Ron's Line Of The Day (LOTD)

[ToLEEdo]

Dave: "Not when he was dating my mom" (about Barry Manilow)

Ron: "yeah, that would have turned me gave"

[Landblast]

R: Earl, would you give me one of your kidneys if i needed one?
E: Yes, Ron I would.

R: Fezzie would you give me one of your kidneys?
F: I would give you one of my kidneys.

R: Dave would you give me one of,...
D: boy, you already have Earl and Fez's, kidneys,...

R: Well I would just take them all and stack'em up,..keep'm in my garage,..

[docgoblin]

"Atheists are so smug!... Just because they can sleep in on Sundays."

Hilarious!!!!

[docgoblin]

A great exchange from tonight's show:

Dave: Remember "The Full Monty when they...?"

Ron: Do I!... Fez watched it every day for two years!

Fez: It always ends too soon!

Ron: So do you!

[jetdog]

"We should just bubble wrap the entire country"

(something like that...)

[docgoblin]

Last week after Paul-O brings up that the Transformers movie should be good despite being directed by Michael Bay:

Ron: Everyone hates Michael Bay, but everyone loved playing with Transformers!

[drjoek]

A woman called in today to discuss something and Ronnie said it was "like talking to a hammer"

[Gvac]

I refuse to acknowledge any humorous output from the Bandit until he stops raping and pillaging FreeFM for money.

[Crossfire]

A woman called in today to discuss something and Ronnie said it was "like talking to a hammer"

From that same call the woman said that the guy from work that she goes to lunch with forces her to listen to the show in the car.
Ronnie: I bet that's not all he forces you to do.
The woman doesn't catch what he says and talks about how the show is "growing" on her.
Ronnie: I bet that's not the only thing growing in that car on the way to lunch.

Funny stuff!

[ralphbxny]

I refuse to acknowledge any humorous output from the Bandit until he stops raping and pillaging FreeFM for money.

:lol: :laugh: :clap: :clap: :D

[derrickgott007]

LOTD has to be Ron when he says "It probably sounded like crazy talk" or something like it while closing when he recounted not remembering anything he said to Mrs.Zevon.

[JerseySean]

Ron on Paris Hilton:

I'll tell you she sucks a cock like she never saw one before. Bop, Bop, Stop? Bop, Bop, Stop? I'll fuckin grab you by the ears if you pull that shit with me. Let's find a rythem darlin', let's find a rythem and don't be looking at that fuckin mirror.

[drjoek]

Ron on Paris Hilton:

I'll tell you she sucks a cock like she never saw one before. Bop, Bop, Stop? Bop, Bop, Stop? I'll fuckin grab you by the ears if you pull that shit with me. Let's find a rythem darlin', let's find a rythem and don't be looking at that fuckin mirror.

Excellent first post

Welcome to the Board

[Cleophus James]

Between Muslium and Athiest I think she picked the right one. (ref to Lilliy being Athiest and less of a muslium)

[weekapaugjz]

"no one is a bigger douchebag than dave"

[IMSlacker]

"What do you want on it (pizza) Lil, Muslim chips?"

[Landblast]

on order of importance,..god, country, corp, etc..

R: ...I'll put LUNCH in front of my FAMILY!,...

[sailor]

Ron on Paris Hilton:

I'll tell you she sucks a cock like she never saw one before. Bop, Bop, Stop? Bop, Bop, Stop? I'll fuckin grab you by the ears if you pull that shit with me. Let's find a rythem darlin', let's find a rythem and don't be looking at that fuckin mirror.

my favorite part was when dave said it took him 45 minutes, and ron chimed in with "to suck a cock?"

[PistolPete]

Responding to the question: Who do you prefer Hendrix or Clapton?

R: I going to go with Clapton for one reason and one reason only... He's white.

[mikeyboy]

5/4/07 FreeFM

To Dave attempting sexy talk:

"Seriously, you couldn't even pick up a baby. You would go on Dateline and they would just let you go. 'Go ahead. There is no possible way.'"

[drjoek]

Somebody tell Ron that we're closing the gap on wackbag #271 and counting.

[Doogie]

I nominate this as line of the day:

"You need a masters to teach third grade? ARe you fucking kidding me? To teach third grade, you should only need a 4th grade education..."

[burrben]

I nominate this as line of the day:

"You need a masters to teach third grade? ARe you fucking kidding me? To teach third grade, you should only need a 4th grade education..."

i just told someone that line in an IM

[IMSlacker]

"Alright Paul-O, you're a widower, so thank you for calling us today."

[cupcakelove]

"We went Earl and 16"

[drjoek]

were you chin deep in crazy pussy earl!!!!

