Ron's Line Of The Day (LOTD)

[Landblast]

on what Dave said about Casey

...and then you said what do you expect from the jews....

[Landblast]

Dave: ...a wife and husband should be best friends!!...

R: unless that husband's a shit eating asshole...

[shot of bluegray]

From yesterday's story about black women dating outside of their race:

I want to see Asian men and Black women get together, that'll leave all the Asian women for me

From later this week, when introducing the then-named Asexual Beatles:

You guys are now the Asexual Monkees, and Earl is Michael Nesmith! What, Michael, you too good for the group just because your mom invented liquid paper!!??

[drjoek]

To Earl and his poor comic timing


You're Stalker Blackie

[drjoek]

Your best chances of banging Vinnie Cooper is when you have your dick next to a beer. And I mean that all in a nice way. Im all on her side

[drjoek]

its Pakistani Railways try to get up on top it will be much cooler and youll be able to breath .

[drjoek]

Ronnie : "dave made a triple i dont know if that means he blew 3 guys?"

[drjoek]

Fuck You Fuck Ball Would not like it

This is going to be the worst Kathleen Blog ever

[Landblast]

..you can't spell trust without rust...

[Landblast]

new nickname for Earl

"Earley"

[Landblast]

on Fez's faults about food

...do us a fovor Fez, do that little thing you do,..eat'm when were not around..

[Landblast]

on Ron's book signing

Dave: ...I'd like to get there alittle early, maybe get a sleeping bag and get a nice shot of you..

R: I'd love to meet ya...

[FreshJ]

On there being only one copy of Ron Bennington's Line of the Day Book.

Ron "If the bible was only one book, would it be any less powerful?"
Fez "NO."
Ron "Thank you."

[FreshJ]

"I think I'm better then Kerouac. I don't see him coming up with 3000 interesting lines."

[FreshJ]

Ron on the Asexual Monkeys.

"There are 3 people that flirted with me. I'm not sure that asexual is the right word."

[FreshJ]

Ron on getting an email reply.

"Why don't you do this? Have woman ask for you?"

[PapaBear]

Bobo: You could be the next Kerouac.

Ron: Next? I don't see him coming up with 3000 good lines.

[weekapaugjz]

On there being only one copy of Ron Bennington's Line of the Day Book.

Ron "If the bible was only one book, would it be any less powerful?"
Fez "NO."
Ron "Thank you."

:clap:

great line. i completely forgot about that.

[mikeyboy]

On Shirley Phelps Roper:

"I don't know what it is about that woman, but every time we talk to her, I want to fuck her in front of her children."

[BeltOfScotch]

Ron's new movie idea

Now when Jesus comes back he's gonna be a bad ass, but what he doesn't realize is, now we got nukes.

[ralphbxny]

You have to be careful fez...we will have young girls listening laying down beaver to beaver, then they will practice kissing on each other.

[BeltOfScotch]

Talking to Lilly's cousin

You should see the bums your cousin dates, she bring so much shame to Allah.

[JackStraw]

"I don't trust shy people or anyone in the central time zone"

[Dudeman]

on dave knowing some baseball stats:

"you're like a retarded Rainman"

[ralphbxny]

I dont trust anyone in the Central Time Zone or anyone who watches the ball drop on rerun!

[IamFogHat]

"Who's gonna get to bad daddy first?"

[sailor]

comparing his chick to casey: it's easier on my chick 'cause she gets a bigger paycheck.

[drjoek]

"I'll put two between your eyes, ya leaf eatin' bastid!"

[drjoek]

To the guy who had a child with anxiety disorder

Heres what you do send me a picture of her in the pool

[drjoek]

"I thought I was kidding but I'm really fallling!!!! HELP!!!"

[drjoek]

your line will be: "Uncle Ronnie, You're drinking! What are you doing in here? And we'll go from there !!

[epo]

Ron talking about Shirley Phelps-Roper today: "Everytime I talk to her, I wanna fuck her in front of her kids"

[FreshJ]

from monday when talking about seeing god.

"I got a sign from god and it said steal."

[FreshJ]

Ron in a Radio DJ Voice
"Here's a Mother Fucker you're going to love. This will get you're pussy wet."

[FreshJ]

Ron on Lilly's cousin.

"jibber jabber jibber jabber I'm fourteen and I'm hot jibber jabber."

