Ron's Line Of The Day (LOTD)

[A.J.]

Caller: "What about Woody Allen? He liked them young."

Ron: "Yeah, but he liked them Y-U-N-G young."

[tonedef04]

while talking about miniature sports, i forget what sport specifically

fez: "that seems frightening"

ron: "frightening? or the best thing to happen to planet earth since the crack pipe?"

[tonedef04]

during carbonite read

"my friend's on carbonite, and he's AIDS free."

[evboat]

I have to paraphrase

"anyone with teenage sons at home is like 'when I go away don't fuck the pool drain'"

[tonedef04]

from one of the carbonite reads in rons fantastic singing voice

"carbonite, it stops racism...."

[A.J.]

"The Church of Latter-Day Taints".

[tonedef04]

to fez

"because of that voice i had to smear a sandwich in that fuckers face."

[Landblast]

to Fez
...you were sexually abused, and by someone with no taste in kids...

[tonedef04]

to Fez
...you were sexually abused, and by someone with no taste in kids...

damnit, i was gonna post that

[Landblast]

on the word "fruity" to describe gays

F: ...that also sounds insulting!
R: ...to who? bananas?

[Landblast]

on Fez's turned-up sleeves

...that looks like a chinaman threw up on your wrists!

[A.J.]

Crazed: "From now on I want to be known as Crazed XL."

Ron: "Trying to get down to an XL are you?"

[Landblast]

to Fez
...your not seeing the world as it is, but seeing it through shit colored glasses....

[tonedef04]

during Ashley Madison live read

crazed XL: "i just got fucked"

ron: "is that in the copy?"

[tonedef04]

during today's best of with harry in studio

ron: "a lot of people don't know this, his conception was anal....and that's really the only case of this i've ever heard of"

[A.J.]

Fez: "It comes and goes."

Ron: "Like a Karma Chameleon?"

[tonedef04]

from monday

fez: "how does my mike sound?"

ron: "a little gay"

[tonedef04]

"truffles have tridges"

[tonedef04]

in regards to anthony

"i don't like his primetime hairdo"

[tonedef04]

raving about ashley madison, and one of his quests, who happened to have had her period

"tell me the truth. you didn't see this coming? you don't have a calendar?"

[Pestz4Evah]

Ron's niece: What's your favorite color? My favorite color is a square.

Ron: You're 3-years old and you might be the dumbest fucking person I've ever met in my life.

[jlehane3]

Fez's sarcastic shrink....just talking under his breath after everything Fez says.

[tonedef04]

from yesterday

"this Sheik piss is killing me"

[tonedef04]

from porn.com live read referencing sexycougars.com

"i've looked at so much porn, i'm tired of women. i wanna look at a jungle cats vagina."

[tonedef04]

from pajamagram live read

"pajamagram, doo doo do doo doo"

[KEITHJAY]

its summer and that means one thing....Porn on the cob:drunk:

[beachbum]

"This song is worse than hearing someone fart in the bath tub"

[Enabler]

When Ron was vomiting thinking of Fezs secret.....:laugh::laugh:


Dave: Just try to think of something else

Ron: I did. I got off ass play and it went straight to the reach around...

[tonedef04]

i forget what exactly they were talking about

Dave: "it's like putting rims on a lamborghini, it's not necessary"

Ron: "well, you don't want the tires to fall off"

[tonedef04]

to the michael jackson impersonator ron hired for his mom on mothers day

"excuse me miss, you're blackface is coming off"

[tonedef04]

to fez

"your live reads are really bordering on shit"

[DrK]

A chocolate eclair is God's way of saying, "Look, I'm not mean all the time."

[TjM]

i forget what exactly they were talking about

Dave: "it's like putting rims on a lamborghini, it's not necessary"

Ron: "well, you don't want the tires to fall off"

:lol:

He had to mean hubcaps

[tonedef04]

:lol:

He had to mean hubcaps

no. rims and hubcaps are practically the same thing. they both go inside the tire. therefore you need something to put the tire around. hence them not falling off.

[tonedef04]

to fez talking about rice pudding

"you oughta try the swedish dingleberry flavor....i'm sorry, that's legionberry."

[Philip]

Cinco de Mayo means something to Mexicans....here it just means 2 for 1 on Carona's

[tonedef04]

"you know what i say fez....when in sweden, do the swedes"

[Crispy123]

Ron talking about getting words of wisdom from his dad, "he took a long fuckin hit from a hooka pipe then he goes surfs up little fucko, surfs up, and off we went."

[sailor]

ron: duff just doesn't get dave
sam: a lot of people don't get dave
ron: wackbag

[Landblast]

from replays, on what Adam Lambert's first CD should be named

"Screaming McCock Breath Rides Again"

[tonedef04]

fez: "all the o&a staff was in support of gay marriage, and that's surprising, given how conservative they are..."

ron: "conservative?!?! they're all gay!!!"