[weekapaugjz]

in a genuine laugh, "this is the fez i want back."

[docgoblin]

Lilly: I just found out yesterday that Earl wasn't circumcized... I never knew!

Ron: How are you gonna tell?... By the cut of his jeans?

[docgoblin]

Here's another great exchange from last week when they mentioned that Mike Kaka made fun of Earl's photography:

Fez: I think he called you Peter Darker...

Ron: What does that even mean?

Fez: Like Peter Parker... Photographer...

Ron: I didn't see the movie! Don't ruin it for me!... I didn't know he was a photographer!

[lleeder]

Usually they attack the advertisers. Lucky for us ours are flowers for your mother and some kind of crazy picture you type into your computer.

[sailor]

Usually they attack the advertisers. Lucky for us ours are flowers for your mother and some kind of crazy picture you type into your computer.

hey, you're banned from this thread, drunky!

[sailor]

to earl: if we all on a whim leave work, then no one's white!!

[oh_kee_pa]

Usually they attack the advertisers. Lucky for us ours are flowers for your mother and some kind of crazy picture you type into your computer.

Don't forget the fake speed

[drjoek]

"Cha da Bugre"

[docgoblin]

Turtle (To Dave): Suck a dick!

Dave: I'm not going to do that.

Ron: Ever?!.. Because I'll hold you to it!

[docgoblin]

You can't take Dave into a hospital!... Beakers will break!

[Dudeman]

to earl: you lie, and then you lie about lying

[IMSlacker]

To Dave: "The only thing you're good at is blotching."

[ralphbxny]

Ron actually said this on Sat of the PAC march...
I herd Rick Okasic was here...if it was 1978 it may mean something. We are only 3 decades too late!

[Cambo]

Ron was slammin through some calls regarding "the best album ever." The speed at which he totalled this caller and was on to the next was awesome.

Caller: Fleetwood Mac - Rumours

Ron: Here's a rumour: you're gay!

[nassue]

something along the lines of :

"i like that me, Tony Soprano, and Hunter Thompson have something in common, we all like to trip in casinos."

[docgoblin]

To Dave:

Take off you shirt and turn around so I can use your back as a mirror, I want to comb my hair... You're so white I can see myself in your skin!

[IMSlacker]

The only way I can piss is with a Texas catheter

[Mzap2]

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i304/Mzap2/Ron%20and%20Fez/RonandFez.jpg

While talking about Earl mistaking Fez's hand gesture at the hospital...

Ron: Earl is Dyslexic ...(Pause) He thinks he's a Ginner.

Great line !

[Marc with a c]

"she's throwing in lint and a baby turtle"

[weekapaugjz]

"if i get change, i throw it back in their face"

[AnnoyedGrunt]

The other day someone reminded me of one of my favourite lines of all time

"There are only three people on this show who should be able to use the n-word. Earl, Bronx Johnny and Me when I'm mad at Earl."

[drjoek]

With Baby love

"Its like Im looking at John Wayne Gacy"

[drjoek]

"We'll see you tommorrow right after the Ron and Fez show"
Kind of bittersweet

[docgoblin]

Caller: A pizza delivery guy has a more dangerous job than an EMT.

Ron: I'll tell you this... If you're an EMT you'll probably make a lot less in tips. Alot of these guys who have a heart attack or car accident... They never think to take a little money out and give it to the EMT... It's sad, but head wound victims...They forget.

[drjoek]

coming up next.... ron and fez

later tonight, don't miss ron and fez

get used to that sattelite of love 8 times a day


lotta ron and fez on this channel anymore

[lleeder]

whispers Save The Fez , Save The World

[Doogie]

To a caller who mentioned a movie no one ever heasrd of: "You deserve to lose money on a movie none of us ever heard of. This isnt Central Park, beat it pal!!"

[Flicklee]

referring to stent robots,
"I'm worried about an attack on our dick holes"

[weekapaugjz]

referring to stent robots,
"I'm worried about an attack on our dick holes"

i was laughing uncontrolablly when i heard that. way to make that first post budday!

[Doogie]

To a caller that mentioned the type of shoes Lilly was wearing: "When you heard her mention those shoes did you spit the cum out of your mouth?! No fucking straight guy knows what the fuck those shoes are. (Do gay voice) 'Ohhh my God, I cant believe she is wearing those.'"

[IMSlacker]

To Earl: "I know you belong to the Verison liar plan"

[Sweet_Ness]

coming up next.... ron and fez

later tonight, don't miss ron and fez

get used to that sattelite of love 8 times a day


lotta ron and fez on this channel anymore
my fav too!

