asses without lubrication."

On Nicole Richie's anorexia: "She is two pukes and one shit away from being perfect"

"Earl: I've always considered myself an artist.
Ron: Look, being able to get three fingers into your own ass does not make you an artist."

"The last thing Sean Connery did that I liked was beat his wife"

"We're all human, except eskimoes. Filty, filthy eskimoes."

"I see [Hillary Clinton] as an Anna Nicole Smith in a sensible pantsuit."

"You should go to a psychiatrist and bolt the door shut."

"(Ron's solution to Earl's girl woes)
Ron: Fuck an infant.
Earl: I am not having sex with an infant.
Ron: You know how big your dick looks with that...super."

"When a cheer ends with 'suck my dick', I think we're going to win this game. I think we're going after this one."

"When they talked about the meek inheriting the earth they were talking about fucking idiots like you!"

"When I was growing up there was a kid with leg braces. We beat him into a coma simply because his knees didn't work. "

"By saying you were "running away from your dad" did you mean you were running towards his dick with your mouth open?"

"Here's a diet plan for you. One bump right after you wake up, and another bump every 15 minutes for the rest of your life. This way you don't have to worry about having a sensible dinner."

"I'm a fucking ADULT, you think a candy bar is going to make me forget about my problems? I need seditives."

"Caller: Ron, would you get fucked in the ass for a million dollars?
Ron: Yes. And I would milk it for all its worth. I would tell my kids: 'You better finish your steak! I got fucked in the ass for that.' Or 'I don't go out every morning to get fucked in the ass for you to waste that slice of pizza like it don't cost a thing!' "

"Ron: Are you a gun owner?
Caller: Yes, I own many guns.
Ron: Good, take one, put the barrell in your mouth and pull the trigger."

"ESD: I called the cops once before.
Ron: What, when you lost your dick?"

I think we need a cross index of lines already in here. We need a spread sheet!!!

[drjoek]

This is my own personal collection. Enjoy:


"Kids, don't let cerebral palsy get in your way. Especially if belongs to some other kid."

...

"ESD: I called the cops once before.
Ron: What, when you lost your dick?"

If you'd spread those out we could have gained on wackbag and get on Ronnies Good side

[drjoek]

After Fez McCools rendition of It makes me Fez

"It makes me Fez, from his new album "Learn a new Fucking Tune".

[drjoek]

600 !!!
I wouldn't fuck any animal without duct tape.

[drjoek]

"this taste like pussy juice"

[sailor]

to earl who was playing guitar: you're drying pussy all across america

[JerseySean]

Classic Line of the Day

From the 9-19-05 show with about 4 minutes to go speaking about Kate Moss' cocaine problem........One of the best all time


"There's good news and bad news honey; there's one rail left, the bad news is we're doing this one off my cock now get down there honey! Wipe those tears away....Don't fuckin make me..............."

[AnnoyedGrunt]

That reminds me of one that I'll have to paraphrase:

Caller: Ron, have you ever done a bump off a girl's clit?

Ron: What I like to do is get down there with a razor and chop it in to tiny lines. See if she's the kind of girl who really likes to party.

[PapaBear]

One time I saw a pic of this hot chick, but she was sitting in an El Camino.

[IamFogHat]

From today's show, to Fez:
"I don't think you're autistic, I think you're self centered."

[underdog]

On no sleep in heaven :

Ron : And then, how do you get away from a fat girl when you're done bangin' her? She's just up, she's awake, staring at you. "Now what?!" You can't act like you're sleeping until she dozes off, and then shamefully grab your shit and get out.

[Doogie]

Caller: "Hey Ronnie, will we refer to the year 2010 as 2010 or as Twenty-Ten to sound more futuristic"

Ronnie: "We'll call it Ernie."

Fez: "What the year before it??"

Ronnie: "Fred"

[IamFogHat]

To Fez on why Fez never watched Transformers:
"How about because when it came out you weren't four."

[celery]

Caller: "I think it matters if you have kids whether you know what the new bands are and if there's a local scene. 'Cause my daughter's 15 and she's always going to concerts."
Ron: "Why don't you send us some pictures of her?"

[sailor]

today he called pope benedict "pope blowhard" because he's so old-school and it was perfect.

[sailor]

al dukes asked what the difference between him and fez was. ron replied "an 8 year old boy"

[IamFogHat]

"When did I become sheriff of radio town?"

[Doogie]

"They should call the panhandle (of Florida) the shit stick"

[drjoek]

'We're all going to stay here with you until someone comes to hit you with a nightstick"

[Enabler]

From 7/12 in reference to Ron seeing Black Flag at a small venue years ago...