[ANC]

Ron on saying the name, Isabella Rossellini:

"By the time you get to the 'ini' you got a hard on."

[drjoek]

wrong thread

[hammersavage]

You want ronfez.net line of the day. Unless BlackSpider's real name is Ron.

[drjoek]

You want ronfez.net line of the day. Unless BlackSpider's real name is Ron.

yeah fixed it

wait BS is RON!!!

[BlackSpider]

You want ronfez.net line of the day. Unless BlackSpider's real name is Ron.

yeah fixed it

wait BS is RON!!!



Shit.
Thanks a lot HS. you know how cool it would've been for me to get a
"Ron's line of the day...?

[lleeder]

What episode was that?

[dino_electropolis]

(talking about the Roll Over minutes mom in those commercials)

Ronnie: That bitch needs a slap in the neck!

[Pestz4Evah]

"It's not like you remember where you were when Harvey Milk died. Or when Harvey Milk Dud."

silly, but it made me laff.

[Pestz4Evah]

"I'm gonna fucking go out and get a zebra. Guess who's not gonna cum while I'm gone?"

[A.J.]

Hard Rock Johnny: "The Prince and Tom Jones showed up."

Ron: "That's not unusual."

[hammersavage]

If this is your pitch, you just got your tits ripped off.

[A.J.]

About what's acceptable to talk about at the urinal: "I can't believe they did Whipping Post that early in the set." That one made me LOL.

[IamFogHat]

"We haven't had a bible in here since Earl left."

[CHUCKWAGONCOOK]

"When I wake up I open one eye, look around...then open the other"


"Sometimes I'll just roll off the bed and look around"

[johnniehardrock]

"The only way to get to Brooke Sheilds is with a string of sausages"

[johnniehardrock]

Hard Rock Johnny: "The Prince and Tom Jones showed up."

Ron: "That's not unusual."

I am honored to be included in this thread.

[A.J.]

I am honored to be included in this thread.

The least I can do for someone with whom I share a birthday!

[Oscar]

Mr. B to ESD about the beard

"How do you live? You look like a hairy sun."

[Oscar]

RB "You know what it looks like your Barber used to cut your hair?"
ESD "What?"
RB "Disdain."

[tonedef04]

to chris stanley arguing "murder she wrote" is not a cop show

"your show would be called "cop she is"!!"

[Oscar]

Fez: This has nothing to do with me.

RB: What has nothing to do with you....human life?

[KEITHJAY]

I hate to say this Dave but your kid may be subhuman:tongue:

[NewYorkDragons80]

Ron: "If Casey gets pregnant again, I'm calling in the National Guard"

[tonedef04]

talking of the possibility of lady gaga having a giant clit

ron: "first off, if i have a giant clit, it's gonna be on the album cover"

[tonedef04]

to dave

"if you know someone who is 10% black...what would you say anthony's nickname for them would be?"

[Chigworthy]

Something like this, to Dave:

"When your kids start walking, in your case 7-8 years from now,"

[tonedef04]

today

"if i was david gray, all my albums would be called "soft rock, soft cock: songs that wont scare women"

[tonedef04]

talking about who dave would greive more between ron and beanie

fez: "would it be a dual service?"

ron: "yeah, cuz of the circumstances. cuz i broke my cock off in her."

[Crispy123]

From Wednesdays show,

No, I think that show was called even Bigguns need some dick

[tonedef04]

a couple days ago talking of rush limbaughs joke about barney frank

"i'm going to try a little word play here.....town hall meeting, more like town hall assfuck!"

[lleeder]

to Fez after he lost the ron and fez trivia game



" you were so quiet, I thought we were on the air"

[fezident]

a couple days ago talking of rush limbaughs joke about barney frank

"i'm going to try a little word play here.....town hall meeting, more like town hall assfuck!"


Totally.

[stormy1065]

to Fez after he lost the ron and fez trivia game



" you were so quiet, I thought we were on the air"

And everyone wants to throw Dave under the bus for always picking on Fez...

[FunkyDrummer]

To Fez in reference to the Silence of the Lamb tucked-in dance:

"But unlike the movie, we're shooting this one from behind. So we get a nice picture of your fucking ass, along with a little mushroom cap stuck between two old grapefruits, two fucking rotting old grapefruits..."

[Landblast]

on the burial place of John F. Kennedy

....the Eternal Flame is no different than your stove....

[sailor]

on attacking eddie vedder:

esd - well, you hate him

ron - no. i just know that you love him

[Oscar]

Ronnie to Joe the Walker


JW:"I had an Ipod and I listened to you guys everyday."

RB:"At what state did you realise that Fezzy is batshit crazy?"