[FreshJ]

ESD "I think a story is ten feet."

Ron "Ten Feet is a fable."

[FreshJ]

On Fez going out with a woman

"Because it might lead to 'Hey would you ever have sex with me?' and he doesn't have an answer."

[FreshJ]

"Rock and Roll is the new thing with the kids, Fez"

[Landblast]

...I don't trust anyone in the central time zone...

[Landblast]

on Mtn time zone

...your too high up in the air to really care about T.V....

[Landblast]

on getting to a 14 year old

...I'd shove my chick down the steps!.....

[Landblast]

on being jealous that kangaroos have pouches

...tell me when your at the beach, you don't wish you had a skin pocket....

[midwestjeff]

This time, Jesus, we ain't layin' down.


Give us a fighting chance Lord, that's all we ask.

[weekapaugjz]

darling, you might be getting the yellow laser beam...

[ralphbxny]

Bronx Johnny- She was blowing me and tried to kiss me so I hit her with her shoe.

Ron B- Smart!!

[BeltOfScotch]

On hearing that Flea was waiting outside for O&A in the rain after they had already left

They should have just sent Keith down to shoot him.

[ralphbxny]

Ronnie B cum is like Teddy Pendergras...for ladies only!!!

[patsopinion]

"I dont remember fez having an opinion on this!"

[Dingbat_Charlie]

Ron: I hate when people call them Zep
Dave: my friends call them that
Ron: I hate you and your friends

[Dudeman]

an old old one, talking about the need to push the envelope:

like Lenny Bruce...
like Lenny Bruce Springsteen...
like Lenny and Squiggy Bruce Springsteen

[Doogie]

" I wish Opie had given me an STD rather than give me Earl"

[FreshJ]

Ron to Earl on kissing his mom.

"You would love to kiss your mom's blowjob lips? Would you take a snowball from her?"

[FreshJ]

"The thing that I have in common with Malcom X is I hate white people."

[FreshJ]

"Sheepy Can't Cum or even type the word cum."

[FreshJ]

Ron and Royalty from Africa
"Tell me for all these Kings and Queens, Show me the Castels. Where are the Moats."

[FreshJ]

"I can watch 'Saved by the Bell' For 12 minutes. At that point I get a towel and turn off the show."

[FreshJ]

Fez "Hey that's my M O"
Ron "Yeah, Moe."

[FreshJ]

" I wish Opie had given me an STD rather than give me Earl"
"I could have beaten that with drugs." (I think it adds something to know how he could have gotten rid of an STD, Earl just sticks around forever.)

[Landblast]

on Reilly calling in and talking about bands named after cities, and Ronnies says bands with city names don't work for him,

then he quickly, in the same sentence, says, but what works is bands with city names and another word,

he spits out: New York Dolls, Delaware Destroyers, L.A. Guns

lightning quick examples of what he was talking about.

[Marc with a c]

"that's the bad thing about being me, i'm with us."

[Landblast]

on the subject of the working class

..this white collar thing has to stop..

[Landblast]

on wanting to see diversity in architecture

..I want to see a bunch of italians putting up a gargoyle because somehow it fucking makes sense to them..

[FreshJ]

Ron to French in the ER "Here's the First thing I would remove If I was you, Mafia Life Chris." (From Friday's show. I'm catching up.)

[FreshJ]

Ron to Frenchy in the ER "If you were to god forbid die. How long do we have to molest the corpse?"

[FreshJ]

(from 8-10-07)

"I wish Fez had Lasers for eyes. Oh, Bright Eyed, Indy Fez, Why can't you be real?"

[FreshJ]

From 8-10-07
"Nothing's going to change about you, Earl. You're Mount Stupid. And there's nothing I can do."

[FreshJ]

from 8-10-07

Caller "Ronnie B you're a genius."
Ron "I was just telling Fez that and he didn't believe me."

[FreshJ]

From 8-10-07

"I want to see a homeless person still drinking with a straw. Like Ewww I don't want to touch that bottle, I'm drinking Malt Liquor through a straw."

[FreshJ]

"I say Pecaun (phonic spelling). Peecan is a can you put under your bed to piss in."

[FreshJ]

Ron to Dave "This is why you didn't become a landscaper. You're a girl."

[FreshJ]

Ron to Dave (who was asking Quetions)

"Am I being UnMasked? Unmasked by a stupid person."