[hfs1103]

The first time I heard the show they were doing overnights and I stopped to listen cause I heard OnA on. They had 2 dominatrixes on and one of then threaten to discipline Fez.

"I know the guys you usually deal with are into this, but if you come to close to my partner I'll punch you right in the forehead."

I haven't stopped listening since.

[AngelAmy]

im going to have to start posting my favorite lines in here instead of the listening threads where i normally do

from today

"I need the smart dave, the dave that hasnt existed yet"

[ralphbxny]

im going to have to start posting my favorite lines in here instead of the listening threads where i normally do

from today

"I need the smart dave, the dave that hasnt existed yet"

Just beat me too it!!

[IMSlacker]

"Dave's an idiot whether turkeys can fly or not"

[lleeder]

refering to HTG She's the daily lleeder of CNN headline news

[lleeder]

You know who's gonna kill ya on a bridge...another guy with a bridge phobia.

[Landblast]

on eating tofu

F: ewww, it's weird,..it's spongy, it's slimy,...
R: i'll tell you something, that sounds like one of my favorite things to eat,..

[Ultra_Buffalo]

if earl showed up at my house with a body, i'd say OK, sit here, and then i would go call 911

[Bay Ridge Tim]

"If I go to heaven and Hitler is there, I'm swining on the son of a bitch."

[Killatrees420]

if earl showed up at my house with a body, i'd say OK, sit here, and then i would go call 911

Yeah that shit was too funny I laughed my ass off!!!

[Landblast]

on Earl being Ron's friend

R: ...,a friend? like a tumor would be a friend,..

[Hottub]

"Hey! Bennington choked out Hitler!"

[Doogie]

"Hey! Bennington choked out Hitler!"

You beat me to this line, just fucking classic Ron. Kick ass.

[IMSlacker]

I'm an anthropologist, and I have two radio shows.

[tupper65]

This one from a couple of days ago...

(discussing Fez's medicle problem)
Caller: What Fez has is acute angina
Ron: You know who has a cute angina, Frenchie! It's a tiny little thing!

[Servo]

Caller: "Ah, my phone is taking a shit..."
Ron: "Yeah, well your opinion is shit too."

[IMSlacker]

This is one cool show. No wonder we're on 24 hours a day.

[Elliot]

My favorite of all time was from a week ago.

Ron: "I'm gonna make you my PR guy. And by PR I mean Puerto Rican."

That destroyed me.

[ralphbxny]

Sounds like a cat is running around the piano!!!

[hfs1103]

"It's Neil Young, Dylan, Me and Carlton..."

[ralphbxny]

I dont know if anything can sound plaid....but this is close!!

[WhistlePig]

While listening to Chicago's "Color My World"...

"I don't know if something can sound plaid but this does"

Arrggh. Too late again.

[IMSlacker]

The only thing I like about Earl is he's got a big Ernie Shavers head.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/7/7b/EarnestShavers.jpg/200px-

[underdog]

On Spiders being disgusting and their webs : "It's like using your cum to catch other things."

[TheQuestion]

To Paul O - "You ever get mad at Melly and yell 'you're next!'?"

[DoubleJ]

When they played the Chicago song for the female caller Ron joked, "Alright, everybody listen. This is the song that your parents fucked to in the back of a VW."

Followed by, "Not you Whatley. Yours did it to the Charleston."

Ha ... 'cause Fez is old.

Edit: This doesn't make sense now that I see it in print. I thought it was hilarious when spoken. One comment refers to a song, and the other refers to a dance. Am I missing something?

[lleeder]

in reference to Lily and her expensive shoes If you really wanted men to look at you you'd wear something with your vagina showing

[drjoek]

In response to whether Fez listens to the show when he's out

"I'll tell you Fez doesn't listen to the show when he's here in the studio"

[drjoek]

"Suspension's over Earl?"

"Unfortunately, no"

"Then fix the best ofs"

[IMSlacker]

On whether or not Dorothy Crosley is real:
"I never thought Frenchy was real, but that turned into ass out greatness."

[underdog]

Yeah, well I got two radio shows, and one that never ends.

[lleeder]

After the Fatty Pnemonia song played : You Fucked A cupcake?

[lleeder]

Look what he did to his new grandmother..Bobo

[celery]

Ron: Are you on Mafialife.com?
Dave: No, I've got other things to do...fantasy baseball. That's more my style.
Ron: Fantasy baseball...is that when you jerk off thinking about A-Rod?

[lleeder]

Caller: I think he's gonna go down in a blaze of glory.
Ron: Bon Jovi Style?

[lleeder]

Hey small change , nice to hear from ya.

[rckiller]

" Why don't you jump off a bridge in front of a train?"