[tonedef04]

to fez

"you are losing weight, at what i would call, an a rapid AIDS pace"

[Pedro471]

(Paraphrasing)

Ronnie B. - "You know what I want to do? Open up a Road Side Stand. 'Over 400 animals!' Mostly rabbits....."

I was cracking up.

Side note - ESD - "Sounds more like a rabbit concentration camp then a zoo"

[jauble]

(Paraphrasing)

Ronnie B. - "You know what I want to do? Open up a Road Side Stand. 'Over 400 animals!' Mostly rabbits....."

I was cracking up.

Side note - ESD - "Sounds more like a rabbit concentration camp then a zoo"

I loved Ron Bennington's drive through zoo.

[fezident]

Slightly paraphrased from January 8th.

"I've dined with queens and eaten pork and beans, soared with eagles and slithered with snakes. I've done peruvian coke... and I've huffed gasoline from an old sock."

[Dell]

"hold on...this is the first time I've ever walked out on a movie scenario"

from the first hour of the 09/09/09 show...

[Rockvillejoe]

Slam dunk: in response to a caller (an army major) who was justifying the airline captains misleading reasons why be had to veer from his charted path and request military door guards:
Ronnie B, "yeah, the military never sees anything like a lie". The man is quick.

[underdog]

Ron : Yeah, I'm really sorry for you Fez that your pedophile cluster got cancelled last night.

[Landblast]

to Patty on her friends consoling her on John Lennon's death

P ...I had to be told several times, until it finally sunk in....
R .... just like every other fact?...

[Landblast]

to Patty

...were you the 5th beagle?...

[nickypeeps]

(i can't stop laughing at this)

On the Jim Bruer Pizza Hut Commercials

"Every Italian on the planet would have to die before I found myself in a Pizza Hut."

[Landblast]

to Fez on the German engineers working w/ the U.S. on the space race

...every time you look at the moon, Hitler smiles back at you....

[Crispy123]

This is a girlie show for girls.

[fezshog]

Ron to earl:

" you ever get embarrased by the civil war Earl? You couldn't do it yourself, you had to have some guys from philly come down and take care for it for you?"

[Matt from Cincinnati]

Ron asking the room which one race of people they could shoot and kill.

Earl says a black man.
Fez says and Arab.
Ron "Can I have two bullets? Good. I'd shoot a black and a gay...AND I wouldn't have to leave this room"

[Pedro471]

Ron asking the room which one race of people they could shoot and kill.

Earl says a black man.
Fez says and Arab.
Ron "Can I have two bullets? Good. I'd shoot a black and a gay...AND I wouldn't have to leave this room"

Made me chuckle out loud.....

[boobieman]

"this country is going to grow a Clit"

Fuckin best line.

SEEYAYYAAA

[Pedro471]

Talking about the food eating contest between Fezzie and PFM, and they are talking about SPAM -

Ronnie - "Fez loves meat in the can."

[tonedef04]

to Bobo at the live show tonight

"you come on my show and i'll kill you."

[Landblast]

from the other day, on Khaddafy at the UN

...he looks like he's dress to go hunting in the Middle Ages....

[Landblast]

...for every Sir Arthur Guiness day we pack ourselves in a steam bath....

[tonedef04]

fat opie on who from dawns sexual past disgusts him: "john"

ron: "they were all Johns"

[visitor9]

"Your're not going to be a Fucking Sign Forever"

[iSpider]

Ron, (with Paul-O on the phone) after a discussion about Louis C.K. bashing "GAP".
Fez calls on the other line and Ronnie says "Louis Too Gay"...

[A.J.]

"Yarmulke is what Magic Dick played with J.Geils."

[bigcufan]

paraphrasing...during a Fez live read

RB: Some people are embarrassed by their middle name, like mine.
FEZ: What is it?
RB: Master of the Pussy Lips
(you can hear esd giggling in the background)

[KingModem]

Franklyn talking about his movie scripts.

Franklyn: "When I go back and read this scripts, it just, it just scares me so much."

Ron: "Why does it scare you? Because of all the misspelled words?"

[disneyspy]

bumped for misti

[Misteriosa]

bumped for misti

ty, spy

Ronnie impersonating Earl's Dad: Well i done seen 'bout everything but Earl work.

[A.J.]

Caller: "Tell the Nature Boy to lick my Canadian balls."

Ron: "Well, here's the thing: he would."

[underdog]

Looking at Chaz Bono, I guarantee that Chaz Bono will be fired as the head coach of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish.

[midwestjeff]

You know what black people call golf?

Tiger Stick.



(He's even funny on Saturdays.)

[disneyspy]

on joseph teaching jesus the family buisness of carpentry

"he could walk on water,you dont think he couldnt build a fucking birdhouse?"

[BlackSpider]

During a pajmagram live read:
"When I was in Viet Nam, eight kills. And every one of them was in my own Platoon."...

[GregoryJoseph]

During a pajmagram live read:
"When I was in Viet Nam, eight kills. And every one of them was in my own Platoon."...