[FreshJ]

"Two things you do not want to do. Work in a cubical, or wear a name tag."

[FreshJ]

Ron on the Outerspace hotel.

"MY Problem is I didn't spend enough money and I got the Wrong view. All I could see is the Moon."

[FreshJ]

"Yeah, that's what we are looking for, a sitcom that is not funny."

[Furtherman]

To Dave about his Mom's dressing him up as a kid:

"You were about two drinks away from becoming a Jon Benet."

[Badinia]

8/14

"See, that's the way I'd speak if I didn't have a brain!"

[Landblast]

on Fez saying Effmeboobs wisecracks are induced by painkillers

..you have painkillers and I don't see you pulling one-liners...

[Landblast]

..I think Sheepy's starting to get tits too,...

[Landblast]

on Dave

..isn't that sad, you think your a real person...

[Fezticle98]

"I'm gonna admit something here. My dad used to call me Ruby. When I was like 3 or 4, I used to remind him of Jack Ruby."

"Look at him in his little suit, here comes Jack Ruby. Who are you gonna gun down today, Jack?"

[Poochie]

"I'm positive I'd like to cum on your face" (8/15)

That line made me laugh all night.

[drjoek]

about Crazy Jen

"going from an ugly 19 yr old girl to an ugly 45 yr old."

[drjoek]

Whats with this microphone keeps falling I feel like I need one of those blue pills

[Normmm]

"The only alive Kennedys today are the Dead Kennedys."

[drjoek]

"The only alive Kennedys today are the Dead Kennedys."

Good One

Welcome Normmmmmmmm

[drjoek]

NO Music In Fezzies life as a kid


Spoken: "Happy Birthday to you...happy birthday to you,"

[drjoek]

Dr. Dreamo's Tap House! Have our careers taken off or WHAT? I can't wait to put THAT on our resume.

[Servo]

To Lily - "You look like Josephine Mozzerozz... like an unmade bed!"

[drjoek]

Bridgy Blackfear

[RhinoinMN]

In reference to Toothpick Vic dating Frenchy

Vic: "I'd be interested in going down that road."

Ron: "You'd be going down alright, but there won't be any roads."

[carsonogin]

"I'd rather you pulled your shoes off me and let me sit there and enjoy my cigar."

Ron in response to cigar thief.

[carsonogin]

"I'd rather you pulled my shoes off me and let me sit there and enjoy my cigar."

Ron in response to cigar thief.

Why won't it let me edit my fucked up post?

[Soupy_Dreck]

'...losing that cigar was like losing a child, it was like a miscarriage...'

[Landblast]

on deaf girls being hot

..if any of you girls want to be hotter, jam stuff in your ear so you can't hear...

[Freakshow]

Best almost line of the day:

Vic: He's not even allowed in my office
Ron: He should be allowed in your (rest of line stepped on by Vic)...

[Recyclerz]

I want MY cigars, Nurse Ratchett! My cigars!!!

and scene.

[BeltOfScotch]

On why they never hear from John Mayer anymore

The last I talked to him he said too many Paltalk mentions.

[IamFogHat]

"There's my Flock song."

[IamFogHat]

"And his nickname is Bama. The only worse nickname would be Issippi."

[BeltOfScotch]

During talk of the Bama-Fez fiasco

His nickname is Bama. The only worse possible nickname is Issippi, and I don't think I've ever heard that one.

[ralphbxny]

Fezzy I'd rather see you getting high than watching the discovery channel...you'd talk less crazy!!

[carsonogin]

"I saw you two fuckers kick each other, I can't raise my voice?"

[drjoek]

Underwater Rollercoaster to Europe

[drjoek]

Beer Pong!!?! Ya don't see Lee Marvin and Steve McQueen playin fuckin beer games so they can drink!"

[drjoek]

Only wrestlers and criminals should be allowed to have nicknames.

[ralphbxny]

Call me anytime you want to beat yourself up!! (To Caller from TN)

[drjoek]

Rons describing the lead chick in Meatballs as not so gorgeous

Fez: Kind of the girl next door
Ron: I live in a better neighborhood

[drjoek]

About time zones

You bang a chick in the midwest and she comes an hour later

[Landblast]

..I thought i needed anti-depressants, what I really need is a new staff..

[Landblast]

on quietly gassing people in a home not really being fullfilling

...I gotta chase at least one kid up the steps!.....