[sailor]

last week when dave kept asking ron if he could be involved with casey in a threesome ron said something to the effect of "why do you keep asking me like i'm father sex all of a sudden?"

[docgoblin]

You know who you'd like?... The abortion loving Rudy Giuliani... Boy does he love abortions!... He's performed three of 'em!

[docgoblin]

About Dave's blotchy head:

It looks like a porcupine was head-fucking you!

[docgoblin]

To Flash, regarding his feelings for Shelle:

What would it take to fall in love with her... a penis?... and a set of balls?

[docgoblin]

Do what I did with my Grandparents... Dose 'em and see what happens!

[IMSlacker]

On where Dave got JerseyRich's wedding gift (turkey roaster):

"He bought it at a place called Cheap Fuck's. He's got a Cheap Fuck's credit card."

[docgoblin]

You have ear holes, eye holes, nose holes... And a few holes I can't mention in a post-Imus world.

[DoubleJ]

When one of the southern callers finished describing his dog fighting experiences Ron remarked, "Yeah ... life must be really tough without air conditioning."

[ralphbxny]

I want you to call flat head...1 800 white adventure. I need 2 tickets and I need them on the glass!!

[ralphbxny]

1 800 ron o jack!!

[ralphbxny]

I have a feeling that Whatley isnt even sick.He is sitting there with 2 cuban pool boys and a bindle!!!

[IMSlacker]

To Dave on his abilty to drink:
"You drink like your fuckin' vagina is leaking!"

[ralphbxny]

and when I say we I mean They!

[Furtherman]

"And then I look at Ronfez.net and I gotta tell ya, it hurts."

[reillyluck]

I'll find a unicorn before i find a funny hayseed caller.

[JPMNICK]

I'll find a unicorn before i find a funny hayseed caller.

that one is fucking hysterical

[AngelAmy]

caller (violet) "it's my granmother's vase!"

ron "yeah i know, you probably shouldn't have broke that"

[Texasfan]

in reference to dave drinking.

“I will fucking drink you eight ways to Sunday”

[BigDeliciousD]

I'll find a unicorn before i find a funny hayseed caller.
Im new to the whole messageboard thing, but ive been listening for years, Ron is quite possibly the funniest man alive.

[weekapaugjz]

in reference to dave drinking.

“I will fucking drink you eight ways to Sunday”

ron talking about dave's drinking was fucking killing me

my favorite line, "you drink like a protestant woman"

[docgoblin]

Regarding Earl's Eating habits:

You're not even on solid food yet baby gut!

[docgoblin]

Ron's various nicknames (off the cuff) for Idol contestants had me rolling!...

Jordan = Big'un
Blake = Beat Box
Elliot Yamin = Young Bruce Springsteen
Chris Daughtry = Stone Cold Wannabe
Kelly Clarkson = Big Ass
Taylor Hicks = Red Neck Grandpa -or- Taylor The Cable Guy
Clay Aiken = Fisty
Sanjaya = Rooster Head
Reuben Studdard = Fat 'n Black
Kelly Pickler = Pregnant from Daddy

[Texasfan]

caller: why cant the mythical caller be female?

ron: oh because the mythical caller was gonna be funny.

[weekapaugjz]

from the best ofs.

talking about star jone's autobiography, "it's pussy noises for an hour and a half"

[Landblast]

...that movie was so bad i walked out on it,..and i was watching it at home, i just got up
and walked out the front door and onto my front lawn,...

[drjoek]

"i am instone like Flintstone".

[Don Stugots]

"Good bye and Thank you"


not funny but touching.

[RocksThePhatAzz]

From the best of

Fez:"He took me to the zoo when my family was out of town"
Ron:"That's real nice nice of your taking the retards to the zoo Norm."

[ralphbxny]

Sheepy- All my friends wear hoodies.
Ron-What are they KKK members!!

[weekapaugjz]

"you can't look down on a whore if you're whore"

[drjoek]

to Bronx Johnny "Broken English, that's your native tongue"

[IMSlacker]

On Earl:

"He's like some 1930's scat artist. And by that, I mean shit".

[IMSlacker]

On Pitzy:

"If we were a boy band, he'd be our Joey Fatone".

[Sweet_Ness]

On Earl:

"He's like some 1930's scat artist. And by that, I mean shit".

hehe hilarious

[weekapaugjz]

about the possibility of lilly getting a job on fuse, "hey kids, you're jacking it to me...Lilly...and here are...the strokes..."

[lleeder]

On whites:
We are go- getters. We did invent getting up in the morning.

[celery]

To Dave, about his wedding:

"If you do your own vows, do not drop the N-bomb."