Didn't he also say it was in 2002 or '03? :laugh:

[hammersavage]

I've been busy. You know I've been working two jobs. Mine and Fez's.

[SouthSideJohnny]

What happened to this thread?

How could "Give me aids before I have Dorito dust in my dick hole." not be posted here?

[midwestjeff]

Talking to Paul O about suicide;

I don't want to be in a coffin.
I want my head to be all over the fucking ceiling.

[Chigworthy]

Trying to remember Denise Richards' name:

"The one with big tits who fights with bugs."

[AnnoyedGrunt]

A couple weeks ago Ron was talking about old stories and said "I've had a strange life. I just wish I could remember it."

[A.J.]

Fez: "I wanted to ask Lily for some dating advice."

Ron: "What are you going to ask: 'where do you put the mouth?'....'will it taste like piss?'?"

[initial_david]

Ron on retards...

"They have another word for that...it's floridians....they are a bunch of hanging chads down there."

[hammersavage]

He was popping amyl nitrate yelling 'get me Arnold Schwarzenegger.'

[n0thng2bdone]

Ron: When do you start [your bender] today, Dave?

Dave: Uh, soon, yeah. I mean uh, you know, pft, my wife even might have to pick me up at the bus station today. That's what we're talking about.

Ron: She's got a great life, huh?

[JimBeam]

Catching up on a show from a few weeks ago.

Ron's making fun of some awful movie w/ Ashton Kutcher.

Ron : " I don't see how Kutcher can act ever again. "

Pepper : " Blah blah blah .. he's doing some producing blah blah blah "

Ron " He should be behind the theater blowing guys as they come and go. "

[Hepcat22]

From last week discussing the Fox news babes:

"Fox Business has become the new jackoff channel."

[Rhah]

From last week discussing the Fox news babes:

"Fox Business has become the new jackoff channel."

That's how I got my sig!

[underdog]

Fez : They (Sprint airlines) are taking advantage of a disaster.

Ron : (under his breath) So am I.

[Chigworthy]

Fez: ...oh, I just stuck my finger in a melted chocolate chip.

Ron: This is why we can't have nice things.

[Crispy123]

Caller: My stepbrother's gay and I think he should be able to get married.

Ron: Your stepbrother's gay, you should blow him.

[JohnGacysCrawlSpace]

"3D? Get off the couch and look out the fuckin' window. Ya fuckin' couch-idiots"

[Crispy123]

responding to Fezzy's Australian Ron impression,

"You Rat FUCKER!!! go ahead do it again Fez"

Fezzy's impression again

"Do you know what I mean when I call you a rat fucker?"


he's the best :lol::clap::lol:

[A.J.]

"Gays don't visit people in the hospital."

[JimBeam]

When talking about Vinny Chase getting punched out by Eminem and mocking how ridiculous the idea was :

" I don't think he could've knocked him down w/ a bazooka. "

[Crispy123]

Caller: Fez is more fucked up than Stalker Patty.

Fez: What's so wrong with Stalker Patty?

Ron: Seriously???

[TripleSkeet]

Yesterdays show...

Ron: "You really dont know what a shitdick is?"

Fez: "No."

Ron: "Theres this show I want you to check out on this channel, comes on at 6am.."

[jennysmurf]

Ron, what's your favorite fruit?

Ron: I'm doing a show with him.

:laugh:

[Crispy123]

To the caller who doesn't give up the ass to her man:

bye-bye bunghole :lol:

[Crispy_Mobile]

From Fridays show, to Fez:

It's ok, everyone loves a gap toothed bitch.

[Chigworthy]

Today, 48 minutes in:

Ron: "Honey, you live in Alabama, you wear a garden hose for a headband. Why am I gonna take fashion advice from you?"

[boobieman]

Sorry Pops had the line of the day.."Happy 4th game"....fuckin love it

SSEYAYYEYAYAAA

[jlehane]

"Give ya some advice?Hang on the outside..." Ron B:devil2:

[jlehane]

"How'd the Moo get there?:laugh::surrender: How'd the Su get there?":unsure: Bill O'Reilly He's not a crazy man...he just needs SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP Leave him a-LONE !:wacko::ohmy::blink:

[Crispy123]

Talking about the Super Bowl commercials:

Ass fuckers love a Mini Cooper.

[A.J.]

Lady Trucker: "Is my vibrator considered a robot?"

Ron: "No, it's considered a silo."

[Chigworthy]

Ron and Pep talking to Spanky about dating christian women:

Ron: "You gotta lie to 'em."
Pep: "Yeah, I used to be a missionary."
Ron: "You wanna try my position?"

[Crispy123]

Hey foot loose, you need to tighten up that foot.

[JohnGacysCrawlSpace]

Lady Trucker: "Wanna play guess what's in my box?"