[Landblast]

....anything less than a whole town is a failure,....

[Landblast]

...yeah, i don't mind gassing, but I really gotta get in there, it's a hands on job......

[Landblast]

on killing a whole town

....by the way, I'm gonna be dressed like Elvis,..those fuckers will think Jesus came back,...

[drjoek]

Elvis stop fuckin the neighbors babies

[drjoek]

You can't get young enough or related enough for those guys down there.

[drjoek]

She thinks Im suffering from Staff infection

[EffMeBoobs]

She thinks Im suffering from Staff infection
That was my line!

There should be an EffMe LOTD thread.

[drjoek]

That was my line!

There should be an EffMe LOTD thread.

Edit: EffMeBoobs thinks Im suffering from a Staff Infection

[EffMeBoobs]

Edit: EffMeBoobs thinks Im suffering from a Staff Infection

haha thank you!

[drjoek]

about Elvis listening to Lisa Maries CD

I don't know if in your grave you can put your hands over your ears...but I bet he did after hearing that!

[patsopinion]

listening to replay

Your not going to fucking test me- you fucking tiny mind

sorry i didnt want to see if it was up because i didnt want to ruin future lines of the past

[drjoek]

Seriously, I can't fucking hang out with you anymore.... worrying about the batting order in a menage.

[IamFogHat]

In the republican party you can't be caught with a dead girl or a live boy.

[Landblast]

on Lilly taking a sleeping pill before a flight

Lilly: ...then I get off the plane and I'm well rested..

R: ..honey, you get off that plane and your well fucked.....

[MikeB]

"Todd Hillier"
It got Al to laugh. It got me to laugh.

[drjoek]

I'm more like a hip, bad Uncle
The one you want to be around, but never alone with.

[drjoek]

Pitzy describing a ne HBO show with full frontal nudity

"I wouldn't be able to make it more than 7 minutes, tops

[drjoek]

Patrick Ewings Championship rings

"Lets see how long it takes me to count to none"

[JPMNICK]

Patrick Ewings Championship rings

"Lets see how long it takes me to count to none"

these sarcastic comments are the ones that make me laugh the most. ron is fucking hysterical

[Crispy123]

Talking to Fez about Sen. Larry Craig picking up dudes in a better place than a mens room, "One of the things about being gay is the amount of shit and piss you have to smell to live that lifestyle, I just don't get it."

[drjoek]

Today
about How he would handle PETA

"Hey I wasn't going to kill your dog":clap:

[drjoek]

caller making 40Grand saying he would give 10% to the church of Ronnie B

With my life style I'm not going down to the mailbox for 4Gs unless Time Magazine was there too.

[Ay Kay Forty2]

I have the faith to convince Earl to eat a live squirrel.

[Landblast]

...when Anthonys in the room, we all wanna be the prettiest girl in the room.....

[Landblast]

on The Breakfast Club

..after the movies over, I stood up and said this is bullshit!!,..wheres the breakfast!!??...

[Landblast]

....Peter Horton was in Horton Hears A Who...

[Landblast]

to Earl on Lilly

...why can't you be her wingman Earl?? and by that I mean you just sitting there eating chicken wings....

[Landblast]

on Earls friend backing Michael Vick, wearing his jersey

E: ..he wears his jersey, and he get dirty looks from it...
R: ...from who?..a poodle?

[Landblast]

on opening song

...Earl would be playing Leon Spinks before Kings Of Leon....

[Landblast]

on Paul McCartney

...he's got a swimming pool worth of pussy...

[drjoek]

Rons inner voice
Sleeping and eating thats something Im gonna work on

[Landblast]

edit

on Paul McCartney

..he's got a swimming pool full of pussy...

[drjoek]

"I have faith! I have faith right now that a pocket can hold water!"

[ralphbxny]

I will tell you who I give alot of credit too...its the vikings. The vikings will say look we are going out. We got an army. When we get back we are going to have alot of money and new chicks.

How we are going to do this is gonna be ugly. I aint gonna lie to you about this! We are going to do some ugly things, but when we get back everyone is going to get a chick and some stuff we dont know how to build ourselves!!

[IamFogHat]

Fez: We're together forever pal.
Ron: That's the scariest thing you've ever said to me.