[BoarsHeadRob]

I'm sure this got picked up a couple times, but the other day when talking about Lily's shoes, one caller called in and said he got so excited when he heard Lily had Manolo Blanachs and Ronnie replied;

"What?! you got so excited, you almost spit the cum out of your mouth?"

[IMSlacker]

"I pamper myself every day, that way I don't have to go to the bathroom. I just sit here in a Pamper."

[Bob Impact]

Shes there in Hoboken with a half a load on a rusty grapefruit spoon.

[Sweet_Ness]

"I've been left here with a band of retards"

[Bob Impact]

To Fez:
I know what your medicine is: You're getting protein all day.

[weekapaugjz]

damn you for being too fast, bob...

[weekapaugjz]

in reference to pepper hicks,
"he's a drunk and a drug addict....so what!"

[Bob Impact]

I'm showin up to hit you with a cowbell in the chest.

[Bob Impact]

This is why you don't have any skin tone: You worry too much!

[IMSlacker]

To Dave:
"Lift your shirt and let me watch you digest."

[bigredd]

to Dave "There isn't a problem in the world that can't be solved by 70s soull."

[J-Graz]

"How Come Reverend Al is never mad at the Wu?"

[J-Graz]

"1 in 3 will die on the roads this weekend. 1 in 6 will die upside down in their car while it is on fire." ....not verbatim, but I tried.




-J

[Sweet_Ness]

"You look at life through the eyes of a retard"

[DoubleJ]

About women with glasses.

What is it about chicks with bad eyes? I'm oddly attracted to women whose eyes don't work properly.

Something like that.

[docgoblin]

Regarding Earl's wish that his ancestors could have stayed in Africa:

Where would you be now?... Flys on your face, fucking, wondering how we get rid of these AIDS...

[drjoek]

While laughing at Fez during drinking show to celebrate his 1 year since his heartattack
Fez is going crazy

Ron :"I want to do a show with this guy"

[drjoek]

400 and counting wackbag better watch their back

[sailor]

if it weren't for white people, black people would be sitting around a campfire saying "pass me some zebra. i could really go for some zebra right now."

[docgoblin]

Lets get this thread to 1000 by July!!! Screw Whackbag!

We should get rid of the term 'teenager' and call them what they are... 'Khmer rouge!'

[docgoblin]

Fez ate ants?... I know he ate uncles, but I didn't know he ate ants!

[docgoblin]

To caller in denial about his wife cheating on him:

Yeah, Okay... Go kiss her on the cum mouth!

[docgoblin]

It's wrong to call up and say I'm a Red Sox fan and I'm a woman... That's redundant!

[docgoblin]

Earl wants Paltalk for just his friends... He wants Cocktalk!

[docgoblin]

Regarding the true identity of the RonFez.Net poster Dorothy:

Gay men will be happy when they find out Dorothy has a big hairy sack of balls...

[docgoblin]

Dave: Wiki would be right up my brother's...

Ron: ...Ass?

[docgoblin]

from Tuesday's show:

RuPaul will be elected before Ron Paul!

btw: Whackbag is averaging 180 LOTD posts a month. RonFez.Net is averaging only 58. Lets step it up!

[Photoshop Mike]

I gotta agree with Docgoblin:

Dave: Wiki would be right up my brother's...

Ron: ...Ass?

Even funny on the replay! Ronnie is the quickest!

[docgoblin]

Earl: We invented the traffic light and the comb.

Ron: So you're telling me...If not for blacks, white people with messed up hair would be running into each other?

[docgoblin]

Dave: If you had to put your head on an animal's body what would it be?
Ron: Are you serious? I'd put graft my head onto a rhino, run myself into a brickwall and die!.. ...You know you're just setting up Photoshop Mike to put our heads on animal bodies!

[docgoblin]

Ron (regarding Dave being 2nd mic):
I'd rather have had crying Fez in here yesterday!... Crying for 3 hours because he's scared that broccoli may kill him... Instead of you!

[IMSlacker]

"Did you have African American balloons yesterday, Earl?"

[outlawfrank]

In response to the girl saying U2 the most influential, and not knowing who the Velvet Underground is.

Ron: Tell your husband to fill up the tub and hold your head under it. Because I can't be there to do it,

[docgoblin]

From Fez' Heart Attack anniversary show which was played last week during best ofs:

Fez: When they tell you that you have a major problem with the Most Important organ in your body...

Ron: ...Second most important...

Fez: ...Oh, Brain?...

Ron: ...Dick!...

Writing this one does it no justice, but it was one of the funniest exchanges, during a pretty serious moment, I've ever heard... This shows why they are the greatest team since Martin & Lewis!