Ron: "A battleship."

[Chigworthy]

About the Washington Monument:

Ron: "It's one of the oldest architectural designs. It's an Egyptian design."

Fez: "It's amazing."

Ron: "You're welcome."

[Crispy123]

from 11/15:

Henry Hitler is my dad, call me Hank.

[Crispy123]

1/31

Fez: Too much milk for ya?

Ron: Is that what you say when you squirt on their face?

[Chigworthy]

Talking about Mo' Better Blues:

Hicks: "That was Don Cheadle, wasn't it?"

Ron: "What's it like to be racist? Is it fun?"

[Chigworthy]

Talking about the video from the small plane crash, at the part where the pilot is laying on the ground bloody:

Fez: "He's not taking a nap, he's covered in blood!"
Ron: "That's how I like to take a nap, just lay down and cover up in blood."

[disneyspy]

talking to fez "I don't think you're the best person to talk someone into mental heath"

[Chigworthy]

Talking about Hicks and UCB Fred kissing each other's adam's apples:

HTG: "That'd be like Superman."

Ron: "No."

HTG: "Gay Superman?"

Ron: "There's no such thing. Gay Superman would just rape children. Until they exploded."

[RnBnngtn4Prez]

I've been collecting lines from Ronnie B since the Free FM days, I just wanted to share my collection. I hope you guys get as much enjoyment from my collection as I have and do. SEE YA!

"[Obama] will be the first black president in world history where machetes weren’t involved, so that’s history"

"Caller: Hey there's a great website called eros.com...it's strictly escorts all over the country, and broads go up to $10,000 for the night.
Ron: Now for $10,000, she's gotta come in and roof my house."

"Don’t you know anything about the wrath of god?! God hates the devil and the city of Philadelphia."

"When I leave a relationship I always like to burn the house down so there’s no discussion about it later."

"I think CSI: Miami is the worst fucking thing that’s ever happened to the planet earth. I think it’s worse than the AIDS epidemic of the early 90’s."

"I’ve said this before, but if women didn’t have vaginas, they would be useless."

"Fanboy means nothing more than, ‘I live in my mom’s basement’."

"I attended George Mason…..well I went to a Bowie show there and it was great…"

(In reference to Ron’s higher education) “I was a shop major.. but we didn’t have any tools… what we studied was shop theory.. one of the questions on a test was ‘could you put a nail into wood?’– I had to fucking copy off the guy next to me.”

"Kids, don't let cerebral palsy get in your way. Especially if belongs to some other kid."

"You've got nothing to worry about Fez, Master Po and I are both trained killers. The only difference is that I am a trained killer of children."

"Ron: I love those Chinese needles...
Fez: Acupuncture???
Ron: Heroin"

"I once ate a steak off a hooker's head while she was going down on me!"

"Purell doesn’t kill all the germs. It just makes your hands smoother to stick up your ass."

"I don't know what it is about the panhandle of Florida, but they should change it to the 'shit stick.' "

"I like a black chick where you gotta knock the flies off her face."

"No one from Philidelphia jacks off online. If anything they do it in front of a school like a gentleman."

"Women can't put together a team or build a bridge. Women can complain about men, but without us they'd never get across a river."

"My dream is to have all the races together - except for the fucking Eskimoes. You know why... fucking blubberchewers."

"Black Earl: Black people are there own worst enemy.
Ron: Not while I'm alive."

"There is only one record that I care about though, and thats most home runs by a white person."

"I wanna die in my own pajamas...not some assless gown they gave me!"

"What does your family do for Black History month, steal each other presents?"

"You know what movie makes me cry? Scarface. Knowing he died with that big mountain of coke just laying there..."

"Your eyebrows look like two catapillars butt-fucking"

"There was a tear in my eye as I was molesting her. She's so fuckin' adorable."

"Ron to *Woman talking about The Notebook*: I haven't beaten a woman to death since 1989."

"I'll light a baby on fire for 100 dollars so dont ask what I'd do to a puppet."

"I don't know what it is about you [Black] Earl, but it makes me want to throw you in a car, drive down south, open the door, throw you out, and scream 'He raped a white woman!' "

"Get away from that TV, you're going to burn your eyes out! Why don't you go boil some plastic with your cousin?"

"Hey - just because there's tears don't make it rape."

"Any monkey, you put a suit on him and i'll never stop laughing. You know why? 'Where do you think you're going with that suit? You think you got a job somewhere?' It just makes you happy. 'Where does he think he's going with a suit on? Who's he foolin'? He's not foolin' anybody! You crazy monkey!' "

"You know what I think is the worst STD? Babies."

"Ron: You keep a pellet gun at your house?
Dave: Yeah.
Ron: What are you, afraid of being attacked by targets?"

"You know who says bros before hoes? Guys who suck each other's cocks."

"If I ever had a retard, God forbid, I would dress him up in nothing but tailored suits."