[drjoek]

ToLily Would you like to go somewhere with Dave?
I don't even think that if I could go to Heaven and Dave was there I'd check out

[drjoek]

866 Ron 0 Snow

[drjoek]

"Why the fuck would angels bowl when they have worlds of other things to do?

[drjoek]

Earlina

[drjoek]

# 900 Not TOO shabby

"Fezzie's movie: Assholes and Buckets of Cum"

[Doogie]

"The record store was peoples version of the barber shop."

"First of all, if some guy at a counter at a music store is telling me how great my choice is I'll say 'lets compare paychecks there genius. Shut the fuck up and ring up my album.'"

[rekkedhog]

Caller: Hey Fez, who do you think defines Nascar?

Ron: What defines Nascar is fucking your own children.

Fez: I'm gonna go with Richard Petty.

Caller: I say Dale Earnheart.

(... Long, awkward pause... )

Ron: Well, it went back and forth there for a while, it was good stuff, but i think we're gonna stop the debate.

[drjoek]

Im not larger than life Im the same size as life

[drjoek]

Go out and get yourself a nice diamond hat

[drjoek]

To Earl
You know what I'd like to do,I'd replace you with a blender.I wouldn't get any more work done, but at least we could all have boat drinks after the show

[drjoek]

I think you are a cyborg if you wear platform shoes

[IamFogHat]

And everyone's like 'hey, what are you doing you monkey and pigeon?'

[drjoek]

Pitsy, the no stand up guy.

[Badinia]

On opportunism and starvation:

I've had it in the back of my mind to eat a puppy anyway.

[Badinia]

Responding to:

"What do you think is the strangest part of the human body?"

"Marlon Brando."





Ladies and gentlemen, it was more than just the rule of three. It wasn't just the timing. It was the absolute deadpan that he used to drop Marlon's name as a vestigial organ that made my knees buckle as I laughed like an asshole in the hallway at work.

[drjoek]

To Dave

The fact that you are here proves that evolution is not happening.Its going backwards

[Earlshog]

Ron: Earl did you just fall asleep

Earl: No I was looking at my watch

Ron: Where is your watch, the inside of your eyelids

[ChrisTheCop]

This is from a couple of days ago. They were talking about the band Chicago being thrilled that Dane Cook's song sounds like theirs:

"Hey man! Grab your tuba, we're back!"

(or words to that affect). I mention it now because I heard Chicago on the way home, and as they were jamming, I couldnt stop giggling. Thanx Ron.

[Crispy123]

After Diana said she didn't want to strip for only a dollar,

"you deserve three dollars for showing your pussy."

[drjoek]

Playing Luther Vandross

Here listen to Fezzie's God

[Mzap2]

What is a Robut ? ... Botler ?

[IamFogHat]

"You had to take it to silly town, didn't you?"

[drjoek]

listening to a replay on my helix


Fez: So I was at a kids birthday party

Ron: You are going to get in SO much trouble

[Doogie]

"I would love to hold a baby without all 10 toes or fingers...then drop em going "ewwwwwww!!"

[Landblast]

"Our Lady Of Dunkin Donuts"

[Landblast]

on getting Earl's picks at the same time he's in the studio with lunch

F: ...Were really stream-lining the show!!...
R: ...I want to get it to where were just grunting,.....

[Landblast]

on sending someone to exterminate Fezs apt for the cat

...just come in and gas the place and dont ask why, I did it once with an unwanted baby....

[Landblast]

on a very short woman of the cloth living near him

...it's like having a nun doll....

[Landblast]

on Fez asking Earl could the devil be down in hell itself, not roaming the earth

E: yes,...he can go to and fro.......
R: ...how could he go to and fro??!.....does he have a fro??!...

[drjoek]

Enjoying a Butterfinger
Grieve and snack Im able to do both

[sailor]

not really a "line" but when he switched his impersonation of fez from over-the-top ghey to deep-butch...fuckin' hilarious.

[drjoek]

"I even see a cardinal as a really big mosquito

[drjoek]

A swarm of bees could bring down an elephant

[drjoek]

They will rebuild society with nothing but Blue Collar Comedy Tour DVDs

[drjoek]

Rock and roll hof
:No one darker than Edgar Winter can get in!"

[Doogie]

"They're N-sayers...then we laugh."

[drjoek]

"Fantastic.. Its like having passed out pussy in front of you"

[Doogie]

Bonus point for Fezzie. As Earl was describing how his parents met on TV: "They loot the same TV?"