[Swannee]

To Earl regarding Lilly's job

After hayseed calls,

"I would rather have this guy push the plow aside, pick up a phone and call rather than you Earl"

[PapaBear]

I can't do this quote justice, because I don't remember the exact words...

Ron was so fucking quick with this one. During the Lohan conversation, someone called in and said she had a driver. Almost before the sentence ended, Ron said something like "she should have had a wedge".

[drjoek]

to Some woman talking about music

Is that your boyfriend?
Yes
Tell him to fill the bathtub with water and drown you in it since I'm not there to do it

[EliSnow]

Here's one from yesterday's show:

Ron: No, our mystery guest is not the Midnight Rider.
Fez: I have more than one Silver Dollar.
Ron: You still have the first Silver Dollar you earned, you cheap fuck.

[drjoek]

I've got to change topics I forgot I run the hayseed hotel

[Badinia]

Did it take place in the nation of imagination?

[docgoblin]

During a comic book discussion:

Dave: My cousin Rita... We shared the "Archie" thing...

Ron: ...What is that?.. A nickname for your cock?

[docgoblin]

Dave: Gerry Cooney was the last great white hope...

Ron: ...Last great white hope?!.. We hope every year!.. We just don't say it out loud!

[docgoblin]

Caller: Hey Big A... I had a heart attack about a week ago, and my human piece of garbage friend took me to the Emergency Room and left. Should I bother trying to salvage this relationship?

Ron: Okay Big A, can you answer that question without using the N word?.. Because I can't!

[Aqualad]

"Understands our calandar...ah Big Aaaaa"

[reillyluck]

Not the exact words, but something to the effect of

"ronfez.net's line of the day sucks. Maybe they should copy the other websites and post them there in case there ever is an internet fire"

[Hottub]

A Honey-Nut Cheerio in your hand, and 2 fingers up your ass. That's how to get you relaxed.

[flatterfit]

Best of Show today:

Ron: He died in his sleep.
Earl: That's not good!
Ron: It was for me, I owed him money!

[Don Stugots]

Not the exact words, but something to the effect of

"ronfez.net's line of the day sucks. Maybe they should copy the other websites and post them there in case there ever is an internet fire"

hhhmmmmmmmmmmmmm..........

[Don Stugots]

On the Best of Today:
Ron: Earl's going to the black looney bin
Fez: They have a black looney bin?
Ron: They have to - or else the crazy whites would never get on the basket ball courts!!

[underdog]

"What happened to O&A? They used to be on and now I listen to the channel and all I hear is two homos talking 24 hours a day. Well, I know one of them is. And the other one has a bad heart."

[Don Stugots]

Best of Show:
Ron: He died in his sleep.
Earl: Aw, that's not good.
Ron: It was for me, I owed him money!

[Don Stugots]

Ron: So Big A, I hear you wanted to take a picture of Fez & Baby Luv?
Big A: Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-yes
Ron: Well what are you gonna do with it?
Big A: ...I was g-g-g-going to k-k-k-k-keep it
Ron: You should put it in your wallet...then when people ask you if you have a family you can show them the picture and say, "This is my wife and daughter!"

[ESD's twin brother]

not verbatum
(talking about Dave's wedding)

Ron: I'm not gonna go

Dave: Mr. B., I want you to come

Ron: Ewwwwwwww, that's disgusting.

Dave: You know what I mean

Ron: That's something I want a chick to tell me

[Don Stugots]

Caller: Hey Big A, I had a heart attack about a week ago and my human piece of garbage friend took me to the Emergency Room and left. Should I bother trying to salvage this relationship?
Ron: Okay Big A, can you answer that question without using the N word? Cause I can't....

[sailor]

Best of Show today:

Ron: He died in his sleep.
Earl: That's not good!
Ron: It was for me, I owed him money!

Best of Show:
Ron: He died in his sleep.
Earl: Aw, that's not good.
Ron: It was for me, I owed him money!

hahahahaha

[Don Stugots]

hahahahaha

shhhhhhh.

[sailor]

shhhhhhh.

other boards...

[Don Stugots]

other boards...

ooooooooohhhhhhhhh, nevermind.

[sailor]

ooooooooohhhhhhhhh, nevermind.

yours had better timing

[Don Stugots]

timing is everything. thanks.

[docgoblin]

Yesterday, talking about Willie Mays taking Amphetamines:

HE TOOK IT RIGHT IN HIS DICK EARL!!! HE CRUSHED IT UP, PUT IT INTO A STRAW, PUT IT UP TO HIS DICK AND HAD A BAT BOY BLOW IT IN THERE!!! HIS BALLS BLEW UP TO THE SIZE OF GRAPEFRUITS!!! THAT'S HOW HE GOT HIS POWER!!!