"Yeah, people will come up to me and say 'Wow you were there/ It must have been great' I just say, yeah I remember leaving early...got kicked in the lip."

[Reynolds]

Three quick ones back to back after Earl said he needed the audio to put the Next podcast on the best of slot.

I'm not gonna ask you to somehow be able to loom it out of thin air like Rumplestiltskin.

You know what? I'll take you out today for a feast of three meatballs, you barely eatin' sack of shit.

I wanna put you in a car, take you somewhere down south, and yell out " He raped a white woman"

[Landblast]

on having a baby

The vagina could get to a spot where you could bowl in it.

[Landblast]

On long islanders

...their hayseeds with good cable.

[Landblast]

on caller saying Pitzy's a piece of shit

...he's italian and he's from Long Island, so it pretty much goes without saying,..

[Fezticle98]

Ron (to PaulO): You were HTG drunk, when she does shots.

Fez: Talk about hittin' bottom.

Ron (under his breath): I'd like to hit that bottom.

[gopherballs]

Ron: You know what I say to people that have one glass of wine and then leave a half bottle of wine on the table? What the Fuck's wrong with you!?

[hammersavage]

Talking about what Pitzy would say being the town crier: 'The beev has been split.'

lost my mind...

[ralphbxny]

You are the effiel tower of shit eaters!!!

to ESD

[Crispy123]

To Earl about quiting the show and going to film school.

"Most of the time its best to move on without getting a pension".

[IamFogHat]

"First of all, you're not going to wave a gay person."

[sailor]

dave: i'm going to do my greg louganis.

ron: what, blow a guy and then hurt your head?

[Doogie]

"Dear mom. Your vagina hasnt been wet since the Eisenhower Administration."

[drjoek]

Looking at your face is like looking into the sun I have wear a welding mask.

[drjoek]

The only thing beneath you is a Cuban poolboy

Ron called this as LOTD!!!

[drjoek]

This one took a little research to realize how great it was. Of course Ronnie B just tossed it off with out missing a beat.Fucking Brilliant


Talking about how they couldn't hold a shit eating contest at the Hard Rock Cafe

"You've been to the Hard Rock. You've seen the stuff on the wall from Hendrix...You see any G.G. Allin things hanging up in there?
'

GG Allin (29 August 1956 – 28 June 1993)Birth name Jesus Christ Allin was a punk singer and bandleader who performed and recorded with many groups during his career.

He is best remembered for his notorious live performances that typically featured wildly transgressive acts such as Allin defecating and urinating onstage, rolling in excrement, committing self-injury, performing naked, taunting people to perform fellatio on him, and violent actions toward the audience. Although more notorious for his stage antics than for his wide body of music, he recorded prolifically, not only in the punk rock genre, but also in spoken word, country and Rolling Stones-influenced rock.

http://halloweensunseen.com/gg12.jpg

[Don Stugots]

"Don Stugots is a man's man"

[Furtherman]

This one took a little research to realize how great it was

Do view any GG Allen video you can. It's shocking, revolting, weird and wonderful.

[drjoek]

Do view any GG Allen video you can. It's shocking, revolting, weird and wonderful.

Exactly my plan download videos, songs. It looks extremely different. Ronnie B is amazing the way he tosses lines like that off without missing a beat

[drjoek]

Pittsburg has the Warhol Museum and the Clark candy bar factory



" I don't even want to know how they make candy bars ! "

[C_T]

yeah, i'm happy to say i was probably one of the few who knew all about GG Allin and got every bit of that reference.

There is a documentary on him (called 'Hated' I believe) that is pretty quality.

[sailor]

yeah, i'm happy to say i was probably one of the few who knew all about GG Allin and got every bit of that reference.

There is a documentary on him (called 'Hated' I believe) that is pretty quality.

had a friend who was all into him. i don't get it.

[ralphbxny]

This is not hungarian radio...we dont entertain with bodily fluids.

[ralphbxny]

Fez: kiss the ring, the hand, the ass of ESD

Ron: and whats funny they are all in the same area

[ralphbxny]

Fez-They say its a low fat muffin from Hot and crusty!

Ron-Hot and crusty is your underwear!!

[ralphbxny]

I had a dream about your neice too and I woke up sweating also. They call me uncle No-No!!

[weekapaugjz]

"the pizza just walked in? that's scary..."

[envirogator]

Earlier in the show....

Ron: "do they have a coast guard for fire hydrants?"

classic...

[sailor]

fez: that's beneath us!

ron: only thing beneath you is a pool boy. that should be in a LoTD thread!