"Ron: I knocked a girl up once......when I was younger.
Fez: What'd ya do............???
Ron: I took her back to my house and introduced her to my Mom. I said, 'it's your problem now.' And I left.
Fez: Wow. What happened.......???
Ron: I don't know. I don't even know if it was my house. "

"I like South Africans - they're like Nazi's, but with better weather!"

"I try to make everything a positive. Even rape and murder. I worked at a rape center, and there's this girl they brought in, and it had I gone on for I guess fourteen hours, and I looked her in the eyes and said: 'At least ya still got your shoes...'...Course she was catatonic at the time, so I wrote it on her stomach in Sharpee."

"My old man would never complain if you broke a window with a baseball; like it was always a good thing. My mom would be like 'Look what he did!' and he goes 'Hey...he's hitting line drives. What is the problem? I don't want him getting under the ball.' "
Little Linay D, age under 12:

"Ron: You've got to fit in with them Linay.
Linay: Wha?
Ron: You need to fit in with the cool kids.
Linay: But how?
Ron: Alright, you know what the cool kids have for lunch?
Linay: No.
Ron: Cigarettes...Cool kids have cigarettes for lunch, so try to steal some cigarettes."

"You'll never get dressed as quick as when you wake up next to a naked dead chick."

"I don't have a degree in anything and you know what I do everyday when I get outta here? I go home and fuck a bag of money."

"You're as dumb as a bag of red hair."

"If there was any justice in this world, instead of talking right now, you'd be sucking on a dead dog's dick."

"Every time she opens her mouth, and i don't want to sound redundant, she sounds like an unfuckable retard."

"Try lickin' the balls once in a while!!!"

"I'll tell you this...there's not a puppy alive that I couldn't take. Even German Sheppard puppies, I could probalby stomp 40 of them to death before I fall down from exhaustion and they eat my flesh..."

"Ron: "And you thought we had a problems with the blacks....wait 'til we're dealing with fuckin robots!"
Black Earl: "Noone likes an uppity robot" "

"You wanna talk to me about paranoia? Have you ever sat up all night looking through a straw out the peephole?"

"Right now Dave, you smell like boiled potatoes, stale whiskey....and a certain amount of jizz."

"Ron: So Lenya how old are you?
Lenya : 9
Ron: Have you kissed a boy yet?
Lenya: No
Ron: By the time I was your age I knew my way to the clinic."

"I'll fucking knock Steven Hawking out of that stupid chair. Then i'll say 'now who's smart? now who's fucking smart?' "

"What kid wouldn't want some red-headed guy living in their house jacking it to their mom?"

"I never admitted this in public but I was a cutter. Not myself, other people. If I was anxious, I just drew a little blood. I didn't cut a vein, unless she mouthed off."

"If I see a kid in my yard, just takin' a shortcut to school, i'll fuckin' clip him! No warning shot!"

"I'd put my finger in her ass, but I'd lick it first see cause that's the kind of person I am. I ain't gonna go around shoving fingers in people's asses without lubrication."
On Nicole Richie's anorexia: "She is two pukes and one shit away from being perfect"

"Earl: I've always considered myself an artist.
Ron: Look, being able to get three fingers into your own ass does not make you an artist."

"The last thing Sean Connery did that I liked was beat his wife"

"We're all human, except eskimoes. Filty, filthy eskimoes."

"I see [Hillary Clinton] as an Anna Nicole Smith in a sensible pantsuit."

"You should go to a psychiatrist and bolt the door shut."

"(Ron's solution to Earl's girl woes)
Ron: Fuck an infant.
Earl: I am not having sex with an infant.
Ron: You know how big your dick looks with that...super."

"When a cheer ends with 'suck my dick', I think we're going to win this game. I think we're going after this one."

"When they talked about the meek inheriting the earth they were talking about fucking idiots like you!"

"When I was growing up there was a kid with leg braces. We beat him into a coma simply because his knees didn't work. "

"By saying you were "running away from your dad" did you mean you were running towards his dick with your mouth open?"

"Here's a diet plan for you. One bump right after you wake up, and another bump every 15 minutes for the rest of your life. This way you don't have to worry about having a sensible dinner."

"I'm a fucking ADULT, you think a candy bar is going to make me forget about my problems? I need seditives."

"Caller: Ron, would you get fucked in the ass for a million dollars?
Ron: Yes. And I would milk it for all its worth. I would tell my kids: 'You better finish your steak! I got fucked in the ass for that.' Or 'I don't go out every morning to get fucked in the ass for you to waste that slice of pizza like it don't cost a thing!' "

"If you have a kid that wants to play with an easy bake oven...isn't that the microwave?"

"If a woman tells me ‘I want to be with another woman’, I’m like good. You’re both getting fucked…. then I lock the door."