One of the funniest rants I've ever heard...

[docgoblin]

When they were talking about computer advances yesterday (This is really a Ron AND Fez Line Of The Day):

Fez: Oh, let 'em take over! I wouldn't mind if the computer wiped and flushed for me!

Ron: Well finally someone would be doing it!

[foodcourtdruide]

Not Verbatum

(Talking about one of the paltalk girls showing her ass)

Ron: Earl.. come check this out.

Earl: Wow nice..

Ron: Do you wish that was a guys ass?

[foodcourtdruide]

Again, not verbatum

(Caller asks who on the staff he'd kill to bring back Fez)

Ron: Earl.
Dave: YES!
Ron: Then Dave.
Dave: awww.
Ron: Then Pitzy.
Ron: Then Lily. Slowly.
Dave: Why slowly???
Ron: I've got my own problems.

[docgoblin]

Another Ron AND Fez Line Of The Day while discussing that Fez thought West Side ate like a rat:

Fez: She Gnaws!

Dave: Mr B... Did you ever notice this?

Ron: No, but my only problem is when she chewed away at our baseboards... And she was living in our wall...

[weekapaugjz]

Again, not verbatum

(Caller asks who on the staff he'd kill to bring back Fez)

Ron: Earl.
Dave: YES!
Ron: Then Dave.
Dave: awww.
Ron: Then Pitzy.
Ron: Then Lily. Slowly.
Dave: Why slowly???
Ron: I've got my own problems.

i was howling when i heard that one.

[IMSlacker]

"The new Paul McCartney album, Frappaccino proves that he'll never sell out"

[drjoek]

Just on the Replay

Talking about reaction to LSD


"I didn't spend alot of time in Medical School but.."

[docgoblin]

Al Gore's new book: "How we fucked up over the last 8 years" or "Look how you shit the bed without me"

[docgoblin]

Ron: Who was the dog on The Brady Bunch?

Fez: Tiger.

Ron: I thought it was Cindy.

[docgoblin]

After a caller yesterday said Dave had herpes and it never goes away:

Ron: That's what Fez is to me... Fez is my version of herpes. I made one mistake... I said, "Come in and do the show" one day, and now I can't get rid of him!

[100Proof]

years ago when people called up telling Sweet Melissa to say sexy things.

caller: "right there.....right there.....right there"

Sweet Melissa: "it doesnt work when he (caller) says it".

Ron: "it worked for Fez.....Fez couldn't be happier".

Fez: "I'm (star)69'ing you."

Ron: "I'm so glad you said star first."

[GFunk]

I lost it the other day when he was referring to ESD by calling him:

Needle Dick the Bug Fucker

[docgoblin]

I lost it the other day when he was referring to ESD by calling him:

Needle Dick the Bug Fucker

Also during the 'Dave has Herpes' discussion, he continuously called Dave ALMOND DICK. Then when Earl was checking for the Herpes sores he said, "It is the size of an almond!"

I was dying!

[PapaBear]

Also during the 'Dave has Herpes' discussion, he continuously called Dave ALMOND DICK. Then when Earl was checking for the Herpes sores he said, "It is the size of an almond!"

I was dying!
I thought it was cashew.

[100Proof]

it was cashew. Earl said it. but Ronnie did say Almond D!ck. funny sh!t

[docgoblin]

it was cashew. Earl said it. but Ronnie did say Almond D!ck. funny sh!t

Yes I'm sorry... Earl turned it from almond to cashew (which one is actually smaller?)... It was a hilarious segment!

[100Proof]

I still can't get over that Earl actually checked his goods out. Proves to me that Earl is truly
a homo-negro.
That reminds me when Fez was talking about negros and Ron corrected his pronounciation and explained the difference in a post-imus world.
I forget the rest.

[Landblast]

"White Basketball"

[Landblast]

"Fakey Sandbags"

[Landblast]

"The Albanian Slacker"

[Landblast]

on new computers that does everything for you

Earl: I prefer some form of human touch,...
R: ...what, jacking-off?

[Landblast]

on Claire being rat-like

R: my only problem was when she chewed through the baseboards and went behind the wall and lived there,...

Dave: she didn't do that

R: didn't she?! :lol:

[drjoek]

fake mafia show just a bunch of guys sitting at the computer wacking themselves...that doesnt sound gay at all

[midwestjeff]

"See that's why you pay for satellite radio. To get things you can't hear on regular radio like Paul McCartney, Wings, and the Beatles."


Not necessarily one of his funniest lines but a crafty shot at XM.

[underdog]

Crazy Jen : "I'm gonna end up like Anna Nicole."
Ron : "Dead?"