[Reynolds]

Perry: Probably shouldn't of said that, can you dump out?

Ron: We don't dump out, it's satellite, but people can ignore it.

[PapaBear]

I had a dream about your neice too and I woke up sweating also. They call me uncle No-No!!
Check the ron and fez myspace group... :tongue:




Wait.. I didn't just say that.

[Reynolds]

Caller: I'm a grown man, I don't want sloppy seconds.

Ron: Nobody said you have to, how would you like to have sloppy seconds with another chick that your chick has just been with? Ya fuckin' homo.

[Reynolds]

Fez: You should of called me up, I was free last night, I could have joined you guys.

Ron: We didn't have any shit to eat, it was just straight food.

[Reynolds]

We'll have you come in here in a leotard, a unitard if you will, and we'll have you do a little camel toe yoga.

[ralphbxny]

You can bring your lighters on a plane again but I am taking this up a notch with a torch!

[IamFogHat]

"In order to have human emotions, your genitals must be on the outside of your body."

[ralphbxny]

damn Ya got me Fog!

[Reynolds]

Is there a division of the coast guard that deals with fire hydrants, because that's like a water park for Earl.

[Dudeman]

call a televangilist for your phone

[drjoek]

HTG

Shes a lawyer but she only handles paltalk cases

[nassue]

Ron: If I had to sleep with a guy it would be Stephen Hawkins.
Dave: Why's that?
Ron: Just to punish that fucker...Mr. Smarty Pants. Who's Brilliant now, fucker?

[spadanko]

"You hit rock bottom when you ate shit, and you were completely sober"

[johnniehardrock]

Caller: Weed is $300 for a qp here
Fred From Brooklyn: Where are you calling from
Ron:1974

[Furtherman]

Why do you have to get head in the living room? Why not take her into the closet or the shower, like a gentelman?

[weekapaugjz]

Why do you have to get head in the living room? Why not take her into the closet or the shower, like a gentelman?

:clap:

i posted this in the listening thread, maybe i should start putting them in here...

[weekapaugjz]

"and you could listen from the other room, like cuckold dave!"

[drjoek]

:clap:

i posted this in the listening thread, maybe i should start putting them in here...

Yeah

Half the posts in that wackbag thread are self congratulatory posts. I post the lines here maybe some day we catch wackbag

[drjoek]

"It was just me, my problems and Tom Waits..." -Ronnie B.

[Landblast]

from yesterday

Diva,.. is just another word for fat girl,..

[landarch]

from yesterday

Diva,.. is just another word for fat girl,..

I missed that one, but holy crap, what an observation!!!!!! I never saw any chick that wasn't a pig calling herself a diva, or even worse, being called a diva by all her friends.

I hate that word.

[Freakshow]

Fez: I was shaking my moneymaker!
Ron: Did you make any money?

[IamFogHat]

On Fez: "Gay Meatloaf"

[Furtherman]

Fez: I was shaking my moneymaker!
Ron: Did you make any money?

Fez: I got a few dollars.
Ron: You're a liar!
Fez: From Martini Steve.
Ron: Oh, the other one.

[sefskillz]

Anyone catch the line about Eskimo women today? That had me rollin

[Landblast]

...I once went on Craigslist, to find a hooker, but I ended up buying a ten dollar bike,..

[FreshJ]

Bronx Johnny "She (some chick) is in Marketing."
Ron "Which Market? Winn Dixie, Piggly Wiggly?"

[FreshJ]

Caller "I've gotten more sex in my older age. Women like Redheads more..blah blah blah."

Ron "Paying for it. Now you've got the money to pay for it, way to go Red."

[FreshJ]

Caller "She (Wendy Thomas from Wendy's) had a skin disease."
Ron "They (Redheads) all do. It's called freckles."

[FreshJ]

"Dear Kodak Man.....Would it look better if I took a picture of my son with a bag on his head? Signed Beenie."

[hammersavage]

"Dear Kodak man,

Please make my son normal."


The Kodak man shit had me on the floor.

[hammersavage]

My son is so embarrassed about Improv Everywhere. Could you please touch up his picture.,,

[hammersavage]

I'd rather my wife gave birth to Tom Dempsey than have a red headed child.

[hammersavage]

I'm willing to bet no ones ever jerked off to Molly Ringwald.

[hammersavage]

On the disappearance of Rick Moranis:

Caller: Well, his wife was diagnosed with cancer and he decided to take care of her.