"Ron: Are you a gun owner?
Caller: Yes, I own many guns.
Ron: Good, take one, put the barrell in your mouth and pull the trigger."

"Is Alaska a state or not? They border Canada, and Russia.. that makes them a foreign country in my eyes!"

"Bud Selig is the worst man in the history of Earth. And this is a planet that had Stalin and Hitler."

"When you live in Cleveland or Cincinnati, you’re can’t wait for a reason to get out of the house. You’re just

"ESD: I called the cops once before.
Ron: What, when you lost your dick?"

"Jessica has done more damage to the Simpson name than O.J."

"This is it folks, you’re watching the end of the republic, and we’ll be here with you ’til the last day of it."

"[There are] three things that my dad believes in…the Phils, Jesus, & the Republican Party….. and all three of them have let him down"

"I’ll show you an e-mail saying Bill Clinton wants to eat my ass, that’s how easy it is to fake an e-mail."
like ‘oh there’s a baseball game, or a basketball game, or football. When you’re in Florida there’s other stuff to do. You’re sailin, your fuckin doin coke…"

"I always felt sorry for Jesus Christ, with his birthday falling on Christmas and all…"

"The only thing I hate worse than my emotions is other people’s. Hearing about other people’s fuckin’ emotions is like hearing about their high school football team. I don’t give a fuck how you did against Garnet Valley."

"Cursing is like your first joint as a kid, you just couldn’t wait to get outside with your friends and say shit, asshole, you fucking shithead, etc."

"By the way, Canada, we need all your money. We’re just gonna ask nicely, or else… you don’t get to see the next Spiderman."

"I’ve got 2 things in common with Albert Einstein: we both think we’re done for without any honey bees and…we don’t see any need to comb our hair."

[jennysmurf]

Wow! What a great second post! Thanks!

[disneyspy]

wow,nice list!

[RnBnngtn4Prez]

Wow! What a great second post! Thanks!

I try! Ron is a personal hero of mine, has been since the day I first heard him.

[RnBnngtn4Prez]

wow,nice list!

Thanks

[Misteriosa]

I try! Ron is a personal hero of mine, has been since the day I first heard him.

post more often, budday! we need more good stuff like this :thumbup:

[RnBnngtn4Prez]

post more often, budday! we need more good stuff like this :thumbup:

I will, thanks!

[deliciousV]

SiriusXM should put this list on the front page of their web site under the title, "What you're missing" , nobody funnier than RB, thanks for sharing. :thumbup:

[RnBnngtn4Prez]

[on cheap food]

"Fez: I know when I was in college - Tuna fish, of course cans and cans of tuna fish, great cheap food, and also Dinty Moore stew was on my list.

Ron: Fez, act like you eat any different from this today...You still are a man, you're a grown man, yet you eat every meal over top of the sink...

Fez: The Dinty Moore stew was, actually, man once you scraped off the top grease off of that stuff, it wasn't so bad.

Ron: I can't even be friends with you when you talk this way. Life is too short to sit there eatin' Dinty Moore stew.

Fez: Not to mention Vienna sausages. I loved those things.

Ron: How old are you? When did you go to school, 1920? Bula-Bula? You're in a raccoon cap eatin' Vienna sausages? What else you have, a sardine sandwich??"

[LeedsJr]

Fucking post of the fucking millenium!

And I'm not just saying that because I'm drunk!

[RnBnngtn4Prez]

Fucking post of the fucking millenium!

And I'm not just saying that because I'm drunk!


BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

[RnBnngtn4Prez]

[on cheap food]

"Black Earl: My father got me totally into sardines, he used to eat those things like they were goin' outta style, like "Hey ya try this son" and put the...that really cheap can of

Ron: Is there an expensive can of sardines?!

Black Earl:...I have no idea.

Ron: This is the only can that still has a key on it, to this day.

Black Earl: It was like 49 cents!...and we would just wrap it around Wonder bread "Here try it, it's good for you, fish is good for you.

Ron: Fish, maybe...but a can of fish, that's a whole different thing. You'd probably be better off eating a can of paint."

[RnBnngtn4Prez]

Ron, what's your favorite fruit?

Ron: I'm doing a show with him.

:laugh:

Brilliant.

[Dell]

I've been collecting lines from Ronnie B since the Free FM days, I just wanted to share my collection. I hope you guys get as much enjoyment from my collection as I have and do. SEE YA!



"You'll never get dressed as quick as when you wake up next to a naked dead chick."



great list...I left my favorite one (wonder if he used some of these lines when he did standup)

[Dell]

Wow! What a great second post! Thanks!

be nice...some of us type slowly

[jennysmurf]

be nice...some of us type slowly

That was nice! It was his second post ever on this whole site. I'd hate to look back at my second post. Actually, I might do that some evening when I'm bored.