[docgoblin]

Crazy Jen: Pickles says I look like Aunt Jemima!

Ron: You can't say that in a post-Imus world... You have to say 'I look like a syrup celebrity.'

[docgoblin]

Regarding Paul-O being part of dave's wedding festivities:

Dave: This is not some rinky-dink carnival!

Ron: Hey! I don't want carnys attacked!... Seriously!... Especially the rinky-dink ones!

Mr. B is always looking out for those carnys

[barjockey]

Crazy Jen : "I'm gonna end up like Anna Nicole."
Ron : "Dead?"

That was the best.
Anyone else watching "Millers Crossing"?

[docgoblin]

Fez: I am a male!

Ron: You're gonna have to prove that!.. You're gonna have to pull down your pants and show us your clit!

[FreshJ]

Mafia Life Chris: "Snitches Get Stitches."
Ron: "Or Fake Stitches in your case."

[AngelAmy]

ron: I bet you called him tuna can dick while you were licking it

[AngelAmy]

al's the guy you love to hate, earl's the guy you hate to hate

[AngelAmy]

DAVE: I don't want people knowing where I was at 2 oclock in the morning on a Saturday.
RON: I know where you were, at a gay bar

[AngelAmy]

I was in there the other day, he had a Wheeties box with Bruce Jenner on the front

[Bob Impact]

Damn you Amy, beat me to it!

[IMSlacker]

I think if you had a four foot penis, you'd want a five footer.

[SouthSideJohnny]

From Monday's replay - to Crazy Jen:

You're livin fat . . . but just your asssss

[Landblast]

"Earl could write a fuckin book on incompetence, but he couldn't write the fuckin book"

[Landblast]

on the importance of penis girth

"so basically the penis should be shaped like a can of tuna"

[Landblast]

I was in there the other day, he had a Wheeties box with Bruce Jenner on the front

i just heard it on the replay, funny as shit

[Landblast]

on role playing

"even if i lived in the middle ages, i wouldn't act that way"

[weezcase]

on role playing

"even if i lived in the middle ages, i wouldn't act that way"

that shit was funny as hell

[docgoblin]

From one of the 'Best Of' segments that ran yesterday regarding Dave and West Side's first break-up, and her love for men of the culinary arts.

Dave: Those were dark times...

Ron: Yeah, she couldn't see with all those balls around her!

Fez: Chef balls!... Chef Ballsardee!

[ToLEEdo]

From tonight's best of:

"The only thing Sean Connery did that I liked is beat his wife."

[docgoblin]

Talking to an NYPD officer about his dress uniform:

Let me get this straight... The dress uniform is called a summer blouse?...
... And the stakeout is called a blowjob session?!...

[Hepcat22]

...on so-called alien abductions/body probes etc.:

"If these aliens are so fucking smart how come they're constantly up our asses?"

[Crispy123]

Fags hate flags, I don't think so, they love em!

[EliSnow]

From today:

Ron: Wait, girls in your neighborhood growing up didn't give blowjobs? Then, why would you give them your coke?

[Dash77]

You ever head down stairs...and then they grab you wrist and say were you going weirdo some tit should be enough.

[drjoek]

Isn't that your website God Hates Flags??

[drjoek]

Ron - "White people weren't crazy about Katrina either, Earl"

[mattLP]

ok, i thought this one was good for a first post:

Caller mentions Opie and Anthony
Ron: "You going to try dump on that Earl?"
Earl: "Yeah i'm going to try to"
Ron: "Bitch"

[drjoek]

ok, i thought this one was good for a first post:

Caller mentions Opie and Anthony
Ron: "You going to try dump on that Earl?"
Earl: "Yeah i'm going to try to"
Ron: "Bitch"

Good Start WELCOME

[ruggedo]

I had my computer guy hanging around with me setting up a computer this afternoon, and when we heard this we both cracked up. Then both said at once "and no reaction in studio?"

Ron to the new intern who is both jewish and catholic -
"So your thing is you couldnt eat ham on Fridays?"

[docgoblin]

Ron: How much were you owed?

Fez: About 230 bucks!

Ron: If there was 230 dollars out front I wouldn't even look at it!... If someone was waiting outside the building when I was walking out at 4:00, and they wanted to give me 230 bucks, then I might take it!

[docgoblin]

Regarding Dave's college friend with the short, fat penis, and the nickname they had for him:

Ron: What'd ya call him tomato can while you were lickin' on the tip of it!?

[docgoblin]

Regarding having a black-and-white cake at the wedding... Ron prefers his baked goods segregated:

Ron: The pastries appreciate it because the chocolates stay with the chocolates and the vanilla stays pure!