Ron: Oh, I had no idea. Terrible story. Alright, take a letter. 'Dear Rick, Big fan. Sorry to hear about your wife. My producer has red hair and giant freckles and his own mom is embarrassed of him. So we all deal. Uhh, best of luck. See you in the future. Ron and Fez. P.S. Love to have you on Unmasked.'


Just re-listening to that break. Maybe one of my favorite of all time.

[FreshJ]

Saranoid "I tried to get you (Fez) a shirt that said I love Canadian Chicks."
Ron "Canadian Dicks, but so close."

[FreshJ]

"I wish I could ask her. Why you got a stupid name like Elsie? That's a cow's name."

[drjoek]

"He remembers four fingers for a twenty then off to see Foghat"

[drjoek]

I didn't know they made a size 42 thong

[Landblast]

"A Flock Of Dead Sparrows"

[Landblast]

"The Albanian Birdsnest"

[Landblast]

on Fez

..who's ever seen a bear in a Speedo,..

[IamFogHat]

"The only one that never changes is Niger. Those Nigers sure know how to run a country."

[IamFogHat]

Whinny Cooper. "I never hit bottom."
Ron: "None of us could hit bottom with you. I dropped a bucket in there."

[drjoek]

The only blackouts you have are when you look in the mirror !

[FreshJ]

caller... "I was upset when I found out the singer of Rush was a guy."
Ron..."The thing about rush is he has this afternoon talk show, and keeps going on about things, and you're like god start singing already."

[IamFogHat]

"When Jews read the second half of the Bible they think it jumped the shark."

[IamFogHat]

Fez: Why would you hit me with a cowbell?
Ron: I don't know, ask your shrink.

and

"A Cowbell of love."

[IamFogHat]

"The game we'll be playing is Uncle Ronnie, How'd you Get in Here?"

[Landblast]

F: i would love a daytime Emmy,..
Dave: sounds like a pipe dream

R: yeah, well how about you go for a night time oscar,..

[Landblast]

on the Emmy, to Fez

...at night time I'd bang you in the ass with it, with the big globe, and the pointed wings,..

[Landblast]

to Dave

..you know what you should do?, enjoy the life I've given you,..

[Landblast]

..meek equals pussy

[Landblast]

Fez on HTG driving to Casey's to help, but Dave is being rude

Fez: ..turn the car around HTG,..

R: ..why don't you Turn The Beat Around?...

[Landblast]

..I'd like a little time after I die, I want a little peace, and not go directly into the next gimmick,..

[drjoek]

#700 watch your back wackbag

[Badinia]

Fez on HTG driving to Casey's to help, but Dave is being rude

Fez: ..turn the car around HTG,..

R: ..why don't you Turn The Beat Around?...

The best. Thanks for your important documenting work.

[drjoek]

She wasn't Mongolian, she was a Mongoloid. You idiot

[Landblast]

The best. Thanks for your important documenting work.

I will provide the people of this city with a daily newspaper that will tell all the news honestly.
-Charles Foster Kane II

[drjoek]

Where are you staying ? The corner of crack and shot dead?

[FreshJ]

from friday (I'm a little behind on recordings.) "Earl why can't you be my suck up? And by that I mean my balls."

[FreshJ]

(from friday) "I've walked out of a movie on an airplane. I don't like to be trapped in a bad movie."

[FreshJ]

"Bobo told me, that She (a dancer) said that it (his string ukle) is the offical instrument of her country. I said this is the only instrument I want a dancer paying attention to."

[FreshJ]

(on Bobo moving to a bad neighborhood) You'll see all of those hip hop kids playing banjos.

[FreshJ]

On a Daytime Emmy. "I'd only put it out in the Daytime."

[FreshJ]

"Earl, I'll just say you're Earl." (when talking about the problems of Fez, Earl and Dave)

[midwestjeff]

Talking to Nico:

"How are you going to get fucked if you don't say fuck."

[midwestjeff]

To a caller from Augusta:

"First of all, you ruined the Master's when you let you know who in."

[weekapaugjz]

ron - not in the eye?

lilly - anywhere but the eye...

ron - alright, lemme see that ASS!

[weekapaugjz]

in response to the caller from minnesota:

go into the big ass prize closet and grab yourself a pair of hockey skates.

[IamFogHat]

On Earl's jerking off: "What did you think about, the Civil War?"

[IamFogHat]

"He stuck his dick in a French hen."

[Fezticle98]

Ron: "Death is like being smothered for eternity. That's what helps me relax."

Fez: "I can't breathe when you say that. It's like the walls closing in."

Ron: "Think of the ants nibbling at you."

[Fezticle98]

Ron: "Think of the worms crawling in your flesh."

Pepper: "Maggots."