[Photoshop Mike]

Ron said : " Now I've got goosbumps... by that I mean the childrens books "

I actually spit out my coke when I heard that :)

[lleeder]

Mangini is not a coaches name. Its a cornermans name

[lleeder]

He said it was like putting his penis in a fillet.

[lleeder]

Dave: I'm a grower not a shower.

Ron: What are you growning, a vagina?

[drjoek]

In cae you havent noticed were getting near 1000 posts
Not too shabby

[ZombiesEatUs]

*A lound sound comes over the radio*

Ron: "What did you hit Earl, your career?"

[Doogie]

FM Jeff: "I can hear myself talking"

Ron: "Now you know how we feel."

[Badinia]

On being eaten by an animal, over being buried alive:

"Yer gonna go out swingin', like Benny Goodman!"

[ruggedo]

No one else liked " a fine Zulu Princess like Earl"
I really like how something like that just comes out and maybe there is a giggle in the studio,but everything goes one like nothing was said. Not even Earl complains, just another day for him.

[ralphbxny]

You know my fav thing about people? When they blow me!!

[Crispy123]

There isn't a man on the planet who doesn't love a woman who will bring back clean laundry.

Degrading equals sexy.

<Talking to Pepper about banging Serena Williams> Is it a black thing??? Look if Earl's not going to eat his own sandwiches without a knife and fork, Im not gonna go munchen around on it.

[TooLowBrow]

on how earl eats his sandwich with a knife and fork -

'no one likes eating something thats had a black mans hands on it'

[Earlshog]

Ron: Earl if Jesus was a Malido who was black God or the Virgin Mary? If you say the virgin Mary I'm diving at you.

[Crippler]

You know my fav thing about people? When they blow me!!

Now there's a t-shirt-able quote if I've ever heard one! :lol:

[jauble]

On Pitzy being a trainwreck

"You ought to be laying between two towns in Ohio"

[Freakshow]

Come in Copernicus. You bring us news from the Galaxy?

[ralphbxny]

Even on Satellite you couldnt call this entertainment!

[RAAMONE]

on beanies cake

"i like it too...it takes all that extra moisture out of my mouth"

[landarch]

On Pitzy being a trainwreck

"You ought to be laying between two towns in Ohio"

I missed hearing that one, but just reading it made me laugh out loud

[AlabamaMan]

on beanies cake

"i like it too...it takes all that extra moisture out of my mouth"

Thats was it, I had to quote you and it

[ralphbxny]

When Beannie said something about losing her capt-ship of her golf team if she went to Robert Kliens unmasked

Fez-They'll Rip that C right off you!
Ron- We are on Satellite fez you can use the Real word!

[RAAMONE]

might be a repeat but...

ron on elephants having elephantitus:

"i would just call it titus...thats like saying fez had a human heart attack"

[drjoek]

Talking about sex with soldier's wives


Fez Remorse


Ron: "You lost me."

[drjoek]

From the replay Friday

talking about vets and after a few hayseeds called in with racist comments. A real hayseed called in talking like he was from below the mosquito line..

With a chuckle


"Be ready Earl"

[drjoek]

When we were kids my dad took us the the airport and we would spit on returning Veternarians

[drjoek]

The whole time you were singing I was thinking, 'How dull is this knife that it's not goin through my artery?' "

[drjoek]

Asbury Park Circle Jerk

[drjoek]

Caller They have talking vibrators


Ron I know He makes my fucking football picks:lol:

[IamPixie]

When talking about the benefits of a Zoo

" I remember being a little kid thinkin': I would never have the opportunity to hit a hippo with a peanut if it hadn't been for this Philadelphia zoo....Growing up in Philadelphia you're not gonna run into a lot of hippos and to knock a peanut off the snout of one was just very thrilling." :laugh:

[drjoek]

About kathleen from the Bronx Blog not being done for the weekend.

Its also on "4 days later.com"

[RAAMONE]

on fez having a bad show yesterday

Fez: i wasnt pulling my weight yesterday

Ron: 10 people couldnt pull your weight fez

[Doogie]

To Dave: "Its 6 inches but you tell everyone its nine."

[Doogie]

About Mary Jane candy: "It tastes like Lou Gherig, thats how fucking terrible it is."

[miggiecee]

"I wouldn't want to live like an eggplant - no offense, Earl, I meant a
vegetable."