[deliciousV]

great list...I left my favorite one (wonder if he used some of these lines when he did standup)

I put one of my favorite "clean" lines on FaceBook, credited to Ron, of course. I was attacked, apparently my FB friend list has a few humorless twats on it.

"Women can't put together a team or build a bridge. Women can complain about men, but without us they'd never get across a river."

[RnBnngtn4Prez]

"Fez: Kids need some sort of embarrassment training because there isn't a childhood that you don't have an embarrassing, hideous moment. I remember coming home from the beach one time, got stripped naked out in the driveway -

Ron: ...fucked?

Fez: Nooo...

Ron: Tell me if it happened to you because that would reeaaaally answer so many questions.

Fez: I would tell you if it happened.

Ron: Who fucked you in the driveway?

Fez: This is, I was stripped down by my father, and ha-

Ron: ...bent over?

Fez: No!

Ron: Bam! Bam! Bam!

Fez: And, it was on the way home, it was after we went to the beach and I had to get the sand off me, so he's hosing out my crack!

Ron: With cum?!

Fez: HOSE WATER! Hose water!

Ron: Is that what he called it...?"

[RnBnngtn4Prez]

be nice...some of us type slowly

Sorry, I actually have been collecting quotes for 5 years on my fb page, decided it was time to share with all the other people who love Ronnie B so much.

[Dell]

Sorry, I actually have been collecting quotes for 5 years on my fb page, decided it was time to share with all the other people who love Ronnie B so much.

I appreciate it...the "slow typing" line is just an old standby when people's post count is low and the signup date goes waaaay back

[RnBnngtn4Prez]

I appreciate it...the "slow typing" line is just an old standby when people's post count is low and the signup date goes waaaay back

I'll roll with the bit next time...

[RnBnngtn4Prez]

-Dave has attempted and failed to drink his own urine-

[after ESD bombs a joke]

"Ron: Here's the thing...THAT embarrasses him - not drinking his own piss, but having a joke that goes nowhere...Quick, eat your earwax you fuckin' animal."

[RnBnngtn4Prez]

"I told you this before, my dream and I know I could do it is catch a baby that was thrown out of a building...now, a burning building, I just don't wanna do it, like with a niece where I run out...'Right here ma'am! Right here! Trust me I could do this!' It would be so exciting to catch that baby and have the place go nuts...I'm gonna put that right up there with final out in World Series."

[RnBnngtn4Prez]

"You don't even think like, uh, any of Einstein's assistants could say to him 'You know what, let's get you a trim and a condition, just a hot condition, see if that doesn't help...and do we need that big, uh, hairbrush hanging over your mouth?' You know what I'm saying? I mean, he's the smartest guy in the world, never occurs to him to really get in, take it high and tight on the sides?"

[RnBnngtn4Prez]

On Fez's food habits:

"Ron: Have you ever cooked an egg in your life?

Fez: No I've never cooked an egg.*

Ron: You know, you don't cook at that apartment of yours, do ya?

Fez: Nope, I don't cook anything...Nope, that stove never comes on.*

Ron: I wonder why you had a heart attack?...I wonder what the reason was?

Fez: Heredity, mainly I think.

Ron: ...Yes, your dad ordered out also. "

[A.J.]

You know it's a weird day when Blowhard hangs up on us.

[A.J.]

The last time an American Cardinal was talked about this much was Stan Musial. :laugh:

[Chigworthy]

about Bar Rafaeli:

Hicks: She's an ambassador for Israeli women.

Ron: She's an ambassador for men's dicks.

[MonkeyBall]

Thurs 3/21/13 To Dave on Cris Stanley, while looking at Fez: "You know what; he'd make a good radio partner for you, because he doesn't give a shit about you!"

[MonkeyBall]

Thurs 3/21/13 To Dave on Cris Stanley, while looking at Fez: "You know what; he'd make a good radio partner for you, because he doesn't give a shit about you!"

[MonkeyBall]

Thurs 3/21/13 To Dave on Cris Stanley,

while looking at Fez: "You know what; he'd make a good radio partner for you, because he doesn't give a shit about you!"

[jennysmurf]

Okay, okay, we heard you!

[Chigworthy]

Talking about Hicks' embarassing lack of knowledge regarding the fundamental differences of various nuts and legumes:

Hicks: "We should throw a nut party."

Ron: "Yeah, I'll fuckin' invite you."

[Chigworthy]

This conversation is a Who's on first for the modern age.


OOPSY, wrong thread

[Chigworthy]

Talking about crazy caller Gia's cat lady house:

"I'm sure that house smells like cats assfucking."

[Chigworthy]

Talking about gay bars:

Hicks: At Pieces they have a "liquid lunch".

Ron: Ah nice, jizz.

[sailor]

"UES 80 year olds trying to rock out."

Oh, my.

[foodcourtdruide]

Hicks: "My father drove a truck for a while"
Ron: "Was it his?"