Ron: "Hey, c'mon, I don't care what he is. (To Fez) You date guys, it's ok."

[Landblast]

on Fez contemplating telling his shrink he's gay

..I think when you get over that, you'll get over bridges,...Jeff Bridges.

[Crispy123]

Ron: They both crawl in your ass.

Fez: One is a fly larvae.

Ron: And the other one is an insect!!!

http://www.websophist.com/Laughing_RoflSmileyLJ.gif

[Doogie]

""I like to go to orpanages and do mom jokes. The joke is 'you dont have a mom'"

[weekapaugjz]

all the dogs are in heaven playing frisbee with jesus.

[drjoek]

"Do you have a pretend cyber dog?"

[drjoek]

And Im going to use a bad word here "whoah"

[drjoek]

"Every animal out there is precious,
I think they are better then immigrants,
and kids in wheelchairs"

[weekapaugjz]

"Do you have a pretend cyber dog?"

:lol: i totally forgot about that one. i only heard the first hour of the show, ronnie was fucking killing. im gonna have to record the replay tonight to catch the rest of the show.

[drjoek]

I like to go to orphanages and do mom jokes
And the joke is: "you kids don't have moms"

[drjoek]

You stay away from Tweaty McBeakums

[weekapaugjz]

You stay away from Tweaty McBeakums

and blinky palmero!

[Landblast]

..people who are afraid of mayonnaise had to of blown someone when they were young,..

[Landblast]

on Fez and Kathleen from the Bronx agreeing

Fez: ...were in simpatico,..
R: I don't know what that means, if that means simpletons, then alright,..

[nassue]

talkin' bout sandwiches:

"anyone that eats a egg salad sandwich for breakfast is a mainiac."

it's the simple statements that get me

[sailor]

On Earl's jerking off: "What did you think about, the Civil War?"

then pause a beat and "what? the END!!

[drjoek]

about the LOTD book from wackbag
I'll get you the audio book Fez

[drjoek]

Fez asks Ron if he's ever made a weird sandwich combination

Ron: No Fez I've never smoked pot in my life!!!:lol:

[MikeB]

about the LOTD book from wackbag
I'll get you the audio book Fez

That line brought me joy.

[Landblast]

"black dork"

[Landblast]

"The A-Sexual Monkey Club"

[Landblast]

F: ...that's my life coach,..

R: you outta go to a..take your life coach,..

[Landblast]

Lilly: ...by the way, we don't like it in the eye..

R: pphhht....that's why I want it there,..

[Landblast]

R: ...what were you saying Fez?..all I heard was blah, blah, blah, yap, yap, yap, who cares, who cares,..

F: I was talking about,...

[Landblast]

R: ..by the way, TooCute looked fantastic tonight..

F: I didn't get to see her, she had left by the time I got there...

R: that's what she wanted to do she said..

[Landblast]

on body cosmetic work

..I always like any kind of implant horns..

[Landblast]

on new body art techniques

F: i have a feeling they'll do something day-glo....

R: why say dago when you know my chick and my kids are italian..

F: day-glo! day-glo!

[drjoek]

Talking about Earls not having sex

You have no choice
and as a matter of fact the chick has no choice in it in my case

[JerseySean]

Ron Bennington on Big Love and multiple chicks:

8/6/07 show

"Let me tell you something brother, if you have more than one chick and youre not getting them in bed together, you're a fuckin fem. And I'll even say this to them look I know you think you dont like it but im telling you to give it one try. If you come out of there saying I dont like it, then I wont ask you about it again. But you will fuckin try. Youre gonna roll around with that other broad. Its gonna happen or this thing cant keep happening. Now later you might act all freaked out by it and Ill have to walk you around the street a few times. Doesn't matter just give it a shot. You're going to give it a shot. And then its a little secret who knows. Yuo may fall into it and it'll work out for everybody. Plus youll give me a chance to sit back and give me a little smoking time. I like to direct a little bit."

ROnfez.net LOTD Thread is quality, not quantity!

[Dash77]

'this time we have nukes'... LOTD Mr Bennington

[drjoek]

Ron Bennington on Big Love and multiple chicks:

8/6/07 show
...
"ROnfez.net LOTD Thread is quality, not quantity!
And the quantity aint bad now either. Not just a bunch of self congratulatory posts

Welcome Sean


Loved it today when Rons talking to Shirley Phelps Roper and she describes the bunch of young girls that are there with her

"HOT"

[Landblast]

on Earl

"stalker blackie"

[Landblast]

Dave: ...don't you after five or ten minutes tell the person that you were joking,...

R: not if that persons an idiot....