[midwestjeff]

Turtles were the original trailer dwellers, and they fucking act like it.

[underdog]

"You know what I never liked about a nest? Crown of thorns. It always looked to me like the exact same thing like they put around Jesus. That's why I would always throw rocks at birds.

I called them Christ Killers."

[Chris from TX]

As Rapper: " Hey, who wantsa have bad posture, yaw?!"


made me giggle

[carsonogin]

"The whiter the girl, the less she's black."

[lleeder]

"You know what, the low hanging fruit, we don't go for that on the show"

[drjoek]

50% of people want to leave New Jersey

Well, they say that they were Born to Run, but they just can't afford to right now.

[EliSnow]

"She's my mother. She's my girlfriend. She's my mother. She's my gilfriend. She's my mother AND my girlfriend!"

[hexy68]

MrB to esd..."you're so crazy you'd make Freud throw up!"

[Earlshog]

Ron: Jason you're on Ron and Fez

Caller: I am a nurse and

Ron: that's the strangest thing cause you sound like a man... we love the work you girls do for us....

[docgoblin]

Fez: I don't hear lyrics.

Ron: Maybe you're deaf.

Fez: I mean THEY DON'T GO IN!...

Ron: Yet dildos do...

[docgoblin]

Paul O: That's the worst way to die.

Ron: What's the best way Paul?

Paul O: Drugs and alcohol!

Ron: I miss her too Paul...

[ralphbxny]

Bronx Johhny had no hair on his head and spoke no english when i found him. I fed him with an Eye Dropper...because of love!

[ralphbxny]

I only hire Bastard Children!

[ralphbxny]

We all know Than takes a helicoptor to work!

[ralphbxny]

Bronx Johnny has no father because well...why else would he live up there!

[underdog]

Talking about celebrities being from Colorado :

Caller : Look it up.
Ron : Well, I don't really have the time to look up a lot of Tim Allen information.

[drjoek]

Weve been Al Gored

[drjoek]

The only option is to kill all the children under fourteen and stack them up like firewood.

[docgoblin]

Ron: Casey says; "Ron Wood is doing Letterman Oct 21st you dumb N!"

Earl: She said THAT!?

Ron: That's not the part you should be focusing on...

[docgoblin]

The other day when talking about the unusual high temperatures this fall. Dave's stupidity gets a major assist for this one.

Ron: There's gonna be no reason for the Snow Birds to go to Florida. And then it's gonna be just straight hayseeds...

Dave: ...And then Florida will be overrun by worms or whatever Snow Birds eat.

Ron: Snow Birds are people!.. You dumb fuck!

[drjoek]

Dave said he wanted to marry his mom until he was 12


"She lead you on"

[dmac1476]

PATTY SAID HE GOT A TONGUE LASHING FROM DAVE...
RONNIE: USUALLY WHEN YOU GET A TONGUE LASHING FROM DAVE:tongue:, IT USUALLY MEANS HE ATE YOUR ASS!:lol: :lol::lol::lol:

ONE OF THEBEST I'VE EVER HEARD

[lleeder]

Dave: "My wife brings her furry child into bed"

Ron: "Thats her nickname for her vagina"

[Hottub]

Ron: "He's a writer, you like books"
Fez: "I hate them"
Ron: "Well you like cock, and he's got one"


:clap:

[drjoek]

Run a quick girl batch

[drjoek]

Whats the name of the band?
Nicole Atkins and the Seas

Ronnie: The cunts?

[ralphbxny]

To ESD: You look like someone put a wig on an aquairium and jizzed in it!

[ralphbxny]

Ron: Meow meow meow!

Fez: Ron stop that! Are you calling my cat!?!

Ron: Sorry Fez its a private call!

[Swannee]

it is sad that there are 300 more posts on the anti-dave thread than line of the day

[Landblast]

"Retard Juice"

[Landblast]

on Daves brother

F: ..I don't really even know him......
R: ...you will when he pumps a quart of cum in your ass......

[drjoek]

Daves brother fucking Fez in the ass

"It's like sticking my dick out a bay window."

[drjoek]

Not too shabby huh?
Maybe Ron will see we try here too.
Quality over quantity.
:clap:http://www.noveltybin.com/images/inventory/1000-Dollar-Bill.jpg

I can get a hard-on watching cartoons!!